shes not here 

   this evening thats a good thing 

                                    it was one of those nights when he wished violence would presentprovoke him nothing like a good oldfashioned bloodletting  his theirswouldnt matter  couldnt give two shits 

                                                                                                      he had reason 

every yearthree years 

this day 

           it used to be to remember Pearl Harbor his father listened to President Roosevelt utter . . . a date that will live in infamy  on the radio 

                         an uncle climbedup out of the bowels of his sinking ship through a dorade box on deck 

a hornshaped ventilator     

   but now the date means something else that he hasnt been able to shakelikely never will                                                                                                                                 an in his welling remorse sadness hed like violence to replace the anguish his memory  his helplessness 

                                                                                   he couldnt take the bullet for her

it was nonnegotiable

   there was no one to take it up with

he was forced to bear witness 

forced to sublimate his violencehis instinct

 

he stood on the porch looking into the night 

                                             begging Come  Come try your hand at me 

she wasnt here 

                spared what would have been her helplessness trying to help him

also nonnegotiable

2209,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  7  12. 22

1631,  Saturday,  10  12. 22

The Zombies  She’s Not There  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycP6yiupDPM