December 31Day 365

                       the next paver January 1Day 1

resolve?

          Nah he didnt have to wait until the end of the yearthe beginning of the next to make a resolutionhe could do that any day at any time

he woke fitfully after a violent dream a prostrate bleeding pistolwhipped man sprawled on his back on a wood kitchen floor one of the men who beat him knelt on his chestjammed a pistol in his mouthangled it to his jaw joint and pulled the trigger a howl from hell persisted above the report of gunshotabove the smell of cordite  likely he couldnt hear his own cry bone fragments destroying his inner ear the man turned the gun in his bloody mouth and fired a second bullet through the other jaw jointhooowl  then he stoodhelped himself up to his feet by pushing off the mans broken face
He ain’t talkin to anyone. Let’s go. they were in no particularly hurry the semiconscious hoowl a pink fog misting at their backs degraded to a sputteringhawking moaning groan

it was 0253hrs he texted himself

he didnt text the contours of the dream

it wasnt a dream one wasnt likely to forgethe wouldnt 

not if youve smelled cordite  smelled sulphur  rotten eggs   soft fresh roses

he texted Dec31  reset   penance?

he wasnt going to sleep soonhe could still hear the wounded manhis heartbeat his pulse by pulse wetting the floor 

the initial gorethe sprayed wings artful if one could look past the media  the crude tools  were eroding asymmetrically

at 0258 he texted  asphalt brickwork siding  wood frame house  Midwest  thug  Tony Franciosa

at 0312 texted  revelation  revision  retinue  routine  reorganise  regret odd he should think regret  0315  realisation  release  repertoire  wrong rong   0322  releaserecallrecord  remember    0336  revitalise  reenergise  require  revere  requite  rev  0337  resent   revile

at 0343hrs  reserve   retire

                            he thought as he wrote the last text he pretty much covered his bases  hed look at them later in the morning to see where the puzzlepieces might fit in his life his New Year

they might not fit at all

                         then they might

he liked mosaics

he really liked Life

texts beginning @ 0253hrs,  Monday,  New Year’s Eve,  31  12. 18

1234,  Monday,  31  12. 18

Beatles  Nowhere Man  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8scSwaKbE64

Pink Floyd  Welcome to the Machine  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBvAxSx0nAM

I see you walking around herearound town all the time you walk and read you walk and stop and stare into the sky on the groundinto the distance Sometimes I try to look where youre lookingtry to see what youre looking at  an I see nothing  Nothing that grabs my eye  An I wonder what youre looking atthinking  I wonder

I suppose I wonder whats in it for you

he talked to himselfthough never out loud he could people wore earbuds now and via Bluetoothby all appearances  they sounded as if theyre talking to themselves  which has to be comforting to all the people who do talk to themselves  now they have cover  they can feign an excuse a reason clever nuts  people maybehowever they dont realise theyre losing their place in society  to be feardisdained to be mocked where does all that misanthropy goor is shifted who then takes the brunt of that misogyny  misandry 

do they find a dog an kick it?

the hawk didnt cry

he felt its presencehe never thought to question or explain that  or wanted to

hed look up a hawk would be circling  or hawks circling

he was grateful

this hawk was a silhouette dark in the skyindistinct

it turned turned  turned   thenrushed headlong west

                                                         towards the tall brown hills

away from humanitys traffic and glare and noise

as it lunged his vision was obscured by the branches of a live oak overhead all he could do was imagine the line the hawk took and hoped it maintained it 

it had it appearedit stuttering through the blue spaces in the boughs

it wheedled  turned   moved high above the oaks crown appearingdisappearing 

Ah my friend he said to himself you look exactly like a freed oak leaf and he imagined for an instant all the trees leaves took flightspiraled into the sky threw busy shadows on the ground and at last made people look up and see what obscured the sun 

but people rarely looked up

why wouldnt they want to fly

                                the sky was free  and accommodating

text,  1424,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  12  12. 18

1232,  Sunday,  30  12. 18

he saw him around time to time always in townapproximate. POP. 27000 

first time they methe introduced himself  was at an art show the watercolourists held  a one-man show at the City Public Library realist flowers  landscapes   no portraiture

the painters name

                scratching his memorys scalp hmm David   seems to him it was David 

since they met those many years ago the artist acted if he didnt knowdidnt recognise him

that put him off

an artist a writerhe was a writer were an observant lot no he wasnt a flower or a patch of ground treeline seascape mountainscape  escape

they met

the artist chose not to acknowledge him

if it was the simple matter of not remembering his name manopen your fucking mouth Ive had to apologiseIve forgotten names no shame in forgetting a name he had but he hadnt qualms about admitting it whats to qualm hur    

the watercolourist he didnt think hed fall back on the fact that he didnt paint facesdidnt do portraits  he wrote he perhaps had an eye for faces really  a painter didnt have an eye for people

Naw the watercolourist shunned him shunned him as had politicians religious monkeys  those righteous buffoons he either challenged face-to-face or on the local newspapers editorial page 

it was a greasy Conservative town its upper crust consistently provided him a bone to pick

often his wife told himreminded him he ought to be more considerateought to recognise that his children could be affectedsuffer fallout meant for him

Children can be cruel she said

                                 Fallout baby Theres no fallout having a different view airing it in conversation or published as an opinion piece  Anif some kids got a bug up their ass to challenge our girls he held up his handsmotioned come an get it with his fingers Im confident they have the wherewithal to rock ignorancestand on their own hindlegs Theyll hand them their sorry ass so they can run back cryin to Mommie an Daddie anif Mommie or Daddie really want their hands full  they can contact me

Im in the book

he passed on the artists left as he unloaded his groceries from a shopping cart into the trunk of an old tan BMW 

he purposely passed him uncomfortably close 

the old man felt his presence and looked up

he nodded to the artist

                        nothing

the old man waited for him to walk past and when it was apparent he wasnt a threat to him he continued blandly to unloading his cart

                    nothing

not a noda word an acknowledgement one human being would provide another

                                                                                    nothing

he acted like he didnt know him as he always acted as all the other towns Mickey Mouses actedpulled on him

not one of them knew him

they did

but this old towns ignorance ran that waymaybe they thought they werent hurting his feelings

they may haveprobably thought they were by the simple gesture of not acknowledging him

they werent

             this old man weathered thin

he was coming apart like an old paintbrush that hadnt been used in years

what a pity

utensils are made to be used

text,  1351,  Sunday,  23  12. 18

2314,  Saturday,  29  12. 18

the only time the intersection a T intersection was busy was during the school year and then particularly only afternoons when school buses loitered and car traffic burgeoned     

the property at the top of the T West Mall was the junior high school its track and exercise field were behind a sevenfoot chainlinked fence 

west of Ysabel the street that ran into the T and a stop sign was the playground and exercise field for the Fine Arts Academy it too was behind a tall chainlinked fence Security yaknow how comforting to grow up confined held behind fences schooled in a compound similar to jail  east of Ysabel was the towns old Printery Building it had been renovated what was the printing floor now housed an acousticallyhoned auditorium for performing arts 

behind the Printery ran a creek

at street corners around the school complexes adult crossing guards were posted  school childrenrather young teenagers evidently were either not adept at crossing streets by themselves he had been a patrol boypatrol boys then were responsible for helping elementary school children across busy streets or these children had to have rides home

however like their school incarceration they may have also been groomed not to walk anywhere

to avoid the hot mess of the schools letting out one could take a left onto West Mall off Ysabel  theyd cross over a concrete bridge spanning the creek the bridge was erected in 1910  metal commemorative plaques at either end of the bridge vouched for the fact  he often went out of his way while walking to cross it very pastoral branches of trees older than the community arched over the creek throwing shade on its raw cutaways grassy banks and tangled thickets

school was out

Christmas vacation

kids wouldnt return until January 7

                                      maybe sooner if it hadnt been for the fenceworks denying them access to the schoolgrounds the seven basketball courts the wide open playing fields otherwise they might have returned to play it seemed cruel to him they were denied to enjoy playing out of doors

                                                    but maybe they dont need the out of doors why be outside if computers smartphones handheld devises simulate play play insideno skinned knees or bangs or bruisesplay programmed imaginations rather than exerting or exercising their own 

just another confinement another compound  another jail 

evidently school children are groomed not to play   

interfacing is safer

today there may have been something to that there were no latent echoes of teeming children falling from the spotty boughs of trees swaying in a cool breeze on Ysabel  

he was walking to the library 

hed cross the West Mall bridge maybe it took him ten minutes longer  but ten minutes is an inexpensive pleasure

at the corner where hed cross leftodd  usually he jaywalked he saw a blackskinned banana peel sprawled on the sidewalk 

that was odd foodfruit the children rarely threw onto the ground  maybe empty sandwichbags usually candy and gum wrappers they were too lazy to pocket until they got home  more frequently stapled assignment pages though rarely food  which is why it probably drew his attention

he looked around for a trash can 

there were trash cans inside the fenced schoolgrounds  inaccessible 

Well he thought at least the peel was organic itd rot 

he went to kick it off the sidewalk into the grass by the fence but stopped the blackskinned banana peel  it was a mauled dead rat mired with dirt gravel

he stooped tenderly he picked it up gently he laid it in the long grass around the base of a metal fence post

the grass at the base of the fence wasnt edged

he figured itd be peaceful considering the violence of its death

                                                                 he knew no children would be around to disturb it

text,  1339,  Sunday,  23  12. 18

1140,  Friday,  28  12. 18

The Smashing Pumpkins Rat in a Cage https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8BjKQkym8w

FAKER steps in it again

                     Mr Only-I-Alone-Can-Fix-It Mr I-Listen-to-My-Gut Drumpf ought to start taking some advisehopefully expert advise because if he continues listening to his enormous bellysuch a bully he doesnt have a fighting chance  hell be overwhelmed

ones gotta assume his gut wanted facetime photoops with Navy SEAL Team Five  then he aired those images  although in his guts haste Team Fives identities werent digitally altered and now if ISIL or any unfriendly recognises themyou can bet your bottom dollar their images have already been enlargedplaced on WANTED posters postings  theyll be as Malcolm Nance says If captured, they’ll be exploited.   

apparently FAKER cant help himself

                                       though to be fair  hes not at risk or in jeopardy

2216,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  26  12. 18

https://www.cnbc.com/video/2016/07/21/trump-i-alone-can-fix-the-system.html

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3x1FuH5wa2Q  beginning at 13:30 minute-mark

https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-navy-seal-iraq-video-1272102

Christ everyone back the fuck off lemme take a shit in peace  Can I do that

If truer words have ever been spokenlemme hear em 

Lemme take a shit in peace

                              hands down there werent any better

some brainiac at corporate got a bug up their ass and saw fit to suggest to management that speakers be installed in the mens and womens restrooms to share breaking information or notify someone if they were sought                     

they were a real fuckin genius

clown used the same Suggestion Box he did that was located in the employee kitchen

every month he probably made two three a half-a-dozen suggestions he recirculated some added new ones when they didnt see the light of day at the all-employee meeting at the end of the month

the meetings typically concluded with Is there any other business?

Yes hed say hed stand so he could be seen and heard Anything in the suggestion box this month notably he didnt ask if there was anything worth discussing he wasnt going to give them that out

Nothing.

Excuse me Nothing

Nothing worthwhile to air at this meeting.

Werent suggestions meant to be aired now I believe the notification above the box says thats when theyd be discussed

If they’re worthwhile they’d be discussed.

Who deems if submissions are worthwhile discussing

at that point the executive stood up on the dais beside the financial officer and said I’m who decides if a suggestion is worthwhile.

And as the decider if I submitted a suggestion you feel isnt worth discussing and I do what is my recourse

I’ve decided. You have no recourse.

Ah

Do you understand?

If I made a suggestion I might not

three monthly meeting concluded with that abject unhelpful terseness

he made his submissions anonymously  typed on a company typewriter

the following first of the month the suggestion box was taken down from the employee mess

which led him then to ask at the conclusion of the fourth meeting why the box was gone and if it might be expected to be restored

the executive concluded that meeting

abruptly he said No. then Any other business?

later that week the executive showed up in the call center a rare event he walked up to his cubicle

he looked about it

he saw his personal itemshis framed family pictures his small collection of Indian handcarved buffaloes

I see you’re disregarding the directive that was posted late last month regarding employee personal items on display in office cubicles.

he rolled back on the chair he removed the arms from because he didnt liked that they didnt fit under the edge of the workspace surface Im sorry Mr Brandt are you asking me a question or making an observation

Joe. Are you disregarding the posted directive?

What directive . .

. . The directive posted in the kitchen

I do not utilise the kitchen

The suggestion box was in the kitchen.

It was removed last month I understand

the executives look was perturbedquickly becoming a glare

Sir I think we can amicably settle this conversation he stood If youd follow me please

he stepped around Mr Brandt and walked up the hall that exited the call center

he went past the reception desk in the lobby mounted the semicircular steps that wound to the second floor crossed an abbreviated balcony and entered Mr Brandts glass-walled office that overlooked the business entry

during the whole procession he didnt look to see if Mr Brandt followed him

                                                                              which was okay

he was on company time

Mr Brandt was tall impeccably dressed he looked commiserate to his position

entering his office Mr Brandt walked behind his desk and looked over at him 

he stood to one side of the entry perhaps three steps in respectful of the mans office

he extended his handmotioning to the top of the credenza to the desk top to several photographs on the shelves on the wall behind Mr Brandts desk 

Respectfully sir when you remove your personal effects from the business office I will follow in kind This may be an office a work environment but we are people working inside it and our personal effects poignantly remind us why we work hard for the companys success 

I would also suggest they incentivise us

I appreciate your time sir I really do

he began to leave but stopped framed in the glass doorway And if I may  if I can speak freely a suggestion might the speakers in the bathrooms please be disabled  Id like to take a shit in peace  Thank you sir

he left the doorway crossed the balcony and descended the staircase

apparently suggestions didnt need to be written after all

his won out

2234, Twosday, Christmas, 25  12. 18

people talk with their hands  instinctivelynaturally

                                                      dafuk he talked with his handsknocked drinks out of other peoples hands  Ey tolya dun stand so close dun stand so close Ey need rum when eym talkinrum to explain Dammit Gimme rum

he drove a straight car

                        which meant his car was old he rolled his windows upandown by hand fivespeed on the floor no cruise no funny shit nothing cute jammed into every nook an cranny as in new cars Nah ya cant die in oneairbags deploy from every fuckin angle

thats the trouble with new cars once inside them no one fears death  

Gawd doesnt save

                    Technology does

he preferred his car

he preferred drivin alonenever offered rides he liked ridinlow squat his ass parked in a bucket seat 

the car was made of American steelfuk alloys an what little plastic there was was made to look like wood a minor irritation

he walked to the marketslung a cloth bag over his shoulder to carry his groceries

he stood at an intersection

                            local government had installed crossing signs evidently pedestrians dont know the difference between a red light or green light or traffic hurtling down on them or STOPped at the light

                                                                               standing there he was bemused then horrified an upscale car whistled through the intersection exceeding the posted speed limit the driver a woman haresponsibly talked via Bluetooth Standard installed in the expensive car ahTechnology but what was it going to do about the fact that she went through the intersection talking talking with her hands neither on the steering wheel she made him think of the brick he ought to be carrying in the bag to toss into the intersection and see what transpired 

would he be negligent tossing it

                                  or rather her because she was unable to avoid it

Whaddafuck he thought  Eyll stand hare a bit an louk watchie

in the course of three lights five drivers passed through the intersection  conversing  their hands juggling their words

it didnt matter he didnt carry the one brick nowhe couldnt carry enough bricks to make people recognise their obligationtheir fulsome responsibilities as they drove lethal weapons

GAWDs done saving!

                       the monkeys were leaving it to Technology

from where he stood they were welcome to it 

they had forgotten the line  Do not go gentle into that good night

1509, Thursday, 20  12. 18

1423, Twosday, Christmas Day, 25  12. 18

Dylan Thomas  Do Not Go Gentle into that Good Night  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2cgcx-GJTQ

a simple exchange

happened in a busy Walgreen’s a father trailed by his two young daughters

Daddy, did you see that sign?

I don’t have time to read signs right now.

he was harrieddistracted it was Christmas Eve 

one could excuse hima harried shopper rushing to find some thing

                                                                     he didnt

he was offendedhe had daughters too

if they ever followed in his wake it was a matter of him clearing a path for them

if they spoke to himhe acknowledged them  he always had time for them 

he was responsible for them and to them

the guy didnt even look back at his daughter 

he could imagine what the dismissalignorance felt like

he knew it

however most of the times when he was about the girls ages he was well-down-the-road keenlyaware of his parents pie game 

he never shared his realisation with them

their pie game was simpleis simple

when something only concerns us we have an entire pie to ourselves

when we get involved in a relationshipour choice we have a choice  listening to our dicks or cunts is a cop out  we chose to get involved

                      the whole pie is cut in two  halved when was the last time you thought halves

if the relationship enduresif the negotiations prove palatable you negotiatedright

then theres a possibility of breeding  One Two Three 

                                                         the pies cut into three four five pieces

love is cut into pieces or discomfort and lies are distributed unequallyparticularly unequal in regards to the children who didnt ask to be game pieces

he and his wife were all-in regarding their children

he didnt recognise he had a life until his children were on their own his lovehis wife had died

                                                                                                   he realised he was okay with it it was what they intendedwhat they meant when they had children when they bred

                                                                                  he had little recollection of his midtwenties to his lateforties 

where did his life go?

                       he anted up as Cici did 

they raised their childrenraised worthwhile individuals

part of raising children was reading signs  whether they asked  critically if they didnt

he almost grabbed fatherDaddy by his shoulder  almost   he didnt

the girls were cuties

                      he hoped they ran deeper than their looksthat what he witnessed was a one-off not consistent 

maybe the girls understood pie

1439,  Monday,  Christmas Eve,  24  12. 18  

Joy Division  Twenty Four Hours  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VnM9X0IgUmg