if the rain wasnt bad enoughmaking him late for work people were behind the wheel at their cellfones  bluelights bathed the inside of their windshields and because they could do no more than idle forward they neglected to watch where theyre goinghorns BARKed they were shockedsurprised they had wandered across dividing lines  idling people were in no mood of giving way he could smell the angst through his cracked window above the belching gray exhaust streaming from tailpipes on sunny days you never see that shit its there nonetheless

he made a bet with himself

                             itd probably take him fortyfive minutes FUCK! fifty minutesfifty minutes to drive the eight miles he had to go to get to work fifty minutes of his life sitting on his ass inside a car in the rain

he had half a mind to play with his dick

he left several car lengths ahead of himself between him and the vehicle he trailed

it always was too much for some wisenheimer in the lefthand lane figuring theyd lurch hard right into his lane and make up a cars lengthmebbe two lengths ahead of where they were evidently trying to dissuade themselves that they werent a rat in a cage FUCK YOU Pick up your hard cheese an eat it 

in the ten-minute-not-a-half-mile idle four cars lurched in front of him  two pickups two sedans  all late models 

only the last peeved him

there was no difference between the four except the last had an In Loving Memory decal centered low on their rear windshield

he didnt bother to read in whos memoryhe was pretty fucking sure the departed wasnt clever enough to have submitted in their Last Will and Testament an ardent desire to be remembered via a decal on their loved ones vehicles their names emblazoned their birth and death dates configured the decal amended by happy angel wings Celtic crosses upturned praying hands cowboys boots Marine insigna BROTHER horseshoes if it were he hed have widespread soles of a womans shoes pointing up an separated by a mans soles pointing down between hers 

the decals were about as attractive as a tramp stamp What nonsense whawere they thinking sold a bill of goods  It has erotic appeal! its as erotic as toilet paper stuck to the bottom of ones shoe or the misfortune of a skirt tucked up inside ones pantyhose

in order to dampen his ire he left approximately four car lengths between him and it  the decal lost in the silver of the rain and the wash of exhaust  a mirage   a mindfuck

where theres a will theres a way

maybe he would play with his dick

1746,  Saturday,  9  3. 19

1228,  Sunday,  10  3. 19

Smashing Pumpkins  Rat in the Cage  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8BjKQkym8w

A boy and his dreaming self

So  if you got a moment . . 

. . A moment

I dont have moments you have moments  

You got a moment

You seem testy

Ya bet testy Idve thought ya exhausted all your moments last week

Come on Lets not be ridiculous

Ridiculous Aint pulling no punches are ya Forget ya attract more flies with honey

No I havent Ive  Me  Ive always held our relationship wasnt juvenile

Oh my listen to ya  Ridiculous Juvenile  Whaelse ya got yaseem hellbent on painting the town this morning

Wha a fuckin pain in my ass

Ohgood Youre feeling my pain

Widda smart mouth snide mouth Must really be feelin yer oats feelin pretty damn clever

Youre mistaken  I appreciate your efforts flipping the programming  I really do

Ya appreciate it  Some people would say thank . .

. . I hadnt finished . .

. . I was saying 
Ya ought to let me say sometimes

Some people would say thank you 

I know ya havent forgotten ya threatened to kneecap me if I didnt

I threatened because you had opportunity to back off  You were pushing my buttons you knew it  Dont insult our intelligence that you didnt know you were  Or that you dont know youre at it again

Youre badgering me  Quit

Cant seem to make ya happy can I

I would disagree This is the first time in my life Ive had to engage youtake you to task When youd go missing for weeks I didnt bitch I didnt come around lookin for you  When you were mundaneuninspired I didnt complain  You always seemed to find your legs  Your silent dreams were spectacular the text dreams phenomenal  Dreaming in black and white cartoons  breathtaking  awesome  You never lacked for creating inspired dreams  Not ever

Thank you

Youre welcome Thank you

So whas got yer panties in a bunch

Dont

Donwha

he sighed Were not stupid you an I me an you Why be passive aggressive asif you gotta get up on me for takin you down a peg 

You know I keep my house in order

Why harrass me

Harrass Theres only one r in harass

There is However I use two when its my intention to harrass I wouldnt waste it on an uninitiated  You know me better than that

So what Whacha cryin bout now  this week

Cryin bout your badgerin me You aint never done that before This morning three times in twentyone minutes You know I dont forget our dreams You dont have to wake me to record them

Yadid record them

I did

Maybe ya wouldnt have if I didnt keep on ya

Like I wouldnt remember erecting a tower of Babel out of crates of jabbering texts in forgotten tongues Really
You fuckin thick

You forget were we

Clown It occurs to you it occurs to me  Im fuckin Johnny Appleseed I collect the seeds scatter them on your fertile body

I dont do what I do we dont get to do what we do

I think you can trust me

So please quit bitchin

What we share is critical If we didnt have what we have I wouldnt be so keenso ridiculously happy being alive

Yave never said before

I thought our wiredness would relate that to you  Communicate it unsaid

I suppose Im like a girl in a way I like to hear it

Okay girlie  Im also keen to accept I have a ripe feminine side  If we didnt have what we have I wouldnt be so keenso ridiculously happy remaining alive

Thank you

Thank you

0543, 0547, 0604,  Friday,  8  3. 19

1410,  Saturday,  9  3. 19

Jeanie Greene  Sure as Sin  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-TkoX5ZFf4

the only thing that matters is how youre doing  and how you might get stopped

behind these words were images of houses razed  knocked down  burnt  before the fires were set mobs pillaged their contents 

          if he looked at the foreground of these images he would see bodies of men women and children  they had been brutalised  bound with rope cotton clothesline barbed wire or chains 

he couldnt fault them for trying to protect what was theirs

he didnt want to see

he needed a break

                    honestly

they were going to have to quit meeting like this

it wasnt good for his health not mentally or physically

he could be honest with him

                              he was he

his dreams were unrelenting

he supposed he was at fault  he announced long ago that he didnt have or suffer nightmares frightdreams bad dreams a dream was a dream was a dream why label them

he should have anticipated he was asking for troubletempting fate

he could hear his argument Whaya bitchin bout Ya said a dream is a dream  Content didnt mess with ya

Yahwell shit  I didnt think yad go rogue cutthroat bloodthirsty didnt think yad settle on a theme Whars yer sense of humour whimsicalness  yer fantastic nonsensical dreams  the erotic dreams

Its been weeks of shit

Weeks of dire  Nonstop direrrhea

Ifn yacant toss a switchthrow me a bone fuckin stop visitin 

I mean it

A dreams a dreams a dream

Cuntess Dont beat me up with my words I spoke them in a different environmentdifferent atmosphere An theyre beyond my control 

Its bad enough they have to victimise me without youME victimising myself

I aint a zealot a cutter a masochist I take pain when I must but I dont go lookin for it And you shouldnt be bringing it to my doorstep like a burlap sack of newborn puppies with their throats cut to see if I can save one of the litter 

Because I couldnt

                    Because they were all deadbledout when you knotted the sack and dropped it off

Shame on you

SHAME ON YOU

Yah fuck Shame on us

Do me a favour Stop STOP  If I got to Ill cut you off at the knees

Whos violent now

Who predisposed me to this violence . . 

. . You . .

. . Me? Fuck you! Us

An now Ive served you warning

Do not fuck with me

Weve woven years together unacrimoniously

I asking you to improve our programming Thats all

I know you can

I know you can be the better manweve been the better man in the past

Fuck this nonsense

Its essential to be aware

But its shitstain shouldnt colour our playtime Take a breath Dont answer me nowIm not asking for that Think about it

Think about it  

You mean change it up

Yes If anyone understands my predilection to violence you do  Get off my back

Ill get off yours

Ill think about it

Good Dont be stupid  the only thing that matters is how youre doing  and how you might get stopped

        

0514,  Sunday,  3  3. 19

1406,  Friday,  8  3. 19

whe  we los  ou   lv s  e str  g e t  g t by 

                                                     that was how his dreaming toyed with him

like a cat with a mouse 

it just couldnt come to him in plain English  

what fun would that be

he knew he wasnt stupid

and when someone isnt stupid you wouldnt spoonfeed themwouldja

he wouldnt

he wasnt

                his mind just liked to fuck with him 

a voicenot his pronounced the sentence no following the bouncing ball and as it spoke white letters printed on the night of his mindnot his handwriting appeared whe  we los  ou   lv s  e str  g e t  g t by 

he followed himself completely 

hed give himself no argument

he agreed with its contention

                                      maybe  subliminally  he was struggling

although he couldnt say he felt lost

he would admit he felt his energies being disperseddissipating randomly  however even our best efforts often go awry and we find ourselves on paths we didnt foresee

but thats the beauty of life

it isnt a sure bet

well he wasnt going to get tied in a knot over this dream 

                                                             no more than when he dreamed only in text or speeches appeared in cartoon-bubbles or everyone he dreamed of were rendered as cartoon characters or that he spent all night perfecting homemade salsa after vandalising the apartment of someone he despised  smashing their paned windows hurling their furniture through them  the pieces breaking on the cobblestone street below    

when we lose ourselves we struggle to get by

0841,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  6  3. 19

1305,  Thursday,  7  3. 19

bouncing ball  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VxWcMzIY4BQ

not to be minimised by his awful address to CPAC last Saturday – where Senator John McCain’s death was cheered and applauded – he loves talking about old news  We call it the election, with a capital E (2016) -- one knows he wouldnt refer to the last election when his policies and leadership were soundly whipped and have  finally  lead to congressional oversight – Republicans spent two years shielding him – makes sense though – a bunch of wannabe oligarchs

but to the crux of this post

                            in light of his re-election bid for 2020

why should he be re-elected when many of his Election campaign promises have fallen hard of their faces

-- Mexico will build Wall

-- hed drain the swamp

-- We’re going to have the best people. (five have been indicted and found guilty – Stones a dawdler)

-- the National debt which he was going to bring down has exploded

-- Americas Trade deficit which he was going to bring down is at an historic high – as of yesterday  $891B

one might suppose the only thing he has accomplished OH there also is no Nobel Peace Prize coming  Obama still has that on him  is flaunting Americas congenital defect  its white racists and nationalists  MAGA?  no MAWA

1212,  Thursday,  7  3. 19

682 days remaining or less

https://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2019/03/02/trump_hits_mueller_probe_at_cpac_theyre_trying_to_take_you_out_with_bullsht.html

https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/video/candidate-trump-promised-best-people-cabinet-50183308

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2018/aug/22/how-many-of-trumps-close-advisers-have-been-convicted-and-who-are-they  

http://fortune.com/2019/01/05/us-economy-deficit-government/   https://www.nytimes.com/2019/03/06/us/politics/us-trade-deficit.html 

rolling on the 101 south entering Ventura he came up on a large white refrigerated truck 

he hadnt paid any attention to it at a distance but now he realised it was going to impede him traffic in either lane beside him was moving too fast to allow him to merge safely

80 miles per hour is the new 65  

he disengaged cruise control he fell back on the informative DMV booklet he studied  when he was learning to drive when following another vehicle the correct distance to be maintain should be one car length for every ten miles per hour of speed 

he slowed to 60 re-engaged cruise control and gave the truck approximately seven car lengths

                                                                                                doing so he couldnt say how many vehicles from either lane shot past himentered his lane without using their turn signal indicators never a cop around when you need one wending their hectic ways believing themselves slick Mario Andrettis or redneck Richard Pettys  the traffic directly behind him became irritated with him and flashed their brights during the daytime CHRIST Fucking go around yaint blind yacant miss the truck ahead of me yacan see it over my hood

so he dug his heels in let them hurtle past hed be patient Excuse me all to hell Just trying to live my life in your world and then done negotiating or bothering with the traffic coming up fast behind him he finally had a moment to pay attention to the boxy refrigerated truck

IDeal

Meat

whassat supposed to mean

                           the way he read it was I Deal Meat which seemed  rather untoward  it couldnt possibly be an error that the sign painter made Ideal Meat made sense IDeal  why the capital D  for attention it grabbed his attention but he susceptible to wordplay he was always manipulating words making up words to suit his purpose but he usually reserved those words for family and friends the uninitiated hadnt a clue what he was doing 

I Deal

IDeal

Ideal

      they fucked with his head 

getting a little irate he tossed a look up into his rearview mirror checked his sidemirrors ROOM  VROOM

he blew kisses at the truck as he sped past

that was nearly a week ago

he was still thinking about it

theres an I Deal Meat & Provisions in Northridge California  in the telephone book

not however an IDeal Meat

he did rather like how it engaged him though  how it riled his imagination

noonish,  Friday,  1  3. 19

1127,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  6  3. 19

Ah  the three Cs 

                            he never bought into them

stress kills

they were life-sucking soul-sucking vampires

he saw it as a boy

a teacher not the first informed his parents He’s not . . how should I say this  ambitious He isnt motivated. He sidesteps competition.

attending the teachers conference together which was rare they pushed back He’s terribly competitive, athletically better than most boys, despite him being small. He battles, his coaches say he plays big.

Academically . . academically, he isn’t competitive. He’s interested in what he’s interested in and refuses to follow the lesson, he disrupts the class with cockamamie posits.

Then he is competitive, ambitious, however not within the narrow confines you're providing, the school provides. Correct?

You are incorrect. If he doesn’t, if he refuses to come into the fold, he will be an average boy, person, an average man.

Frankly his father said you’re not telling us something we haven’t heard before. Why don’t you entertain his questions?

I am not paid to address his questions. I’m paid to teach him; all the students. 

He is not ambitious.

the teacher most of his teachers were correct in their assessment 

                                                                     but if athletic violence could be moulded in the classroom theyd see his ambition

to beat or be beat wasntnot an iota stressful  it was exciting

instinctively he was involved against another and when the game was finished it was over  

either you won or you lost  

                            and either way wounds would need to heal

that sense secured the oftused robust ancient line You ought to see the other guy dripping from his mouth it always tickled him

their wounds didnt differentiate the winner from the loser 

he had thrown down his gauntlet he didnt entertain the mind games his teachers elaborated 
                                                                                                  if anyone wanted to fuck with him  Lets take it outsideout back  we can discuss things in the freedom of fresh air

his teachers said he didnt know the meaning of respect  

                                                           however as a nine year old boy he knew respect was a two-way street  Mr. WapplerEdwin Wappler taught him  he said You do not have to respect your elders. You do not have to respect authority. They are obliged equally to respect you. If they do not; then you do not.

Mr. Wappler was in is seventies  he figured that he knew a thing or two

according to many Mr. Wappler as he cited his name again and again believed he created a monster

the three Cs

              he refused to pursue them

the first obviously was Curriculum 

                                       which some remote august body made decisions for children theyd never meet

the teachers were shackled by it

their jobs depended upon it

liberally educated 

                   suddenly illiberal

he learned of curriculum from Miss Galworthy so fucking appropriate a first–year English teacher twentytwo years old seven years his senior legitimately of the same generation

she taught him he became the best English student of the freshman classes she instructed

he taught her a thing or two

at the years end at the years end after he achieved four consecutive A+ quarters she was fired for suborning the curriculum  despite her success  not only for him but for others as well

the second C 

               Career

he never saw himself doing one thing for his whole life

he wouldnt acquire a pension 

he would not retire

when he turned forty his father asked him what he was most proud of regarding his forty years on the planet

he replied I have continued to elude a career  I dont own a suit

when he was fortyfive his fathers company was shuttered he retired early was provided a substantial pension he served it for fortyseven years 

                               fortyseven years

his father stayed in one place longer doing one thing longer than hed been alive

the third C 

             Cuntesses male or female

the barthe standard he upheld he never thought was too demanding 

Common sense  Compassion he bought into them

he knew his intrinsic worth  he knew hed have to sell a portion of himself to make a living but that wasnt to say he could be bought

theyd get their forty hours beyond that his time wasnt for sale he told the companies he worked for they couldnt afford him beyond the forty hours they required 

                                            he conceded that

apparentlyhowever his actions tempted coworkers to follow his lead 

the companies mistakenly believed his strategy was to tempt them to try and tempt him he couldnt be without temptation

he replied clearly he wasnt 

                              however only a cunt would be foolish enough to try and tempt him 

either they were deaf or without a pea to rattle in their skull

                                                                cuntesses cunts one and all

2122,  Thursday,  28  2. 19

1704,  Monday,  4  3. 19