Nahnahnahnah no  no     awNO!

God he hated people

they didnt look where they were going 

he knew better  he thought he knew better  but upset as he was he wasnt thinking right 

he needed to get out  air out his head

his skull felt like a shambles   nothing entered and nothing was getting out

he went out to clear his head

                                                 and didnt think to watch where he was going either

he carried his lifes memories gingerly in his hands   looking down into them   at once glassy-eyed with knowing tears  

no regrets  he could have turned things immediately afterwards and their outcomes might have been utterly different  and also looking hard  absorbing that he saw what he saw and yet he still played into their hands  for reasons  for the worse reason   they were family  

memories  before he wised up  

his memories since were tactical   filled with thought and weighed on a scale

if the scale indicated it was a poor decision   he refused 

     

the Disheartened then accused him of being too goddamn rational

to wit he replied  if they believed he was too damn rational  might that not suggest that they were possibly too irrational

hed collected tightly wound bales and bales of FUCK YOU

he walked spinning reels of childhood memories in his hands   oblivious to the foot traffic bustling around him 

head down he might have taken the wrong way  a way he originally hadnt intended 

and someone walked right into him

he briefly juggled his memories  Hope screaming high in his ears

but they got away from him

and smashed at his feet

became scattered panes of inert snapshots

motionless

and while he tried to blame the Other guy

it was his fault

if they meant that much to him  he shouldnt have taken them out and put them at risk

he bundled up a fuck you of his own and put it in his pocket before he bent over and kneeled to pick up the reels turned static panes

 

they were silenced 

 

he would now have to play off facial expressions to read them  become dependent on his memory  which eventually would falter  

                     and fail 

1427,  Saturday,  1  8. 15

(original inkling  Friday,  14 3. 08)