30.9.20

 

its just a nada day


Friday – before he conceived of Reggae Fridays -- 8 January 1993

he was recording Miles Davis off the radio a hep radio station K-PIG broadcasting out of Cayucos had a sister station in Freedom East Southeast ESE of Santa Cruz  he was a decent Boy Scout with a compass without a compass  indecent  
          he lacked a North Star
everyone said so

he dismissed them 

he was an Erratic who drifted on glacier sheets of ice deposited here and there and having nothing in common with his foster surroundings

if he found commonality he found it distasteful 
                                                he jumped aboard another ground-floating sheet of ice to new climes

 

he complained that night as he looked over fourfive projects that were still in rewrite-form that he didnt finish anything

he loved starting new projects 
                                 if women could carry pregnancies like he carried manuscripts only occasionally would a child be born  
               other children miscarriages or stillborn
but the child born would be born to a committed adult an adult who would kill to provide for them  
                                                                                                        amid so many uncommitted adults parents

brains have become so large to contain their possibilities probabilitiestheir choices that things innate bugs fish animals mammals perhapsplants do as human beings once did though they have been crowded mangled stunted strangled murdered  worse ignored 
                             if only human beings were blades of grass Leaves of Grass randomly  Do you think it so easy to have me become your lover? / Do you think the friendship of me would be unalloy’d satisfaction? / Do you think I am trusty and faithful? / Do you see no furthur than this façade, this smooth and tolerant manner of me? / Do you suppose yourself advancing on real ground towards a real heroic man? / Have no thought O dreamer that it maybe all maya, illusion?

if humans were blades of grass theyd be confused by their colour structure and purpose


our Big Brains certainly enjoy us 
                                 they have certainly ravished and enjoyed us

2216,  Monday,  20  1. 92
1414, Day-between-Two-Ts,  30  9. 20

 

their telephone conversation began as a heartbreaker

it was preceded by his daughter texting him late in the evening

:  :  Dad – I’m having a really hard night.

My heart hurts so much

:  :  Wanna talk?

:  :  Maybe

:  :  Gimme a call if you'd like, words are better said, expressed, than typed . . more immediate

:  :  Gimme a moment . . . 

                              when she calledwhen she went to speak she sputtered then slurred into moans and sobs

Take your time love 
                       Begin when yare ready

 

it was a couplethree minutes for her to gather herself she was breaking his heart      

 

they talked

her beloved sisterher only sibling died earlier that year  they cared for her together with her husband the last three months of her life

 

drawing sustenance and comfort from their words she quieted percolated into tears though briefly and later . . later . they began to share some random things from their day . . sifting gently away from their sorrow yet including her sister 

talking helps he was glad she calledthat he could help despite removed 

he told her several times he wished he was there with her to console her with hugs and kisses

they were a very affectionate family

now they were two

 

 

she related that she had been invited to participate in a ZOOM baby shower on Saturday

They do that he never went near that stuff or had to not even to communicate with his granddaughters

They do.

I didnt know one of your friends was expectingyou hadnt said

The couple aren’t my friends.

Couple  the husband er  boyfriend . . 
. . Look at you catching yourself! Yes. Her boyfriend.  she broke into a gay laugh that was good to hear  he laughed too

 

So whawas he doing there Or is that what couples do todayI wasnt at your mothers baby showers for either of you girls ya couldnt have made me

Times change.

They do 
         Apparently also to include a stranger at a baby shower

It was on ZOOM, Dad.

You said

she explainedelaborated how she became part of it then talked about one of the games they played

there were twelve categories of what animals did when expecting and also regarding their newborns  clever

Such as he asked I wanna played belatedly and not on a computer screen.

Okay, what animal has a gestation period of eighteen to twentytwo months?

Thats too easy

You’d be surprised; it wasn’t easy.

An elephant

You’re right.

If human beings had to endure a like gestation period got news for ya  neither you or your sister would have been conceivedNo way in hell

Aww.  You’re sweet, Dad.

Yaknow Im not 
                 Another

Okay. Thirteen months and another fifteen to sixteen months?

Yaknow now ya know why theyre called animals  Puny humans   Pitiful

Gotta guess?

Big animals big   A giraffe  A rhinoceros

Wow! Not bad guesses. Not right, but not bad guesses.

And

Manatee, and a walrus.

I am the walrus alluding to Lennon the Beatles

I know. I was trying to give you choices that were up your alley.

I appreciate that

You betcha. 
               What babies were called. Like a joey. 
Kangaroo 
Yes. A puggle. 
A baby pug 
Wrong. A baby platypus. 
Bullshit 
It’s not. 
A baby platypus is called a puggle

Yes.

Jesus  Why

I don’t know.

 

Puggle Embarrassing  Sounds more like a tact or strategylike Hallmark cards making up days so they can sell their products  Secretary’s Day Boss’ Day  yaknow  They ought to have a day called Comb Over Day

she burst out laughing 
                         he laughed too  Imagine  Wha a fuckin marroon 

Right out of Bugs Bunny.

You said it

 

brother they tickled themselves with that one  couldnt stop laughing

 

laughter is the best medicine

2333,  Monday,  28  9. 20 
1123,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  30  9. 20
Beatles  I Am the Walrus  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tiPR7SCb2I  

29.9.20


Im wronghuh

she said  You are.

Then I like that you werent intimidated because Im a man an corrected my error ignorance  Thank you  I wouldnt wanna be walking around with ceviche on my lips and thinking I was referring correctly to something rare exotic or obscure 

Carefully thought out, is the definition in original French. You were, somewhat, in the neighbourho . .
. . Stop  I was not
                    Please dont spare my feeling  Im better with pain  Pain reinforces mistakes an makes you not want to suffer them again . . so Ill learn itll stick like Japanese rice

Okay. Then you’ve learned?

I have

And what was your error?

I erred in thinking that ceviche – cold fresh raw fish cured with citrus juices seasoned with aji chili peppers chopped onions coriander is not  is notthough some might think ceviche is rare or exotic -- it is not recherché

 

Yes. Correct.

Yes Thank you 
                Ive always known you were intelligent  Who would want to hang out with a bimbo no matter the sex
Not me

Nor me either.


We . . meld


We certainly do. 
                         Which lash did you want me to use to bring your knowing home?

Yare the dominatrix  Lead on

 

January,  2020
1607,  Monday,  28  9. 20

Iron Butterfly  Most Everything You Want  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KfjFhl9iKR0 

 
he was aware enoughversed enough  had endeavoured throughout this political adult life to anticipate the American presidential debates 
                       to know this one historically stunk to the high heavens

listening watching
                     the president of the United States Donald J. Trump was wretched  an embarrassment  exceeded even his wildly-imaginative mind 

repeatedly he had cried out loud since Trump a desperate wannabe glided down the gilded New York escalator to announce his candidacy to a remunerated crowd cheering at his feet
                                                                         TRUMP IS A PIECE OF SHIT
nothing has changed

the clown is consistent    

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elzdU08s5so  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8-WtUyv2Fg

2345,  Twosday,  29  9. 20

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/an-epic-moment-of-national-shame-the-debate-was-an-embarrassment-for-the-ages/ar-BB19yCW4?li=BBnb7Kz&ocid=mailsignout

 

he was good with mazes

he dreamed of mazes 

and dreaming hed been at home in them for as long as he could remember 
                                                                            that and dreaming of sexually negotiating women

You’re a real charmer, aren’t you?

My Maw said I was charming

it helped to be facially and physically fortune

 

years ago in Santorini, Greece he led the bachelor and bachelorette parties bride and groom to-be back to their hotel one long conga line that he repeatedly called a daisy-chain he was surpriseddistressed how many of his younger cohorts didnt pickup on his remarkthey were all younger he led because they didnt know where they were how they got there or how to get back

after his swim the next morning during breakfast word spread among families and friends people who had stayed in they asked him how he managed itdidnt get lost
                                                   he replied he has a sense that floats lazily overhead like a childs toy balloon and keeps him aligneddirects him 
                                             I dream of mazes he concluded so I am comfortable in them

mazes and unopened doors 
                             passions
confronted with a chastity belt he could pick the lock with a hairpin or less-ingenious locksmith tools he stole from his old man

he was an excellent repo man he could have been a splendid burglar or second-story man if he was a greedy



last night he outdid himself 
                             he dreamed it seemed he was in it forever he dreamed he was in a three-dimensional maze

he had been reading about quantum physics and quantum gravity 

inadvertently he dragged them into his dreamsthey had to be kicking and screaming half the time he didnt want to be there either 
            hence him refusing to distinguish between nightmares and dreams like men and women people  why identify themviolate them by their sex

the maze was constructed without an up or downabated by fluidity an Escher-construct of ironworks office buildings malls demolitions junkyards profound hotels and carpetedsmoky casinos bowels eyries parking garages steps stairs staff hallways and gratefully a garden maze when he finally escaped

he thought he should have solved it faster  

several of his hes admonished him to be grateful he did

 

the exercise of the maze 
                        walking on walls and ceilings like an insect
                                                                       was to escape it and then find France Avenue South


it was night when he exited

the street signs were torn down  

a road was a road a street a street a county highway a county highway
                                                                             fucking dream didnt even afford him an address on France


seemed his Beginning had no end  
                                      a perfect maze

 

0550,  Sunday,  27  9. 20
1400,  Monday,  28  9. 20

Pacific Gas & Electric Company  Are You Ready  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5MR1LBEJ-ok

28.9.20

 

early Sunday evening baths

he was the eldest

that was his responsibility that his four younger siblings didnt appreciate it

they might have argued they were terrestrial not aquatic but they didnt know the words

he ran the bathtub

the youngest were less filthy
                              he could bathe three of them in the same bathwaterthe first two at once the soap scum on the water for the third was evident had they looked for it but he kept the water agitated and they didnt see because of their teary eyestheir adamant loud protests 
                                             diversion was a wonderful tactic 
                                                                               particularly when they ignorantly provided it

his brother and he bathed separately in fresh water 
                                                       although in shallower tubs

he didnt shower until he went to junior high

he loved it

they had to showernaked showers after gym

Social Studies followed gym

he never made it there on time 
                                he had to serve afterschool detentions 
                                                                          no matter he did homework didnt matter to him if it was at school or at home

funny 
       that theythe school saw it as a punishment 

it became apparent to him their curriculumtheir idea of punishment was faulty 
                                                                                 HA
he thought a faulty faculty but didnt let it break his lips no tellin what they might have tried to appropriate try to come up with to break his spirit

children are meant to be broken not heard

when he had kidsthat was the enforced thinking he never met an unwed adult marriage children  when he had kids hed go to hell before hed shackle them with unmitigated horseshit

they better be smart

he wouldnt tolerate an idiot child

1644,  Sunday,  27  9. 20


No  no no   NO  Yadon live in a cavenot Platos cave How can ya possibly insist what yasee isnt what theyre doing

I listen to what they sa . . 
. . Stop  Stop listenin to their wordswha they say their words dont matter  

Wha matters is wha their doingtheir actions Watch them and actually see wha theyre doing 

Ya have eyes  yarent blind

 

Plato’s cave?

Yes  Platos cave

What does Plato have to do with your argument; your so very emphatic argument?

Platos cave Perceptions In the cave seeing isnt necessarily believingthe shadows are lies One captive escapes and outside truly sees sees the yellow sun an the blue skyhe wouldnt have words for colour  
                                                                                             Ill grant you media can be manipulated context skewed  but when threefour separate sources televise the same thing how can you not believe your eyes

I don’t know that those sources aren’t in cahoots, rolling the same footage, I don’t know that.

You think it’s a conspiracy Yadon recognise subtle differences in camera angles Some arent even subtletheyre shot from the other side of the location

I’m suspicious.

Youre suspicious  You believe your ears not your eyes

I don’t believe Plato’s cave.


Excuse me  Its an exercise  A thought experiment which shouldnt be beyond ya  The fire behind the captives can only throw shadows on the cave wall in front of them  They have no perspective  They cant look either left or right or turn around  They are blinkered  bridled 
                                        Frankly if you cant see the analogy the allegory yare lost hopeless   I cant even summons the emotion to pity you  

I’ve never heard of Plato’s cave. It can’t possibly exist. The fire would either melt it or consume it.

Wha Plato’s cave  Plato   P-l-a-t-o 

 

What’s Plato? 

What are you asking me

You’ve spelled it wrong.

Wrong

Yes.  It’s spelled they cleared their throat to establish their authority ridicule him P-l-a-y hypen D-o-h

 

he had no words
                   this is the mentality hes supposed to communicate debate with

maybe they hadnt had a liberal education  exercised pros and cons  weighed arguments  ate the pabulum fed them 

it would be a simpler life  do and think what youre told Sieg Heil!

1754,  Saturday,  26  9. 20
1410,  Sunday,  27  9. 20

John Fred and his Playboy Band  Judy in Disguise  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Biu95fyvmLI 

27.9.20

 

seven months to the day a day forever etched in his brain and eyes one moment etched  held in suspension that he could pluck out of thin air open it again and againunfold it like a supple origamifolded in flesh able to revisit it asif it was happening 
              how many days twohundedthirteen 
how many tears

how many damning words falling on deaf ears

how many prayers people said they were saying

how many drinks
                 how many people he would rather have died  some who deserved itshould die  other than her

he could hear her 
                 he could hear his wifehis sister his motherhis motherinlaw tell him that he didnt mean thatdidnt mean it truly and honestly  mean that someone else die

NO  SHADDUP 
                 I mean it                                                                                                     

they his loves  were dead

 

 

he truly and honestly meant he would have happily died in her stead

2014,  Saturday,  26  8. 20
1123,  Sunday,  27  9. 20



Whas wid the crazy tattoo man  Thought we had a conversation we werent into tats

embarrassed  We did.

We did  Whachanged

Anastasia.

Anastasia
                Not much of an answer

I mentioned was dating her.

You mentioned you seeing someone but you didnt tell me her namenot that you have to say Threefour months backyah

Yes. Just about four months; Anastasia was who I was seeing, am seeing. 

he pondered his response a heartbeat 
                                         Is this tat about her
he cringed

Youre cringing mancringing about a four month relationship thats had you toss something you had maintained wasnt possible  
         Though you didnt say Never

Anastasia . . is . . . compelling.

So compelling you crossed yourself

You wouldn’t understand.

A fuckin assumption  I havent known you to assume anything before


Don’t pick on . .  
. . Dont 
         Fill me in Im callin a spade a spade Weve known each other fourfive yearsneither of us is a pushover  Wha gives

What gives?

he didnt have to spin his Rolodex  
                                    Its evident sorry man  Pussys aplenty  It shes got you hoppingot you jumpin through hoops A tattoo when you havent ever had a good thing to say about one artful or not they turned you off  Now youre wearing a garish floral tattoo  I dont follow

tendrils vines leafy delicate ivy wisteria ran off the tattoo over his heart wound about his chest over his shoulders across his back growing downgrowing up crawling across his throat  

Theme tats cant be cheap 


I did only the one. he put his hand on his heart I did it to make her happy, she asked me to, damn near begged me to, she’s an artist. What’s over my heart is her work. 
                                                    The others, man, the other aspects have grown . . all by themselves.
Thats nuts

I’m telling you. 
                 By themselves.

he was incredulous Over how long

A week, a week, they’re like weeds. 
                                       I wake every morning and they’ve grown more, like a mind of their ow . . 
. . You talk with Anastasiatalk to her

She’s, ah . . she’s . had to go out of town, family, family emergency.

his turn to cringe 
                 Before or after

What do you mean?
Before your tattoos began growing  or after

Jesus. 
       Just before.

Is she talking to you

No.

Wheres she fromgrow up here

No. Russian, Russia.

Rural Russia

What do you mean?

Cosmopolitan  Moscow Saint Petersburg City city or rural

She said a small town.

A small town  Shes not talking to younot communicating

It’s a family emergency.

Exceeding your emergency

My emergen . . 
. . The freak thingthe spiderwebs growing all over your body


he pursed his lipsrubbed the two week stumble on his chin  
                                                                   mumbled Freak thing? 
Tattoos dont grow man

 

he was deadwas consumed three weeks later a profusion of vines and oddflowers laid in his bed in the depressionthe outline of his body like murder victims a chalk outline a vague silhouette
                                                                                 a vegetal caricature
he saw  he wasnt answering his telephone calls 
                                                    he broke into his place
cops tried to hang breaking and entering on him

Yah B & E I called from his place 
                                   Cocksuckers

 

very early morning,  Reggae Friday,  25  9. 20
1709,  Saturday,  26  9. 20

Edison Lighthouse  Love Grows Where My Rosemary Goes  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAfc5xnjb5U

26.9.20

 

You’re a different cut.

Cut

Like meat.

Careful girl yare dabblin in my realm 
                                          Talk to me

Alright. absently she wiggled her nose like Samantha from the sitcom Bewitched I can’t figure if you’re offputting. deliberately . . or if you’re just stand-offish.

Yare curious he smiled bemused somewhat wickedly

tilting her head she picked up on the wickedness 
                                                     he watched her eyes brighten  What Big Eyes you have.  The better to see you with   What Big Teeth you have.  The better to eat you with 
                                                                              Curious? How so?

Stand-offish

Stand-offish?

A curious pronouncement Youll recall we first met on the Minnesota River  fishing

a smile like lightning flashedjaggedly across her face  what pretence to innocence slapped silly  sexuality awakened and rising
            I remember. 

Ill never forget 
                eighteen years oldone year a bride  Brian eight years older  Dated him at sixteen

Brian always comes on strong.

he casually rubbed his left eyebrowwhat was left of it  Brian split it  Brian only had a right  but he had a bonehead and absorbed the punishment until he knocked Brian out broke his jaw a few ribs battered his kidneys

he didnt appreciate people who came on strong

people will treat you the way you let them

fuck with a bull you get the horns

somehow it didnt fuck with their friendship

they understood

no unknowns  just known knowns

he didnt even remember what started it just that Brian saw red quicker than him  that was different their fathers must have been cut from the same cloth save his old man must have schooled him betterdeeper in boxing  
                                                                                                          if a fights inevitable get the first punch in  Lotsa one punch fights, boy.

he didnt go down


Brian believes thats his strong suit  being overbearing 

It is his strong suit.

 

I remember the river.

the bank was slick  there was an on-again off-again slight rain Susan wore really short-cropped cutoff blue jeans white top her blonde hair tumbled up on top her head and haphazardly clipped tendrils hung on her neckher face  she swept them aside with the heel of her hand  
                                                         if Huck Finn were a beautiful young woman 
                                                                                                         he couldnt take his eyes off her ass  rounded  appleshapped   the cups of her cheeks tantalising

she steppedshe slipped she was in the river it was quick  she wasnt much of a swimmer not with that ass

Brian was upriver

he stabbed the heel of his rod firmly into the moist ground and ran downstream ahead of her

she didnt letloose of her rod 
                               seemed to be the only thing she could think to hold tight

he leapt into the riverstomping his legs as he broke the water and purchased the unmolested mudbottom to midcalf

as she sweptpass him he hooked her around the waist with his right arm 
                                                                              her voyage was over 
Oh OhOooh! I have a fish on!

Stay with it
             he workedchurned his legs freewent downstream  carried her up onto the bank

 

she landed an elevenpound catfish

he watched

little tits

perky nipples

evident through her wetted blouse 
                                     but her ass  hed taken a handful of her shorts for grip and she hadnt time to yanked them down into place 
                                that ass 
                                          he wasnt sure he ever found ass that delectable before
he was a fan of her ass

 

 

he called Brian 
                 Im running behindtough day a sweaty mess Maybe we could make dinner for another day

No, man, I’m running late too. Tell you what, I’ll have Susan lay out a pair of shorts and a t-shirt for you, take a bath at the house; we’ll have dinner tonight. If I run later, an looks like a real possibility, you can make the barbecue, there’s beers.

I dont want to be cumbersome or trouble.

I’ll let Susan know. Give her a call before you head over, you’re tenfifteen minutes off; I’ll have her draw you a bath.

Thats definitely not necessary

Maybe not, but more than likely you’ll be barbecuing tonight. It’d be a nice seque into the evening for you; bathed, clean, refreshed, a beer, relaxed.

Awrightawright

Right! Don’t fucking argue with me. You know I don’t like that.

No  We dont 
                   they laughed loudlysimultaneously

 

Susan  Joe  Headin your way babe

Brian said. I’ll draw your bath.

Susan that’s not necessary  I can shower

We don’t have a shower; I suppose you wouldn’t have known. I’ll begin it in ten minutes, sound right to you, you can hop right in.

Okay  Okay   Brians rubbing off on ya

That’s the nicest thing you could have said, come on strong. Thank you.

Youre welcome knucklehead

 

A bubble bath

Yes. Scented lavender; you said you liked lavender. Real men take bubble baths.

Real men take bubble baths  whaaline  really gonna jam that down my throat

I am. 
      she shook all the chinks out of her armour

I wont resis . . 
. . That’s the smartest thing you’ve likely said today. Don’t resist me

those fuckin cutoff shorts 
                          I swear I wont resist you  Im putty in your hands

Good boy. You do what Mommie says.
                                         suddenly felt like they were crossing some kind of line
he ran with it
               Yes Mommie

That’s a good boy.

 

she went downstairs

the bath was exposed in the master bedroomtheir bedroom

he stripped and slippedgratefully into the soapyfoamy water

he took a breath and slide underwater and stayed until he ran out of breath

surfacing Aaah  Damn

from downstairs he heard called up the narrow staircase Everything alright?

Yes

Good.

he leaned backclosed his eyes let the bubbles workabsorb his long brutal day

he was thinking of a nice cold beer afterwards

Beer?

he opened his eyes

Susan held a bottle of beer out to him

Maybe after my bath

Have it with your bath.

My hands will be too busy

Take it. 
          You said you wouldnt argue with me.

Take it

Yes. Take it please.

he took it


she bathed him

she masturbated him

he stoodstepped out of the bathpicked her up and took her to the bed

he peeled those sweet cutoffs off her bottom as she yanked her top off and went after her ass in ways he hadnt imagined before  


she was tasty inside and out

0139,  Reggae Friday,  25  9. 20
1448,  Saturday,  26  9. 20