they resisted him when he suggested bringing a woman into their menage a trois

he argued Four not that either of you are shy doesnt make an orgy

No. they said  it divides us furthur, dilutes us, makes us les . . 

. . Useless  Not us less   Im hearing useless 

Don’t be ridiculous. You have a propensity for hearing things not that aren’t said. 

Or rather hearing things that are implied 

                                            Is it really ridiculous to bring another warm willing commiserate body into our play  our loving

they spokefell over each other I don’t want to share.

frankly he was shocked 

                            Yadon wanna share  more 

he couldnt help but argue with them

abruptly he reminded Miller what he wrote 

                                              I am . . . going back to a world which I can always touch with outstretched arms, the world of what I know and see and recognize from moment to moment. Any other world is meaningless to me and alien to me and hostile to me. In retraversing the first bright world which I knew as a child (Impossible – he interjected) I wish not to rest there but to muscle back to a still brighter world from which I must have escaped. What this world is like I do not know, nor am I sure that I will find it, but it is my world and nothing else intrigues me.

turning to Anais he reminded her what she answered him in her diary 

                                                                          When I first met Henry all he could do was hurl insults, to spit, to lie in gutters of Tropic of Cancer and drink, but now he can talk about having found the language of the night, and all the treasures he finds in his madness, a madness I cannot luxuriate in because I am the mother of all of them . . . I gave him what his mother and father could not give him. Henry’s own parents put him in the wrong world from which we had to escape. I helped Henry escape.

Do you see how selfish you are being

This world you talk of is dangerous place or rather a place arrived at after a dangerous journey  Dangerous because it requires forsaking anyone else to get there 

                                              Think 

We arrived

We have room

Dont believe I am fool enough not to see that I was invited in  I am the third leg

You write separately that not wife husband childperhaps friend might arrive  in this world that they have to be spurned like superfluous baggage weighty un-needed un-essential  But maybe I can see better than you because there have been times Ive bordered on such a dangerous place

he fell quiet

they may have thought he quit talking to let them think to ruminate or maybe converse over what he said

but he fell quiet because he recognised that when he wrote he didnt acknowledge his wife and children rarely ever the family he was born into 

                          when they should be as easily to write of as he signed his name  not forsaken 

                                                                                                               though not forsaken he argued with himself   I hold them at arms length

I hold them at arms length and tremble  tremble because I dont hold them closerclose enough so I cant drop them

Henry  he interrupted them  

                               If youre right  if it is your world and nothing else intrigues you  that pain would kill my conscience and its demise would hasten mine

I am too grounded in my station 

To be as you are  and Anais  would be selfish  cowardly 

                                                               though terribly artistic

 

Art is like cancer

It must have a body to consume

 

0037,  Twosday,  21  1. 92

1502,  Thursday,  1  10. 20