6.12.19


Ah the books passage reminded him of her Katie
                                                      “She made a pretty show of looking through her purse for something, pouting, the way a woman with a good mouth can pout.”


he trembled inside hoped he didnt betray himself the first time he saw her pout

he usually didnt pay particular attention to a womans mouth 

everyone has a mouth
                        but maybe because he was standing up close to hertaller than she and the pout came across her mouth subtly softly  he wanted to kiss her right then and therefeel the ridge of her pout against his lipsfeel it melt  under his mouth like sucking a hard butterscotch candy
a reckless submission

he didnt kiss her then

he told her not to dismay  he had put up her purchase knowing what she wanted so whenever she came in shed have it

she hugged him his cock moved she buried her face in his chest I like you so much

it was delectably innocent

she looked up into his face My boyfriend doesn’t like that I like you.

Your boyfriend doesnt tell you what you like or dont likedo or dont do does he

He tries. But no, he’s my boyfriend. I’m all me.
                                                 still in his armsstill in their embrace she was all herhe felt himself growing
she felt him growing Oh. You like me too. 
                                         she smiled largely fondly We should do something about you and I, shouldn’t we?

I wouldnt have thought youd think so

Maybe you haven’t thought so because I’ve always come in with him. I’m not with him tonight; obviously.

he smiled down into her face

her lips came out of their pout 

he raised his hand to her mouth and slowly ran his thumb across her upper lip her lower lip You have a beautiful mouth Katie 

he felt something move inside her  

her breath rose
                 It’s getting hot in here.
Yes

What shall we do?

What would you like to do

she stepped back out of his arms he wasnt holding her tight despite wanting to 

she looked up into his face

a beautiful smile ran across her lips

I don’t think I’d put you off.

Likely not

her smile brightenedher eyes sparkled mischieviously

she stepped into his arms again  I’d like to do you. he grew hard against her belly An I think she winked you’d like to do me. 

Yes  rose huskily from his throat

Come over tonight? I’ll give you my address.

Yes



what he understood about redheads but never experienced because he usually didnt find redheads attractive Katie was the exception  it turned out to be true

they didnt leave one rock unturned     


  
 earlier than 0850 when he recorded it,  Thursday,  19  9. 19  ( lotsa 9s )
1318,  Friday,  6  12. 19




I wouldn’t bet on it.

he didnt like the haughtinessthe subtle sneer on his face that pushed waterhumped it like a big fish swimming just beneath the surface the swell distortingrefracting the sunlight playing off it
                                                                               the moak seemed as unaware of his sneer as the fish would be unaware

childishly  he couldnt help himself he mimicked  I wouldnt bet on it

the sneer came on full  aware the fishs back broke the surface No. I wouldn’t.

disdain has to be met with disdain 
                                     which follows a natural course  as natural as ebb and flow as respect is met with respect or violence is met with violence or sooner if he saw it coming

Ah But youre not me and then with a slight Elvis snarl showing canine Are you


*   *   *


the canine slipped back under his lip leaving his counter to decide if or not he wanted to acknowledge the tooth

nuanced

a quiet facial expression

to read someone is pure nuance

meaning  the moak had to decide whether he intended violence or rather he was feigning it

he put the ball in moaks court

now he watched to see how he played it

since the intent  the I wouldn’t bet on it was his


the sneer melted away

maybe he called his bluff

or he was feigning

Christ he loved this gamehe may have been better at it than he thought he didnt like to think  he reacted to his nature he reacted understanding that he was responsible for his actions he was utterly comfortable with whatever the consequences might be

once you accept thatknow that everything flows and follows as should be
                                                                               is as should be  Fate?

nah  not really

more like an equation

like math

variables to an equation  =  an outcome a particular answer that particular “fate”


if handfuls of broken rock were strewn on the ground and he tossed a small red rubber ball onto the rocks

where it ends up

how it got there

is “fate”


smaller rocks

same ball

toss

the difference is in the variables

another “fate”


nothing is a sure bet

thats why you play the game

an as he thought – he was getting good at it

he certainly had scars to prove it

he was generously provisioned

right scars

wrong scars

so far they had healed

more importantly 

they healed before the next game

he was a quick healer

he remembered what he had to – tapped it as second nature – his pain informed his memory

pain the simplest reminder of Now Being in the moment

“Stay with me. Stay with me.” pain says the seducer

then with the recognition  a wry smile and smilingpeeling its fingers off his armknocking its hand away from his chest  Gotta go

“No. Stay with me.”

hes beyond its moment  Gotta go

the last  talon   slipped away


*   *   *


he watched moak watching his canine sliphide behind his lip  And so

So?

Where we at


I asked you  Are you 
                                             Are you


0847,  Twosday,  12  11. 19
1149,  Reggae Friday,  6  12. 19
Savoy Brown  Ain’t No Need to Worry  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yQ5zX5gdhK4

5.12.19


his daughter looked over his right shoulder between the machinery that was enabling herenabling her to defeatreverse her illness

no one ever had

but if someone could

it would be her

to use her words

she was a Badass

she was

she threw dives in college that only men threw but her coach held her back she didnt want her to be the first woman to challenge mens diving

her coach said she wasnt prominent enoughwell known enough

Fuck prominence he told her If she has the athleticism to put the dive in the water let her

her coachs credibility would be on the line

it was politicssome ridiculous etiquette

but somebody had to hold politics downmuzzle it

he told his daughter to throw her dives
                                         up on the board  tell the judges the change in dives one at a time

she told him thats not how it works

Fuck the Works he said

I love you, Dad; I love your unbridled enthusiasm, but there are rules . . 
. . Rules are made to be broken baby

she smiled lovingly as she always smiled at him Oh, Dad, if I could only inhabit your world.

Step in baby Just know what you can do and do itdont wait on the Establishment theyre always a day late a dollar shortthey lack imagination Establishment is bound to reticence to the mundane Blow it up!

she didnt reverse her coach

she was a good soldier

hed never be a soldier


she looked over his shoulder at the outside

a Meyer lemon tree a warrior a species almost entirely eradicated prior to World War II replaced by a fauxmore sour lemon todays lemon a tall bottlebrush plant behind it

hummingbirds worked the bottlebrush plant

it was delicious to watch their sudden flits their immediatenecessary satiation

his hummers back home took plastic roosts satiated themselves without having to expend vital energyenergy that taxed them at 1400 heartbeats per minute on wing verse 400 restingverse 40 heartbeats per minute when they went into stupor overnight



she watched out the window intently


her disconnected watching reminded him of his youngest granddaughterhis daughters daughter

she often stared off into the distance

like a sleepwalker you didnt interrupt them you could curb themgently but you didnt waken them

eventually her gaze returned

Where did you go

What, Grampa?

Whered you go baby

Huh?

You didnt acknowledge meyou were staring off

I don’t know what you’re talking about.


she never did

she never acknowledged she wasnt present
                                               as now his daughter wouldnt acknowledge her departure
she didnt have to

where she went to step aside of her existential malady was good with him

he sidestepped his often

it was a survival technique


he wanted more than his own life for her to survive

if he couldbut he couldnt hed take her genetics and throw himself into the blazing fire that would free her and incinerate him 
     Life doesnt give you that option 
that option is fantasy

fantasies are unreal

no matter how hard you wish them into being


his daughters external lifeoutside her home was limited to a Meyer lemon tree bottlebrush plants and hummingbirds

she took their comfort

she seemed content
                     for that moment
the rest of her time was consumed defeating her illnessto become the first person to have rendered it mute rendered its remission

she looked to him for that strength

hed overcome Graves

hed overcome a pronounced rheumatoid arthritis Doc you dont know what youre talking about

she took comfort in him overthrowing doctors who he fashioned in his mind as employees  to hire to fire
doctors didnt see themselves in that light 
Pity

entitlement

assumed Authority
HA

his body was his Authority

he welcomed doctors opinions

they were only opinions

he was his own Authority

he didnt betray himself

his daughter didnt either

the applethe acorn didnt fall far from the tree


but 
    maybe she was wrong to assume his past medical deliberations
she wasnt him
as much as he wanted her to be or she wanted to be

she was his bloodline

she was also her mothers bloodline and she was affected by it

there wasnt a thing he could do
                                 except to never have had children with her mother water under the bridge



the window was an entrance
                              hed be naïve not to imagine it an exit

1324,  Thursday,  5  12. 19
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meyer_lemon:  By the mid-1940s, the Meyer lemon had become widely grown in California. However, at that time it was discovered that a majority of the Meyer lemon trees being cloned were symptomless carriers of the Citrus tristeza virus, a virus which had killed millions of citrus trees all over the world and rendered other millions useless for production. After this finding, most of the Meyer lemon trees in the United States were destroyed to save other citrus trees.
Peter, Paul and Mary  Too Much of Nothing  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFMloclgai0      



well  he was out of town and incommunicado  returning he discovered no surprise that the Republican Base to date the basest Base of his lifetime is not put off by candidates who are liars and thieves and who after their candidates have been indicted still went to the polls last year and re-elected them                    

Chris Colllins   eight felony counts  insider trading 

Duncan Hunter   sixty felony counts  misusing campaign funds Hunter then accused his wife of the crimes



these first Trumpers nice verbhuh these birds recognised the brethrenthe nest they shared with Big Bird so sorry Big Bird – though also another fiction rather cunt  a seeping gasbag these Trumpers recognised that their traits were consistent with him and their entitlements


incommunicado left him anxious every day he was

last evening – returning – he was edified

the guilt pleads confirmed what he understood at the time they were indicted to be true


it was a nice Welcome Home



1036,  Thursday,  5  12. 19

4.12.19




hed known his share of minxessucculent women


he  to say the least  was very fond of them


he wished he wasnt rolling past on the highwayhurtling south to Montecito
                                                                               a young woman spectacularly coy stood on the roadside of crushed sandstone shells and shale exhibiting in that eager moment a familiar an attractive tempting alluring pose smiling  the turn of her generous hips  her biceps at either side of her breasts pressing herding them happily  a vivacious gorgeous innocent  fawning  breathless   invite

if she was aware though she couldnt have been  she stood at the feet of two trees  entwined at their roots that grew bent up into the brightblue California sky  they could have been part of an intriguing elegant Wycinanki  a Polish folk art paper-cut design

the trees facing each other were shaped like a pair of courting seahorses

as he passedhe was aware
                              he wondered if anyone else saw   no matter  he was terribly grateful for the genuine simple  erotic  scene


1136,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  27  11. 19
1354,  Saturday,  30  11. 19
Brian Hyland  Gypsy Woman  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_yDmOP2KI90

1.12.19


Youah  got an itch baby

he caught his sixyearold granddaughter with her fingers between her legs

she thought she was hidden inside her blue cornflower blanket that covered her

she met his eyes with a blank face

                                      then she replied in a dull modulated  bored   mischievous tone
I’ve always got an itch, grampa.


2129,  Twosday,  19  11. 19
1331,  Saturday,  30  11. 19

Zappa  (I got a spot that gets me hot!)  Dinah-Moe Humm  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4hzVpYAP-U

30.11.19


       four slender men  unimposing   which was probably why the four came
approached him from behind as he gassed his car

they hid their identities behind tall limpnecked misshapenheaded giraffe masks
they did seem tall 
                      asif they believed height had anything to do with being imposing or threatening 

he caught their impracticalcomic approach a brief glance over his shoulder but ignored them  ignoring them even when it became apparent they came to the gas station in among the gas pumps for him

the one at the head said snidely You’re filling up with cheap gas.

You know you get what you pay for, right? 

Yes. Thank you  Twoseventyone a gallon  Cheapest Ive found in a while  Thats an excellent observation uh uhah Jeffrey that leapt into his mindthe Toys ‘R Us maskcot An while youre at it yamight also know Im not inclined to pay for your attention

It isn’t good gas; and you don’t have to pay for our attention. You have it.

You have our unflappable, dogged attention.

Wow lucky me he said as tossed an eye up and down the skinny mans googlyeyed lopsided mask Dogged Im hardpressed to buy dogged    

Anyways the gas gets me where Im going an yacan keep your attention

lazy lefteye Jeffrey strodesuddenly from between the pumps and violently slapped the gas nozzle out of his handdousing his pants and bleeding enough down the side of the car and under it to inform him of his peril 

he smiled unperturbed Think ya got little on your sleeve there Jeffrey he pointed  and pointing his sleeve dribbled gas onto the wetted concrete apron 

his smile fell when Jeffrey produced an worn nickel cigarette lighter flipped it openstruck it on his palm its flame was broad  undulating


Seems I find myself in a jam

Yes. A jam. You should walk this way he said as he slowly backed off the red edged platform the gas pumps stood on

he couldnt help himself  Yawant I should walk backwards  

I dont care how you walk, man, as long as you walk this way.

stepping after Jeffrey his shoes sloshed

the other Jeffreys swung in around behind himto his sides


nobodynot a fucking soul seemed to pay attention to the motley crew they comprised asif it was common that twoleguged queercountenanced giraffes walked a guy who looked like he pissed in his pants
not odd at all  huh
                     but he knew he was deep in times of when people kept to themselvesminded their own business didnt go lookin for trouble

if it was him hedve said something but that was his nature

his skin was also his nature 

he didnt wanna spend months healing from burned flesh  No

Bide your time bide your time

Its just a matter of time

its always been just a matter of time an the ability to recognise opportunity

he was no shrinking violet he didnt look good in a skirt

he assumed he was taking a walk with these gentlemen at least until they proved themselves not to be gentlemen



they walked across the enormous Truck Stop parking lot

at the far end of the lotobscured by distancewhen Jeffrey slapped the lighter closed the three other giraffes jumped him and held him down 

Jeffrey yanked a fashioned two-noosed length of rope from his jacketcinched his hands behind him with one noose slipped the other over his headaround his throat 

as long as he held his arms up high behind him he wouldnt strangle himself

they went through a rent cut the chainlink fence that was the lots demarcation Good old property rights then walked forward into the desert brown sand brackish sand startlingwhite sand Ought to be an ocean around here somewhere but the nonexistent sea was curtailed by thorny bushes thick forbidding brush happy alienshaped cacti and other forms of bizarre vegetation he couldnt identify for his life but dug that they made their solitary lives in the desert

give it time . . . the desert is beautiful . . . . and as desirable as a kid sister when all the other women had dried up and blown away because he wasnt a peach he must have been hallucinating  he didnt have a kid sister and women he met tended to be wet


deeper into the desert Jeffrey wrapped a leash around his waist as his throat was otherwise engaged and pulled him forward faster setting the pace  a pace he had been delaying
                                                          Okay  so he played a game of Trustclosing his eyesfiguring the bastard wouldnt walk him over a drop evidently they wanted himwhodafuck knew what for a little girl whose mother busied herself on her backher kneesher belly providing for her and her daughter took a fancy to him  Trust was a game the little girl liked to play Hold onto the end of my skip rope Close your eyes And I’ll walk you down the street, and you have to trust me that I won’t walk you into something? telegraphing

she almost walked him into a post
he was peeking slyly 
HEY!
Hey nothing You almost walked me into that post
You’re supposed to trust me.
Kid I dont trust anyone but myself Something you ought to learn
I know.

You know

I know.


So why were we playing Trust

I wanted to know if you knew.

You had doubts

My Mommie makes me doubt.

Youre Mommies tryin hard doin what she can

It isn’t working.

You eating

Yes.

Youre clothedhave a place to live

Yes.

Youre in school

Yes.

Whaelse yawant out of her


I want her time.

We all wantwanted our parents time  Its something they sell to provide for us

I want . .
. . I wanI wan  I wanTAH

Ya get whacha need if your lucky

she pouted

Come on Ill buy you a carton of milk and a donut




he opened his eyes in time to catch that they were walking up on a shell of a stone cabin its roof had collapsed into it a small outbuilding beside it that smelled of a coopchickens stacked tires to either side of the timber that formed the short entrance that the giraffes couldnt enter without defrockingdecapitating exposing themselves he was sure he didnt know them he was sure they didnt want him to know them

he smelled water tepid  that he could smell water and hadnt pissed informed him he was thirsty

the water smelled like rubber

water inside the tires

he veered towards the broken shacks entrance

Jeffrey pulled on him

Jeffrey was slight

he pulled Jeffrey

Miuthafucker!

You betcha I may have fucked your old ladymebbe why youre part of this getup Im thirsty

staggering over to the stacked tiresdragging Jeffreypushing bodily against the other three clowns who tried to impede him he made the tire to the right of the emptied doorway  no water 
                                                                      he crossed left  AwhChrist 
shallow water
two fish inverted in it
                       bluegills
bluegills inflated like porcupine fish they had sucked up what water they could hold and was recirculating it over their gills to breathe their tails and backs dryshrunken Do whacha need to do to survive  
                                                                                    FUCK THIS! in a suddenhe jerked his arms downstraightened his backjerked forward he didnt snap his neck choked briefly then rope snappedPOP!ped apparently rotted hemp

in the next moment he yanked his arms outwardPOP!
                                            he was a freed muthafucker
except for Eeny Meeny Miny Moe clamouring around him unsure what to do he conferred Moe on Jeffrey Moe had been from his Three Stooges viewing days  the apparent ringleader

he scooped handfuls of water out from around the fish drinking his fill 

the clods and Moe closed rank around him tentatively  Drink he said I heard your canteens rattle against your thighs CUNTS  


Now what

Moe said  We keep walking

Im supposed to follow you or youll pursuefollow me

We know where we’re going.

Theres that however I aint going anywhere without the fish

The fish?

Damnright  I aint leaving themtheyre innocent Im sick of Innocence being sacrificed for the selfish

I suppose Im drawing a line in theHA sand  or we can have it out here  I aint troubled by the odds


they balked
             Awright lose the hats all of ya Knot two of them  A bluegill in each Empty your canteens into them I hope to hell youre close to where it is youre takin me otherwise youre gonna get mighty thirsty


Eeny Meeny Miny Moe did as they were told


he humped the knotted giraffe heads onto his shoulder and followed the defrocked into the falling dusk and night



where they ended up was anyone guess 
                                             he woke from his dream
  

1037,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  27  11. 19
1720,  Friday,  29  11. 19
Everly Brothers  All I Have To Do Is Dream  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbU3zdAgiX8 
War  Slippin’ into Darkness  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6L-2IQMDwcA