fewer  or 1447 days

he didnt sleep well(that could either be his reason or his excuse for what followed – though at the time he wasnt cognizant of it)  he was achy from his workout and wasnt able to minister it because he went to work directly afterwards didnt get home that night until after 2200 took a light meal of canned tuna a green salad a bagel then went to bed because he had to be on the road early to drive a hundred miles to meet a new internist/primary physician whose physicals were scheduled more than seven months out

it all conspired to give him a bad night  

laying there eyes closed he remembered a trick he used running the dishwasher when he went to bed concentrated on its sound mesmerised by its surf the ticking of its drying cycle(if he got that far)  so he rose made up a fix of white laundry and ran the washing machine  and not fallen asleep he got up again and placed them in the dryer and ran it  and not fallen asleep he got up again and folded and put away his laundry  the dishwasher trick he assumed belonged now to a different time in a different state and a different circumstanceTHINKING TOO MUCH  put it away  he drifted into a reverie of his surgery his complete left shoulder arthroplasty fashioning him a cyborg the mirrorball in the recovery room the exquisite Asiatic nurse who made him bat his eyelids more times than he ever had in his life and who tended him bathed him Eros stymieing Pain 

that did not give him rest or sleep

finally  exhausted    he slept

then the alarm clock woke him

he swore he just fell asleep

Up muthafucker

Time to rise and shine(his father told him that when he slept through his alarm for his morning paper route

Thanks Dad  Sorry)

then off into the shower off onto his day

examined  and not found wanting  returning north he liked to stop at an alehouse in Goleta that a customer recommended

it didnt open until 1400

it wasnt noon yet

and rather than try to find a worthwhile coffeeshop(very good coffee beans and sporting his particular(a difficulty others said of him) ambiance) he recognised he wasnt far from the city library(libraries always fit his bill)

the Goleta branch  he was familiar with it  years before he often took his daughters there when visiting their grandparents

entering it he remembered it better than he thought he should  he almost look down before himself to be sure he didnt trip on his girls who often heeled wide-eyed and wanted to look at the books for sale to support the library in the lobby 

he imagined no one witnessed him stagger momentarily

everything around him was visceral

seemed bittersweet  a different time a different state a different circumstance 

for midday there were more people in the library than he expectedalthough he wasnt sure he was a person just then

he seemed to be in two places at once  exquisite   not often had this sense been so pervasive  and tangible   usually it accompanied him when he was slaked with drugswhen he sought to plumb or spelunk himself or tethered to a spiderline freefalling up into a blue-then-plumcoloured atmosphere

he was within himself and outside him  and perfectly aware of his dichotomy while his twins were also aware of each other and aware that he was watching them as a petulant overseer(the Father the Son the Holy Ghost?)

then it seemed his bad sleep if he ever did sleep laid hand on these peoplethese tenants and transformed them

he watched themthey watched them furtively  and their outward appearances he usually wouldnt have given a thought to  were different   were not existential representation of that person  but were masked   impersonal    hiding threats

he looked about his feet for the soiled Ulyssean cord to grapple and tie himself in place and withstand these milling blankeyed Sirens  to stay his hands   to remain unwonted of these unoccupied visages  who was the zombie  he wasnt sure though he was sure they were ciphers accumulating drawn to something he didnt know except he was accidentally in their midst  he was sorry to imagine and say that they were nothing more than inanimate buckets of guts  inside their eyes shone the black lifelessness of elk and deer and rabbits he killed and guttedclothed meat on the hoof

they seemed robotic  inert   waiting

he didnt sleep well

maybe it was the heavy metal of not sleeping well that conspired against him  made masks of their faces   made them threatening  he didnt respond well to being threatened    if they wanted it he was game-on!lets play! his hand at his hip pocket 

he had talismans and bone at his a throat inside a blessed doeskin pouch

at his hip was a lethal talisman from his teens in Chicago

it was his because he was faster with the lead pipe and broke his armthen broke his leg for the fuck of it  because he pulled it on him   there was no need for that    all that cat needed was to be coolbe chill  but   he couldnt   school of hard knocks   he left him with knocks he could survive

cat

maybe it was the murdered feral cats

maybe tracking the homeless man downcatching up to him too late  he used burlap sacks loosely stitched together weighted here and there at its edges and threw them over the cats 

he smashed a kittens head and was already gutting it a slice of hot liver in his mouth when he came up behind him

he didnt come quietly

the man spun on him he got his right arm upfist turned inward to take the brunt of his boxcutter

fairs fair

with his left he slammed his stiletto up into his throat and jigged it side to side severing his windpipe nearly cutting his tongue free  hed suffocate before hed bleed out(he avoided the carotids arteries)

he watched the light go out of his eyes

he kicked his body into the surging creek water

hed be found downstreamif he was found  leaving no trail

he bound his forearm tight

itd hold till he got home to stitch it

some skills you learn you dont forget  not ever   just like riding a bicycle

maybe it was the hapless kitten killed that ruffled him and made him sleepless

no matter  he didnt sleep well

1244,  Thursday,  2  2. 17

1726,  Reggae Friday,  3  2. 17

The Dale Cooper Quartet and the Dictaphones  Mon Bibliotheque  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLhFegOB7Ow

also Elle corridor  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQ-HUMWz-W4