it had been fortyone years

                          the last seventeen years hes been alone on their anniversary

he didnt celebrate it  

a better word  he commemorated it 

celebrating would be off target

                                 many people who attended their wedding no longer thought to remember or acknowledge it 

many were dead 

Time has a way of parsing our lives

he rememberedhis sister rememberedalways sent a lovely card  and that was plenty 

now shes gone

he wasfor whatever reason the one who had a deep memory and store and recalled family and friends birthdates wedding anniversaries  although a fiftyfifty proposition half after theyd passedFuck 

he did not send them belated letters

he disliked the word it was a euphemism  softersounding than saying Yea I FORGOT 

he preferred not to receive belated wish let it go  

maybe this years guilt would possess them to remember next year

and when he did timely remember a birthday or anniversary they said How is it you always remember our birthday our anniversaries? How do you do it?

I dont always anything  keep that in mind  Ive come to accept as a natural course that were all juggling balls trying to keep them up in the air  I have fewer balls to juggle Lets leave it at that

So dont beat yourself up recriminations are worthlesstryin to shoulder aside box out jab with an elbow regret or remorse Let it go Theres better and more important things in our lives

but theyd insist he trying to be magnanimous

                                               so much for letting it go

No  Not magnanimous  Its on you Itll have to be your hangup Im not apologising for happening to remember

he was the thoughtful elephant in the room

Please

        Just say thank you

he took a long walkhe could feel convinced himself he did her hand in his he remembered who they were that only he and she would know  

when he got home he poured two neat whiskies

he toasted her Happy Fortyfirst babe I love you 

1045 & 1900,  Monday,  24  9. 18