hed been putting this piece off every time it resurfaced after he buried it in sheaves of pages

it seemed he wasnt in the right place in his head  to negotiate it

it was the last Christmas hed have with his daughter

             today 

within a stones throw of Christmas Christmas had been just another day for him since his daughters left home and his wife died

he refused to be a celebrant 

commercially or religiously

as B B wrote the Thrill is gone

he remembered the Christmas Sears catalogue when he was a boy

it was a kick flipping through the slick glossy pages at toys that appealed to himHA as laterhe recalled when he flipped through girlie magazineYES without the hard-on

he kneweven then as he looked that they were only temptations  unreal    ads

he became inured to advertising

                                   water off a ducks back

it didnt make him curious

together they were handmaids witnesses to his vow  always need over want

over the years he hadnt satisfy many wants  

very few bubbled up through the heavy organic mud of his need

need is fertile loam

                     he planted seeds in it tended the seedlings recognised that mortality was built into it and not everything was going to flourish

he sought improvements

                        not perfection

nothing man or woman touched would ever be perfect

despite the contrary insistence of tyrannical big brands

his daughter texted him she could no longer speak she turned her fone so he could read it  :  :  Dad. What would you like for Christmas?

Ohbaby youre so sweet he looked her in the eyeshis eyes tearing up Nothing or no one can give me what I wantwhat I really want

Thank you very much for asking

she began to weep too

she nodded

Ill take a kiss though

                          they smiled through their tears

0802,  Monday,  23  12. 19

1149,  Twosday,  26  5. 20

B B King  The Thrill is Gone  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpC69qIe02E