affirmations

affirmations

                      bitched by affirmations

hed almost been affirmed to death by relentless podcast charlatans
Really, Dadu, you aren’t getting the message?

Sorry baby I donwant their message Your cup of tea  Not mine

he didnt hurt her feelings
                           rather he saw disappointment crowd her huge eyes
                                                                                  which is to say he disappointed her hugely he was not esoteric he didnt buy into feng shu harmony  he preferred disorder chaos
                                                                                                      all this shit is a matter of taste she had her mothers tastes

I think they offer valid, critical help.

And if I maybe so blunt  for a price
                                       Maybe if they took a vow of poverty I might considerwhat you insist is their spiritual prowess

Maybe, if I maybe so blunt he pissed her off  if you’d just listen you might learn something.

Aw baby I prefer to find things that tickle me then teach myself You were always an excellent student I know you recall my report cards  I was notI struggled 

They teach you how to help yourself.

For a price

The only price I incur is my time anmy time is too precious to try an iron out an innocuous prejudice I have

Like vegetarians?

Thatll learn yahuh
                    she had vigorously insisted that he shouldnt disallow a date with a woman because they were vegetarian being a vegetarian shouldnt be a dealbreaker as he insisted it would be
                                                                                         an now he was dating one she didnt like because hallie was younger than her

Like Life coaches he asked
                             he knew he was retaliating these podcast mavens who lead people around by their pocketbooks and noses
                         if they didnt have a pocketbook they couldnt to saddle up
                                                                                       theres a real service to the humanity that they say they seek for others

Life coaches pissed him off
                             paid friends
                                           he wished he had a carnival-sizeclowny-sized gavel to bring down on the heads of people to force cease-an-desist an stop them from takin bowel-full-sized quaffs of smoke up their ass between their widespread cheeks that they willingly spread

                                             an anus is a terrible thing to waste

a taut strawberryblonde scrambled onto his lap

they had parried a couple times at the bar Do I know you Sounds like a line. I don’t know, do you know me? Ya look familiar You look familiar. But I dont know you  Gretchen. she extended her handplaced her drink in her left Joe he shook her hand a nice firm grip somebodyhe hoped her old man taught her right Good to meet you Gretchen You too, Joe. he sidestepped her to order his pint and a shot of Writers Tears Black Sheeps bartenders poured generously this was his bar

halfhour or so later Gretchen came over to the booth where he sat at its edge with friends

she sat uninvited on his lap

THAT was alright
                    her ass was firm I fit nice. she said
If yare fishing Id say ya fit nice because ya got a nice ass

Thank you?  her eyes narrowed

Youre welcome You can take a compliment

Thank you.

Youre welcome

he introduced her around the table

their eyes rolled

they werent inobvious

coy is wasted on the cool it ought to be dispersed like a One-A-Day vitamin

Gretchens lightweight bright unassuming voluptuousness grew heavy and heavier as their conversation wandered wide and near
          he was finding he didnt like her to be fair he hit her in the mouth with sex politics and religion at the get go

he finally asked the question he loathed to ask and rarely did though it was copiously asked of him
                                                                                                          Soah Gretchen whadaya do to make a living

cheerily she answered I’m a successful Life coach. I have lots and lots of clients.

Youah  fishing

Excuse me?

No You know fishing  You know the context Im using it in

the cheeriness evaporated

her incandescence began failing

her attractiveness began drying up like a bitten apple left in the sun

she scowled

scowls dont look good on anyone

she began to look like someone who was punished with a mouthful of Thistlewoods Derbys dose  
                                                                                                                 not amendable to Writers Tears

he didnt submit

her look was something to behold

didnt look like it tasted good

I help a lot of people.

Youre a friend for a price

My friendships doncost them a penny

Were friends
              he had to get her off his lap before she crushed his legs

he slipped his arm under her legsthe crook of her knees his other around her back his hand just beneath her right breasthe could feel its weight at his fingertips
                                                 and stoodup

gently he released her legs so she could find the floor

she rolled rightrolled her breast into his hand

hed like to say he didnt notice but he noticed 
                                                There you go Back onto your own two good legs Gretchen Aesthetically youre something nearly without peer But  something   It was fascinating meeting you

he couldnt say what he saw on her face
                                           two parts contempt one part bafflement a squeeze of disgust shaken not stirred  maybe a dollop of anger or rage     

he couldnt say he wasnt a bartender

he had to get its name 

he didnt want to mistakenly order one

oops over crushed ice  struggling with rejection

she wasnt a baby to throw out with the bathwater
                                                      he thought that usually her bathwater was drank

0452, Sunday,  16  2. 20

1441,  Monday,  17  8. 20