21.9.20


he catches his breath  
                        then he sees a picture of her and loses it

there are pictures of her throughout his house
                                                 he would  she was his daughter 

he had family pictures up thats why they took themhis wife took them to remember  to remind them

he never imagined hed be recalling all those times by himself
                                                                   they were dead

Gawds a twisted fuck  kneel at His altar 
                                             as likely hed have Him kneel at his cock
because thats all he had to offer him

sacrilegious
           Nah you have to believe to be sacrilegious

 

on the fridge under a magnet 
                               she smiled out from under a khaki winter ski cap they bought her when they lived in Minnesota 
             life-threatening winters 
                                       if they treated them as anything less it was like opening a door  anif breached  could kill them 
                people froze to death in their rural driveways spunout in the snow and either tried to walk in whiteouts to their houses or thought to sit tightwait it out  but didnt make sure their tailpipes werent buried  and carbon monoxide backed up into their cars 
                           sleep  ah . sleep    the Big Sleep

in the picture she wore her khaki cap  her sister wore a turquoisepurple banded cap  between them they held his granddaughter

it is a beautiful wintry picture of the three in Illinois
                                                       his mother probably took it

his father had as much interest or aptitude taking photographs as he did 
                                                                             they lived in the moment in front of cameras
they werent interested in recording it 
                                        he could say so for himself which went the same as having his picture taken

what pictures there were of him throughout the years were few and candid 

he didnt pose  true Snap shots 

the only pictures he might recall he posed was when he and his kid sister took pictures of each other taking pictures of each other  behind the cameras  dueling snapshots

people looking through photos 
                                 What’s this? 
                                                 they laugheddidnt say  it was an inside joke

those pictures he kept readily on hand 
                                          they were the antidote to the heartbreak hed suffer otherwise      

 

2321,  Saturday,  19  9. 20


20.9.20


the wash of being watched from behind pricked the nape of his neck

he set his cellfone down turnedsuddenly
                                                 there  in the corner
                                                                        the cold glint of nickel eyes
they snapped shut

Com’on  Step up
                   Peering through the keyhole works two ways as you well know

one eye opened
                 then the other 

Com’on 

 

clever-he stepped forward out of the dark corner 
                                                    You’re either getting better at this game or I’m off mine.

Couldnt say though my skin started creeping halfway through my text exchanges I purposely wrote what I did to bring you out

I see.

Youre getting mighty possessive about our cleverness  but you must understand you are not the be-all end-all source of it  When I need you  who am I gonna call

Ghostbusters.  Me.

Yes 
     If I need to confer  if I need the depth of your oeuvre  youre my guy or girl depending upon my adversary or intention  They were common interactions an Ill be damned if I want you looking in over my shoulder Capeesh

I capische.

Thank you  You ought to go

clever-he turned heels and began walking back to the corner
                                                                That was clever. he tossed over his shoulder

Thank you  Ill take that as a compliment

 

it was a tough week for his brotherinlaw

he had to undergo a colonoscopy  reoccurring bouts with polyps   necessary due diligence

doctor found a hot one on Wednesday

had him return on Friday

he went to ER on Saturday 
                              fever   swelling
he texted

:  :  Update . . drank the coolaid dye for C scan   


he was keeping family and concerned friends informed

he texted his daughter 

:  :  Well, hospital is keeping Uncle overnight, an infection . . on antibiotics. I’ll gather him up tomorrow . . evidently the pair of scopes was a bit more than he could handle

had clever-he  nosey bastard that he is not been lurking around he probably wouldnt have been enticed to write pair of scopes

though it did tickle him 

2004,  Saturday,  19  9. 20 

 

$200K -- Killed

 
Americas politics are Democrats and Republicans

theyre coloured Blue and Red

seen liberal and conservative

this morning
              “TRUMP’S SUPPORTERS have already landed on a new chant at rallies (since the death of Supreme Court justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg) – ‘Fill that seat!’ (Trump’s) campaign team is selling a T-shirt with that slogan and fundraising off the court vacancy."

this morning 
              American politics are now Decent or Indecent or maybe they always have been

0932,  Sunday,  20  9. 20

quote from POLITICO Playbook: Senate Republicans start to back McConnell and Trump plan

 

he woke from a nap and found himself feeling very clever

rather
       clever-he  sat across from him peering into his face You awake now?

What are you looking at

You. I was wondering when you were going to wakeup, you rarely take naps, why? are you tired?

Maybe I was anticipating you

Not you, nope, we know that doesn’t work for youwe all know that doesn’t work for you.

You cant speak for we you can speak only for yourself

Be that way. I’m just say . .
. . Saying for yourself

Very well. You anticipate nothing. You’re hard-wired. The only times I’ve ever seen you near the edge, when you’re receptive, is when you’re stoned; then we catch you at the keyhole.

he sighed Then you   catch me at the keyhole

Then, I do.

 

Whas up clever boy

You recognise me?

Like a toothache

That’s not nice.

Dont feign being nice I can speak for all of us  We are not nice

We, since you brought it up, could work on that.

We arent
           You finally get your own ship you can treat your relationships in any manner you want 
                                                                                                        Because I wont be around

I thought you were a romantic.

Im romantic when romantic serves a purpose Romantic is not a mindset
                                                                            Which you know Stop trying to be clever

Ah, but I am clever-you.

Clever-me  wha got into you today that youre waiting around for me to wake

 

Yes. Thank you for asking. First though, when are you going to get your hair cut?

When I want

Clever-he rubbed his toe in the carpet

Yauwanna talk for we again

I think I should.

When you get your own ship

You’re brusque.

No news flash 
                Next on your agenda  I hope humours attached  Clever

 

You don’t think I’m not inspired by humour?

Usually you are  I hoping you ar . . 
. . I am.
         Would you like to hear?

Sure I think my nap might have been foreplay

Foreplay?

I was trying to be clever

Please. Leave clever to me.

Ouch

 

Okay Not sympathetic lets have it

I’m not sympathetic-you, sympathetic-you, compassionate-you, is hard won; they’re usually in back playing darts, pool, enjoying each other’s company knowing they’re pretty much to do as they want as they’re seldom summonsed.

Smart lads or ladies if I wish

Yes.  You do keep us on our toes.

Boring otherwise

Captain, O My Captain.

Whitman should have embraced his sexuality Hed have been better off Or maybe we would have lost a good portion of his genius Hard to say

Yes, but let’s talk about you.

Okay  cleverly   Whaya got

I notice when you conclude a letter, whether family or friends, to family you’ll write buzies, Love and buzies; however to friends you write Love and kisses . . and writing kisses perturbs you.

The friends arent Polish Buzies wouldnt trigger kisses in their min . .
. . Yes!  My point.

Very enthusiastic Im listening

Would you consider Love, and get this, kisses, though spelt k-i-s-a-s-s-e-s? Kisasses. Implied, however, is . . do I need to say?

Please  Its yours  I like . . 
. . It implies Kiss my ass! Which you don’t do, yet also implies that they do.

It do Ill adopt it
                    Together
Yes, please . . . 
                  You'reI’m so clever!

Thats why you earn the big bucks

I’m billing you the time I was waiting around while you napped.

Ill destroy the invoice  Payables wont see it

Drat!

Clever-me remember
                       When you have your own ship

 

1012,  Sunday,  14  4. 20
1410,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  16  9. 20

19.9.20

 

it was twelvethirtyfour

he poured himself three fingers  as easy as 1 2 3  4

not usually the time he would imbibe

he hoped the whisky would take the edge off 

itd been growingseemingly malignant since the beginning of the year
                                                                         The Year of Our Lord 2020
how cavalier it rolls off their tongues the fascist Believers
                                                              a game of I Got a Secret gone rabid telling a secret a message to either the person left or right and they repeat it to whomever is sitting beside them and then its related to the next secret-teller

finally the Word comes back around to the Teller 
                                                    it isnt what they shared
which could be invigorating
                              ones secret is forever safe never to be disclosed despite blatantly revealing it

 

the Church has manipulated secrets all its existence
                                                        who would trust an organisation lets not endow it religious mysticism who would trust an organisation that cant keep its Ps and Qs aligned in order which operates on the enduring gullibility of its wishful-thinkers
                                              its flock

 

he fingered religion Christianity in particular though all religions indubitably have fucked the world with their irrational teachings
           all the way back to Leucippus the teacher and Democritus of Abdera the student and those who followed and whose collective knowledge the Church decried as blasphemy and defiled and razed   

if the world had persisted in their scientific acumentheir visionary studies their footprints the one thousandtwo thousands years lost 
                        the world might not be toeing the threat of an apocalypse
                                                                                     although to be sure the Church religion has always whetted its whistlestroked its cock to its obscene beauty of Armageddon if not called something else


America is abysmal for its religious beliefs its non-science

if it had only happened in the 60s

he would have found a nice overlook cool grass shade trees  up above it all
                                                                                  and packed his pipe with hashish and laughed to tears as it slaughtered itself

if it found him
                hed walk on air 

1234,  Saturday,  19  9. 20

Zager and Evans  In the Year 2525 (pretty fuckin optimistic)   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKQfxi8V5FA

 

the president says We have an obligation, we won, and we have an obligation; and as the winners we have an obligation to pick who we want . .                     

https://www.msnbc.com/msnbc/watch/trump-disagrees-with-collins-on-quick-ginsburg-replacement-says-scotus-pick-will-come-next-week-92141637529

the mans repugnanthes a piece of shit
                                         evidently Americans are either Winners or Losers  were no longer Americans 
out of the presidents mouth 

Ginsburg was a bigger man than hell ever be


we would do well to remember George Floyd and the knee at his neck that killed him

1636,  Saturday,  19  9. 20


Ruth Bader Ginsburg has died

she dictated this statement to her granddaughter Clara Spera “My most fervent wish is that I will not be replaced until a new president is installed.”

essentially Senate Majority leader McConnell said and wrote  Fuck you, Ruth.

 

the president weighed in Saturday at 10:10  “@GOP We were put in this position of power and importance (NO you were elected to serve the people of America all Americans – power should be weighed with discretion not as naked avarice) to make decisions for the people who so proudly elected us (2,868,691 more people did not elect him president), the most important of which has long been considered to be the selection of United State Supreme Court Justices. We have that obligation, without delay!                       

We have that obligation, without delay! 

                                               where was this enthusiastic dedication overwhelming obligation when coronavirus struck and he denied delayed lied and killed 199,000 Americans

his words smack of Republicans yearning to betray the Constitution to which they swore fidelity
                                                                                                      hopefully it is not to beat a dead horse reminding senators 
                                         “I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter: So help me God.”

1213,  Saturday,  19  9. 20

 

he was the last kangaroo
                            tawny  white-bellied  terribly strong 
                                                                       a hero

he escaped from captivity not a zoo but rather from where he had been kept as a pet  

his mate a visiting veterinarian said is barren
                                                  she was there to breed

the family whose estate they lived on decided to kill her

he saw the gameskeeper of the menagerie enter the outbuilding where they were 
taken her

he heard her scream NO
                        it was abruptly consumed by a gunshot

she was butchered and would be eaten
 

he became an ungrateful pet
                               not overtly

he watched he paid attention to the keepers schedule                                                                                                                               one he assiduously maintained because he was also scheduled if he wanted to do what he wanted to do  but not there                
 
within two week recorded in the dirt pawmarks hidden under broadleaf foliage he planned a dusk break  when it fell the keeper anxious and distracted by his hurry to leave hed leave with him
                                                                                         leave  a verb adornedcoloured with a wry sense of irony

the turn-key engaged the lock undone the door swung in he smashed his skull between his foot and one tall concrete post that madeup part of a colonnade and fence that surrounded the animals

had he the dexterity to manipulate the many keys he would have freed all the animals 

maybe they would learn something by his example
                                                      they sensed his outrage and sorrow
it was palpable among them who humans deemed dumb beasts



outside the streets were roamed by uniformed soldiers
                                                          dressed to kill they looked like black alligators teethed with weaponry and cloaked with cyberskins and helmets to deflect paltry projectiles

no matter 
            he found they could betheir heads could be crushed if they were STOMPed 
 

he saw a young boy foolishly confront four soldiers scream his outrage at the top of his lungs his tears wetting his face

the boy reminded him of himself when his mate was murdered
                                                                  had he only come upon them moments earlier he might have been able to save the boy 

a soldier grabbed himheld him by his arms behind him while the second snapped his neck 
                                                                                             why waste munitions on a tick

he bulldozed the two who had their backs to himbowled them over
                                                                     since the dead boy still hung in ones handsthe other also had his back to him their arms were shouldered and strapped in holsters
                                                                                  fourfive vicious STOMPs  one apiece would have done it but he wanted them to be recognisable only by their dog tags dog tags

he returned to the other two who were yet on the ground dazed  he STOMPed their throats
 

when he was to be interned at the estate things he witnessed outside its walls were not as they were now

wandering cautiously he found the city dotted with enclaves of rubble firedtwisted steel spines and ribs clots of aggregate concrete fierce coloured graffiti and unburied bodies that seemed more to make a point than unclaimed  like heads once stuck on pikes

the dead didnt wear black alligator skins
 

he chose sides
 


he attacked small squads that had sluffed their skins piled them indecorously leaned their long weapons against them to eat or slack their thirsts from canteens 

he STOMPed them disemboweled them with the nails of his hindlegs and tore out their throats with his teeth

he loped away horrified by his bloodlust and violence 
                                                         had he not heard his mates cry witnessed the boys execution he may not have assumed or resigned himself to the prickly vengeance that percolated under his skin heated by his heart ached in his guts and they vivified by him knowing he was the last of his kind 


he sought deep woods
                         negotiated ragtag clusters of desperate human beings whose eyes bulged in their skulls as much from fear as by their starvation  rail-thin emaciated

whatever he escaped from and entered seemed to be have been persisting for a time

he browsed and grazed and kept movingmoving away from mechanised sounds and suffering voices
 

the air grew humid nights grew cooler
                                         it smelled more and more unlike anything he had ever smelled he fixated on it dumbed by it as a nail would be dragged forward by a magnet

he was getting closer
                       and closer
 

then he heard sonorous sustained crashing crashing and crashing what a beating something was suffering and something else was sustaining 
                                  a battle perhaps they battled unrelentingly for hours and its sounds grew louder and louder with each step they began to overwhelm anything he might have heard in lieu of them

he anticipated seeing 
                       seeing the warriors seeing the untold dead the devastation
 

breaking through a tall brush the powerful smell that intoxicated him rush up into his nostrils 

he stood at the edge of a cliff
                               the sea and land and stony beaches sprawled before him

he could not differentiate at the horizon the vast water or the vaster sky their bluestheir blood mingled ran together 

the blue was the colour of the dead boys eyes
 
still 
    pursuing this out-of-body lust he found it wanting he knew there was moreknew a promise had been made him and yet was withheld

he would have to retreat into the trees again and labour return to the flatland return to where black alligators and violence were a threat

the boy the boy 
              his mate
                   they were the fire in his heart  he knew that only the black mute of death could extinguish
 

he anticipated some thing
 

he crossed the flatland following the seas breath to a violated village that stood at its edge
                                                                                             more unburied bodies
it was silent except for the surf crawling up on the yellow beach then sifting away

a long pier ran into the sea and cut ropes tethered to posts hung down into the water

some thing beckoned him
                           demanded he walk out on the planks to the end of the pier
hed be utterly exposed 

he couldnt swim

he wept
       he wept until he saw that his tears were repelled the sand and they crawledrolled over and over themselves towards the pier

he followed themfollowed their example

he did not look back even when something swept across his backfear shivering his spine
                                                                                           he had come too far

stopping at the end of the pier he waited  stared out to sea   there was nothing  

finally he turned around

on the beach he saw the dead destroyed bodies standing they looked like scarecrows and those who had arms held them up high   reaching

a voice behind him spoke You misunderstand, they salute you -- he turned to the voice -- they had been hearing of you; you are their vengeance even as you avenge yourself.

in the water were nymphs he couldnt count that high the voice he heard was from their mouths their jaws and tongues moving in unison 
                   one voice

then the many coalesced one into another twos and threes forming one
                                                                            until there was only one
the one said The people believed.
                                      Do you believe?

Believe . . in what

Believe that what animated you, the side you chose in the city, you pursued righteously; you will continue your struggle.

I am one being

I am one being. 
                 You saw.

Yes

If it is your decision to pursue your quarry, and it is your decision; I can teach you to be as I am, as we are.
 

I need to think  I need rest
                                I need to sleep

Then sleep, kangaroo, maybe you will dream and divine what you must do. I will protect you. When you decide, I will return to you.

as he lay down and curled himself in a ball he saw her shiver  disseminate   becoming one among her others
he saw as he blinked that not all the nymphs were female as she 
                                                                then sleep came
 
0551,  Monday,  8  4. 19
1313,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  16  9. 20