late at nightearly in the morningthey colluded he liked to take hot baths  tried to melt like the beeswax candle he lit to soak under its flickering halo licked by the breeze through the windowscreen

his cats would come in and check on himalways looking perplexed

                                                                     Really  water Whadahell  then saunter off Nothing to see here

this morning laying there sipping whisky from a shotglass he set over his left shoulder on the molded fiberglass ledge his eyes lazilyabsently closing and opening he gazed up into the corner opposite him where once upon a time a daddylonglegs appleseed he called her  kept a web 

When was thathe had to think when he first met her he wasnt well he was stoved up

a specialist a rheumatologist fantasised it was RA rheumatoid arthritis

                                                                            Yare full of shit doc  Yare cherrypicking didnt listen when I answered the questions ya put to me  Eleven of thirteen indicators ya said  I agreed with only three

Tryin too hard

the doctor wanted to prescribe a drug but before he would submit the prescription he informed him hed have to go to the hospital to establish baselines for his internal organs

                                                            Why would I do that

Because  he looked exasperatedlooked at him over his spectacles because the side effects of the drug affect your organs.

Ah So to alleviate my pain I should fuck my internal organsEver see Andy Warhols Frankenstein doc To know life you have to fuck it in the gall bladder

                                   I don think so

he met appleseed prior to consulting with the physician  she was absorbednegative panic bobbing in the churning water as he ran a bath  he was taking threefour hot baths with salts a day to manage his pain  he used a scrubbrush snatched her up out of the water with it asif she was lint just before the drain

                                                                                saved her life

or rather interrupted her suicidehe saved her two more times

  she relentedconceded

                            she finally made a web in the corner opposite him and remained his steadfast companion for more than ten months before his pain subsided

laying there looking into the empty corner he wondered  How long ago was that

Five years

          hed guess '16

the next day he looked in his journalfound the exact date

                                                            he was righthe related their happenstance later that morning  Friday May 27

one morning mid '18 he entered the bathroomlooked up into appleseeds corner and found her web vacant

he immediately looked on the sink under it expecting to find her body

he didnt

she didnt return

he left her web intact on the offchance she might

they were together nearly two years

this morning in the haloed light appleseeds corner was lit faintly by a nightlight beneath it which cast alternating coloured light  amber blue purple green amber again

he watched herher shadow in that lighting for so long  

remembering made him smile 

he missed her

0020,  Monday,  11  10. 21

1356,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  13  10. 21

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OwHjLMLdnf8 

 

Whadafuckwha was at the back of his leghis calf

he had gone outside pulled some weeds went out to transplant a wisteria his daughter gave himgave him seeds from her wisteria  two years he tried  finally one seed of too too many seeds sucseeded

                                                                                  Eureka muthafucker he cried when he found the sprout his thumb turned the palestpalegreen ever a long time coming

                                                                               I persevered baby he hollered she died a yearanahalf earlier I perseveredya got me baby ya got me tears crept into his eyes he wasnt getting over her death anytime soon he was crippled

there at the back of his calf

                            badgered by a moth a pale limecoloured mothFitting  so very fitting truly badgering him

he brushed it away a couplethree times it kept coming back a bad hombre HA a bad mujer

his daughter had been a bad mujer

                                     they were at a bar together  given their fast affection some clown took exception to an older guy enjoying the company of a younger woman

                                                           push came to shoveshe saw it come into his eyes his old man told him When a fights inevitable throw the first punchWHAM other clowns heaped on himshe leapt on them landed several punches before other patrons intercededbroke up the melee

                                                              she took a shot in the mouth

Lemme see that he said

                          Hmm a busted lip Cold drink or ice 

Stupid question Dad

Barkeep  two cold beers two whiskys please

he turned back to her

                       Thanks for having my back baby  Really   Your mouth okay

It's fine, Dad, he hit like a li’l girl.

   Nah he couldnt help itcrept into his skull souls usually don visit in the shape of a moth right

2108,  ReggaFriday,  8  10. 21

1611, Sunday,  10 10. 21

 

Into the Hereafter . .

. . Wha

Hereafter, the Hereafter.

Wha hereafter

The Hereafter, into the Great Beyond beyond Beyond.

Ya playin with meepizeuxis ya emphasising beyond

                                                       For wha purposeya think theres something beyondbeyondbeyond this . . now . since you met blue panties

he looked irritated Her nam . .

. . Yare correct her names Dodger blue panties

Shelli.

       Her name’s Shelli.

So Shelli Dodger blue panties thats a mouthful

                                                  Seems since youve been hanging with her her religionher philosophy . yare better off thinking of it that way  gets ya around religion has been influencing you  Suppose ya gotta play the Gawd card my friend ifya wanna get in her panties Get beyond the cotton You should understand that the vulva is a very sensitive a delicate area a lot like the our lips on our face 

                                                                  Although your lips have rarely come in contact with lips secured in panties Terrible shame  Lips are a terrible thing to waste

What do you know? he was irate

We being philosophical or existentialI know lips Donknow much about the Hereafter or the Great Beyond I believe this is it

     Rather Ill assert that this is it Yap of hereafter the Beyond a dealbreaker  Like owning a dog

he saw his eyes fall

She owns a dog

She does.

Knock yourself out brother

                           Knock yourself into the hereafter Piece be with youa sly smile greased his lips Shalom aleichem Teach her thatshe may come out of her panties  red meat baby

2333,  Sunday,  10  10. 21

1651,  Twosday,  12  10. 21

lotsa people think dogs are smart because they can be trainedYawanna eat Jack Russell Terriers in England used for fox hunting is that still a thing terriers are ratters cats taught them everything they know 

                                                                                            and cats yacant train themdon even try

a child can be trainedYawanna eat

a cat a domesticated catNever Feral   they aint dog or child stupid

he had evidence

                  he liked cats because they were independentDOGS ARENT and because a cat is independent he or she will ignore him if he wants to pet themclaws present rightfully so if they wanted to be petted then he could but the bright independence they enjoy he also enjoys if they wanted him to pet them and he didnt want to Screw yourself he wasnt obliged he and they were very similar  independent

                                                               he wasnt getting lost in thought  he had evidence

some evenings after dinner he decided to take in a film rather than following the political shows on the computer sometimes he needed a break from abysmal Republicans  after all this is what political death throes look like devoid of ideasany realistic platform cultists theyre scratching and clawing to pervert democracy to deny votes steal elections cant have niggers Mexicans and Asians steal their white country out from under themthey had no intentions of contending with them toe-to-toe face-to-face eyeball-to-eyeball dont need uppity human beings thinking themselves equal to white people so theyre doing everythinganything they can think of to break their spines why they werent learning their lessons upset them

                                   he wasnt getting lost in thought  he had evidence

after dinner on occasion he decided to sit on the couch and take in a film when he did he sat with a clipboard paper and pen his usual red ink BIC pen

hed start the VHS or DVD and one by one his cats wanted him to pet themhe had four

one by one he denied themignored them

he scribbled quick thoughtshe was always thinking sometimes particular films from the library greased him and hed have to pause them to writecapture his thoughts

setting his pen down restarting the film one by one his cats returned and jumped up onto the couch they batted the pen down onto the floor   

he set them down and picked up his pen

they were playing with him

by the fourth he let the pen lay and petted her or him until they had enough then the others would return for their affection

         they only stuck around for ten minutes or so then gave way for the next

unbeknownst to them he kept a red BIC tucked above his right earhe sat to the right side of the couch his hair was long and covered it

                so if greased again to write a thought he took the pen from behind his ear and wrotehe was lefthanded while continuing to pet them

he wasnt as stupid as he looked

evidence

2112,  ReggaeFriday,  8  10. 21

1151,  Twosday,  12  10. 21

Mark Linkous  It’s a Wonderful Life  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vKhVUhX6_M

I live my broken dreams

                           Daniel Johnston            it is hard not to be a fan

suck it up

you can admit it

donbe a pansy

                what we left home forwent out into the world to pursue was like stalking a prey too quicktoo elusive  we shot too highdeluded ourselves

                                 but thats what youth is for  were still bendy pliable  bouncy   agile wouldnt be accurate   a twisted rubberband is not agile agile is sophisticated   bouncy aint

                                                                                      bouncy absorbs recovers reexpands regains its shape  bouncy cant think too much  the hurt hurts more when we pay attention to it

We don pay attention to it

No we don

Why are you speaking of we when you mean you  an us ofcourse

Careful careful

                 An us comes mighty close to the edge toes the line

An us aint no line

                   Maybe a line in the sand  in the sense that someone has sand or stones or balls           

Youre a riot

Were a riot

            Which brings me back to you using we  including others outside us   Speak for yourself

Yare correct I shouldI can only speak for myself  My apologeezs

Accepted

What I left home forwent out into the world to pursue was like stalking a prey too quicktoo elusive I shot too high

I deluded myself

                  But thats what youth is for  I was still bendy pliable  bouncy

However you were agile too sophisticated enough to cut your losses   not get lost

Yadidnt think I got lost

I thinkIm speaking for all of us an us   Quit your teasing   You may have driftedbecome aimless  but you surfaced againput one foot in front of the other again

                                    Everyone suffers reversals  Thats life isnt it 

Yes  Life 

Then youve done awright

Are we patting ourselves on our back

Sure why not  Well tell ourselves were putting out a fire  

1607,  Monday – Indigenous People’s Day,  11  10. 21

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICLXH8wdXhk

Sinatra  That’s Life  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TnlPtaPxXfc 

it was sobering

                 he believed he was in an intimate relationship 

a friend told him

                   When she couldn’t talk to you, she talked to me.

Shed talk to you

         Yes.

             she may have thought he was going to ask her what they talked about   when he had an issue with someone he went directly to them he wouldnt listen to people who wanted to talk about others   Stop Im not listening talk to them

I doncare I donwanna know its between you   I just wanted to bounce what I thought off you.   No  Talk to them its none of my businessno way Im getting in between

he frustrated many people who tried to obliged himsaid how much they valued his opinion

I have no opinion

he couldnt talk to her

                      she was dead  he couldnt ask her Why didnt you sayAsk why wouldnt you say Why wouldnt you say   Why

a ghostly echo

                Please Joe stop . . you’re too honest . . . you're brutally honest.   You asked me love

 

he didnt try to persuade anyone

                                  he couldntwouldnt be persuaded 

regarding himhis life

                      he was sole counsel  who knew him better than he 

she was dead

she hurt him  

2030,  ReggaeFriday,  8  10. 21

1307,  Monday – Indigenous People’s Day,  11  10. 21

https://www.brainpickings.org/2021/10/10/thich-nhat-hanh-listening-love/

  

he wanted to see him blanchcouldnt resist himself

he turned to Denver one day hed ask her how her name came to be Yawanna see something I think is fascinating

You think it’d be fascinating? Most things that comes out of your mouth are fascinating . . yet you deflect, you say they’re not.

Thank youno matter this will be fascinating

                                              Watch Maxs face he didnt like Maximilianhis given name Guaranteed choice

I’m watching.

Say Max yacatch Norm Macdonalds standup the other evening

No, NetFlix’s right? I heard something about it; any goo . .

. . Its fuckin Norm Macdonald

Was it good?

He was sensationalbest bit of the evening autoerotic asphyxiation

SPASMMaxs face contorted   Didnt I tellya   He’s disgusted.   Certain sex disgusts him   What the fucks with you and that.   He cant even say it   This is nuts.   That that yamean autoerotic asphyxiation   JesusChrist! he looked like he had bile to spit  

Ohmy I keep forgettin yare a prude

You don’t, youyou, you constantly say things that disgust me.

Jacking off disgusts you

                         I heard tell ones ejaculation is halfagainonehunred percent stronger If true Id smash glass in the window I watch my neighbour Becky sunbathe naked through

Do me a favor, man, just shaddupshaddup about it . .

. . Ya wouldnt have known what it was if I hadnt told you

What? Denver asked her eyes rolled

Don’t you start with me, don’t you dare side with him.

I'm sorry, you didn’t know what autoerotic asphyxiation was?

I said don’t start with me.

You look like you’re going to puk . .

. . It’s pukeworthy!

Ask him about giving women hea . . 

. . Shaddup!

Joe smacked his lips So damn tasty

Don’t stop I’m gone.

Denvers eyes got really huge

                              This is unbelievable, freakin’ unbelievable, I’ve known you since we were kids . . you a monk?

No.

    It’s distasteful; yet Joe goes and goes and can’t keep a damn thing off the table.

Why would I

              Were all grownupbig boys

Denver shook her head

                         I must say, I think if I had a dick I might be temptedyou said a climax . a time an a halftwo times more powerful?

Yah

I’d definitely be tempted.

I wouldnt Id endup hanging myself  Cant explain that away

                                                                Id rather be eaten alive in an ad hocthough I wouldnt know it orgy with featheranleatherstrapped tattooed cannibal females

With huge titsjust to complete the picture

Fucking guy.  Denvers head hadnt quit shaking

Some funhuh

Not fun. said Max

Fuckin hilarious

                 Blame Macdonald

1915,  ReggaeFriday,  8  10. 21

1414,  Sunday,  10  10. 21

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/09/14/arts/television/norm-macdonald-dead.html

 

with a heavy heart the only analogy he has left 

it is brutal

           Drumpf Republicans are like the Germansthe Jews who sought to placate Hitler and his Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei  Nazis

1731,  Monday – Indigenous People’s Day,  11  10. 21

Dead Kennedys  Kill the Poor  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqnaHDdvh5I

 

                        pensee

subject  Perfect

Perfect

newborns pink nails

held soft in their mothers hand

through an incubator portal

shell be a tough cookie

 

1948,  ReggaeFriday,  8  10. 21

1109,  Sunday,  10  10. 21

 

Iowas Republican Senator Grassley at 88 vacillates or maybe he cant remember what his aides put out in his name very likely he quit thinking for himself long ago

his News Release regarding 6 January

                                          “Today’s violent attack on the U. S. Capitol was an attack on American democracy (voting rights) itself. This was not a demonstration of any of our protected, unalienable rights. These were un-American acts worthy only of condemnation. Those who plowed over police barricades, ignored law enforcement or desecrated out monument to representative democracy (at the formers behest) flouted the rule of law and disgraced the nation.”

Saturday 9 October Grassley aligned himself with the disgraced former

                                                                             “Anybody who’s got the approval rating of 91% of the Republicans in Iowa, you surely wouldn’t be stupid enough to turn down that help.”

he thought about it

                     perhaps Grassleys senileperhaps 91% of Iowa Republicans plus-one are nothing more than lemmings unable to think for themselves nits who enjoy being cultists

1511,  Monday – Indigenous People’s Day,  11  10. 21

https://www.grassley.senate.gov/news/news-releases/grassley-america-must-be-better

https://www.foxnews.com/politics/iowas-grassley-lines-up-with-trump-as-senates-most-senior-republican-runs-for-reelection

 

he agreed to move in with his brother

they had talked about it as teenagersthey werent teenagers any more

his brother said he found a perfect place a two bedroom apartment loft balcony a great room  

either as his brother explained it he didnt say it right or he didnt hear correctly

                                                                                   the difference might have been that his brother was a visual artist he was a writer his brother may not have understood the heft of his words as he described the place they painted it rather than etching them in blackanwhite typewriter bullet reportskeys cracking the confined paper

the apartment utilities were within his budget

                                                 he said Yah sightunseen happy seeing what he saw

when they went to move in neither were pleased

                                                   It’s not what I remember. his brother said

Looks nothing like you explained he said

walking through it talking about it they found their dreamy configurations were similar although more akin to seeing askewthrough beveled glass or reflections refracted by a carnival Funhouse mirror grit overlaid siftingshadows fucking palimpsest mergers

I see what you’re saying. his brother said

I can see what you were saying he said 

 

Give it a go?

I can give it a go Got my shit in the truck Nowhere else to go

My shit too.

Then were in

Yes, we are in.

they helped move each other in

got one truck then the other back to the rental centers and took a bus with transfers back near the apartment walkedjabbered the remaining short mile

 

lights were on

someone was home

he could smell food

                     My girlfriend asked if she could make us a homecooked meal for our first night home; I didn’t think you’d say no. She’s a good cook.

Maw-good cook

On par, though different than Maw’s.

Whas her name

Renne, not Renee, two ns not two es.

Renne

Perfect. Keep that up and she’ll have you speaking French before you know it.

Yare not

Hell no, words here and there, although I could listen to her speak for hours; it’s like music. We’ve only just begun seeing each other exclusively.

You  Exclusive

Ah . . slowly . . . but I think surely . eventually.

Renne knows  eventually

She knows, I’ve told her.

So I could tell her wouldnt ruffle her feathers

You could tell her, but after dinner, huh? 

he almost told her before dinner

                               his brother had told Renne that his family was physicalhugging kissing she slipped his extended handwent up into his arms her body was warm from cooking she smelled wonderful felt good  almost as tall as he she was taller than his brother

she served dinner on the diningroom table that had been their mothers clean Scandinavian design his brothers now served it under candlelight the three of them at one end his brother at the head

                                                                                    the candlelight nearly penetrated the sheer plum blouse she worethe embroidery down her breasts offered some modesty

                                                                                        but after dinner having moved to the livingroom sipping fruit aperitif backed by music he opened a window to better hear and smell the rain outside  a cool breeze entered erected her nipples  modesty closed shopwent out the window 

he offered her a cardigan he couldnt imagine his brother was oblivious maybe showing her off

she declinedhe was happy she said the fresh air felt goodhe felt good she looked good

they sat on the couch she leaned overput her hand on top of his she squeezed his hand  I think you and I are going to be very good friends.  

it was strange

he agreed to move in with his brother

                                       he may have gotten more than he bargained for

0321,  Twosday,  5  10. 21

0950,  Sunday,  10  10. 21

 

he contemplated the tarnished whitequartz broken rib that stuck out of the earths side 

it had been scoured by ancient seawater before a violent tectonic shift forced it upthe water to recedebecome a deep sonorous river that is the east boundary of the remote twisting gorge

the rib is dazzlingwhite in places  like fangs

                                               although its majority is rustcoloured  brittle   crumbling

it was his third trek in a day and a half hike  if one tried he tried once and failed taking the river theyd be blind its course narrow the water swift tall cutbanks anchorage untenable

the rib relished its solitude                                     

he applauded it they shared that 

                                    reverent existential solitaires

theyd visit twothree days

then retiring he heldup his hand  saluted it

                                              hiked out

until the next random time when he needed to be assured  vivified

2311,  Thursday,  7  10. 21

1122,  Saturday,  9  10. 21

 

hed give her the eyes followed up with the eyebrowswiggling emGrouchos eyebrows    Hmmmm

You kidding me?

If youll tell me what it is Ill kid you till the cows come home orya pass out

Kidding me . . teasing me.

Tease Hell Ill do better than that

                                  Whadaya say Toots hadnt time for Tootsy Wootsy

she didnt say

maybe she wasnt in the mood for Toots

Whadaya say Babycakes Sugarcube  VaVaVaVoom    apparently he had time for Tootsy Wootsy

What are you rambling about?

Jesus wasnt he obvious Im rambling because inside Im a bottle of soda pop shaken a teakettle on the boil a bastion under attack walls falling

                   I wanna kid ya right here on the floor hell with rug burns or I can sweep you up off your feet toss ya in bed an do our damage there

she shouldnt be slow on the uptakehed been taking her up on every opportunity he could contrivehe was contrivinghed nevernever get his fill of her

Yare teasing meyah

   Am I?

            she threw her head backlaughed gayly her mouth wide open

he snatched her off her feet

gave her Groucho eyebrows againnot that she saw

                                                   Think Ill tickle your fancy

fancy was between her legsthe back of her knees armpits throat belly breasts feverishly he sought more fancy to please her to please her

                    to please her

0343,  Sunday,  3  10. 21

1300, Saturday,  9  10. 21

Yare not so bad yareself  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSabiG8q8-k 

Ram & Sel  Screw You  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YOKICetkjd8

 

the subject is ice cream

                              had a pensee epiphany 

ice cream

cold smooth and sweet

turned lightly on her nipple

in a Prince Castle parking lot

creamy coconut cone

1308,  ReggaeFriday,  8  10. 21

Unloved   Guilty of Love   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MiNKRdGExBw