Ah the books passage reminded him of her Katie

                                                      “She made a pretty show of looking through her purse for something, pouting, the way a woman with a good mouth can pout.”

he trembled inside hoped he didnt betray himself the first time he saw her pout

he usually didnt pay particular attention to a womans mouth 

everyone has a mouth

                        but maybe because he was standing up close to hertaller than she and the pout came across her mouth subtly softly  he wanted to kiss her right then and therefeel the ridge of her pout against his lipsfeel it melt  under his mouth like sucking a hard butterscotch candy

a reckless submission

he didnt kiss her then

he told her not to dismay  he had put up her purchase knowing what she wanted so whenever she came in shed have it

she hugged him his cock moved she buried her face in his chest I like you so much

it was delectably innocent

she looked up into his face My boyfriend doesn’t like that I like you.

Your boyfriend doesnt tell you what you like or dont likedo or dont do does he

He tries. But no, he’s my boyfriend. I’m all me.

                                                 still in his armsstill in their embrace she was all herhe felt himself growing

she felt him growing Oh. You like me too. 

                                         she smiled largely fondly We should do something about you and I, shouldn’t we?

I wouldnt have thought youd think so

Maybe you haven’t thought so because I’ve always come in with him. I’m not with him tonight; obviously.

he smiled down into her face

her lips came out of their pout 

he raised his hand to her mouth and slowly ran his thumb across her upper lip her lower lip You have a beautiful mouth Katie 

he felt something move inside her  

her breath rose

                 It’s getting hot in here.

Yes

What shall we do?

What would you like to do

she stepped back out of his arms he wasnt holding her tight despite wanting to 

she looked up into his face

a beautiful smile ran across her lips

I don’t think I’d put you off.

Likely not

her smile brightenedher eyes sparkled mischieviously

she stepped into his arms again  I’d like to do you. he grew hard against her belly An I think she winked you’d like to do me. 

Yes  rose huskily from his throat

Come over tonight? I’ll give you my address.

Yes

what he understood about redheads but never experienced because he usually didnt find redheads attractive Katie was the exception  it turned out to be true

they didnt leave one rock unturned     

  

 earlier than 0850 when he recorded it,  Thursday,  19  9. 19  ( lotsa 9s )

1318,  Friday,  6  12. 19

I wouldn’t bet on it.

he didnt like the haughtinessthe subtle sneer on his face that pushed waterhumped it like a big fish swimming just beneath the surface the swell distortingrefracting the sunlight playing off it

                                                                               the moak seemed as unaware of his sneer as the fish would be unaware

childishly  he couldnt help himself he mimicked  I wouldnt bet on it

the sneer came on full  aware the fishs back broke the surface No. I wouldn’t.

disdain has to be met with disdain 

                                     which follows a natural course  as natural as ebb and flow as respect is met with respect or violence is met with violence or sooner if he saw it coming

Ah But youre not me and then with a slight Elvis snarl showing canine Are you

*   *   *

the canine slipped back under his lip leaving his counter to decide if or not he wanted to acknowledge the tooth

nuanced

a quiet facial expression

to read someone is pure nuance

meaning  the moak had to decide whether he intended violence or rather he was feigning it

he put the ball in moaks court

now he watched to see how he played it

since the intent  the I wouldn’t bet on it was his

the sneer melted away

maybe he called his bluff

or he was feigning

Christ he loved this gamehe may have been better at it than he thought he didnt like to think  he reacted to his nature he reacted understanding that he was responsible for his actions he was utterly comfortable with whatever the consequences might be

once you accept thatknow that everything flows and follows as should be

                                                                               is as should be  Fate?

nah  not really

more like an equation

like math

variables to an equation  =  an outcome a particular answer that particular “fate”

if handfuls of broken rock were strewn on the ground and he tossed a small red rubber ball onto the rocks

where it ends up

how it got there

is “fate”

smaller rocks

same ball

toss

the difference is in the variables

another “fate”

nothing is a sure bet

thats why you play the game

an as he thought – he was getting good at it

he certainly had scars to prove it

he was generously provisioned

right scars

wrong scars

so far they had healed

more importantly 

they healed before the next game

he was a quick healer

he remembered what he had to – tapped it as second nature – his pain informed his memory

pain the simplest reminder of Now Being in the moment

“Stay with me. Stay with me.” pain says the seducer

then with the recognition  a wry smile and smilingpeeling its fingers off his armknocking its hand away from his chest  Gotta go

“No. Stay with me.”

hes beyond its moment  Gotta go

the last  talon   slipped away

*   *   *

he watched moak watching his canine sliphide behind his lip  And so

So?

Where we at

I asked you  Are you 

                                             Are you

0847,  Twosday,  12  11. 19

1149,  Reggae Friday,  6  12. 19

Savoy Brown  Ain’t No Need to Worry  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yQ5zX5gdhK4

his daughter looked over his right shoulder between the machinery that was enabling herenabling her to defeatreverse her illness

no one ever had

but if someone could

it would be her

to use her words

she was a Badass

she was

she threw dives in college that only men threw but her coach held her back she didnt want her to be the first woman to challenge mens diving

her coach said she wasnt prominent enoughwell known enough

Fuck prominence he told her If she has the athleticism to put the dive in the water let her

her coachs credibility would be on the line

it was politicssome ridiculous etiquette

but somebody had to hold politics downmuzzle it

he told his daughter to throw her dives
                                         up on the board  tell the judges the change in dives one at a time

she told him thats not how it works

Fuck the Works he said

I love you, Dad; I love your unbridled enthusiasm, but there are rules . . 

. . Rules are made to be broken baby

she smiled lovingly as she always smiled at him Oh, Dad, if I could only inhabit your world.

Step in baby Just know what you can do and do itdont wait on the Establishment theyre always a day late a dollar shortthey lack imagination Establishment is bound to reticence to the mundane Blow it up!

she didnt reverse her coach

she was a good soldier

hed never be a soldier

she looked over his shoulder at the outside

a Meyer lemon tree a warrior a species almost entirely eradicated prior to World War II replaced by a fauxmore sour lemon todays lemon a tall bottlebrush plant behind it

hummingbirds worked the bottlebrush plant

it was delicious to watch their sudden flits their immediatenecessary satiation

his hummers back home took plastic roosts satiated themselves without having to expend vital energyenergy that taxed them at 1400 heartbeats per minute on wing verse 400 restingverse 40 heartbeats per minute when they went into stupor overnight

she watched out the window intently

her disconnected watching reminded him of his youngest granddaughterhis daughters daughter

she often stared off into the distance

like a sleepwalker you didnt interrupt them you could curb themgently but you didnt waken them

eventually her gaze returned

Where did you go

What, Grampa?

Whered you go baby

Huh?

You didnt acknowledge meyou were staring off

I don’t know what you’re talking about.

she never did

she never acknowledged she wasnt present

                                               as now his daughter wouldnt acknowledge her departure

she didnt have to

where she went to step aside of her existential malady was good with him

he sidestepped his often

it was a survival technique

he wanted more than his own life for her to survive

if he couldbut he couldnt hed take her genetics and throw himself into the blazing fire that would free her and incinerate him 

     Life doesnt give you that option 

that option is fantasy

fantasies are unreal

no matter how hard you wish them into being

his daughters external lifeoutside her home was limited to a Meyer lemon tree bottlebrush plants and hummingbirds

she took their comfort

she seemed content

                     for that moment

the rest of her time was consumed defeating her illnessto become the first person to have rendered it mute rendered its remission

she looked to him for that strength

hed overcome Graves

hed overcome a pronounced rheumatoid arthritis Doc you dont know what youre talking about

she took comfort in him overthrowing doctors who he fashioned in his mind as employees  to hire to fire

doctors didnt see themselves in that light 

Pity

entitlement

assumed Authority

HA

his body was his Authority

he welcomed doctors opinions

they were only opinions

he was his own Authority

he didnt betray himself

his daughter didnt either

the applethe acorn didnt fall far from the tree

but 

    maybe she was wrong to assume his past medical deliberations

she wasnt him

as much as he wanted her to be or she wanted to be

she was his bloodline

she was also her mothers bloodline and she was affected by it

there wasnt a thing he could do

                                 except to never have had children with her mother water under the bridge

the window was an entrance

                              hed be naïve not to imagine it an exit

1324,  Thursday,  5  12. 19

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meyer_lemon:  “By the mid-1940s, the Meyer lemon had become widely grown in California. However, at that time it was discovered that a majority of the Meyer lemon trees being cloned were symptomless carriers of the Citrus tristeza virus, a virus which had killed millions of citrus trees all over the world and rendered other millions useless for production. After this finding, most of the Meyer lemon trees in the United States were destroyed to save other citrus trees.”

Peter, Paul and Mary  Too Much of Nothing  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFMloclgai0      

well  he was out of town and incommunicado  returning he discovered no surprise that the Republican Base to date the basest Base of his lifetime is not put off by candidates who are liars and thieves and who after their candidates have been indicted still went to the polls last year and re-elected them                    

Chris Colllins   eight felony counts  insider trading 

Duncan Hunter   sixty felony counts  misusing campaign funds Hunter then accused his wife of the crimes

https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow/watch/first-trump-endorsements-in-congress-indicted-plead-guilty-74397765793

these first Trumpers nice verbhuh these birds recognised the brethrenthe nest they shared with Big Bird so sorry Big Bird – though also another fiction rather cunt  a seeping gasbag these Trumpers recognised that their traits were consistent with him and their entitlements

incommunicado left him anxious every day he was

last evening – returning – he was edified

the guilt pleads confirmed what he understood at the time they were indicted to be true

it was a nice Welcome Home

1036,  Thursday,  5  12. 19

Elvis Costello  Alibi  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSvkk5nuYYI

hed known his share of minxessucculent women

he  to say the least  was very fond of them

he wished he wasnt rolling past on the highwayhurtling south to Montecito

                                                                               a young woman spectacularly coy stood on the roadside of crushed sandstone shells and shale exhibiting in that eager moment a familiar an attractive tempting alluring pose smiling  the turn of her generous hips  her biceps at either side of her breasts pressing herding them happily  a vivacious gorgeous innocent  fawning  breathless   invite

if she was aware though she couldnt have been  she stood at the feet of two trees  entwined at their roots that grew bent up into the brightblue California sky  they could have been part of an intriguing elegant Wycinanki  a Polish folk art paper-cut design

the trees facing each other were shaped like a pair of courting seahorses

as he passedhe was aware

                              he wondered if anyone else saw   no matter  he was terribly grateful for the genuine simple  erotic  scene

1136,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  27  11. 19

1354,  Saturday,  30  11. 19

Brian Hyland  Gypsy Woman  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_yDmOP2KI90

Youah  got an itch baby

he caught his sixyearold granddaughter with her fingers between her legs

she thought she was hidden inside her blue cornflower blanket that covered her

she met his eyes with a blank face

                                      then she replied in a dull modulated  bored   mischievous tone

I’ve always got an itch, grampa.

2129,  Twosday,  19  11. 19

1331,  Saturday,  30  11. 19

Zappa  (I got a spot that gets me hot!)  Dinah-Moe Humm  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4hzVpYAP-U