lookingeverywhere

looking

lookingeverywhere blinking blinds me

and I try to dodge them

moving my head inchoate  side to side  trying to see past my obstructed eyes

I am ridiculous

yet it doesnt stop me from ducking

tucking my chin

cradle my shoulder

cover

crouch

counterpunch

move   move my feet

up on my toes

trying not to be caught flatfooted

                                                     and Rocked!

theyre pure instincts and I cant help myself

Im curious      

maybe the blinking is because I cant avert my eyes

try to be polite

but something inside me has been charged with the task and it shutters my vision

Dont be rude  Dont you dare be rude   it mocks 

it admonishes me

You know better  You were raised better than that

and maybe I was

or maybe if I was allowed to look and see and satisfy my innate curiosity

that maddening youthful streak

I wouldnt be

maybe

as bad as it is now

and Now

now chaffing

Now

now rubbed raw and irritated

Now

now not having anything bind bridle or box me in Im beside myself

Im off the wall

and aint nothing not a gawddamn thing that can hang me up again

if someone is going to be embarrassed by me

children are always tortured to be a reflection of and on their parents and  upbringing    Gads

now

Now its all on me and rightfully so

if theres disdain Now

Its mine 

I own it 

and I admit it  gleefully so

looking

lookingeverywhere fascinates me

 

and Im strung along wending anywhere it would casually or obscurely take me

fretless

unmeasured

unashamed

2020,  Palm Sunday (I wouldnt have know unless someone said it was), 1  4. 12