he waited at the kitchen table for her return from an appointment 

he used to take herdidnt mind waiting in the antechamberhad his fabric briefcase books paper clipboard pens inside it he could keep himself entertained

she asked him to stop taking her there 

Stop

   Yes.   Please.

Why

Because Im asking you.

No no theres something more to it

There isn’t. I’m asking you.

We said when we began dating we wouldnt lie to each other 

                                                                   Youre lying to me  I can feel it

Why

meekly she cleared her throat The doctor asked. He’s uncomfortable with you sitting outside his office, in such close proximity to him. 

                   He knows you do not like him. 

Because hes not doing his job 

                                   How does he know that

she looked at the ground at her feet

You told him

I told him.

When you talk with your psychiatrist youre supposed to be talking about your depression not me 

                                                                                                      You cant represent me If he has a question he can ask me

He doesn’t like you. 

I don care

          Which should matter to you  Hes supposed to be caring forhelping you however has timewere paying for to express an opinion or opinions about me

He believes you exacerbate my depression . .

. . Quick solution divorce

                          Im out of your hair but more importantly out of his  Are you kiddin me under his breath Full of shit Ive told you  a contractorYOU hires a subcontractor the subcontractor isnt doing the job or cant do the job the contractor fires him an finds another  Youre two years in with this guy an growing more depressed an are now OCD obsessive compulsive which you didnt exhibit in almost twenty years of marriage until Now   

                                                                                                   Now

Please don’t be this way. I need him.

   he left work Thursdays a halfhour early his boss was displeasedDonbe Yaint payin me the timethas my loss to be home shower begin dinner sip a beer read while waiting for her to come home 

                                                                                   How did your appointment go                                           

I don’t want to talk about it.

she didnt want to talk about it for the fiveanahalf months he quit taking her in

   Can I get you a Pepsi

Please she couldnt drinkshouldnt drink alcohol on the medications

he knew the next step it was a dance 

                                          shed set her purse on the table then walk up the hall to the bedroom go into her dresser look for her brightorange plastic pill organiser 

shed come out emptyhanded  

accuse him of moving it

she took her morning pills before he went to work

he watched where she absentmindedly set it down

never in the same place

early on he asked Can I help thought Give you a hintwas terribly tempted to play Youre getting warmer warmer aww getting colder but it wasnt a game  wasnt something to trifle with

he got up and fetched it

You put it there!

   No I did not  Youll recall our agreement to be honest 

she wouldnt reply 

                   shed take it from him take a chair at the table and from her purse take out prescriptions then a baggie of other coloured pills

the pill organiser was a 7day 3-times-a-day moistureproof large compartments travel container 

it killed him 

               when the baggies began Whats with the baggie I don recognise those pills

Are you going through my pills?

No I pickup prescriptions for you

   Oh. Yes. 

Whas with the baggie

Doctor gave them to me to samplethey’re free samples, aren’t costing me . .

. . Us arent costing us

Costing us anything.

You check with our pharmacist to make sure theyre kosher to take with your other medications  their drug interaction

The doctor wouldn’t . .

. . The doctor is a psychiatrist not a pharmacist

He knows.

He know he could kill you 

JESUS you’re a beast . .

. . Who loves you Who doesnt want to see you harmed

   Can you please trust me?

I trust you

           I don trust him 

Has it ever occurred to youto him tha your depression drugs youre taking thaya might be treatment resistant I don know if thas a thing though you seem resistant your depression plateaued but is perceptively slipping You havent had a spike of wellness in a long time  choosing his word carefully  Youve been chaotic 

                                                                                         From the outside lookin in babe 

I love you

Why do you love me?

he went around behind her took a knee put his arms around her whispered in her ear Youre my girl Im hopelessly in love with you Ive been hopelessly in love with you since I had the courage to tell you I was an I was in love with you for a while before I said I was

We fit so well together 

                          he stood put his hands on her shoulders 

she halfturned in the chair lookedup at him tears in her eyes 

                                                                You know I love you. 

I know you do 

                  Well beat this Well beat it together

1430,  Thursday,  16  3. 23

2141,  Saturday,  24  6. 23

she diedconvulsed to death in the hospital from a drug she hadnt a prescription for 

her Doctor said he didnt keep that drug in his office 

                                                         She must have got it off the street.