he struggled with her illness 

he was haplessly  

violently he wanted to blame  to blame someonesome  thing

blame

        it was really very human of him perhaps the best thing to do was drop it  solve if possible what was wrong

Whats wrong

she knew he knew   there was no righting this no solving it

                                                                  it would only end

it was no ones fault no ones blame

were born an that which we are is baked in the cake

                                                         we cannot escape our geneticsour muthafucking DNA

ALS  it stole her voice her strength to holdup her head her right arm now it was dragging on her lungsher breathing but it didnt affect her legs and with her help she made their caring of her easier than otherwise it would have been

she was his hero

he wouldnt be anywhere else in the world

they were able to acquire an eyegaze machine

                                               she had been texting with her left hand but her dexterity was failing rapidly if it had not been for the machine she would have nakedly only had her eyes to communicate her needs

her needs exceeded words

                            fortunately she had always been so very expressive with her eyes

                                                                                                   to say she had that in spades would have been an understatement

it was very scifi

                 Sterlings Shaper-Mechanists universe posthuman beings either augmented genetically and psychologically or by cybernetic hardware computer software and drugs the Mechanists were Lobsters and wireheads

the two campstheir ethics were so violently split that they warred

he wondered where she might have come down

                                                 she was uniquely drawn to heady esoteric realms yet worked and played plugged-in

they didnt have that conversation

one of so many conversations they didnt have because ofcourse  they had all the time in the world

still he was curious

                      it called into existence his viability 

youthful invincibility is shaken by others deaths 

when your child is dying before your eyes you wonder how you ever conceived of being invinciblewhy the word even exists

it describes nothing meaningful 

he like everyone is a pawn

1431,  Thursday,  13  2. 20

1122,  Sunday,  16  8. 20

McCoy Tyner  Inner Glimpse  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HzzNgnM-yk