its been 388 days

 

he thought a year later he might come up out of his heartache  the tears that dappled his face every day since 

he was ambitious

NO

this is the deepest cut hes had to endure

this was to the bone

just missing his heart

he felt the cold steel plunge by

he felt his brain disorganise 

                             felt it wander for many minutes  madly running through hallsthrough doorways  a pitiful hide ‘n seek   then it recognised hiding wasnt rightcouldnt be tolerated

sorely it found its way back

 

he was outside last night

                          standing beneath a waxing crescent moon that reflected just enough sunlight to throw cautious subtle shadows 

it was just beyond directly overhead

his shadow puny  vaguethe shadows thrown by the trees were inarticulate pools  the ground looked bruised

the air was chilled 

it felt good to inhale deeply  inhale calmly 

                                            calmly   he thought of the blue lace agate she gave him  It will calm you.  You think I need to be calmed  Dad, you always need to be calmed.  she smiled  she knew him too well

he started walking back up the hill to the house

he liked the look of it 

                     the yellowamber hue of candlelight twitching in the livingroom windows

his foot caught a rock that turnedtumbled out from under it he stumbled a bit  that humoured him

ofcourse he had to lookfind his transgressor

                                                looking down standing beside him was a shadow

it took his hand and held it briefly

he could smell her in the still air

 

                                           then he couldnt

looking

        the shadow was gone

the warmth in his hand remained until he topped the hill and entered the house

                                                                                                1339,  Sunday,  21  3. 21