16.3.17




too soon
 
            he hadnt a word for itshe had no cluehe hadnt    not until this very moment


he was enlightened   intrigued

                        the charred sweeps of her absence that ran across his eyes hid his shadow in its folds
it finally revealed itself revealed its  palpable  existence

       this thing  was the thing that came between them
that interrupted her
rather it interrupted his affection for her                           


it wasnt another woman
                    despite many warm spontaneous touches  subtle   issued with kind words with looks that felt like stroke of an eyelash
                    perhaps innocently
insignificant          

though quietly pregnant  pregnant   as when a rose begins unfurl in the soft yellow sunlight


not that he was moved or could be moved 


she thoroughly enthralled him  enticed him
  
                                 and he was too dumb and blind and insular to be affected by a touch a look
a suggestive word   
                                                              

what they shared he called Love


she inspired him satiated him  
she tipped him with her voice  whether it was sung through the pale air or a mimicry tatted on the words she sent him in texts and efemales
                  but at this very moment

she was interrupted

and who had interrupted her

was her past selfwas who she was had been during timethe months when he last saw her


he tried to carve out time for them

                           but every time he gamely fashioned it she shot him down  and shot him down late
four times he left gifts at her locked door
                                while she was on the other side of it        
she said she was too unwell to open it


he could have smashed itwent through it if he wanted 
                                          his violence was there
his violence always attended him

but what would that have purchased him


it would have given him nothing other than the stark admission he could take what he wanted 
                                                                                                          
one didnt take Love                              


he didnt want to take it


he wanted her to give it freely


if she wouldnt

why would he want it


she wasnt now who she was

he had no control over that

he wished he had

he didnt believe in wishes



his happiness now was the memory of her 




1906,  Twosday,  14  3. 17
2353,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  15  3. 17
1406 days remain or less

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