25.8.18



the springboard a devise
                          she was a bit of a spastic going off of one she could never quite manage to place the damn rollerbar to her utmost benefit but when contemplating her experiences she understood that anything a human being did was flawed  whatever we get our hands on its results are imperfect
                                                                           therefore she was content she was happy that her efforts were good


she had read Olivia Laings The Lonely City  her distillation of Virginia Woolfs diary  Woolfs idea that loneliness might take one towards an otherwise unreachable experience of reality

she was unsure how she felt about Woolfs tenet

Woolf was lonely

was troubled contending with it

which made her think made her wondered if Woolf had a springboard if it had a rollerbar or was static 

if true  she assumed it was static


she plied a quote by Anais Nin as an anodyne to Woolfs lonely journey her poor destination at the end of her otherwise unreachable experience of reality 

It is a sign of great inner insecurity to be hostile to the unfamiliar 

she always seemed to have sought to befriend the unfamiliar it might be befriended if one was curious  she possessed an abundant curiosity
                         and while she pursued her curiosity singularly  alone   her aloneness was not loneliness

if she was backed into a corner it was to force her adversaries to attack her head on  she never turned around and put her face into it

she hadnt devised a loneliness for herself or despair
                                                         though perhaps she hadnt stepped into any traps or suffered the pitfalls loneliness concocts because she was too playful  her pleasures too simple  also that she mindful her circumstances her health were difference from others  and if she in fact went tit for tat with their troubles she might also be induced

but she wasnt

and wouldnt


and for that she was grateful


1647,  Thursday,  12  7. 18
0936,  Twosday,  21  8. 18

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