he was counting on work to give him something to work with tonight

                                                                         NO PRESSURE

keep his eyeballs peeled ears open imagination like a pool of petro waiting on a spark mebbe the low spark of highheeled boys a spark a match a casuallyflipped cigarette

thats how forest fires start

                           an he had no Smokey the Bear hairy muscular arms crossed over his bruin chest to protect himhis realm NO he had no Deputy Dawg Fritz the Cat Quick Draw McGraw or his faithful sidekick Baba Looey no Three Stooges Marx Brothers Abbott an Costello no Dude or Walter or Donny Jesus Quintana bringing up the rear

he was on his own

he played with matcheshe anticipated the FIREthe smoke assh embers roilingspiraling into the night sky like fleet lightning bugs  its smell brother

                              barbecue! meat on a spit carved from the bone with a knife an fingers

his kidbrothers birthday was today  his parents had five kids over fifty  

during the night two women came into the store  it was their birthdays too

he asked them innocently enough if they celebrated their birthdays with birthday spankings NO  then one asked if it was too late to start  her boyfriend rather than picking up on his lead got butthurt an mealymouthed  Hey man  I opened the doorall ya gotta do is walk in  he left the store ahead of her  He’s a jealous sort she said  he said Jealousy is nothing more than a lack of confidenceyou dont strike me as a kind of woman who gives him reasons to be jealous
No no  I surely don’t  It’s just the way he is   Well as long as you know it an can tolerate it

then another woman came in to buy a Don Julio 1942  she was on her way to spend the evening with a friend who was having her boithday thats what she said  boithday  which immediately fetched his heart  boithday was his vernacular  Yaknow  youre the third person whos been in tonight whos either celebrating their boithday or going to spend time with someone who is  And its my kidbrothers boithday too  I suppose Easter sex  Resurrection he wanted to say resurrerection but he was at work an they just met she was getting off light  Oh gosh! she said That would be nine months earlier
It wood she wouldnt pick up on his double etendre

he emaled his kidbrother earlier in the day  wished him Happy Boithday! hoping that he was taking the day to himself he usually worked took extra hours on his boithday  which threw him for a loop  he couldnt remember the last time he worked on his boithday THATS MY DAY IT AINT FOR SALE  but then his thinking might have been misaligned during his youthhe gave himself more credit than people usually allowed themselvesthey needed pats on the backacknowledgement  somehow for some reason he never didhe saw it as nothing more than flattery vanity  an if one was susceptible to flattery  then like greed  there was no top to it

his kidbrother wrote him back :  I am doing nothing today. Prudence and I are sitting around doing nothing! Getting ready to go out for dinner, but other than that nothing!!           

personally hed never date a woman named Prudence letalone marry her  what would you call her for short

he didnt have to worry thathe lived on the Left Coast an they lived on the East

his kidbrother didnt even acknowledge his boithday wishes :  I am doing nothing today.

fuck that noise  he wrote back :  Nothing. Sitting in the livingroom. No conversation, or talking about the weather? Sipping coffee or tea, to put off the cold? Noshing? What restaurant? What do you think you might have for dinner? 

NOTHING?  It's your boithdayChrist -- the one day a year to grab by the throat an tearup . . .  

he heard nothing furthur from him 

but it was his boithday to do as he pleased  

if people often confounded him  siblings utterly perplexed him

how was it they grew up in the same house with the same parents the same circumstances an didnt resemblerather act or were moved similarly

                                                                       not remotely 

seven siblings  but  perhaps there are ramifications to ones birthing order  the first childfirst sonfirst daughter  second childsecond sonsecond daughterfirst sonfirst daughter an on an on

he was firstborn

he told everyone he took his genetics off the topshelf  left slim pickings  it wasnt greed  if he didnt take it an left it to the next an his parents didnt have another child the shitd go to waste  so he took everything he could carry an stuffed his pockets  he didnt waste a thing  there was too much Need in the world that didnt get it to waste anythingnot a damn thing

birthing order

he had little sympathy for things that happened beyond his control

since he was born first he had no imaginationno lake of fire for being born second or third or fourth or a girl

he couldnt imagine you just didnt lean forwardnose to the grindstone an do life

he was darkly optimistic

the cash an transactions were counted  safe locked  punched out on the timeclock  end of the day

work held out on him  it was times like thesestanding in the stark moonlighthe clutched his filthy skirt to his thighs in his grimy hands an like Scarlett O'Hara cried As God is my witness as God is my witness theyre not going to lick me  Im going to live through this an when its all over Ill never be hungry again . . . if I have to lie steal cheat or kill  As God is my witness Ill never be hungry again

                                    ahwell  a little hyperbole now an again isnt a bad thing 

1559,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  24  1. 18

1039,  Thursday,  25 1. 18

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RhI1vERr-0  Scarlett looks phallic as the camera pulls back