31.3.19



Osip Mandelstam 
                    Only in Russia is poetry respected, it gets people killed.

the Warsaw Pole died in a Russian gulag of cold and hunger in 1938  realising the prophesy he scratched on paper

he wrote Stone: 24
                     Leaves scarcely breathing /in the black breeze; /the flickering swallow/draws circles in the dusk.

In my loving/dying heart/a twilight is coming,/a last ray, gently reproaching./

And over the evening forest/the bronze moon climbs to it place./

Why has the music stopped?/

Why is there such silence?


silence



happiness depravity  can be found in the warm folds of silence


where was his drunken Irish college professor to elucidatenot that he was necessary he was a lark informative  he was his favoured client while he sold hashishbedding his skinny blonde hookup (and her dark voluptuous sister who loved givin an gettin it  a slave to her cunt)

skinny said You smell funny . . though it smells familiar.

he tried to remember to wash his face after bedding her sistertho he was reticent he liked to lick his moustacheenjoy her taste again and again  he knew all things in lifeanyones life were transitory
                                                                            an that was pronouncedexaggerated
given the pushher she dealt with

they met once

he thought he was a cunt

he wasnt gonna say No to the price per gram she gave himno fuckin way she didnt see the business end her emotions all caughtup between her legs

he hopedmebbe the cunt might suffer an unfortunate accident

shotgunned in the faceleft floating off Key Biscayne near Nixons place didnt make him unhappy Fuck It was only hash
People died over hash?

good lesson to learn

Fuck greed


Fuck capitalists


1414,  Sunday,  31  3. 19





he was drinking his way through a bad tooth a filling blew up if he went to see a dentist hed have to lay hundreds down


he held a bottle of Jameson
                             his tooth barkedNO he needed something more than Irishsomething closer to home Tennessee  Kentucky  something rawer
                                           he wished his cousin Carolyns husband Gene was still alive he distilled an awesome white lightning  unfortunately Gene slipped and fell backwards into a huge mill saw he was split like a chicken top of his head to his anus  fuckin horrible 

Gene was the familys first cremation crazy Catholics however there was no question that Gene couldnt have an open coffin
         itd looked like a butchers shop



the tooth hurt wailed

he took a lesson from his girlfriend
                                     If you can hang nerves die 

it wasnt like she challenged him 

her Indian background was more animalistic  naturalistic

he was a buffalo his totem  his tooth was a long way from his heart
                                                                          besides
he had issues with human beings big fucking brains always thinking they knew better
                                                                                            besides
cheaper routes to anesthetise existed

cheaper chemicals

less refined chemicals that wouldnt rave in his system 

chemicals he could kickdeny addiction a-dick-tion
                                                    because physicians were inveterate  they piled on the chemical pleasures they were incentivised  First Class Air tickets  out-of-state conferences 5-Star hotels  dinners  liquor  money  money he did say money Better Living Through Chemistry a variant on DuPonts punt  Better Things for Better Living . . Through Chemistry maybe thats where cunt got his capitals it wasnt their lives  they werent painted Day-Glo colours that wasnt true lotsa of collegial malpractise lotsa of homey dosing there wasnt a big difference between street-corner dealers and physicians except docs had coverhad legal pharmaceuticals no gun fights to hold turf
  
                                                                                                     thatd be something
an Old West shoot-out in a glassy Hi-Rise not that docs would shoot-it-out  theyd have gunnersthey werent stupid or gun-savvy

no matter ones colour theres always niggas wanting to handle 12-gauge shoties



maybe he had drank too much
                                   tooth?       he couldnt feel his face

1358,  Reggae Friday,  29  3. 19
Lloyd Banks  Til the End (feat. Nate Dogg)  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7TQKsZo2cGM 
Lloyd Banks  South Side Story  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLXrGJg-LBQ

30.3.19



the little boy riding a tricycle smiled at him

they were in an enclosed back porch off a doorway that led to a laundry a double deepsink wringer ringer washing machine and a lonely commode

he stood just inside the laundry doorway quickly changing into shorts to use the hot tub situated just outside the back porch 

the boys eyes were uncomfortablehaunted him they were etherealcrystalblue it seemed the child could look into his soul not a shabby advantage

the boy had his mothers eyes hers were translucent greenagate not as direct staring as her sons

for all he knew the boy popped out of her head an Athenian birth 

there was no trace on the boy that wasnt drawn on his mother

his affection for her was undiluted unshared

he didnt know their story

she didnt talk about her and the boy earlier didnt allow conversation to spin in that direction and stymied it if it seemed inevitable she kept things at a long arms length way away from any venture

to ask would be rude he wasnt rude

he moved in next door they neighbours only two months

he was private selfsufficient
                              but he didnt have a hot tub his bathroom overlooked the red cedar tub it provoked him then one dayseeing fresh laundry hanging on lines between a rusting tee post and two apple trees he walked next door and rapped on the front screen

looking through the sunlight on the whispered screen into the livingroom she seemed to materialiseappear smiling  Yes

Hi

Hi.

Im youre next door neighbour

You are. You're very quiet. I trust my boy isnt disturbing you.

Children cant possibly disturb me Im no more than a boy myself Im also the oldest of seven Patience is my middle name Joe Patience 

she laughed her hands remained at her side  she pushed the screen door open with her knee 

she wore a frumpish floral house dressits colours working well with her complexion a longsleeved loose green cardigan over it two buttons buttoned just below where her cleavage was getting interesting her ravenblueblack hair was toppled up into a loose out-of-her-face ponytail 

she was utterly arresting young  Mamma her boy called wheeling into the livingroom on his tricycle it wasnt a tricycle as much as it was a companion a trusty steed a good dog like the straight razor his father gave him that he carried in his backpocket habit comfort  Who’s that man, mamma?

This is Joe Patience, sweetheart.

Joe  Patience?  That's a strange name isn’t it, momma?

Ezekeil. Ezzy. Is that a strange name?
No.

Joe Patience isn’t a strange name. It’s Joe’s name, fortunately for you.

Huh?
Nothing Ezzy. Excuse me, Joe, my name’s Sarai; Joe Patience she extended her hand he took it  they shook he admired her firm grip  he enjoyed its roughness her chaffed working hands

I like your grip, Joe.

I was thinking the same of yours

Thank you.


What can I do for you, Joe? 

reams unpeeled in his skullblinding him  he went with why he visited  Hot tub almost a bark Ive noticed since moving in you have a hot tub

Yes.

Yes  However I havent seen you using it that wasnt gooddidnt come out right

smiling furtively Have you been  watching?  

No  nonah  Can I plead the Fifth No  I got a bum wing while soakin in my tub is awright frankly its boring unimaginative  But a cedar tub out of doors  So ridiculously attractiveso inviting

Its been begging me if you really must know Its implored me to take a chance an rap on your door Ask he smiled Momma may I

Momma may I? she smiled Or ask?

Oh yesyes Ask  Ask if you might be inclinedconsider sharing your tub with me

she smiled widely Share it with you . .
. . No nahnah  no  Not share  with me   not that that isnt an attractive idea I think  No If I could use it That said  Im happy to share

Well, thank you  she smiled
                             her smile erupted into laughter her hands gathered at her breasts they didnt go to her mouth It was here when we came.  I don’t know the first thing about it.

Oh I do Id offset any expense I incurredany difference you realise in your utilities 


Hmm a man about the house. Novel.

Ezzy. What do you think, honey?

Ezzy eyed him saw through him  Joe Patience.  Momma, I think he’s OK.

Done she said she smiled again Day or night. Give me a head’s up, fifteen minutes, it’s yours. If it’s inclimate you’re welcome to change in the house, the back porch, we have a laundry area, just a leap from the tub.

Oh goodness thank you Thank you very much  Youll keep me apprised of any expense I incur

I will.

he extended his hand again  Shake on it

Happy to shake your hand, Joe.  she took his hand



up on the little hill they shared a cul-de-sac she named Prop’r Felix Bee from a film she saw called Cul-de-Sac he used the hot tub the Spring the Summer Fall Winter  winters in California were cool compared to Chicago Montana Alaska Minnesota Spring
                   one summer evening he telephoned to ask Sarai if he could use the tub We’re sorry, you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in order.

that was a douse of cold water Disconnected

he set the phone down in the cradle and walked into his bathroom and looked at Sarai and Ezzys house 

it seemed to age overnight

the tub the slats appeared greyed  weakened

he went out the front door and walked down to their house 

the screen was torn the front door behind it closed

he usually came into the house through back porch door

he opened the screen door it cried like a cold tendon

he rapped on the front door  its paint was fadedminute bubbles needed attention but rapping on the door his rap wasnt absorbed by anything opposite the door  the quietude of furnishings upholstery  the quietude of possession

his rap echoed the house sounded empty

Impossible only word to escape him

he went around to the windows and peered inside

vacant

aged

spiderwebs

unkept

You always entered through the back porch

he went around behind the house the tub was illkept Impossible he used it two weeks before he rapped on its door

he didnt hear Ezzy and his trusted steed wheeling towards it JOE!  JOE PATIENCE! Ezzyd cry

his rap echoed
               echoed echoed
Whadafuck
             they would have something to him that they were leavingthey respected one anothers spacetheir privacy
Sarai
       she would have said

he went home




he tried to work for three days but remained distracted

their house seemed to grow oldervisibly every day


he walked down the hill and followed the dirt road into town a rucksack slung over his shoulder for provisions  

entering the post office to check his box he suffered an AHHAmoment the postmaster a forwarding address he didnt know Sarais last name though he had her address

the lobby was empty

he strode up to the empty window and tapped the bell an inelegant service bell motel bell there was a grate before the window obscuring his viewreminding him of the whispering screen he saw Sarai through when they meet 


eventually an elderly manhalfbent hobbled up to the window Can I help yayungman?

Yes please

I live on Boone Road  top of the hill  the cul-de-sac  Prop’r Felix Bee he thought  

Know it. Don’t deliver up there.

No you dont

How can I help?

My neighbours Sarai  her son Ezzy have moved out I was wondering if they left a forwarding address so I could reach them

You’d think she would have told you.

Fuckin correct curmudgeon he thought Yes But they moved suddenlyId seen them two weeks earlier

You live next door? Two weeks earlier?

Yes

Boone?

Yes

You’re the only address on Boone with a PO Box.

I know the houses; I’ve lived here my whole life.

Thought strange you took that place up there. Alone.

Alone

Yes. Those houses belonged to the Fraziers, family property, generations. They killed one another years back. You’re the first tenant in years. Townspeople won't live there. Terribly grim.  No.

Only a stranger would have moved up there.

You’ve been the only one up there for years.


I'm sorry, young man, I don't know what you're talking about.  I can't help you.



Oh sir but you have  Thank you

leaving he tapped the service bell one more time the old man paid no attention it reminded him of the bell on Ezzys tricycle


between 0800 & 0900,  Thursday,  28  3. 19
1220,  Reggae Friday,  29  3. 19

Mya  Real Compared to What (feat. Common) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqbCfyu45Eo

29.3.19



its a trip to go into work having masturbated to a woman he met there a few nights earlier and no sooner than he ties up his apron she rolls inall smiles  radiant beautiful hot  then leans across the counter to whisperleaning forward leaning happily  leaning breasts swelling  Say, Joe, I can’t believe I’m telling you this; but I dreamed of you last night  us  we Ihad relations.   

Relations 

Sssh Yes. Relations. 

I like how this is sounding
Sssh 
     then she relatedworried she was out of bounds  . . It was the craziest dream, I dreamed we made love

Love yatryin to kill me whakind of relations did we have

When did you dream it whatime

Last night. I dreamt about us last night.  It was hot.


he didnt say anything for a moment blinked mostly she became aware she was leaning across the counteraware that her blouse was revealing

she started to back away No Dont  Since youre being fulsome honest  I have to admit  I didnt dream of you last night   I did however masturbate to you

You masturbated about me?

I did  Yes  But I gotta wonder what time might you think you dreamt of usbecause I woke from sleep thought of you  touched myself  an myself was all-in

You stroked yourself?

Yes  I masturbated

You masturbated about me last night?

Yes he looked her steadily in the eye

That’s hot.

It was hot though Im terribly curious whatime you may have dreamedwhacha dreamed

Why?

Why well  Youd blow my mind . . 
. . I blew you 

that gave him pause  
                     Whoa  ahthank you  Iwhoa  youd blow my mindId blow my mind if I was responding to your dreaming of us or if I informed your dream by masturbating about you  us
Oh! 
      she leaned back off the counteradjusted her blouse Didnt have to do that he said she blushed Now you blush  Colour suits youbrings out the red highlights in your hair ups your soft freckles
Thank you. 

Yabet


Would that be crazy?

I dont know  crazy   Maybe I can call you later tonight when I get off of work and you can tell me  details  particulars of your dream  Or Ill share mine if youd be more comfortable

she smiled lasciviously winked a green eye  I think we’re comfortable.

he smiled large  Yes   Comfortable

So was this your gambit . . to masturbate . . . to get my telephone number, so you can call me, and we can talk sex . . have sex . over the telephone?

he smiled larger  Sure  Whynot

We could do that.

We could  Know what youll be wearing she burst out laughing  didnt cover her mouth



0045,  Thursday,  28  3. 19
1147,  Thursday,  28  3. 19

pencil-neck


Im with Schiff

Drumpfs a cocksucker Christ wouldja wipe your chin
0044,  Reggae Friday,  29  3. 19

28.3.19


she was out ahead of the restwhich baffled her the other kids knew himhad run-ins with him  she knew in her heart they wanted no part of him
                             so why were they slow on the uptick  legs relaxed 

the way he was coming on a headstart by the time they made it to their feettheir feet churning asif running in sand in mud  clutched by heavywet concrete 

Bygod she smelled him before she heard him

PFFT she raced up the roadshe would have thought others would have taken a hint by her busting out HEY! she got a couple of casual looksnot that she sought eyecontact she saw slight hapless shrugs
                                                                                         to each their own 
she was keeping hers

RUN! she screamed over her shoulder as she ran
                                                        it wasnt like any among the bunch were antelopes zero to sixtypointzeronine milesperhour in seconds fastest land mammal in the New World very few were as quick and nimble as she

maybe she was getting quicker or more waryalert but how could they have missed his approach

his spine was twistedhe writhed upright snakelike tall moving like a hunting crane he pursued his forwardthrusted bluemilk-coloured blind right eye which may have changed itselfbecome heatseeking now that his true vision was annihilated it gaped wideopen larger than his left horriblycross   terriblyinquisitive

suddenly a few kids caught on rearedstumbled off their fannies backed off like frogs on broken legs  turning to runscreaming LEAVE ME ALONE!! worthlessly
                                                whyd they waste their breaths

standing upright his arms nearly touched the groundhis hands clawlike 
he snatched up a few of the kidstheir colouredclothing twisting like tornadoes trying to escape but who knew better  if he dropped onehed have it back before it struck the ground 
                                                          shrieks shrieks  SHRIEKS
                                                                             whyd they waste their breaths

both arms laden with strugglingcrying bodies he stopped running he paused briefly then turned he walked away slowly  ungainly

she didnt stop running until she couldnt see anyone


then she sat down panting
                            panting panting  wiping tears from her eyes with her sleeves  

she didnt want to imagine who


                                       shed learn soon enough


0751,  Monday,  25  3. 19
1544,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  27  3. 19