theres probably wisdom cautioning others not to look back

                                                                  if theyre not fit

Thomas Wolfe  You Can’t Go Home Again

                                             “You can’t go back home to your family, back home to your childhood. . . back home to a young man’s dreams of glory and of fame . . . back home to places in the country, back home to the old forms and systems of things which once seemed everlasting, but which are changing all the time – back home to the escapes of Time and Memory.”

hed challenge Wolfes premise that memory is an escape

an occasion yesterday

                        something he hadnt recalled in years flashed across his mind  it was placed there by music he had a soundtrack Dire Straits  In the Gallery  Mark  a buddy  introduced him to the album

                                                                                                 they were mighty highhad finished watching the North Stars on a muted black and white televisionlistened to the commentary on the radio  thats the way Marko liked it  he preferred Marko to Mark  likewise he knew another cat who took to a nickname rather than George  spell it Georg or say it Georges he said he might have bought in  but not George  he looked in a mirror and a George didnt look back at him   Ofcourse not Sparky   Fuck you.   Doncare for Sparky either   Fuck you.   he did not have an elaborate vocabulary

throwing cautions to the wind looking back he Googled Marko  found his obituary

                                                                                    he died November 25, 2019

which piqued him somberly

                             he lookedup another Minnesota carpenter buddy  Brian  he died October 30, 2019  at least his obit said he died unexpectedly

                                     unexpectedly  from how he knew Brianremembered him made a mighty wide fucking lane

unexpectedly then reminded him of Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.  he read him incessantly throughout the years buying his book as he was published

                    it was reported he diedresult of brain injury incurred several weeks prior from a fall at his brownstone home

      reading thatknowing of Vonneguts recurring bouts of depression he read the article . . . a fall out of his brownstone home  jumped head first  latent   like the phenomenal artist photographer Francesca Woodmanbut a babe  apparently usedupexhausted at 22

yesterday was a day of unexpected informed death

was he upset he looked backharkened by memory then memoriesconfluence of memories

                                                                                             NO.

not looking back

not remembering

would deny that they lived

we aint dead until no one remembers us

1937,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  29  9. 21

1522,  Thursday,  30  9. 21

https://www.artsy.net/article/artsy-editorial-reevaluating-francesca-woodman-early-death-haunts-groundbreaking-images

Dire Straits  Where Do You Think You’re Going  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d59wsd9JsuA 

threats to American democracy

35 Republicans who voted to let the American government default on loans accrued during the 45th presidency and likely voted to incur them  Im disgusted and not ferreting out their votes

John Barrasso and Cynthia Lummis of Wyoming 

Marsha Blackburn and William Haggerty of Tennessee

Tom Cot Ton and John Boozman of Arkansas

Michael Braun of Indiana 

Kevin Cramer of North Dakota

Michael full of Crapo and James Risch of Idaho

Ted Cruz of Texas

Steven Daines of Montana

Chuck Grassley and Joni Ernst of Iowa 

Joshua your subpoena is coming Hawley of Missouri

John Hoeven of North Dakota

Roger Wicker and Cindy Hyde-Smith of Mississippi

Ron Johnson of Wisconsin

James Lankford who escaped with his life during the January 6 insurrection and James Inhofe who cant pilot a plane of Okie-lahoma

Mike Lee of Utah

Roger Marshall and Grald Moran of Kansas

Rand Paul of Kentucky

Rob Portman of Ohio

Rick Batboy Scott and li’l Marco Rubio of Florida

black Timothy Scott of South Carolina

Daniel Sullivan of Alaska

John Thune of South Dakota

Pat Toomey of Pennsylvania

coach and nothing more than a coach Tom Tuberville of Alabama 

Benjamin Sasse and Debra Fischer of Nebraska  

theyre senators INO though Ill not acknowledge their elected status shame on the people who elected them I hope their constituents are tickled-pink in a different historical time they might have been called Commies

                                                                                                    however Joe McCarthy and the formers Cohn are long dead and gone 

2235,  Thursday,  30  9. 21

https://www.newsweek.com/these-35-senators-voted-against-stopgap-funding-avoid-government-shutdown-1634447

 

here it comes hes affecting a sartorial speaking manner

                                                           hed been a teacher not a professor

an he didnt signup for his class                                                                                     

You know . .

. . I don know

               whenever he began with You know the professor tried to tilt the playing field to his advantage  the suggestion that if he didnt know he was out of step or misinformed  You know was his clarion call bugle reveille  his supposed Common knowledge

                                 it wouldnt be

itd be something he read but didnt remember where he read it 

which in turn for his lack of citation or authority hed knock him

                                                                   You know  affects your scholarship you not knowing  unable to provide verifiable evidence proof   

he may have been common Joe but he had a good education was no ones fool and because of his wide interests his reading his unquenchable curiosity he had a trove a deep well of useless information  simmering trivia

Professor  Youll have to do better than You know

Then . . throw cautions to the wind, trust me.

trust me sounded like a revolver hammer clicked back

                                                         An whadaya know about my relationship with trust

Comon  you know

You don’t trust anyone.

I do not

Then, then how about, how about we discuss it for the sake of argument.

Fine A discourse for the sake of argumentbut dont ya dare start with You know Ill tell you if I know or not Don expect immediate validationimmediate gratification yare talking to me not one of your old high school pals entertaining their glory days

May I continue?

Sally forth

You . .  aw nevermind. The first thing, the first thing a human being sees in another is their fac . .

. . Nope  Fallacy

What? Come on, that’s, I think, indisputable.

Puta Then use believe rather than think This is according to a citation you cant rememberright

                                                                                                     Are you implying it verges on dogma

Well . . yes. It’s the very first thing you see . .

. . You see  An me see 

                        You can speak for yourself an your dogmaticks  I don  not the first thing I see

Yes you do.

Im me you aint an Im tellinya I don

How can you not? You’re lying to yourself . .

. . Careful professor tread carefully now

                                                   Ya callin me a liar

No.

    Not a liar.

You said Im lyingIm lying to myself

                                           What is he who lies                          

if anyones has ever baited a fishhook with a nightcrawler pierced it several times saw it writhe he was twistingdoing a significant impersonation

Nevermind

            Yare mouth tends to go off ahead of your brain Ought to work on that Ill explain my denial to your You know premise

he cleared his throat

                     You can't deny it.

I can  easily  Strip away more than half the population men  they aint got a damn thing I want  Secondly  solely  women   breasts 

                    I assess the breasts first anif tickled then I look at their face  No tits no notice  Be it a superficial stroll through the park

                         Yaknow

You’re just being contrary.

No

    Whats the first thing you notice about a woman at a distance

Yacant see her face

I meant when you can see her face.

Ya didnt stipulate that

                        His face too  Speaking for you now  Yaknow

his wormsquirm must have affected his humour

                                                    his puss soured  I don’t like arguing with you.

Not much of an argument when you come illprepared

 

Anya began with You know

Just being contrary.

Back to classroom professor

                               That you were an educator buys nothing with me

1532,  Reggae Friday,  10  9. 21

1343,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  29  9. 21

Bruce Springsteen  Glory Days  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLBnj159q3s 

 

Instagram

          he hadnt realise Facebook acquired itthough who were the assholes that let that go through Really no stink of monopoly really

in the morning before he writes or transcribes on his PC he startsup YouTube music to play behind him then jumps to WORD he couldnt give a rats ass what its video content was

                                                                 unfortunately when inane commercials air if he isnt struggling to parse words he bounces back to it and strikes SKIP AD

it was then he first noticed his selection of progressive DJ music apparently was performed by the young woman Korolova who he had thought was merely an advertisement  a face to the music her accompanying video was posted on Instagram for the purpose of monetising her “talent”

                                                          it did appear as though she was manipulating the PIONEER DJ DJ machine however hes learned not to believe his eyes she could be nothing more than ventriloquists dummy feigning while swaying swaggering gyrating dancing to the music

hed like to think that the musical compositions were hersthe work hers

                                                                           but colour him suspicious

his doubt also comes on top a series of on-line in-print articles about leaked internal Facebook memos it understood Instagram was harmfully affecting a significant portion of teenage girls who used the app by presenting remarkable female body images Instagram knowing what it knew continued maliciously to present what it deemed desirable marketable which genetically or surgically many young girls cannot achieve

Facebook drops them in the water hands them an anchor and tell them to swim   

I can’t swim.

Yahwell, we couldn’t give a fuck. 

last week,  September 2021

2028,  Twosday,  28  9. 21

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2021/sep/14/facebook-aware-instagram-harmful-effect-teenage-girls-leak-reveals 

https://www.wsj.com/articles/facebook-knows-instagram-is-toxic-for-teen-girls-company-documents-show-11631620739 

which is it is Instagram toxic or not  https://nypost.com/2021/09/27/facebook-says-instagram-makes-teens-feel-good-about-themselves/ 

https://observer.com/2021/09/facebook-halts-work-on-instagram-kids-app-amid-pressure-from-lawmakers/ 

Pink Floyd  Money  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpbbuaIA3Ds

 

he loved a challenge

took off his clothes and jumped in

the water looked marvelous

she said a young attractive blonde despite he wasnt attracted to blondes with gleaming white teeth a tan a tennis outfit highlighted with babyblue panels

                                   she said I’m really good from behind. who was he to argue then put her hand to her mouth as she laughed disingenuously

he disregarded her remark was fascinated rather by the syllables in her sentence couldnt have been too attracted seven in a pensee the second line action is described in seven syllables

                                                                              thisll be a riot in real time

the final thought is six syllablesEASY DOES IT  Innuendo  no doubt

                                                                        thats two of five elements

subject two syllable  A tease

three of five

description second line  four

setting third line  eight

                          Shes preening on a tennis court

four of five

description One hot Mama

all jumbledup like wooden balls turning in a Bingo cage

Stop stop turningplease  Im dizzy

                                  Awright Were done

A tease

One hot Mama

I’m really good from behind.

Shes preening on a tennis court

Innuendo no doubt

afternoon,  Reggae Friday,  10  9. 21

2304,  Twosday,  28  9. 21

Sam Cooke  Wonderful World  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdjgj5A2gOs  

 

Alex Smith 

its unfortunate

                Smith is a favoured former Fortyniner QB of a buddy who overcame a spiral compound fracture of his tibia and fibula November 2018 against the Texans he endured seventeen surgeries over nine months refused a recommended amputation and in 2020 was named NFLs Comeback Player of the Year he was playing for the Chiefs

which was fortunate

howeveras he saw it the misfortune lay in the fact his buddy likely suffers alexithymia

                                                                                          no words for emotions

an inability to recognise or describe his emotions  frankly lacking the emotions themselves

while he knew something was off with him he couldnt put his finger on it he thought it was a defense mechanism when confronted with difficult emotions in others

couplethree years ago he related to him that over Thanksgiving his eldest sister took him off to a side and asked him if he had ever heard of alexithymia

he hadnt

she said she believes his lack of emotion which she has noticed in him since he was a boy might be due to it 

Your sisters not a mental health professional

No, no, she read an article and it piqued her attention. She then read a series of medical articles researching it

Wha do you think

It is what it is.

I hate that lineone of my few hates  Thats feeble man

Well . . I’ve come this far.

Did she say there was a therapy

I didn’t ask, I’m not interested.

 

hes come this far

he lives alone 

has few people he needs to negotiate

hes probably happyfeels good that emotions dont tear him up 

hes watched him struggle threefour times shows in his face to comprehendunderstand other peoples emotions  particularly sorrow  exit stage whicheverway to get the hell out of Dodge

                                                                             sympathycompassion must be in him somewhere locked in a cagekept in a soundproofed room atrophied  no exercise no muscle memory

its something hes put in his back pocket to remember  to pulloutto temper his own emotions regarding him when hes chill or vacates the premise when a confrontation – not a better word for it – becomes apparent

alexithymia is probably an excellent explanation why his buddy invokes IQs or dimensionality a continuum on which an individual can have various levels of a characteristic in contrast – who doesnt love contrasting – to a dichotomous take a breath categorical approach in which an individual not a persongawd forbid does or does not possess a characteristic HA he cites IQs or dimensionality in contrast to EQ  emotional quotient   Duhhuh

knowing this little wrinkle  helps him keep things even keel if if he can quell his emotions to remind himself

catchword Alex Smith alexithymia

afternoon,  Reggae Friday,  10  9. 21

1117,  Twosday,  28  9. 21

War  Bare Back Ride  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CLWoPKH2E6A

 

Was it just himhe didnt think so

                                      Tiny Tim

he looked like he could have been related to Ozs Wicked Witch of the WestEXCEPT his skin wasnt green OR WAS IT  makeup is a staple of the Stage

it was queer to learnnever read any of the Baum books that the Wicked Witch ruled Winkie Country why a country named Winkie just asking to be invaded by hordes or Vikings or something Teutonic  they preferred the color yellow Winkies he knew preferred pink – painted their freaking house pinkFollow the Yellow Brick road  he wondered if Winkies were road builders labourers

he had to be careful when going down roads

                                              always figured he knew the way back but didntgot lost more times than he could remember  no real sense of direction no onboard compass  OR maybe he wanted to encompass everything

Are you lost, little boy?

I am

      his youth was filled with the kindness of strangers the neighbourhood police knew him by name he became a something of a nexus for police in adjacent neighbourhoods  

after the first halfdozen times his parent and grandmotherthey lived with her  quit fretting

                                                                                               though usually when coming through the door  hed be punishedspanked  his grandmother was busy at her rosary praying in Polish he was afraid to ask her what she was praying forhe imagined two alternatives

                                                                      he was malleable  he could have been raised by gypsies who his parents threatened his younger siblings with if they acted badly

I’ll put you out on the doorstep and let the gypsies take you. 

Sounded exciting to him

Yah easily  Tiny Tim might have shared blood with the Wicked Witch

1202,  Monday,  27  9. 21

Tiny Tim  Tip Toe Thru’ the Tulips  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mpq-pGDgKXw

Jack Leopards & the Dolphin Club  Look What You Made Me Do  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2gwl_e_cjzg

The Coathangers  Watch Your Back  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=va5DcgSSDos  

 

she wasnt being specific

therefore he parsed her words

she asked What do you think?

he answered what he thought not what he was thinking

                                                          think and thinking are different

I think the Niners listened to AIplayed the odds why they lost to Green Bay Human beings think play differently than uninspired cold hardware an hot software Ones a fool not to back an athlete on the field

                                                                                             what he was thinking was of the ramifications of a study regarding evidence found that humans lived during the Ice Age in North America 20,000 to 25,000 years ago far earlier than believed

                                           he was also thinking of the discovery of childrens handprints 200,000 years old believed to be either Neanderthal or Denisovan  not Homo sapiens  once upon a time six types of hominids wandered the globe concurrently

So you think that computers . .

. . Are toolsexcuse me for cutting you off A tool like a senseless hammer

                                                                            A tool is a tool is a tool Gertrude Stein

I was thinking of a cat a paleoanthropologist Tocheri from a found pinkie finger science utilised its DNA to fashion the head features of a Denisovan child Tocheri questions the accuracy of the predictionscomputers give us predictions he said he didnt think were there yet where were able to look at aspects of genetic data and then predict morphology

Its funny computers arent named Nostrodamus

That was a mouthful, babe; though I did ask what you thought

Yadid but Im always thinking

                              Im thinking yare a mouthful

Stop . . how you bring all things back to sex.

Sex is proto Greek  First foremost

                                    Why I get up in the morning   Ya following my play . .

. . Your UP? 

Yare

       I love ya buckwheat

2334,  Sunday,  26  9. 21

1054,  Monday,  27  9. 21

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/footprint-study-is-best-evidence-yet-that-humans-lived-in-ice-age-north-america-180978757/?utm_source=smithsoniandaily&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=20210924-daily-responsive&spMailingID=45677072&spUserID=MTIyMTUxODU5OTExNgS2&spJobID=2084635114&spReportId=MjA4NDYzNTExNAS2

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/these-200000-year-old-hand-and-footprints-could-be-the-worlds-oldest-cave-art-180978702/?utm_source=smithsoniandaily&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=20210917-daily-responsive&spMailingID=45639039&spUserID=MTIyMTUxODU5OTExNgS2&spJobID=2083949126&spReportId=MjA4Mzk0OTEyNgS2

Denisovans  https://www.nbcnews.com/mach/science/first-portrait-extinct-denisovan-human-relative-created-pinky-bone-dna-ncna1056436

Deep Purple  Strange Kind of Woman  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMCpy1Qfie4

their conversations ran from highbrow  literature history politics science mathematics togratefully profuse banality

he was the master of Banal

he accused his cohort  master of Anal

                                       he couldnt push him out of his tight prescribed narrow lane just refused to venture into the unknown

Unknown  Really 

                    he memorised Rumsfelds beaut raged as he listened to the national news conference A-hole  he knew it better than Bible passageswhich would have offend his areligiousreligious parents

                                                                                               “Reports that say that something hasn’t happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns (JesusHChrist) – the ones we don’t know we don’t know (ought to have run that on a loop – pure genius). And if one looks throughout the history of our country and other free countries (“You’re either with us or you’re against us.”), it is the latter category that tends to be the difficult ones.”

he braced him about letting his hair down Take a chance throw it against a wall see if it sticks

No, isn’t happening. Why put myself at risk? risk averse  return on investmentROI

Risk is exhilaratingFun

Not if you lose.

Ive lost more than Ive won

Not me.

Makes one resilient adaptable  got scars to prove it

Not me.

 

his cohort loved cars sport cars strictly appreciated their superficial cosmetic appealamongst other things

he didnt see cars any more than he paid attention to men

                                                            it was nothing more than transportation from A to B

his cohort sallied forth on what he thought he understood about transmissions powershifting shifting gears

he was killing him

                    might as well have been rattling on about stocks pork belly futures the commodity exchanges money money money ching ching ching  centless

                                               Awwell made sense he was raised affluentdidnt think twice of his entitlement actually fought him on the premise that he was entitled

                                                          Dude white affluent  male  just jump in where Im off base

he was getting off base

                        manual transmissions he handled them on the column on the floor thats all he needed to know of their machination

he was gonna take a leak

                         Listen man yakeep talking to yourself Im hittin the head

in the head he paused  Comon gotta go   then he farted tickled him pink gears shiftedhe urinated

                                                                                                       he was so pleased with the juxtaposition shifting he was sharing come hell or high water

he wandered back to the patioalways admiring his cohorts in-the-ground swimming pool Hey man  Ya know something

What do I know?

In regards to your . . fuck no words other than lectureshootin from the hip I might add . I have a response

he sneeredhe was an accomplished sneerer

                                            What do you got?

Opened my pants stood there a bit I fartedthe works began  A transmission of sorts smackdab in the midst your yammering

Yammering?

Yes

Why yammering?

I told you in advance of your questionable scholarship I wasnt interested

                                                                             Yetya persisted Soyah

So yeah?

Youve farted sparked your piss I know you like that word I DONT Correct Its happened

DUH.

Thank you

             Smartest thing youve said all day

1530,  Saturday,  25  9. 21

1336,  Sunday,  26  9. 21

Pink Floyd  Money  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpbbuaIA3Ds

10cc  I’m Not in Love  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PC2HkP5gR2g

      

     Awshucks Cant plead Executive privileges Donny    

Yamay still tout yourself the 45th President Yawere however theres a 46th President

Your contempt of Law all things American your ghastly attempt to overthrow the government  inciting an insurrection

like Seinfelds soup Nazi  NO SOUP FOR YOU!  Nono no Executive privilege for you Former

Unfortunately President Obama played alongplayed nice and didnt purse Bush & Company for their neocon instincts Afghanistan Iraq abductions black sites torture Guantanamo drone strikes  twisted laws 

1723,  Reggae Friday,  24  9. 21

1137,  Monday,  27  9. 21

Soup Nazi  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MVm1KcrHM6s   

https://news.yahoo.com/biden-not-interested-giving-trump-223132648.html?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAADTUCR6o_JhW5ruYPLqZSMDg07RhOQUrxwDNgbnoxqCuYxu070A_VxveCmXE3G2v1UdezkAS-PyYIlPjVFortH9Mr8ksLdOGhGm2hXFp0MuRIFL8cHFKYE5_tjhZAInYkz2AelrBlm6X_DK43hTYyPsoJMI_3cYrqNqoKeiaDgm-

 

Your parents . . . they were crematedcorrect

Yes.

Were they interred

Yes.                                                                                                         

 

Yes

        You uncomfortable talking about this

Depends. 

           What are you driving at?

Im not driving  Im asking

                           Asking because I have a sense theyre nearby an youve not mentioned visiting them since Id guess  they were interred

he shifted his stance

It isnt my intention to make you uncomfortable We can change the subject if you rather Im curious is all 

 

I don’t visit because they’re not there.

Their mortal remains ar . .

. . I don’t have to visit their  mortal  remains . . to remember them.

No  Yadon

            The cemetery throws you off 

he stood boltupright

                     Throws me off? How do you mean throws me off?

Makes you uncomfortable

Uncomfortable?  Why would I be?

Because people donusually do things theyre uncomfortable doing

                                                                     Your mothers been dead fifteensixteen years whichif Im correct means you visited her last when you interred your father Wha its been three years

Yes. Three years.

Is there a family plot

he turned his head to a side like a perplexed bird

                                                    Family plot?

Other crypts for family members

Crypts? No.  No.

                   They chose to lay there.

Do you think they laythat they chose crypts because they thought family would visit

his countenance hardened I don’t know what they thought.

Awright  Cant assume I understand

                                          Your Dad visited your Mom

Yes, he did.

Is it likely because he did because from what youve said he understood he was influential particularly for you that he might have thought youyour siblings would visit his grave site your Moms

Your sisters visit

They do.

Yadon

   he slumped his spine give way a bit  

Why donya

he cleared his throat As I said . . they’re not there.

No  Theyre not

                 However their graves are touchstonesaffirmations They were here They are memorialised 

Visiting them would be a genuine acknowledgment of what they meant to youthat they provided for you and your siblings

he shook his head

                    What’s this about? You trying to guilt me?

No guilt  Its about being human  an recognising your mortality

                                                                   I understand that aside from your immediate family you grewup with few other family I grewup surrounded by family dozens of aunts and uncles sixtysix first cousins  couldnt toss a stone without hitting one 

Ill be cremated though not contained Then ifyawill part of their atmosphere my girls can take comfort Im about he chuckled Aroundanabout

Yet you interred your wife’s ashes in her mother’s grave.

Yes we did

             Since the day her mother died Cindi desperately missed her The girls and I decided that laying her with her motherthem being together would be comfortingwould be right

Comforted in death

A sentiment that eludes you

Yes.  I suppose to each his own.

 

Yes

     Yare missing out  Yare choosing not to celebrate life

full moon -- Harvest moon rising,  Monday,  20  9. 21

0930,  Saturday,  25  9. 21