a scentthe  scent  drew him into the woods

                                              he didnt hesitatewasnt afraid

Are you crazy  a voice from behind

Yah  Crazy  a voice inside

   Wanna keep it down Not up to it jump

NO  both voices

                  Were askin

Awright Take the panic out of your voice  Ima big boy

                                                           Yatellinme you cant smell  tha
they sniffed  Ohmy

   Yah OHmy   Mmm mmm good  In we go

they stuffed their trepidation they knew him to be gungho  they were either with him or not hed slough them off like a snake shed its skin

                      there were the others who watchedwho  shaddup werecommitted  come hell or high water  not loyalistshe didnt demand loyalty  cunts were loyal    commitment

theyd gone deep into the woods

scent grew stronger

Hes like a dog

No  Not a dog more feral 

                             A mongrel

Mongrelyes

Yah

HERE he cried Here

it was strong

Yes   between them

                      Here

he tossed himself headlong through bush

before him

            a tunnel

tepiddark not too dark 

                        daylight yellowburning behind them

bush remained parted

                        tunnel walls were elastic  facile

it was warmhumid rounded  not choppedangular

                                                      he pitched  likeperistalsis quivered  slick aromatic  no footing to be had  he scrambledit turned oneway then another  twisted  no handhold grip foothold  he clutchedfingeredfound  a protuberance  sighwas tha a sigh sigh  he heldharder so not to be tossedSIGH  harder  AWW growlsigh  he was facedown  lump at his groinAAAh  he felt ribbons run across his face up down up  ticklishribbons   excitementYes  thawas it  wasribbons  the walls seethed wetterperfume stronger  he was pitched againanagain he latched onto the nub held it strenuously  it PITCHed sighed sigh  sighing gasped grooanedbroke his holdhold gaspingsigh sighed

tossedhe wasGAAAD slungout endoverend OUT  rolled shoulderovershoulder  out through where he entered  bush

ambersun wet earth moistbubbling effervescent  endoverend  crawledup on all fours heeled ably by ferns mushrooms

a Whiiissper blew past his headhis ears  

   WHA was

Shaddup

WHAWASTHA

SHADDUP  he knewwas aware 

                                    they didnthadnt the imagination

   Please whawas tha

                        Pleease they begged

he was slipperywet head to toe

smiling  

         We were  inside 

Wasnt a tunnel

   No

No

An orgasming vagina

just prior to 6AM,  Saturday,  30  9. 23

1901,  Saturday

. . . those big recreational crafts you know

I know. her face pinched

                               What do I know?

Their name

A big recreational craft. pinch wasnt wearing off

                                                    Maybe a bit more?  Like . . .

You know  he stared off into the distance  thinking    eyes left

You’re eyes . . up and left.

   Suppose they areIm thinking

                                     Theyre good size he was blank  unlike him drawing a blank she was distracting him neurons faced each other   You need to fire.   Why don you fire.   Cause I went first last time. Help the dude out.   Maybe after we fire we can help him help her out of her clothing.   Lets say we stay on pointshall we?   Shes distracting me.   Yare paying waay too much attention to her Help.   Okay okay   okayBut  afterwards?   Yes. Sure. Afterwards.

Still nothing?

Water

      Do you wear a bikini or a one piece

Really? What do swimsuits have to do with anything?

Crossed my mind when I said water

                                          Think maybe if I avert my attention itll crept roundcraftylike into my head yaknow like in through an Exit through a back or side door sneaky   like I snuck into theatres as a boy

Okay she smiledhe was entertaining

                                       her girlfriend said he was  And charming.   If he’s all that why aren’t you dating him?   I couldn’t keep up with him.   How do you mean?   Nothing untoward. He’s like running a raceNo . . no . . not a race . a steeplechase I couldn’t keep up . not that he intentionally was . it’s who he is.

Bikini for sunning, one piece for swimming.

Water  vehicle

A big recreational water vehicle . .

. . Tha can swim

                   At the Dells

Dells.

         What's that?

Wisconsin

I’ve never been, a Caligirl through and through, haven’t been across the Mississippi, M I S S I S S I P P I  River, I’ve loved spelling it since first I learned.

                                 So goes in the water, an amphibious vehicle.

YES but really big

                    neurons glared at each other  Almost almost had it Dells   Rhymes With  It

OH, I think I’ve got it, in fifthgrade a girlfriend went East, bird, gooseNo.   Duck.

Goose goose duck

Are you playing with me?

Wanna be played with

I’m not going to dignify that with a response.  she smiled mighty large  awesome dimples

Dells Duck.

neurons yelped fired

                     Suspiciously close

Suspiciously close?

Yes 

her smile brighter

                        This a wait-for-it moment?

   Yes

And?

Dells Duck dil does  Rhyme Phonaesthetics  Put kibosh kabash on Tolkien   His cellar door

Kibosh kabash? Dildoes. she shook her head

Decisively reject Bring into bondage subdue force violate    Dominate

   she giggled Ohmy, mother told me there’d be days like this.

1505,  Sunday,  24  9. 23

1333,  Saturday,  30  9. 23

The Shirelles  Momma Said  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L842mz-tNBQ

Gowniaki.

Huh

Shitling.

   he dipped his head left Havent a fuckin clue wha yare talkin aboutlemme guess  spurred on by Quora Reddit  Cannonfodder  Grapeshot

What do you mean?

   On-line asswipe

What are you implying?

Implying   No

                Saying                                     

Alright . . you’re saying wha . .

. . Loud an clear

                     Wha am I sayin loud an clear

You should say.

You  donwanna work tha hard

                                 Wha am I saying Ive been pretty graphic  Have painted quite a picture Don make me reiterate  

That I’m being led by my nose.

Thank youthank you  Fuckin thank you

                                            Curiousto be sure  shits funneled to you anya act like you found it you were seeking pursuing referencing   Those are different acts than something dumped in your lap

So say so Don ask me

You're being crude.

Im not  

           Say woudya

he dipped his head right  Both mean child, derogatory, a little shit.

So shitling meant child to you when you first read it

I couldn’t say what it meant to me when first I read it. But gowniaki . .

. . Is Polish

              An because of my Polish heritageyou being late to the game National Geographic Genographic Genetic testing which determinedproposed yare possibly Polish despite crazyfluid borders thayare three percent Neanderthal

Anyet despite knowing my grandmotherfamily matriarch demanded tha none of her grandchildren speak Polish Only English   You drop tha on me

                                   Whas tha

he asstwitched in his chair  Nothing.   I’m just informing you.

  Awright  Im informed

                         When reading shitling what did you honestly think

Well . . I honestly came to it from gowniakiI had a heads up.

You thought

No. Shitling. Child.

Shitling  I got Swamp Thing

1515,  Sunday,  24  9. 23

1602,  Reggaefriday,  29  9. 23

chi-blocker

cock-blocker

some people havent a sense ofcant do humour

                                                 though not that that wouldnt make him pullback  forgive

he consideredlong ago when everyone was standing in line to be birthedglimpsing their parents standing opposite themacross a thin membraneoneway  the amnionvellum between non-alive alive  that the Administrator ought to have asked if they had a sense of humour  nada humourTo the end of the line. raising their voice That’ll give you time to think about developing a sense of humour.

no one ought to exit non-alive without a sense of humour

   I believe I heard you incorrectly  intrigued me though

they were talking about funerals

he was Polish Catholichuuge family 

                                      as a boy he attended more wakes funerals than he could shake a stick at his cousinsfor whatever their parents reasons werent allowed to attend but his parents  crazyemphatic werent going to have a loved one disappeared from their childrens lives  their children were going to know Death

he was grateful

unfortunately a lot of people he knew hadnt gone to a wake or funeral until they were older

some of them not until a parent died    talk about unprepared

they knew people died all the time 

                                     just not people who were intimate

   maybe if it was seen fit to allow him through againOhChristNo not reincarnated fresh duds  hed recommend Death to the Administrator

                       Humour whaeverwhoever ya are and Death

. . . I heard you incorrectlyTOO SOON

What did you hear?

No

     Wha did ya say

When?

Christ Ya playin dumb

What did you hear?

   Awright   I thought I heard you say there was a dance after the funeral

No, that’s nuts.

Not if the widow was hot

 

   lotsa people devoid of irony sarcasm   absurdity

1500,  Sunday,  24  9. 23

1445,  Reggaefriday,  29  9. 23

their conversation degraded  usually did 

                                           it began discussing secondary sexual characteristics  or as his buddy preferred to irritate him SSC  onset degradation  physical characteristics developing at puberty distinguishing the sexes but not directly involved in reproduction

buddys take wanderedwide was ridiculous he zealously insisted breastsize increased over millennia to please men 

NO  Not to please men

To attract men.

Women were genetically inclined to attract men You

Yes.

Hmm  Anwhabout women who arent largebreasted largebreasted your obvious preference  shoudnt lessendowed women have died out during your evolution

Whatever.

Not whaever

No matter, lots of people don’t even know what SSC are.

he nodded  Youd think tha   Anif you had solely used that gawddamn acronym I woudnt have known either

You know what it is.

Now

       But as Ive said Ill forget it as soon as  wellHell as soon as Im hungry again after eating Chinese food or as soon as my brother said he was horny again after having sex with a Korean working girl last century

                                                                                                      I believe thamany more know it than you think   Particularly women Who are the better sex

he shook his head as though the words were pitiful They’re not.

   They are

               Only by brute force have men kept them down

Was the way of the world.

Not was it continues continuesmaybe not as overtly blatantly but ongoing attempts to shackle them continue  In this country by whinny white men lookin over their shoulders fearful of losing their entitlement Frankly had there been parity between the sexes this woud be a Womans World kinda like most pro sports had black men been allowed to compete white men woud be cryin now for affirmative action so they coud make the team

he watched his face contort Mr Genetics Science man Yawanna argue deny tha

No.

     But it is what it is.

Another whaever No 

                        It doesnt have to be its about time it isntKahrist the freakin Twentyfirst Century

   You feel threatened  I don

Not threatened no.  Men are superior to women.

Wrong  Across the board

                              Ill say this bout tha  

I can’t wait. Going after white men.

In this countryyes

I’m listening.

Until yare not

I’ll listen.

Therell be a test afterwards White Christian Conservatives   Or WWCs if you will he laughed out loud shook his head side to side

              I crack me up

Anyway Whadaya think theyre thinking when theyre in church

So this isn’t a lecture?

Yare a man Were talking about men something you know about a certain kind of man 

                                                                                            Ya got two cents

I don’t know what they’re thinking when they’re in church.

Hint

I don’t want to guess. I don’t work that hard. No thanks.

The crucifix

No.

Jesus

No.

If he was he wasnt white  So when they lookup they see a white man on a cross White men crucified

I don’t think so.

Id say there are very few coloured Jesuses on crosses in churchs across America 

                                                                                       Though I may be wrong

1445,  Sunday,  24  9. 23

1111,  Reggaefriday,  29  9. 23

https://religionnews.com/2023/03/14/five-charts-that-explain-the-desperate-turn-to-maga-among-conservative-white-christians/

he didnt get upanout on the wrongside of the bed in the morning  then made it

                                                                                  but

he did get in on the wrongside at night

to read

a greenglass bankers lamp stood on the highboy beside the bed

among other books he was reading  The Free World  Louis Menand

                                                                        from Lionel Trillings Art and Fortune in The Liberal Imagination (I)deology is not acquired by thought, but by breathing the haunted air . . . (It) is a strange submerged life of habit and semihabit in which to ideas we attach strong passions but no very clear awareness of the concrete reality of their consequences.

AHMEN brother

Their now Menand political opinions may be rigid; they are not necessarily rigorous. They tend to float up out of some mix of sentiment, custom, moral aspiration, and aesthetic pleasingness.

Right on

Trilling Unless we insist that politics is imagination and mind, we will learn that imagination and mind are politics, and of a kind that we will not like.

Speakin to the choir

these were why he wouldnt get out of bed on the wrongside  didnt want to soil them like loaves of bread nourishing him he didnt want to risk dropping them in some foetid thing that would make them unappetisingsuddenly moldy  rancid

granted thats a leap

                       improbable

not impossible

think that way

become lax

             just asking for it 

however white male entitled

he was not privileged

which is nothing more than pouring gas on an assumedrighteous fire

its been probably threeanhaffour months out on the rightside in on the wrong  hes slept better than he ever hasdreamt  better than he ever has 

might be a streak

it may not

  though he was going to appreciate the hell out of it while it existed

                                                                         one voluptuous day at a time

  

1130,  Monday,  11  9. 23

1205,  Thursday,  28  9. 23

Max Richter  She Remembers  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PwzFrY-xmHY

OhChrist yakiddin me

You’ll help me? she asked

   Awfuck

                   Okay yah

Are you upset with me?

I am

Why?

   Why

           Come over here  Stand by me

she walked over beside him beside the picnictable

You feel tha

   Feel what?

Let your hair down Propup your antennae

                                                    Feel tha feel anything

No I don’t.

Nothing nada

   Nothing.

               I don’t feel anything.

Fack

You feel somethin . .

. . Ya think Id ask you to stand with me if I didnt

                                                    Kinda like standing by a firepit warmingup on a cold day kid standing in front of the Frigidaire door open on a hot humid day house aint airconditioned

she looked around and round  

didnt met his eyes

couldnt do it forever

                           finally she looked at him  Nothing.   I don’t feel anything.

dejected Awright

                   Lets move it

I could . .

. . Find somebody elseNo

                          Lets do it  Im here now

Thank you.

Please  Don

they moved it four times

I like that. What do you think?

Nope  Like it the way it was

I want to change things up.

You certainly have

Indubitably? she giggled

glanced at her Donbe cute

You like indubitably, makes you smilelaugh.

Not now

tersely  Yawanna blowjob?

No

     Thank you

What bug crawled up your ass?

Bug

    You  Thought youd be attuned  My error

Attuned to what?

Chi  Yare a chi-blocker

                          Cant believe ya don feel it 

NO.

Well nothings to be done

                           Time comes when you want to change it up return it to the way it was call me any hourany day  Be here in a heartbeat

   In a heartbeat?

Heartbeat

You really detest its placement?

Detest the alignment  It fuckin detests its alignment 

                                                       Pity it its stationary got legs but cant move on its own  Have a little pity

It’s inanimate.

Yare inanimate he didnt say

You’re a piece of work.

Asya know

I’ve disappointed you.

Yes I havent been this disappointed in you since  since well    since

she rolled her eyes

                     Since?

Since you cockblocked me Halloween three years ago  The Brazilian chick

she glared

           You were drunk  You didnt know where she's been. She only would have used you.

I was interested in being usedwhere shes been

                                                        Ya didnt offer me a blowjob then  Cumpensation

I had no intentions of blowing you today.

DUH

they were quiet for a time

So. she finally said attempted humour

                                                I’m a chi-blocker?

As equally talented as a cock-blocker

I got go kiddo he kissed her on the forehead

You’re mad?

Less mad

When will I see you?

Anywhere but here

It’s summer . . I’ve got the pool.

Ya do

        Zip chi

1500,  Sunday,  24  9. 23

1308,  Thursday,  28  9. 23

he didnt ask her what she didhe didnt ask anybody what they did

                                                                        hed ask Whaya readin

she said her own volition

I apologise again please I don know whatha is

I’m an ecopsychologist.

took him a momenthad to taffypull the two apart 

                                                            ahmade sense see a human being the natural world as one not separate treat them accordingly

I didnt know thawas a thing How longs it been around

It specifically, Eightynine, out of Berkeley.

Are you attending Berkeley

I wish no, my mentor did. He encouraged me to travel to Asia, take in their holistic, Eastern if you will, practisesapproaches to healing, compare them to the West’s.

                                                                Was a no-brainer. 

Have a Masters degree

Yes.

Youll excuse me all to Hell ya look like at teenager just beginning college

I’m twentynine.

I woudnt have guessed Keep it up kiddo at fifty youll look thirty

Thank you

their conversation sprawled

she journaled he wrote

they dreamed

he could lucid dream

                      she said she couldnt 

he strongly encouraged her continue trying 

                                             Use an appealing white noise to leap from into a priorconceived scenario place  when dreaming walking past a tablepause touch it feel its texturethe warmth of the woodmaybe warmed in the sun cool if evening  try little thingssubtle things  it will progress

she asked how lucidwhat could he command

Anything

           Dreaming nothing is impossible

I can fly I can breathe underwater

 

he met her months ago

waking this morning he thought of her 

dreamt

        found himself in an unknown kitchen with an unknown womanhe rarely dreamed of people he knew  she was wearing a crisp 50s housedress a gingham bibbedapron stood at the sink looking pensively out the window distracted  the dream was to have him interrupt herask what she was thinking

                                                                       instead

he walked up behind hersnatched her at the waist began spinning her like a fourspoked baton halted she upsidedown her apron dress fallen over her face he had only seen it opaquelyreflected in the kitchen window bit each cheek clothed in her white cotton pantiesnot too hard hard enough to make her bark like a happy dog expecting a bone

why ask

it was his dream

midnightAM dream,  Monday,  25  9. 23

1032,  Thursday,  28  9. 23

https://ies.bio/ecopsychology/what-is-ecopsychology/

https://www.ecopsychology.org/journal/ezine/ep_origins.html