Isabels on a roll

at the dinner table

always lots of conversation coursed between family

he shared a Jack Smith LA Times story a calendar called The Exposition of Days was published  each month was headed by quotes from educators writers philosophers scientists on Life Service Ethics Morality similar uplifting subject  he particularly liked one from Harry Bender 

                                              he memorised it

Imagine the appeals/dissents and remandments/if lawyers had written/The Ten Commandments

went over like a lead balloon

Awright  howbout Irv Kupcinet  

                                 What can you say about a society that says God is Dead and Elvis is alive?

like attending a wake 

                       Comon ya guys This is great stuff

It’s not Dad.

Isabel before you go off anyare welcome to  but yare not leaving the table until you eat half of your meatloaf Its Uncle Ralphsbest damn meatloaf anyone puts on the table

Maybe not.

Hows tha  Elaborate

You say it’ll put hair on my chest. 

                                    I don’t want hair on my chest. I’m going to grow two hills.

Ohreally Whakind of hills Like this 

                                       he put his hands under his sweatshirt  breastheight he poked his indexfingers against it 

OHno no! Not like Auntie’s, like Mom’s. 

                                           Hers are just right.

   he had no argument

2145,  Twosday,  23  1. 1990

1441,  day-between-2-Ts,  17  5. 23

More Today Than Yesterday

lying on his belly on the carpet rubbed the outside of his hand  This is hard

his wife looked up from her crossstitch from her rocker  What’s hard, babe?

Writing in this notebook he shook his head  Its always been problematicyoud think by now theyd make a notebook for lefthanded people

Hmm. There’s a simple remedy.

Quit writing in my journal

No. Simpler. 

             Turn it on its head, binder right, free your mind.

he turned it 

             Sonofabitch

I’ll let your mother know.

Onbrother yare in rare form this evening Might suggest your crossstitch is going well Yare really making it an artformbreaking tradition almost freestyle

Thank you, trying to make it appear more like painting.

Mom woudbe over the moon Her abstractsI think were her best work

Frees your mind.  she chuckled

Yes 

    Speaking of free mind he looked up to her  Isabel keeps coming out of the blue on me

she looked up found him looking at her Shouldn’t surprise you she’s your daughter, you come out of the blue.

he chuckled  Stay off the walls

she pursed her lips Even when I ask pretty please you don’t.

I cant help myself theyre your friends ansome of them got their heads up their ass

And you like pointing that out to the whole room.

Subtletys lost on them Ya gotta slap em upside the headwhich is queer They are for the most part intelligent people  Tha old quotient working against them the smarter someone is unfortunately their common sense ticks dow . . 

. . And yours is up to your eyeballs.

Either common sense or horseshit

                                    You likedlike that about me 

I love that about you. 

                      Isabel?

Yah Do you know today is 

January Sixth.

Yes began singing On the twelfth day of Christmas . .  stopped  Yare right 

                                                                                Isabel asked Yaknow Dad, what today is?

Saturday

Yeah but . . what today is?

January Sixth

Yeahbut . . what it is?

Baby  evidently I don anya do   What is today

Dia De Los Tres Reyes.

I don speak adaEnglish

she set him earnestly in her eyes  It’s El Dia de los Reyes . . Reyes Reyes . that’s a really big hint, Dad.

Chile Reyes chile relleno  No

she harrumphed sounded like he punched her in the belly  Today’s the day the Three Kings arrived before baby Jesus.

I did not know tha anya know tha how

My teacher, Mrs. Garfield, she’s kinda churchy.

Shes a lot churchy

She said as we were leaving school yesterdaygoing out the door. I remember it because I didn’t know it. 

he said Kids got a mind like a sponge

she chuckled

               Remind you of anyone. chuckled harder  Anyone . in particular?

   Shes my kid

TADUMb! 

I caught tha

              Your silent b

You're so quick.

I hadhave to be  otherwise I woudnt have caught you my lil CIF State medalist in two events

You love me.

Forever

6Jan 1990

1023,  Day-between-2-Ts,  17  5. 23

Spiral Staircase  More Today Than Yesterday  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89eEa3RvCF4 

Blood, Sweat, and Tears  You’ve Made Me So Very Happy   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjZtRAoITP0

         AD

 

                                                                                                                                                              SKIP AD 

interrupted the music he was listening to on YouTube

quicklyhe stepped out of WORD went to the header opened YouTube

advertisement was for Hiscock Business Decisions 

                                                                                          SKIPped

Tim Heckers Ghost Writing Pt. 1 resumed

                                            he dropped to the bottom of the page and restored WORD and in that heartbeatpassage of time through a chuckle he said  No it aint thenimmediately argued with himself  Mebbe it is if his cocks business was at brothel   Yes Theres tha   A house of prostitution   Game on House of Ill-repute   Bordello   Bagnio I know archaic Also known as brothel bathhouse prison for slaves   Awright were playing tha game Stews

A Medieval brothel stews stewhouses bathhouses where prostitutes were available   I didnt know tha   I didnt know bagnio Got another   Cathouse   Yes a sportinghouse   Yes Bawdyhouse   Man ya got those archaic terms down pat  Im a greatwere a great reader of History   We are   An our point was wha                                                                                                                              Hiscock 

Yes  His business His cock

Yes

Im okay to go

Yes Come again  Tha was fun

Yah Who knew we knew those terminologies

Spose when push comes to shove we plumb our depths he laughed 

                                                                        As shallow as we are

But were fortunate to have the good sense to be selfdeprecating

Yah Nobody depreciates us better than we do

Im outahere 

             he subsidedsubmerged into the frothy curds of his brain wherein all Hes reside

1918,  Sunday – Mother’s Day,  14  5. 23

1122,  Twosday,  16  5. 23

Tim Hecker  Ghost Writing Pt. 1  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhxddO2qly4

small things tickled him

                           that resume to begin again and resume a document submitted with an employment application are spelled alike 

                                that English cinema often regarded for its dry humour has repeatedly been described to him as full of piss and vinegar 

                                  that a loving person can humanely put down their pet but cannot count on anyone to help them ease their suffering

1746,  Sunday – Mother’s Day,  14  5. 23

1001,  Twosday,  16  5. 23

Nobody should suffer clutter, you know how it is what I’m talking abou . .

. . No

        Ya know how often you try to park my ass in your tent

surprisedflinchingpulled his head back You disagree?

I do 

      Speak for yourself don drag me in Its I not you us we

You’re my wingman.

Im notI keep tellin ya  an for some reasonunknown to me ya continue to believe so

But you have my back.

I have your back Thas not a wingman

There’s no difference. 

There is 

          Ya get in a fightget outnumbered Im all in Talk you up to some woman yare interested in Nada  Canya recall a time Ive called on you

   No.

          But you’re more confident than me.

Then bolster your confidence The person who believes in you the most ought to be you   Ya shoudnt need strokes

No strokes that’s you, but you were built to be a mountain man. Lousy timing. Went two centuries long.

Next timeround Ill have to aim better 

                                            Thasaid clutter yawere talkinbout wasnt yours

No, not mine. 

                Helped a friend alleviate theirs.

Anya tossed things ya shoudnt havedidnt ask first

Asking would have slowed the process down.

Your process Ya took it upon yourself to be the arbiter arbitrator a twobit traitor                   

Can’t help yourself.

No I cant

           You  screwed up 

I can replace them . .

. . Yacant 

           A replacement isnt them You must understand tha    Ya screwed up 

If I hadn’t throw them away they would have remained clutter. Youknow.

I don I don  I suffer clutter right angle clutter

Right angle . . what the hell you talking about?

Comon DUH  Yave been round I got books art record albums Sharp right angles  Sometimes yaoughta shaddup think before ya open your mouth 

                             Or throw things away tha arent yours 

   Right angle clutter

1210,  Sunday – Mother’s Day,  14  5. 23

222preferred,  Monday,  15  5. 23

Bobby Vinton  Mr. Lonely  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djU4Lq_5EaM 

Bob Dylan  It Ain’t Me Babe  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YoagldK69U0

 

The Durham Bust

   Whell no  not really    no bust

not the CRIME OF THE CENTURY former attached to the Durham Investigation

not CRAP for $6.5M taxpayers dollars over four years 

                                                          money that otherwise could have provided scholarships college degrees for inspired students

1736,  Monday,  15  5. 23

https://www.cnn.com/politics/live-news/trump-russia-probe-durham-report/index.html 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qt0TfoBQW8

Santana  Evil Ways  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVPUAntzOl4

   queer   his nose bought him time

the apoplexy that caused himthe stark ridiculousness that he call on his nose not consciously to help him circumvent the time that remained before he got home and the remainder of the book he read 

                                                                                   hed be walking without reading 

and he didnt like doing that

it was nonfiction

when he went out the door he failed to take into account that at the back of the book were Notes Acknowledgment and Sources and an Index 

                         woefully little text remained 

he held himself accountable

his kind of accountability 

suffer the consequences 

he did NOThowever  fail to take into account his hay fever

                                                              he carried a second handkerchief one in each back pocket in addition to another he kept in an outer pocket of the canvasbag he slung over his shoulder 

he took solace in that 

   actually  a bit more than solace

the longer he walked the more he needed to blow his nose 

still walking he placed a bookmarker between the pages tucked the book in his armpit and used the handkerchiefs

as it turned out these innumerableuncounted interruptions were tantamount to extending the time he needed to finish the book and as he returned to his placewalked up the drive he finished it verged on the Notes that he hadnt intended to read

   so  lo and behold 

                           his nose bought him time

afternoon,  Saturday,  13  5. 23

1139,  Monday,  15  5. 23

Mogwai  Glasgow Mega-Snake  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hpj2WC4ZSXw

Comer from Kentucky Republican representative  OUCH someone or several in Kentucky cried 

         the latest newcomer latest iteration of FAKE politician

https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/maddowblog/gops-comer-cant-track-anti-biden-informant-rcna84401?cid=eml_maddow_20230515&user_email=e4c91d00eead6d858374885584701152a02c6d873bb23bf387b4583a289e5951&utm_source=Sailthru&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=TRMS%205/15/23&utm_term=Rachel%20Maddow%20Show

hed spent the morning writing letters 

                                       his parents girlfriend  a birthday letter to his brother

and the reason he was writing was because he was trying to shake Infamy v. Fame  how some people will do anything to be famous the quickest route was to lie yet somehow not realise that they were not famous rather infamous 

it seemed to him that it shouldought to occur to them but to professional attention-seekers they must believe bad news was good for themwas better than no news no notice at all

   it seemed to him 

                       he may have to write another letter

he hadnt shaken it off

1730,  day-between-2-Ts,  10  5. 23

1240,  Monday,  15  5. 23

https://www.regain.us/advice/general/the-dangers-of-attention-seeking-behavior/

inadvertently he let slip a morose a rather unsightly truth 

                                                                    as people will

but hed given it a lot of thought

Yes there was selfconcern 

                               as there usually is he wasnt being greedy hadnt a greedy bone in his body

his concern was for HIS trees to be able to cherish them in another thirty years trees he planted in the yard of the house he rented 

                  he found and transplanted five theyve flourished and in turn have helped him flourish 

buddy said I can’t believe you said that out loud.

I didnt mean it in a bad way an inconsiderate way 

                                                          Terribly factual

Wishing your landlords dead. 

I did not say that

   That’s what I heard.

Then I suggest you clean your ears real good I did not say that

What did you say?

Testing testing can you hear me  Whad I just say

You’re being ridic . . 

. . Ridiculous I own tha descriptor cherish it 

                                                 Whad I say 

he was irritatedshowed in his face Treating me like a child face 

                                                                    abruptly Testing. Testing. 

Thank you  Correct

                       Its best you understand  You irritate me too 

I do not like being misunderstood or taken out of context Ive spent the better part of my life combating it an combating is unfortunately accurate

                          I aint anal but I am a stickler for details when they concern me

YEAH. I know.

                 Yawanna get on with it.

   Yah

         I said If I can outlive my landlords if I can Ill really be able to enjoy my trees

Youll recall I also said I am somewha a Johnny Appleseed Ive transplanted dozens of trees but unfortunately most have been cut down 

                 I outlive my landlords these five wont be cut down in my lifetime Thad be a nice send off

A nice send off . . the trees surviving you? 

Yes 

      An particularly YES  when you consider how many Ive lost an an  antha every house domicile Ive lived in are also not existent 

                  This rental is likely my last hurrah likely where death will catchup with me annihilate me

Annihilate. 

             That’s mighty grim.

   Mighty accurate

2008,  Thursday,  11  5. 23

1136,  Sunday – Mother’s Day,  14  5. 23

Bohren & der Club of Gore  Nightwolf  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJwWDO3IrMI

   Well . . I’m not messed up . I’ve drunk as much as you.

Im drinking liquor Yare drinking liqueur 

                                           Theres a difference

flopping his hand haphazardly before him  limp wristed I’ve drunk as much as you. 

Don make me go into the kitchen collect evidence  Ill be tempted to stick one up your ass

queer flop again I’ve drunk as much as you.   broken record    

he rolled his pool cue onto the table upset several balls

                                                           You understand numbers right  Percentages

walked out of the room

he returned with the bottles Angel Envy Kahlua Envy would fit nicely

   A B V Yare familiar 

                            Alcohol by volume

Preaching to the choir, man, I know.

Well choir boy  priests gonna take you out back an screw you raw 

                                                          Kahlua 20% 

Wanna guess Angels

No. You’ll tell me.

Damn straight  43% A B V 

                              Anyave been niggardly measuring out an ounce at a time with a shotglass before pouring it into yours  I poured free hand Likely couple ounces a crack 

                                                                  How many servings 

I’m wasn’t counting. 

Four 

      Tha said  Im messed up

                                       Id liquor 

What?

Lick her

Aah . . I don't know what you talkin’ about.  What are you saying?

Whaya wont

I won’t.

No 

     For tha matter Id liqueur her too

What?

Lick queer her  ass

I'm not following.

Ya woudnt be welcome nothing be left  Zappas poodle comon Frenchie   Not a speck of cereal

5PMish,  Thursday,  11 5. 23

2241, Saturday,  13  5. 23

Neil Young  Crazy Horse  My My, Hey Hey  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6RZY4Ar3fw 

Zappa  Dirty Love  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MjcXOR9UGaw

You Are What You Is  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKz2YK7DTX8

struck him kindaNUTS squirrelly 

                                   Checked out   Checked out whadaya mean 

I know wha Id mean but wha did you mean

As I said Sue’s said. 

                      You’ve suffered so many deaths in such a terribly short time, underwater, breaking the surface gulping air, shoved down again and again . . and again. So many potent figures powerful women in your life . . no brakes.

Checking out isn’t inconceivable, unnatural . . a solution . stop the pain.

I woudnt check out 

You forget my daughter  I aint goin anywhere for a long long time

   We couldn’t reach you through hotmail, emails were returned Undeliverable, your home telephone was disconnected. 

                It’s been seven weeks since last we heard from you. You said you’d get in touch with us when you got home.  It was over a weekend.

And I just did  I apologise

                            Things were in flux  So many moving parts so many more discouragements disappointments heartaches 

I apologise 

However

I woudnt check out

I intend being one fearsome bitch

Like you an Sue

   Bitches.

Youve been Sues been as long as Ive known you Neither of you take any shit Yare my gold standard  Yaoughta be proud 

Despite your gold standards believing you may have checked out 

First time for everything

                          Well let it slide now thaya know 

Okay

You’re forgiving.

Not ifya do it again

We won’t.

I expect ya wont

Lunchs on you  When we meeting

616preferred,  Saturday,  13  5. 23

Im over it he damn near pouted 

                                    he was done correcting errors that didnt implicate himwerent his doing he wasnt responsible

they were adults allround him dolts minding the candyshop

if they were screwingup kids comingup behind them would be screwy 

                                                                           it wasnt his watch 

maybe it was because they didnt have skin in the game

corporate loss

not theirs

disinterested

underpaid

no moxie 

he remembered his uncle being unenthusiastic when he entered carpentry as a labourer  no belt  to get his foot in the door 

      So what, you’ll be digging ditches? 

Likely But no ones gonna dig a better one

prophetic 

           later he wrote his uncle Maybe next time you might shoot a little higher for me 

he was purchasing a sixpak of beer loaf of bread soft tofu garlic heads a tallboy22oz beer 

she seemed distractedmissed his marketcard on top the sixpak scanned it then scanned his remaining items

she excused herself I’ll be right back.   Ill be right here

                                                           he bagged himself

she returned That’ll be $9.09.

   $9.09 

             he had to hint Thasadeal sounded like Thasasteal

Yes. We have the best prices.

they didnt

           he shopped at three different grocers

Are you a mother

I am.

You have tomorrow off to celebrate your day

she quietly snorted asif she might be overheard You have to work here for almost twenty years before you get Mother’s Day off.

Well knowing full well she had improperly scanned the 6pak I hope nevertheless you manage a good day

Thank you.

NO  Thank you

heading into the automatic glass doors he caught a glimpse of GUILT trying to catchup with him the doors parted  tore GUILT in half

 

not today tomorrow

he put it to bed

   Im over it

round1400,  Saturday,  13  5. 23