his new primary physician  who arrived late for their appointment  reared back on the examinating stool he sat on and emitted a long breath(perhaps  tinged by exasperation) 
                                              

then he said You realise this is a lot to discuss in a single appointment

listening to the doctors remark he was tempted  slightly  to bite his tongue
but he tasted ass in his mouth

It might seem like a lot

                   but then you were late
And now youre behind on your shift

According to the outer offices posting the paperwork I just completed and signed before I was admitted  if I were ten minutes late for our appointment not only wouldnt you see me but I would also have to accept and pay a fifty dollar fee before I could reschedule

Be as the fact are 

               I also outlined prior to this appointment that I wanted to see you for my yearly physical I play preventative medicines long game I had a letter to submit for your signature and I also wanted to discuss my options for genetic testing as a pre-existing condition because my kid sister late this past year beat back ovarian cancer five years after beating breast cancer

Now whether you were prepared for this appointment or not my ducks were all laid out in one clean  crisp   row

the physician continued to sit upright ramrod straight

the ball was in his court

Do you want me to submit you a bill for fifty dollars and we can reschedule when youre prepared

Did you just ask me that 
                

I aint talking to myself Were wasting time sitting here

What happened to your last physician

You have her name Your office can talk with her office Thats water under the bridge

To tick one item from our list I dont believe in genetic testing

You dont believe in genetic testing

I will not be tested  I will not advise my children about testing until after they have children

he could have wasted more time essentially questioning the physician why he wasnt a scientist but it was apparent this county he lived in was becoming more backwards its physicians stockpiling patients and more concerned for churn or doling out pharmaceuticals treating symptoms than determining the their cause

he put aside the large white envelope containing the genetic information

Before we engage in the physical he said  then turned to a business envelope now exposed on the examination table  he handed it to the doctor   Your office can use this as a template as its been used by my three former primary physicians created by the first of them approximately six seven years ago

What is it

Its a letter advising law enforcement Im not wearing a seat belt due to the danger it presents not only me but more precisely the danger it is for other motorists due to its unremitting irritation and distraction Having read my file you understand I sustained a total left shoulder arthroplasty it a revision arthroplasty with removal of the previous hemiarthroplasty The weight of my shirt on my shoulder is distracting Im constantly placing my right hand under my shirt to hold it keep it away from touching my skin and shoulder

Given youve dismissed genetic testing  Youll sign that for meThank you

So lets get onto the physical and lab work-ups Im three months behind on

Lab work-ups

This is my yearly exam Per my file I yearly submit to CBC CMP LSIP panel TSH and FT4

Why would I run TSH and FT4

Im in Graves remissionknock on wood Three of your colleagues have followed-up my endocrinologists work

You do not exhibit GravesI doubt you ever had itI do not treat  absent symptoms

still no slack in the doctors spine

though he was slowly determining or suspicious why that might be

Doctor 

      The absence of evidence is not evidence of absence As a physician I cant imagine you would appeal  to ignorance

(this was not going well)

No  Ill follow up as my predecessors have  You have submitted to a colonoscopy

I have Was provided a ten-year window I have another six years to skate
                                                           he laughed
(tho nothing was returned by Roger Ramjet)*

Then well forego the prostate exam

Forego the prostate exam

If you have another six years to skate as you say I do not see its necessity

(fuck you he thought  one asshole to another) 
No 

   Skating on a colonoscopy and a prostate exam are wholly two different things
I am here because I prefer action to reaction An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of very very expensive cure If one is fortunate

Doc  I cant tell you the last time I rolled out as many idioms or aphorisms in a morning   Power corrupts Absolute power corrupts absolutely  Lord Acton  Youre familiar 

Then Ill need you to drop your pants and turn facing the examtable

Thank you

as the doctor snapped on his latex gloves fumbled with a tube of lube and applied it generously(enough for many men)
to his gloved finger over his shoulder he said (expecting by now what the doctor would say)
Say I understand youll be working in Cuba for almost a year towards the end of this year

the doctor squatting down not to miss the bulleyes said Yes  Actually Ill be deployed nine months

Deployed  As in military

I am military
(bullseye!)

            There  I feel no masses  Easily found your prostate  Youre good


As we thought

Anyway  he said as he reached for Kleenex to wipe away the excess lubricant  I trust youll have a good experience

Yes I expect it will be

I suspect

his suspicions had won out 
American military deployments to Cuba meant Guantanamo
    

those men held without charges  force-fed   defiled 
   

Ohboy  What luck  

                 If it wasnt for bad luck theyd have no luck at all

aphorism idiom Ray Charles baby   quite the fuckin mornin

0033,  Saturday,  6  2. 16  

*  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZIjT3S7wvc