in his backyard wedged in a tree stump was a ONE WAY sign its arrow pointing to hell

You mean one way to hell

No  I point the arrow differently day to day Today I felt like hell so I pointed it so

Yesterday I pointed it towards heaventhough dont get me wrong  aint an ounce of heaven or hell in me  I let that shit evaporate out from my pores when I was a boy

Church learning tickled me its obscene stories and when Sunday school kicked in its nuns eyed me suspiciously

I loved the stories but on and on they went piously sermonising to children because theyd never get to the pulpit because they were women  so they threw themselves in a frenzy at innocent gullible children

I guess I wasnt gullible 

Anyway  at their punchline Id bust a gut laughing

Id roar Thats funny and the next thing I knew I was yanked out of my chair and dragged into the hallway

You ever kneel on a broom handle

Dont

Three strikes and youre out

Third time Enraged Dragged out into the hallway  When she let me loose I was Adios Maam and I lit out

When I got home I told my folks Id go to hell before Id go back to that nonsense 

Yes they said from their chairs at the kitchen table still eating breakfast  Youll go to hell

Nope I said I dont suppose I will  There aint no heaven and there certainly aint no hell

You have to believe in that poison for it to work  I dont

But I gotta say I love those Biblical stories  Hilarious

They still crack me up

1504,  Day-after White hellhounds assembled,  9  11. 16

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64XCr0xnTtk