telling a young boy hes a fat little boy to his face isnt something he usually did

not usually

         but if the young boy had a bad spleen a mouthful of shit and spat it in his face

he was surprised how easily it ticked his brain and seemed an appropriate reply to What the fuck you lookin at old man

there was truth in the boys venom

he was older

but then

tit for tat

the boy was little and fat

if you cant take the bald facts about yourself

then  keep your trap shut

but the fat little boy was encouraged by his rancorous buddies who probably understood that they were accessories sides and not the target of the old mans ire

the fat little boy followed their lead

thinking he was in the lead

at their head

just as a little boy would think     

secure in his new little world that he had nothing to fear(Nike) that his parents stoked giving him everything his little heart desired stroking him awarding him trophies for participation

if – only if – he actually competed in anything

his complexion was clear

not a scar to behold

by the time he was the little boys age he had a split eyebrow a split chin a twice broken nose and too many black eyes from older boys fists than he cared to count

each secured by beatings when he refused to back down

there were occasional wins among them

though fewer than loses

his parents figured hed quit standing up to the bigger boys

he could only suppose they didnt understand he was standing up for himself

clear-complexedHell  the boys clear-complexions told him all he needed to know

they didnt know what adrenaline was

or what it could do
(he was probably a junkie) 

and when the knot of them grew to a dozen his guess

among them were little boys who wouldnt dare stand up for themselves and quietly selfishly submitted to the gang

no one likes getting beat

but beatings were worthwhile

you learned the tricks of the trade

learned to trade punches countered punches caught them on your arms  moved

then  they didnt dare come onto him one-on-one

that eventually preceded him

his lumps earned him his reputation

by high school he was in the clear

not having a clear-complexion salted away challenges

and because he never looked for a fight(once) the fights stopped

what few fights happened thereafter

his complexion didnt change much

bruises

no cuts

now his hands bore the scars

split knuckles broken fingers

theres always hard bone behind someones face

the fat little boy was just going to have to suffer the truth

his delicate untried ego SMASHED by a fuckin old mans tongue 

1601,  Twosday,  13  9. 16

I think everybody whether they went to Nam or not, everybody had a life that was profoundly changed.

a sentence attributed to Tom Hayden

a smart cat from what he could remember

he wondered what circa it was when he made his remark

he read it in a quote by John Perry Barlow as part of an oral history to Clara Bingham for her book

Witness to a Revolution

it was one of the books the library system had on a short leash

a single 21 day lease and back

as if he could read a dense 358-page book and contend with all the thoughts and research it provoked

even computer-aided

a type of a lazy censorship

and nearly as bad as listing books they had but didnt have in their collection

in bold print at the lead into a paragraph only one paragraph down from Haydens quote

THE WAR OVERSHADOWED EVERYTHING

this fifteenth anniversary of September 11(he had other occasions to celebrate rather than the one they wanted to shove down the Nations throat – never bought into its publicity its Pearl Harborness)

9/11 was the end of Something  not a Beginning  unless the degradation of the country truly sought a birth date . . .

THE WAR OVERSHADOWED EVERYTHING 

                                   fifteen years of war in Afghanistan

what shadow had it cast

or Iraq

or Syria

or Libya

or Yemen

maybe shadows arent thrown when military conscription is taken off the table  the Draft   Viet Nam(though not to admit a backdoor draft prevailed would be disingenuous  economically squeezing the youth  dangling green cards)

the only shadows cast now are private
seen only by those in it their families and friends

Proudhuh 

         makes an American want to beat their chest for their “greatest fighting men and women the world has ever seen”(Note of Caution: our lethal technology is the greatest the world has ever seen)

our bright pennies tarnished

President Bush told fellow Americans to get out and go around the country Do your business(“The business of America is business” President Coolidge 1925) take your families and enjoy life

Go down to Disney World in Florida

Phil Klays sentiment too found in his book Redeployment: We . . did a lot of shopping. Which is how America fights back against the terrorists.

he thought what he would have done was conscript every American of legal age who showed up in Disney World Disneyland Six Flags Universal Studios who thought to piss away treasure  unaware or uncaring  what was being done in their names overseas in black sites extrajudicial renditions Guantanamo

hed bet then

           that these battlegrounds in Americas and Corporates Long War would cast LONG SHADOWS and incense the populace

1201,  Sunday,  11  9. 16

1208,  Twosday,  13  9. 16

http://www.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0110/06/smn.26.html

GEORGE W. BUSH, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: And one of the great goals of this nation's war is to restore public confidence in the airline industry and to tell the traveling public, get onboard, do your business around the country, fly and enjoy America's great destination spots. Go down to Disney World in Florida, take your families and enjoy life the way we want it to be enjoyed.

nothing like going to bed and seeing beside where youll lay someone who isnt there

and knowing exactly how they were pushed out

you could have copped to being lesser than who you were and still have them

but having them at the cost of yourself?

some chose to weight out the prospect

he didnt think that many did

too absorbed unobjective

too much they might say in their defense

too involved in the moment and scarcely time to think

though when there is scarcely time to think thats the ideal time to do so  --  a hustle is predicated on the bull rush the blitz  –  going in one should always have a modicum of detachment to vouchsafe themselves  –  theyre the only one wholl ever truly have their back

despite assurances (There: in the fine print)

others might contend that life is really a matter of compromise

giving up

for what you get

as if it was a 50/50 proposition

that the knife they use is perfectly honed and slices the whole exactly in half

Comon  Lifes pretty sloppy  It aint gonna lie there quietlike and not writhe and wiggle and be cut perfectly no matter whose hand is doing the cutting

still  it was nice to look at the bed and see her hair splayed on the pillow her wonderful shape under the fresh-laundered sheet

standing at the foot of the bed he remembered

he didnt remember longingly

    

evening,  Friday,  9  9. 16