his dreams of recent had been epic

every time he took up pen and paper to wriote they knocked them out of his hands You’re not here to observe, record, you’re here to participate! they grabbed him roughly by the neck and pitched him headlong into the meleeheadlong into the muck

returning to consciousness from those end-on-end scrums those twin-bills triple-bills convoluted intertwined montages palimpsests he felt fortunate that he emerged there were suddensnapshots glimmerings  but nothing episodic he retained   nothing he could bring back 

he left it all on the floor

he closed his eyes again trying to return to sleep to only sleep deaf dumb and blind he felt the toe of a boot in his ribs  he played dead 

                 he scavenged an hour or two of senseless sleep 

he didnt feel put-upon 

                      he was grateful

grateful his interior life was as interested in him as he was in his exterior life and it

he wouldnt say friends

he if his dreams insisted friends would resist hed mouth Acquaintances  Fondly acquaintances 

                                                                                                      more than half the acts or scenarios he found himself in were violent friends didnt invest in violence 

                                                                                 which isnt to say that either in dreams or in life he did not participate in violence to have a friends back 

                                                                just he didnt go looking for violence 

he would admit however 

                          to go looking for sex In an Out

Out he couldnt compete with the lavish sex In 

                                                antobesure In he was all-in No pensNo paperWholly committed 

Hmm  he had to give his dreams credit

they were right

he ought to participate  yet try hard to be mindful and come away with memory      

1313,  Sunday,  14  3. 21

Shadowfax  The Big Song  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=diiqxPpSoAs