Gottabefuckinkiddinme the words slurredheaved out of his mouth breathlessly as he gaspedtried to recover from his big tom jumping off the bureau above him onto his gut as he slept Wha da fucks da matter wid chu  

indie didnt pausedhe sauntered off the foot of the bed landing heavily on the carpeted floor anywhere he went he went heavily

Auw fuck he groanedeyes closedrunning an internal diagnosticsrunning his hand across his belly  he was alright  he was silently gratefulhe didnt dare let that into atmosphere indie hadnt jumped on his nuts no sense given him ideas Fuckin cat he groaned  hes gotta eat when he wants to eat

to be fair  he knew he was pushing it 

                                         the sun splashed the bedroom through the uncurtained windows even sleeping he was aware his dreams were highlightedwhitewashed subtly brightened daubed with an soft amber patina but he tried hard not to waketried hard because the governess or whoever she waswhatever she was seemed pregnantseemed to promise him wisdom wished to impart something he assumed was vital  he purposefullyskillfully pushed out his dreaming to accept this sense that she had something for him a clutch of wisdom and hed be utterly stupid not to stick around to receive it so he lingeredhe lingered in the clutches of sleep an sleeplessness to have it

then indie stomped him while he bided his time                    

                                                  and at once his usual chorus chimed in he couldnt muster the Sirens over them had he tried despite their reinsthe ropes he held in either hand to yank and cinch to make his escape an ugly affair a chaffed and ropeburned thing  him leaning and pushing against them yearning for their unrelenting serpentine coils  

      no his usual chorus unfortunately besting him a comedicnot that they meant to be no since he was a boy they had been inculcated in black an white a prepubescent Dorothy awash in her wisdom There’s no place like home There’s no place like home and over her imagemerged with it an overlay of the blubbering Cowardly Lion I do believe in spooks I do I do I do believe in spooks and overlayed and merged by the Scarecrows If I only had a brain and overlayed and merged by the Tin Mans If I only had a heart  the four softly folded in a mixing bowl by the artful hand of a master baker folding  folding   folded  

                                   and now that they were in his way and he was lost to the kernel of wisdom he felthe was assured was meant to be his

0950,  Twosday,  12  3. 19

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cWKkjTzukM ; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_8lXfAPf4Vc ; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nauLgZISozs ; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6aE-nMS9Mnk

he wasnt upset or concerned when his dreaming roughly pulled a hood over his head from behind an told him to Shaddup Be quiet an later abruptly yanked it off his head to reveal where he was

                                                                                         which was useless

because he never knew where he was

he wouldnt be unappreciative

a hitchhiker doesnt get to bellyache about where the door opens an they are let out 

itd been a free ride 

                     ifn he cried about a free ride beating out the elements via the kindness of a stranger
hed be a piece of shit

who wants to be a piece of shit

he was pushed out birthed into an unconsciousness he was aware he was dreaming a queer turning a counter-clockwise turning a crimped threedimensional tape rising up out of a marbled red iron and blue wet earth segmented like a fat earthworm up an up an up between a hardedged structure than seemed a kind of derrick up an up  an  up   the crimps worried him they seemed at the edge of blowing out an whatever its contents they would be gushed out an irretrievably lost  that whatwhatever was inside it was insubstantial an though insubstantial critical  a feral knowledge  knowledge is never easily maintained often it is tampered withperverted  utilised  propagandised  an this uprisingthis fat wiggling was threatening 
                                             a tower of Babel

because he was unconscious he had the ability to grasp this wily thing as if it were a serpent he grabbed it by the neck just behind its head where it couldnt ratchet around an bite him he handled enough venomous snakes to keep himself safe keep them safe its muscular coiling around his arm satisfied him like a submissive woman held by the throat 

he vanquished the strange segmented threedimensional tape whirling up between the strictures of the derrick an replaced it on an on an on with trios of rough cratestacky crates filled with religious texts an paraphernalia tenaciously adhering to each other letters were worried into them either heavenly or luminary or branded their stenciled skins implied an adjutant ownership they did not worry him these inviolate crates had companions  golden females  conjoined lionessesserpents  Medusas

he covered his eyes fearing their power
                                          but before covering them he was aware of sparse shabby pilgrims who also congregated grey an ill covered in ash an filth  they seemed to be waiting on himwaiting for him to restore them

he had no sympathy for them

sick he had no humanity for them  

no compassion

their presence was a minimal secondary aspect he was more interested in bonding the teeming replacement crates with the glue of sweat an sex

that he could do 

they seemed to fall within his feral capacity

0643 & 0647 & 0704,  Friday,  8  3. 19

1339,  Monday,  11  3. 19

did anyonedoes anyone think aside from himself that Boeing might consider ordering a recall of its 737 Max 8 aircraft 

two of its aircraft have dropped out of the sky inside of six months inside of two years of deployment killing 346 innocent people 

        yacant put those numbers on par with people killed in the United States by police not to be stupid about it gotta figurin in suicide-by-police  yet Boeing has an unmitigated obligation 

YES  Boeing can artfully manipulate and distance itself  publicly announce theyre not responsible for maintaining their products once theyre sold   

I mean  theyre not Hyundais or Kias bursting into flames

                                                             but the celebrated “workhorse of the world” Boeing 737s – the older 737s – their Max 8s shouldnt be dropping out of the sky like birdshit

somebodysome country ought to make Boeing step up to the plate

they may think theyre too big

no companys too big

1618,  Sunday,  10  3. 19 

https://apnews.com/537d562d9fd94cbd86e708dbb2ed3a55

https://www.cnn.com/2019/03/10/africa/ethiopian-airlines-crash-boeing-max-8-intl/index.html

he went down the ramp onto the 101 off San Anselmo which would always reminded him of Hemingways From Whom the Bell Tolls  he was comforted whenever he drove on it

halfway down the ramp overlooking traffic north for at least a mile he saw a mile of red taillights braked in both lanes 

he said Somebody better be dead  a knee-jerk reaction

it had bothered his wife when she overheard him

it bothered his daughters when they overheard him

Christ Dad  somebody better be dead   What a horrible thing to say

he doubled down If somebodys making me sit in this traffic they better be dead

MyGod If Mom heard you say that they said

MyGod If your children heard you speak like that his wife said

there was no if about it theyd hear he wasnt apologising

they didnt know him when he lived in Chicago and drove a furniture delivery truck on the Kennedy Interstate 90 Interstates 94 and 190 the Dan Ryan the Eisenhower 

thats where the words came from

and more often than not they were true

there was plenty of blood on the road

he often drove across rivulets of blood

it sounded like he was going over sticky tar

bodies were big bags of blood that were punctured by steering wheels or heads were broken by windshields or blood seeped out of meaty things which he had no idea what they werewhat he was looking at        

he lived in the sticks

he and his wife sought to live there

living in the sticks meant he shouldnt have to contend with traffic let alone traffic at a standstill in a pounding rain

he lived in the sticks so he didnt have to say

                                                Somebody better be dead

1740,  Saturday,  9  3. 19

0133,  Sunday,  10  3. 19

if the rain wasnt bad enoughmaking him late for work people were behind the wheel at their cellfones  bluelights bathed the inside of their windshields and because they could do no more than idle forward they neglected to watch where theyre goinghorns BARKed they were shockedsurprised they had wandered across dividing lines  idling people were in no mood of giving way he could smell the angst through his cracked window above the belching gray exhaust streaming from tailpipes on sunny days you never see that shit its there nonetheless

he made a bet with himself

                             itd probably take him fortyfive minutes FUCK! fifty minutesfifty minutes to drive the eight miles he had to go to get to work fifty minutes of his life sitting on his ass inside a car in the rain

he had half a mind to play with his dick

he left several car lengths ahead of himself between him and the vehicle he trailed

it always was too much for some wisenheimer in the lefthand lane figuring theyd lurch hard right into his lane and make up a cars lengthmebbe two lengths ahead of where they were evidently trying to dissuade themselves that they werent a rat in a cage FUCK YOU Pick up your hard cheese an eat it 

in the ten-minute-not-a-half-mile idle four cars lurched in front of him  two pickups two sedans  all late models 

only the last peeved him

there was no difference between the four except the last had an In Loving Memory decal centered low on their rear windshield

he didnt bother to read in whos memoryhe was pretty fucking sure the departed wasnt clever enough to have submitted in their Last Will and Testament an ardent desire to be remembered via a decal on their loved ones vehicles their names emblazoned their birth and death dates configured the decal amended by happy angel wings Celtic crosses upturned praying hands cowboys boots Marine insigna BROTHER horseshoes if it were he hed have widespread soles of a womans shoes pointing up an separated by a mans soles pointing down between hers 

the decals were about as attractive as a tramp stamp What nonsense whawere they thinking sold a bill of goods  It has erotic appeal! its as erotic as toilet paper stuck to the bottom of ones shoe or the misfortune of a skirt tucked up inside ones pantyhose

in order to dampen his ire he left approximately four car lengths between him and it  the decal lost in the silver of the rain and the wash of exhaust  a mirage   a mindfuck

where theres a will theres a way

maybe he would play with his dick

1746,  Saturday,  9  3. 19

1228,  Sunday,  10  3. 19

Smashing Pumpkins  Rat in the Cage  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8BjKQkym8w

A boy and his dreaming self

So  if you got a moment . . 

. . A moment

I dont have moments you have moments  

You got a moment

You seem testy

Ya bet testy Idve thought ya exhausted all your moments last week

Come on Lets not be ridiculous

Ridiculous Aint pulling no punches are ya Forget ya attract more flies with honey

No I havent Ive  Me  Ive always held our relationship wasnt juvenile

Oh my listen to ya  Ridiculous Juvenile  Whaelse ya got yaseem hellbent on painting the town this morning

Wha a fuckin pain in my ass

Ohgood Youre feeling my pain

Widda smart mouth snide mouth Must really be feelin yer oats feelin pretty damn clever

Youre mistaken  I appreciate your efforts flipping the programming  I really do

Ya appreciate it  Some people would say thank . .

. . I hadnt finished . .

. . I was saying 
Ya ought to let me say sometimes

Some people would say thank you 

I know ya havent forgotten ya threatened to kneecap me if I didnt

I threatened because you had opportunity to back off  You were pushing my buttons you knew it  Dont insult our intelligence that you didnt know you were  Or that you dont know youre at it again

Youre badgering me  Quit

Cant seem to make ya happy can I

I would disagree This is the first time in my life Ive had to engage youtake you to task When youd go missing for weeks I didnt bitch I didnt come around lookin for you  When you were mundaneuninspired I didnt complain  You always seemed to find your legs  Your silent dreams were spectacular the text dreams phenomenal  Dreaming in black and white cartoons  breathtaking  awesome  You never lacked for creating inspired dreams  Not ever

Thank you

Youre welcome Thank you

So whas got yer panties in a bunch

Dont

Donwha

he sighed Were not stupid you an I me an you Why be passive aggressive asif you gotta get up on me for takin you down a peg 

You know I keep my house in order

Why harrass me

Harrass Theres only one r in harass

There is However I use two when its my intention to harrass I wouldnt waste it on an uninitiated  You know me better than that

So what Whacha cryin bout now  this week

Cryin bout your badgerin me You aint never done that before This morning three times in twentyone minutes You know I dont forget our dreams You dont have to wake me to record them

Yadid record them

I did

Maybe ya wouldnt have if I didnt keep on ya

Like I wouldnt remember erecting a tower of Babel out of crates of jabbering texts in forgotten tongues Really
You fuckin thick

You forget were we

Clown It occurs to you it occurs to me  Im fuckin Johnny Appleseed I collect the seeds scatter them on your fertile body

I dont do what I do we dont get to do what we do

I think you can trust me

So please quit bitchin

What we share is critical If we didnt have what we have I wouldnt be so keenso ridiculously happy being alive

Yave never said before

I thought our wiredness would relate that to you  Communicate it unsaid

I suppose Im like a girl in a way I like to hear it

Okay girlie  Im also keen to accept I have a ripe feminine side  If we didnt have what we have I wouldnt be so keenso ridiculously happy remaining alive

Thank you

Thank you

0543, 0547, 0604,  Friday,  8  3. 19

1410,  Saturday,  9  3. 19

Jeanie Greene  Sure as Sin  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-TkoX5ZFf4

the only thing that matters is how youre doing  and how you might get stopped

behind these words were images of houses razed  knocked down  burnt  before the fires were set mobs pillaged their contents 

          if he looked at the foreground of these images he would see bodies of men women and children  they had been brutalised  bound with rope cotton clothesline barbed wire or chains 

he couldnt fault them for trying to protect what was theirs

he didnt want to see

he needed a break

                    honestly

they were going to have to quit meeting like this

it wasnt good for his health not mentally or physically

he could be honest with him

                              he was he

his dreams were unrelenting

he supposed he was at fault  he announced long ago that he didnt have or suffer nightmares frightdreams bad dreams a dream was a dream was a dream why label them

he should have anticipated he was asking for troubletempting fate

he could hear his argument Whaya bitchin bout Ya said a dream is a dream  Content didnt mess with ya

Yahwell shit  I didnt think yad go rogue cutthroat bloodthirsty didnt think yad settle on a theme Whars yer sense of humour whimsicalness  yer fantastic nonsensical dreams  the erotic dreams

Its been weeks of shit

Weeks of dire  Nonstop direrrhea

Ifn yacant toss a switchthrow me a bone fuckin stop visitin 

I mean it

A dreams a dreams a dream

Cuntess Dont beat me up with my words I spoke them in a different environmentdifferent atmosphere An theyre beyond my control 

Its bad enough they have to victimise me without youME victimising myself

I aint a zealot a cutter a masochist I take pain when I must but I dont go lookin for it And you shouldnt be bringing it to my doorstep like a burlap sack of newborn puppies with their throats cut to see if I can save one of the litter 

Because I couldnt

                    Because they were all deadbledout when you knotted the sack and dropped it off

Shame on you

SHAME ON YOU

Yah fuck Shame on us

Do me a favour Stop STOP  If I got to Ill cut you off at the knees

Whos violent now

Who predisposed me to this violence . . 

. . You . .

. . Me? Fuck you! Us

An now Ive served you warning

Do not fuck with me

Weve woven years together unacrimoniously

I asking you to improve our programming Thats all

I know you can

I know you can be the better manweve been the better man in the past

Fuck this nonsense

Its essential to be aware

But its shitstain shouldnt colour our playtime Take a breath Dont answer me nowIm not asking for that Think about it

Think about it  

You mean change it up

Yes If anyone understands my predilection to violence you do  Get off my back

Ill get off yours

Ill think about it

Good Dont be stupid  the only thing that matters is how youre doing  and how you might get stopped

        

0514,  Sunday,  3  3. 19

1406,  Friday,  8  3. 19

whe  we los  ou   lv s  e str  g e t  g t by 

                                                     that was how his dreaming toyed with him

like a cat with a mouse 

it just couldnt come to him in plain English  

what fun would that be

he knew he wasnt stupid

and when someone isnt stupid you wouldnt spoonfeed themwouldja

he wouldnt

he wasnt

                his mind just liked to fuck with him 

a voicenot his pronounced the sentence no following the bouncing ball and as it spoke white letters printed on the night of his mindnot his handwriting appeared whe  we los  ou   lv s  e str  g e t  g t by 

he followed himself completely 

hed give himself no argument

he agreed with its contention

                                      maybe  subliminally  he was struggling

although he couldnt say he felt lost

he would admit he felt his energies being disperseddissipating randomly  however even our best efforts often go awry and we find ourselves on paths we didnt foresee

but thats the beauty of life

it isnt a sure bet

well he wasnt going to get tied in a knot over this dream 

                                                             no more than when he dreamed only in text or speeches appeared in cartoon-bubbles or everyone he dreamed of were rendered as cartoon characters or that he spent all night perfecting homemade salsa after vandalising the apartment of someone he despised  smashing their paned windows hurling their furniture through them  the pieces breaking on the cobblestone street below    

when we lose ourselves we struggle to get by

0841,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  6  3. 19

1305,  Thursday,  7  3. 19

bouncing ball  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VxWcMzIY4BQ

not to be minimised by his awful address to CPAC last Saturday – where Senator John McCain’s death was cheered and applauded – he loves talking about old news  We call it the election, with a capital E (2016) -- one knows he wouldnt refer to the last election when his policies and leadership were soundly whipped and have  finally  lead to congressional oversight – Republicans spent two years shielding him – makes sense though – a bunch of wannabe oligarchs

but to the crux of this post

                            in light of his re-election bid for 2020

why should he be re-elected when many of his Election campaign promises have fallen hard of their faces

-- Mexico will build Wall

-- hed drain the swamp

-- We’re going to have the best people. (five have been indicted and found guilty – Stones a dawdler)

-- the National debt which he was going to bring down has exploded

-- Americas Trade deficit which he was going to bring down is at an historic high – as of yesterday  $891B

one might suppose the only thing he has accomplished OH there also is no Nobel Peace Prize coming  Obama still has that on him  is flaunting Americas congenital defect  its white racists and nationalists  MAGA?  no MAWA

1212,  Thursday,  7  3. 19

682 days remaining or less

https://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2019/03/02/trump_hits_mueller_probe_at_cpac_theyre_trying_to_take_you_out_with_bullsht.html

https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/video/candidate-trump-promised-best-people-cabinet-50183308

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2018/aug/22/how-many-of-trumps-close-advisers-have-been-convicted-and-who-are-they  

http://fortune.com/2019/01/05/us-economy-deficit-government/   https://www.nytimes.com/2019/03/06/us/politics/us-trade-deficit.html