Ill admit

        from the outside looking in

looking in through the imperfect glass panes of 1898  the Hotel Connor  inscribed on the keystone above its entry

that she appeared a trick of their optiks

she seemed to be two people slipped inside one

in the attitude she held her head

flickering in the gentle canvas of her face

she was a very old woman in the desert 

she could have been immaterial  a mirage              

she worked the hotels elaborate soda counter pleasing tourists and locals alike

afterwards

           my friend I was traveling with said

I wonder if she was just so good and beautiful on the inside that the outside of her was pure grace

Grace

        hed never witnessed grace and the thought was too delectable to ignore

I excused myself

               Ill be back Wanna get a pack of cigarettes before the shops close

she said she wanted to shower so shed enjoy the privacy

despite the temptation to exit buy enough time then return mid-shower I told Id give her an hour or so to luxuriate    

                                                                                         Mebbe

Ive always had a hankering for wet naked women

she had no idea the gentleman I was forcing myself to be

never did see her naked

later I wrote her admitting so  admitting my regret

she wrote back and said she regretted my gentlemanly way too

                                                                                                                                                  Gawddammit

I returned to the Connor

the ruddy sunset played in the glass panes

still I could distinctly see her fascinating dichotomy  her vacillating expressions running seamlessly over each other

I wanted to see grace close up 

I went inside

she said her name was Rose

Of course it is

            How is a Japanese woman named Rose

I made it American  My given name is difficult to read or say  It refers to a flower

Your parents were correct

other customers entered  they knew what they wanted

I urged her to help them

                    Im still looking (at her)

I dont know how the family she waited on didnt see the roiling in her face see her four eyes her two noses two mouths

when their drinks were filled the tab paid they sat on stools before the bar and paid no more attention to her

Rose approached me where I stood near the darkening glass panes I watched her visages marble overlay each other like fronds of seaweed in a gentle tide

she asked if I had decided

No Im still thinking

she smiled

          both her faces smiled mischievously as if they were keen I was aware of them

then Rose was hesitant to leave

perhaps because she imagined Id decide and wanted to save herself the steps to return

                                                                       her faces turned subtly almost mockingly in opposite directions  a slender panel of flesh bookended by ears revealed my dull reflection in it as if it were cast in a bleak Funhouse carnival mirror

I blinked once

before they returned me their insouciant gaze

not arresting on me

passing through me as light through a prism

I felt a cool shiver up my spine

Rose I said on second thought I think Ill forego a beverage just pick up a pack of smokes as was my original intention

she smiledtheysmiled acknowledging me



she was just so good and beautiful on the inside that the outside of her was pure grace . . .

A pack of Camel straights I said to the clerk manning the tobacco and magazine kiosk

I turned my back to the counter leaned against it and looking across the sparse lobby I watched Rose as she was closing the soda fountain

she was deliberate  moved slow  as if her body were underwater and her movements were inhibited by its density physics  they were not informed by either her age or tethered to her diminutive stature 

they seemed it piqued in him an assured permanence

                                                            Immortality 

did he really think she was immortal

her head gone gray

she was vital

Thatll be ninefifty the clerk said over his shoulder astonishing him that he was still standing in the Connor

he made a noise in his throat as if he were parched

                                          Yahnine fifty

turning to the young man his hand in his pants pocket at folded bills he saw there were pints of liquor on shelves lower to the floor

          A pint of Jack too  Please

Jack too   Here you go Twentytwo fifty

Thank you Worked here long

Summers three summers now

Deserts a bitch of a place to work summers

This ghost town thrives in summer Almost can feel the copper miners whores and greed playing

Whaat  You sayin Nearer My God

GOD  God showed here once upon a time hed have to kill for credit  You know this was the wealthiest mine anywhere Can you imagine Smackdaub in the middle of a desert Who the hell ever thought to look here

Indians lived here

They acclimated to the desert over hundreds of years

Hardier sorts in those days And incentivised by money Lusted Turn off the airconditioning now and the exodus would pop like a Fourth of July bottlerocket outa here

It would

he tipped his head towards the fountain  You familiar with Rose there

Only in passing  For being an older woman shes beautiful  

My friend says its grace Her inward beauty externalized

Dont know her  Though a bit of a fixture I understand

Any idea how long shes been here

Forever some say

Forever  Thanks

You bet  Have a good evening

he walked away and walking he looked back across the lobby and saw the fountain was closed  dark

Rose evaporated

he pocketed the cigarettes untwisted the bottle cap and took a thoughtful sip never once taking his eye off the precise workworked fountain the curious shaped glass reminiscent of an apothecary

he saw them overlayed rinsed through Roses misty undulating features

something akin he thought roiling inside a crystal ball

it touched by a breath from the other side

       

1506,  Thursday,  28  4. 16

 1157,  Friday,  29 4. 16