thrice

                               that old  tired  pathetic American saying    Three times and youre out

Imagine that

              if he was he wouldnt have been able to write these words                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  To be sure

if he remembered correctly if he could count on his remembrances as accurate an theyd be more accurate than any fleeting memories or snapshots of others  who could havemight have made of him  

                                                                        if he remembered correctly 

  thrice 

threequarters of a jimson pod for himself 

he gave his brother the remaining quarterhis first quarter a newlyminted Marine home on leave a Marine he had to drop on his head several times to wake him upthat he challenged his big brother and big brothers always have psychically dominated their little brothers no matter how big their little brothers thought they were   

they only thought they were

inside they werent   

if he remembered correctly and that memory still blazes across his brain when he calls on it one only needs to be victimised to remember what your predator did to youwho they were assailants never remember shit thats because theyve violated more people than they can possibly remember and sociopathspsychopaths  cant remember shit they act memory would be a luxury  they luxuriated in their violencewhat they perpetrated they were seeds of Datura stramonium a weed a vagrant growing wherever it spewed 

weeds dont have memories

they thrive where they can consume what they need

he never felt badwould never feel bad when he tore weeds out at their roots or beat senseless  then anxiously pulling backrelenting  so he didnt beat them to death 

he wasnt Gawd  although he was mightily tempted to put on His pantsput on His shoes  hold Grace by the hair and let her blow Him

third times a charm  pabulum  yet another simpering pathetic coin of American currency

his brother threwup while munching the munch-a-bunch handful of seeds  hed never had a particularly strong stomach

he was able to make his brother vomit when they were younger by hawking a loogieshowing him  then swallowing it swallowing them provided him to savor raw oysters  although he chewed them

they were at a friends place when he laid the jimson with him 
                                                                  then they were promptly separated by a factions of friends who wanted time with them independent of the other

he hadnt a clue where his brother ended up

he ended up at a small second floor bowling alley and bar in a low-rent Chicago district

the alley and bar was a sentimental favourite of his 

he got a blow job from a bride-to-be who swapped him his cashmere sweater for her tube top 

it was worth it 

it was worth watching her get her breasts out of the tube top without hurting herself

Looks like that hurt

A bit.

I can kissem makeem feel better

Then shaddup an kiss.

                        Christ more than a handfulmore than a mouthful made he wish he was a snake a python a boa that he could distend dislocate his jaw get his mouth around his prey

after their delicious swapstanding beside outside  her brandnew ride  she yanked him forwardunbuttoned his pants  Christ! these are a pain in the ass she gobbled his cock in the parking lot 

                                                                              he pointed Yagot a little something on your chest 

she smiled like a deranged Cheshire Cat

got the dollop on her thumbnail

gobbled it too
               Yer crazy Ya sure yawanna get married 

He bought me this car.

He can afford me things I’d never be able to afford myself.

Yathink yad never be able to afford them yourself

Fuck you. I want them now.

theres that

his buddy Rich a preternatural discontent which was attractive to him confrontational  they didnt agree on a damn thing except weed except hash except his kid sister who Rich was dating  

Rich had given him a lift to the bowling alley he hadnt askedhe would have remembered if he had  

his discontented buddy left him there when the jimson kicked in like an eager child in a sandbox among coloured toy trucks and molds to fashion play cities  habitats  places they imagined they could livelive away from everyone on their own

except Jim Son wanted him to play him  play all the games Jim Son wanted to play otherwiseOTHERWISE  hed take his ball and go home 

at that threat he punched Jim Son in the face and cried Adios

he made his way to the broad staircase leading down

it roiled 
         it rolled and rolled over and overits steps on the wall  the ceiling  the wall  he was no Fred Astaire HA Astaire  

he hung onto his realityunderstanding of physics he stepped on the stairsSCREAMING as he did  and turned on the walls went upsidedown and around and around until he made the octagonaltiled entry

going through the doubledoors the winter air hit him in the mouth like a featherweight itd get points but it wouldnt have put him away hed taken his share of punches 

he walked off into the night

the railroad tracks rose like vipers and twined about each other

he kept them at a distance

he paralleled them

following themtheir writhing would eventually lead him into town  where he lived

his breath smoked out of him 
                               it made curious signswords in the frigid air but like a foreignspeaker hearing or seeing he heard and saw but ignored themaccepting his willful ignorance because he was seeking safety he wasnt safe he was aloneby himself had to fend for himself ACCOUNTABILTY he thought it was good that he recognised recognised what reality was amid the concussive swarming irreality trees waving at himwhispering rocks piling atop of each creating soapboxesimaginative audiences concretepaved streets lappingsweeping over their curbs their containment  making easements lawns grass submit to their oppressive will 

he ignored the cacophony

                           it wasnt real

he ignored the inanimate animated

                                     they werent real

making his neighbourhood sidewalks crackling under his feet revealing black abysses and flickering hellfire HA he wasnt a believer stumbling  helped to his feet by helpful hedgerows Keep walkingkeep walking  Only fourfive blocks away from safety encouraging hedges  a block and a half from home 

a wide avenue slobberinggone viscous quivering wavy  googlyeyed denizensviperfish swimming in it  between him and the other bank 

he took his chances

he was a strong swimmer

and they really didnt exist

they howledscreamed as they came upon him  then avertedswung wide  went around him

gratefully

evidently they hadnt the belly to run him down

making the opposite bank he staggered to his feet wiped away nonexistent sludge and clinging water  staggered staggered  he was exhausted 

yelloweyes hadnt appearhadnt offered to help

lavalamp hermaphrodite hadnt appeared eitherhadnt offered to help 

maybe threequarters pod left him to his Druthers 
                                                    and his Druthers were introverted his Druthers invisible his Druthers were himselfwhat he learnedwhat he brought to the tablewhat would either serve him or hed fall  Rightfuly so  simpering in the backgroundwhitenoise Gawd helps those who help themselves aint in the Bible Franklins Almanack  yetstill addled  he had a knack to shake free reality


collapsing in the basement of his parents house on the cold inviting concrete floor  in the familiar scentmusk of roughcut nineteenhundred timber  of sour brick foundations 
                                                       his last nonhallucinationlast reality he wondered where his brother was  how he fared

1632,  Sunday,  16  6. 19

1249,  Moanday,  17  6. 19

Ghostpoet  Dial Tones  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p4LtIDmP-xk

Fred Astaire  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ac6o8PXthzQ

Ghostpoet  X Marks the Spot  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEMmtikjmx4