He had one helluva problem

a bit obscene

                      and no matter how overtly he held it struggling by its throat

front – and – center

                                                                                                                            inevitably 

seemingly at the worse possible juncture   he faltered

                                                                 then he had to spend untold delirious hours   

keenly and sincerely apologizing for his perceived harm                                                 

his transgression and utter misstatement

                                                                                                                   

                                                                                                                          his problem 

whenever he wrote was     

                              he inevitably failed to complete a contraction during a critical passage

for example:                                                                                                                           

"I could imagine youd agree with his racist surmise"

when in fact what he truly wished to impart was:                                                         

"I couldnt imagine youd agree with his racist surmise"

                                                   and the gulf between Could and Couldnt is ENORMOUS

he was thinking of giving up contractions altogether

though admittedly  he had a thing for consonants                                                        

vowels could take flying leap 

                                                too fuckin round for his tastes 

not looked finer as nt

                                   but if he was simply content going on  stumbling  dropping it        

to save his knees or face  catching himself with his hands . . . whew . . .

                                                                                                                        Why?       

his knees face and hands would eventually heal

                                                                                though what he put at risk might not  

apologizes become suspect when youve made the same mistake over and over and over 

again

             apologizes do buy forgiveness   S E E   apologizes do NOT buy forgiveness                          no matter their sincerity                                                                                                                

he knew it damn well                                                                                                          

hed rejected relationships for less                                                                                                  

how could he possibly imagine forgiveness                                                                                    

when he refused to dispense it

                                                     Dispensation  -  a churchy thing  -  according to        

the Encyclopedia Britannia: “. . .  Christian ecclesiastical law, the action of a competent  

authority in granting relief from the strict application of a law . . . ”

 

                                                            whod want to be granted relief from the strict 

application of a law

particularly when the law wasnt the way they saw it  

                                                               but fearful to be recognized as an outlier 

                                                     apparently no amount of honesty can impinge or outleg illconceived selves-serving laws . . . smart ALECs wanting to have their noxious ways 

peppering the pots and buttering the palms of pious acolytes

                                                                          and writing honestly meant               

either hitting all his contractions or suffering whole round vowels so not to be at error

he had to be deliberate                                                                                             

(despite perverse temptation scratching at his back for fallout  and confrontation)

                                                                harmony exists briefly   only after Chaos

1733,  Friday,  2  5. 14

                                                                                She had impossibly huge round tits

having been around awhile and being a man meant he was a voyeur   and being a 

breastman meant Nothing got past him

not one cleavage                                                                                                                          

or not                                                                                                                            

not one gaping neckline or button unbuttoned                                                                      

or not                                       

too bad there wasnt any money in it                                                                                                   then he might be too busy counting his dough peeling off $100 bills from a roll kept in 

his front pants pocket to pay any attention                                                                           

or not

there was no missing these                                                                                                 

a blind man would recognize a disturbance in the Force

they became the salacious humored subject of conversation between he and his grrlfriend      

a liberal banter back and forth

--    Would you want tits that size

--    Would you want me to have tits that size

--    No  You wanna answer the question

--    No

they hadnt seen anything that xplicit in a very long time

                                                  the first time they saw her she was dressed in Spandex  

they gave her that shed just come from the gym  her posture slack  seemingly exhausted  

(youd probably be too  -  carrying that rack) leaning heavily on a cart as she walked up 

the fragrant bread aisle  resting their copiousness on the carts handlebar  on top her hands

           her breasts  tanned  freckled  bulged like balloons compressed by her black–and-

pink-ribbed sports bra

he remarked if he wetted her breasts  grappled her  a hand at either side of them   he could 

make them squeak and sing as childrens toy water balloons did when they ran as kids  

clutching a half dozen or better in their arms  running madly  barefooted  across their

neighbors grass  through their backyards  during a water balloon fight

                                                                                                      no one could possibly 

sneak up on another unless they were down to their last one or two balloons                

the squeaks betraying them

then they saw her again

it was a small town                                                                                                              

grown smaller now in perspective of and the advent of her Colossuses

but this time she had them clothed                                                                                

although the cotton shirt was tight                                                                                          

strained across the chest                                                                                                 

the Henley unbuttoned  impossible to button                                                                                 

its hem pulling up and exposing her belly

                                                                                             she walked with her daughter

they and them converged to xit out through the automatic doorway at the specialty food 

market

              courteously they stepped back  outnumbered  allowing her and her and her and 

her daughter to pass first

their liberal banter deflated like a balloon

they hadnt imagined she had a daughter                                                                      

a daughter old enough to realize the difference before and after her mother opted for the 

elective surgery

he was tempted to touch her at the shoulder and ask her what she said to her daughter

his clawed hand index-finger extended fell short

walking out to their parked car his grrlfriend asked him what he was possibly thinking

--    I was thinking exactly what you were thinking

--    And I was thinking

--    We were thinking what kind of message did her augmentation say to her daughter 

about her daughters body and about other womens bodies

--    You read my mind often

--    Only when provoked

                                               a deep silence passed between them . . . their humor 

squelched . . . an unconsidered reality realized . . . between them they couldnt muster 

an upside . . . pro vs. con . . . the scale pulled drastically down . . . the gravity perhaps 

irreversible . . .

                         if a woman looking in a mirror cant accept herself for who she is vs. who 

society contorts her to be . . .

                                                where was this society leading

1246,  Saturday,  3  5. 14