he had a habit(whether good bad or indifferent) of taking his frustrations out on inanimate objectswhich probably explained his appeal affection or affinity for them

if they werent there

hed probably hurt someone

he was particularly fond of throwing hardballs at railroad ties and fielding them after they smacked helter-skelter off the wood  like queer bunts  rarely a drive going deep   the earth behind the ties groaned  loose dirt sifted through their joints like tears  or he was particularly fond of working himself to a lather in a weightroom

lifting dead weight

then exhausted

           his frustration would ebb  to a soft tick he might turn his head towards but was unsure he actually heard anything at all    tick

when he was a kid he picked fights with older boyshe wasnt very big(but he always played bigger than he was)

he had an older cousin Jimmy who trained him to box

and when he bested Jimmy once

after all the times he was pummeled and felled by him

Jimmy said they were doneYadon need anything from me anymore

then he hurt an older boy badly

and then he saw he needed to vent his anger and frustration where only he ran the risk of pain or injury

and that insight coincided with changes in the law that might have found him guilty of assault and battery  because he didnt step back and he didnt step away

he thought it was so much horseshit

but he wasnt a legal mind

he had an ethical mind

to his chagrin  he determined they werent the same

legal was all truss-up in pretty suits and thinskinned

                                       although it seemed to him those kind of men inevitably spent their lives hiding behind other people  he didnt know of a single lawyer who had ill-mended broken fingers and noses or scarred eyebrows and cheekbones

frankly he wished he did

but he didnt



the inanimate proved happier beings

    

1436,  Friday,  13  1. 16