First World problems

                    then there are First World hoi polloi problems

                                                                          hoi polloi the masses  the commonfolk

the commonfucks who cant afford exotic fucks questionable fucks  who lack influence affluencewho havent game to play in second or third home parlours own Mercedeses seek Excesses  Exceed Excesses  Excesses are Best or are morally degenerate(he was once told You dont have enough money to be immoral)

not that hoi polloi are humble

                             they might have been as cancerous too had they stumbled into a different birthright

America  is a land founded in birthrights

besides  hoi polloi

                 sounds like a disease

First World hoi polloi problems

                                 she was attacked assaulted  victimised

she didnt care for those wordsbeing associated with their terminology

What  I should say your unlucky   I call a spade a spade you were victimised  If you dont like itgive me a different word

I dont want to be called a victim   It suggests Im weak

Weak   It might suggest your attacker was a coward I could be victimised Im not weak  You have to own up to what happened to you or by being intransigent youll only hurt delay your recovery   You know what else youre gonna hate

Im hating a lot right now What

Youre gonna hate having to be patient though lo and behold  you are a patientthats youre job now  Own up to it

You are a victim

You have to be patient

So you say

No  youre gonna sayyoure gonna say it

What  I should say it Really  Are you intent on treating me like a child

No Worse  Im treating you like a babybecause a baby cant speakit mewls it cries  Mebbe you can show meconvince me at least youre a child

                                                      Im listening

Youre listening

Are you mocking me

Mocking  Whos mocking   Im livid with youYoure not being kind . .

. . Youre livid with me  Youre not being kind to yourselfdammit  Admit it  Capitulate  I am a victim  I have to be patient   If you dont say it you wont know it You cant say it you cant know it  Ive been somewhere near where you arebut I did it to myself I had to learn to be patient   If you knew me before I hurt myself youd know I was an impatient sonofabitch 

But this is about you

Can you be kind to yourself

                                          Can you    

Alright

Im waiting

You really want me to say it out loud

Yes  Frankly Id prefer to hear you yell it at the top of your lungs

Im a victim I have to be patient

With some authority please 

a breath Im a victim I have to be patient

With some ballswouldya

I am a victim and I have to be patient

Very goodsome moxie You ought to make it your mantra while you healwhile you treat yourself well

he told his daughters in separate conversations that his girlfriend was victimised   he knew they talked

his eldest last to know texted him

                                    Man  she seriously needs to practice some clearing and cleansing multiple times a day. It will help to raise her vibrations so instances like this aren’t a possibility and she can receive more abundance.(10:00) 

(10:02) BTW  I say that in a very kind and caring way . . . no blame or insensitivity intended. 

I recently learned how ppl can have “luck” much like this because somewhere along the line, past lives, etc., they wrote a contract that they need to pay a karmic debt by choosing to live a life where they “learn” and “pay their debt” with pain and suffering, like a beacon to those not so desirable; (10:06)  when all they have to do is decide this process no longer serves their purpose and they can rewrite their contract and move forward by inviting love, light, kindness and abundance as their lessons, thereby aspiring to be their brightest and pure-est versions of themselves. (10:10)

pure-est  she intrigued him

                               he couldnt help but wondered if she was pulling a him on himhe was forever fashioning words words to suit his purpose  he wondered if she wasnt copping est which had exhausted itself before she was born Erhard Seminars Training  Latin for is “We need to distinguish distinction There’s no seeing, there’s only the seer There isn’t any is” 

family and friends who read letters he wrote them told him they were rife with misspellings  he laughed  he told them there was a reason why he spelled the word the way he did  if they missed his intention then they ought to go back and reread the passages  realise his context

he could have referred to his lettershis madeup words as Socratic interrogation  but knowing them as he did why have his words or them fall flat on their faces

yes  he knew he was laborious

he asked why?  Because wasnt an answernot ever 

he perhaps terribly expected answers to his questions fashioned in outline form 1. 1A. 1B. 1B.1 1B.2 1B.2.a. 1B.2.b.  

in his letters he cited sources for verification in case they thought he was blowing smoke up their ass 

he asked questions for clarification questions which probed assumptions  he asked questions that sought reasons and evidencethey better have their ducks in a row if they were going to come after him  he asked questions about their viewpointsperspectives were there alternatives were they necessary were there benefitswho benefited  he asked if there were implications what might be the consequences of their assumptions 

he asked questions of the question  What was its point Why do you think I asked               

hoi pəˈloi

         in his guts he knew they were more than they were cracked up to be

Tuesday evening,  6  2. 18

                        1214,  Valentine’s Day,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  14  2. 18

she was an attractive young blonde woman

which was saying something

he rarely found blondes attractive

her hair was cut shortTomboyish  but that enabled her features to take centerstage stand out  wideeyed  sharp cheekbones   if she wasnt blonde hed lean towards First People ancestry  not that it was impossible 

Awright baby  Anteup  You got a babyface

I do

Great  I love it when I dont have a fight with someone about their babyface

No  When my hairs long no one questions how old I am  I was being served in bars at seventeen  Cut my hair short and Im challenged every time

Well  My hats off to your genetics  Take care of your faceyour health an youll be challengedas you say  until youre in your forties

Thank you

No  Thank you  Id be ridiculous if I didnt admit I enjoy gazing at attractive women

Thank you

Youre welcome

he scanned her purchase  a Teeling single malt  Irish  which simply improved her attractiveness  You have a savings card

I dont but my boyfriend does  she screwed up her face   If I can remember his number

No pressure he isnt here  An no matter we have a remedy if you fall down 

Okay  the twist in her features didnt relent

but she looked even better twisting  hooked on a line

Ten digits babe

Area code

Area code too

Youre only making it harder

Ive got confidence in you

she spat out the area code  then one digit at a time at different intervalsunsure pauses  excruciating  she emitted the remaining seven

Was I right

I havent entered it yet  Building the suspense    Though I must say  while you havent the ability to witness your expressionshow your face worked  Im entirely sure you hit the nail on the head

Ready

Youre killin me

he hit ENTER and the savings card posted her savings to the screen  BINGO baby  

YEAH!

Love your enthusiasm

I wasnt sure

Not being sure is like delicious seasonings on food  Ups the game

Thats a nice way of putting it  Normally I wouldnt agree

Comon  What fun is a sure thing    Theres no challenge

Youre right

So now I gotta ask  Your boyfriend know your number

No

No

No  It took him six months to remember my middle name

Then I suggest you go home an tell him you got the savings on the Teeling by remembering his numberAn WHATS MY NUMBER?

No  He doesnt know my number

Your boyfriend doesnt know your telephone number

No  No   Hes a kind of head-in-the-clouds kind of guy

Ah

     he was proud of himself  he held his tongue  he didnt usually hold his tongue

probably the only reason he held his tongue was to not take her down from her piqued high  remembering struggling to recall his number  that she did all on her own   an would likely continue to do in the relationship

he would have preferred to shrug an say Ah  the kinda guy who has his head up his ass  You might deserve someone better

              but he didnt

he put the Teeling in a brownpaper sleeve and handed it to her  Have a fine evening kiddo

I will

        happy  she literally skipped out of the liquor store

1705,  Sunday,  11  2. 18

1540,  Monday,  12  2. 18

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        its what happens when you take something youre unsure of what it is out on a walk                                                                                                                            but hed be damned if he was going to stay in and wrestle it by himself  it had all the advantages it outsized him outnumbered himalways had its back safe to a wall

he could almost hears its distress when he didnt play into its handsits elastic tentacles hoary clawswhen he picked up a scifi book threw a cloth handled sack over his shoulder and went for the door 

itd have to leave the wall at its back to stop him

                                                   an in that undecisive lingering moment he was out of the house

Wait almost incurred in his ears

but Wait  out of which mouth

he was halfway down the drive before he was aware of its presence 

while it didnt throw a shadow there was a surly miasmaquality sheer vapor shifting on the road at his feet around him

if someone didnt have his sixfoot vantage point above it in its midst they wouldnt see it 

it was like a dog keeping up  but not getting caught up in his legs or feet even when it roiled between an under them

it was disgruntled

Dont bitch Ya couldave stayed at the house plied your charms an irritants on indie and october cats  but cats wouldnt brook it their qualities would keep it at oddsget behind it  even if it thought it had its back to a wall 

                                                                                    fuck with a feral cat

its all incensed passionate sharpteeth and claws

he crossed over the bridge over the creek

the creek seeped it creeped  it crawled

                                          seeped creeped crawled   he liked its context

it didnt

I dont care what you like

beyond the bridge he cut left onto a narrow dirt deerrun that wove between emaciated saplings whodespite winter vied for sunlight rootspace  some of them grew around each other violently

he opened the book to where he had stopped Lock In he didnt buy into thatdid he What do you see? I looked at his hands for a couple of moments No blood Right she said He’s got blood on his shirt and his face but none on his hands The broken glass has bloody finger marks all over it 

                                        no blood no bloodhe looked up out of the book standing at the woods precipice and across the street he saw a girl in a freeflowing cottonblouse that oddly clung to her  nice jugs no blood

nice jugs no blood   handsome jugs  he dropped his eyes back into the book

                                                                                  but itdave to wait until he negotiated his steps to the trails end

it wound for better than a mile and kicked him off at the lip of a concrete bridge erected in 1915they dont make them that way anymore  pity  a majestic plain old bridge he thoroughly enjoyed  he wondered about the workmen who formed itnot so much the engineer but the blood sweat an tears workmen  truly manual fucking labor then scores of men not the paltry parties these days empowered by effeminate technology its tools an advances  hed say encroachments   hed say belittlement   hed say someone else harvestedpocketed the greenbacks that ought to belong to those who labored    hed say

crossing the bridge threw him into a return loop that eventually lead back to where he left the roadleft Lock In

his sidekick was still kicking but had grown reflective as he took it over the dirt an spoor an insects an groping roots 

he figured before he entered the deer path itd dig more primordial surroundings 

he thought a couple of times he witnessed it scratch its back on the live oakrun its fingersorwhatever through the cold spoor toppling their original architecture original leaving  possibly penetrate an anthill an realise its underground community  its complexity  kiss its queenfondle its workersspar with its singleminded soldiers

recrossing the first bridge he went straight an headlong an entered the town proper  woandered into a small shopping mall held intact by one of the towns two grocerystores an one of three pharmacies

Whynot

         he found himself in it because he never ventured into one before  he found himself in a Mr. Pickle

that didnt last too long

                        just long enough to know hed never buy its product

unlike the impatient line waiting restlessly to make their order

going out the IN door startled patrons entering  he wasnt rude he simply sought the first egress  IN was closer than OUT  patrons were humorless

                                 he hoped at least a portion of them shoved an stirred the stick that was up their ass  akin to a womans ben wa balls

Ben wa balls?  it was the first thing intelligible out of his ornery sidekicks mouths

Well talk about when we get home

1400-ish,  Friday,  9  2. 18

1243,  Sunday,  11  2. 18

Boards of Canada  Gyroscope  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbFgxucxVcM

                                  Hey

                                                  

                                                                                                                                                                                 Hey

Are you asleep

her whispering roused him up from the shallows between the undulating phosphorescent seaweeds wed to the bony reefs of pleasure they happily inflicted on each other  

                                                            he laid still   and listened to her bated breathher anticipation  

Hey are you asleep    

I couldnt answer you if I was baby

You are awake

he smilednot that she could see it in the dark  I am now

Ohgood

Ohgood  good Im awake or ohgood you woke me

I woke you

Youre cute   I would be awaken by a voice in the dark  Usually Im the only one in bed who has a voice

Yes

Did you want to talk

No

Did I leave a single square inch of your body unattended to that its feeling neglected

she laughed sweet    No

Are you thinking you may have neglected a part of my bodyyou didnt

her laughter grew sweeter intoxicating   No

Did you roust me . . 

. . I didntdid I  roust sounds severe I . .

. . No  Ill rephrase   Did you arouse mebetter  to see if you could   We should be unconscious all sexed upsatiated  exhausted

I am exhausted

I am too

No  A strange blue light flashed occasionally from your wrist  It confused me  I saw it   Then it seemed when I tried closing my eyes again Id see it

                                                                       I dont remember you wearing a watch

let alone wearing one inside your wrist rather than on top it

No  no watch  I wouldnt wear a watch if you paid me

Then what is it 

he moved closer to her he wasnt a cuddler  Brilliant icy electric blue   Ethereal

Yes

Like lightninglike light underwater

Yes

Ive never seennever seen it emitted from my wrist  You say you saw it  I have no doubt

she took his right arm  she ran her fingers gently over the inside of his wrist  Here

Yes  There

Then Im not seeing things

You saw blue lightyes

Yes I did

Then please dont doubt yourselfI have no doubt

It was very strange 

Well  it can only be one thing

You think you know what it is

I know what it is

What

Years ago driving home from San Francisco ten miles from homebearing out police and insurance statistics  accidents   a huge buck appeared at the edge of the highway in the grassy medium  

I was committed  I yelled at him to stay putplease  Please stay there for a few more seconds let me pass

He ran onto the highway

Midstride  just before I slammed into him a brilliant blue light lit up inside of him  in profile  majestic  ethereal  godlike   I think I killed a god

The inside of the car was bathed in light

An then on impact everything went blackthe blackest black Id ever seenI wondered if I hadnt had died  I was suspended  Then I wasnt an everything was hurtling past me  The engine hood unclaspedacted like a shield throwing the buck over the top of the car  I tore the airbag awayslipped downcould see the road between the dash an the bottom of the hood  The road went right  I was able to negotiate the curve an while decelerating I found the dirt an gravel shoulder 

I hit the buck doing seventythree

My right wrist was wounded by the plastic sheath that contained the airbag  fingerbones connected to the  hambone hambone took the bite of plastic an resisted it lacerating my wrists like a foolish failed suicide attempt  crosswise  not running up my arm  Blunt trauma  Me and the buck

The blue light you saw must be the gods residual invested in me  Otherwise I have no explanation for what you saw

I saw it

Im sure you did

I believe your explanation

I do too

You certainly fuck like a buck might rut

Youre so sweetthank you  You inscentivised me beautifully   In the morning

Yes

           If Im not too sore

I have something for that 

she felt his hardon growing against her thigh  Something just for me

Every bit for you

she closed her eyes  Thats something very nice to fall asleep to 

Oh  dreamilyas her eyes closed  she saw another scintillating blue flash

1604,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  7  2. 18

1244,  Friday,  9  2. 18