DOYOU

WANT

TO

DIE

 

once it was implied

twice explicit 

   twice angrily he was tempted to say Yes  his inners talked him out of ita sudden democratic vote they didnt want to die

he was a democracy

he conceded 

DOYOU WANT TO DIE scrolled across his dreaming DOYOU WANT TO DIE DOYOU WANT TO DIE DOYOU WANT TO DIE 

     interruption  commercialbreak eruption woke himgot him out of bed got him to sit on its edge which he hardly did he disturbed two cats who laid with him but only enough to wake them  they yawned then laid their heads back down

he sat in the dark naked it was coldwindows open fiftydegrees maybe   he rubbed his facehis head 

finally he asked aloud Do you want to die 

   No

there had been too much dying recentlyfamily and friends

he recognised he was depressed but it was legitimate part of the process 

                                                                                 unfortunately there were so many

similar to picking up a deck of cards tossed on the floor and sorting them again into suits in order  fashioning the worn deck to be what it was when it was brand new crisp begging for games to begin

he and it were innocent then neither imagining what would be neither able to change it

 

   Regrets he asked aloud 

he thought hard 

   NO 

          his salve against regrets was his memorialisedmemorised keenremembered minutiae which bubbled like a hydrothermal spring  since he was two

vapours were getting in his eyes so he closed them bed beckoned cats quietly mewled   nothing scrolled

he laid downcovered himself 

he didnt fall asleep for a long time

in the darkness of his closed eyes trapped vapours roiledtickled each other threw shadowspulled them down or apart  he watched until he did not recognise he slept again

436AM,  Saturday,  5  11. 22

1147,  Saturday

Mogwai  You’re Lionel Richie  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C9FrfhXxMsU