struck him kindaNUTS squirrelly 

                                   Checked out   Checked out whadaya mean 

I know wha Id mean but wha did you mean

As I said Sue’s said. 

                      You’ve suffered so many deaths in such a terribly short time, underwater, breaking the surface gulping air, shoved down again and again . . and again. So many potent figures powerful women in your life . . no brakes.

Checking out isn’t inconceivable, unnatural . . a solution . stop the pain.

I woudnt check out 

You forget my daughter  I aint goin anywhere for a long long time

   We couldn’t reach you through hotmail, emails were returned Undeliverable, your home telephone was disconnected. 

                It’s been seven weeks since last we heard from you. You said you’d get in touch with us when you got home.  It was over a weekend.

And I just did  I apologise

                            Things were in flux  So many moving parts so many more discouragements disappointments heartaches 

I apologise 

However

I woudnt check out

I intend being one fearsome bitch

Like you an Sue

   Bitches.

Youve been Sues been as long as Ive known you Neither of you take any shit Yare my gold standard  Yaoughta be proud 

Despite your gold standards believing you may have checked out 

First time for everything

                          Well let it slide now thaya know 

Okay

You’re forgiving.

Not ifya do it again

We won’t.

I expect ya wont

Lunchs on you  When we meeting

616preferred,  Saturday,  13  5. 23

Im over it he damn near pouted 

                                    he was done correcting errors that didnt implicate himwerent his doing he wasnt responsible

they were adults allround him dolts minding the candyshop

if they were screwingup kids comingup behind them would be screwy 

                                                                           it wasnt his watch 

maybe it was because they didnt have skin in the game

corporate loss

not theirs

disinterested

underpaid

no moxie 

he remembered his uncle being unenthusiastic when he entered carpentry as a labourer  no belt  to get his foot in the door 

      So what, you’ll be digging ditches? 

Likely But no ones gonna dig a better one

prophetic 

           later he wrote his uncle Maybe next time you might shoot a little higher for me 

he was purchasing a sixpak of beer loaf of bread soft tofu garlic heads a tallboy22oz beer 

she seemed distractedmissed his marketcard on top the sixpak scanned it then scanned his remaining items

she excused herself I’ll be right back.   Ill be right here

                                                           he bagged himself

she returned That’ll be $9.09.

   $9.09 

             he had to hint Thasadeal sounded like Thasasteal

Yes. We have the best prices.

they didnt

           he shopped at three different grocers

Are you a mother

I am.

You have tomorrow off to celebrate your day

she quietly snorted asif she might be overheard You have to work here for almost twenty years before you get Mother’s Day off.

Well knowing full well she had improperly scanned the 6pak I hope nevertheless you manage a good day

Thank you.

NO  Thank you

heading into the automatic glass doors he caught a glimpse of GUILT trying to catchup with him the doors parted  tore GUILT in half

 

not today tomorrow

he put it to bed

   Im over it

round1400,  Saturday,  13  5. 23

guy was always dropping something on him

Howbout ya just call me Joe

Common Joe? You don’t fit the bill.

I do You think Im uncommon which is what seems to fuel your want to put a label on me 

                                                                                              Trust me Joes plenty

It’s not, particular not according to how I know you . . you’re not in the cheap seats.

Whasthamean

When I talk about you with other people . . 

. . Which you can stop doing he rolledshrugged his shoulders asif adjusting a sudden uncomfortable weight Theres no reason I can think of people who are strangers to me tha you would talk to about me  

How about . . it’s kind of like I’m pinching myself. 

                                                     I don know anybody like you.  Confirmation.

Comon not one of us is like another

I agree I agree . . however you are completely unlike anybody else. In a class, a species unto yourself.

You trying to get into my pants

Please. Can’t you be serious? 

                                 You must recognise you’r . . 

. . Odd 

Odd. 

       That don’t describe what you are. 

   fivesix weeks earlier he called him Sigma

a friend who was visitingthey were going wine-tasting overheard and barked Smegma!

NO Clean your ears out 

                           Sigma  Greek   Yare his frat brother 

Ah, yeah, I know it, but what does he mean by it, in what context is he using it?

Sigma male is outside the hierarchy that Alpha rides atop Its apex  Probably better understood as lone wolf Thamake sense

You’re sure he didn’t say smegma?

Sure 

      He woudnt want his head knocked cleanoff his shoulders

You wouldn’t.

He would. He doesn’t take shit from anyone, not friend or foe. 

a week ago guy proudly dropped his new appellation

Woudya quit with the words the descriptors

                                                Joe 

Hear me out.

Donsay hear me out yare going to say

I am.

standing before him he brought his hands up to shoulder height palms inward wagged them welcomed him in Awright

Lemme hear it

he cleared his throat 

                       I may mispronounce it, but maybe you’ll recognise it. 

Mebbe 

        I like words as you but I don ferret them out like you  Im happy with Joe

Stop with Joe already. Here I go. 

                                     Cacoethes . . 

. . Canya spell it

Let me look it up on my phone. 

Your everpresent unturnedoff iPhone

Neverdo, I’m struck how you rarely have your cellphone on you. Where’s it now?

At home

frat brother visiting again interjected  Your phone’s at homewhy's it at home?

Its my house phone.

he turned to his fraternal eternal brother It’s his house phone . . what the hell's that?

I told you . . 

. . Excuse gentlemen Coudya spell it

Yes. Yes. 

          he fidgeted with his phone

Sounds similar to cacophony same root  Caco-

I believe.   Here. The spelling is C A C O E T H E S. Cac-o-e-thes . . the pronounciation.

Cac-o-e-thes Doesnt sound good   Sound worse that sigma . .

. . Smegma!

Frat bro Wanna shut it

                            Unattractive visuals 

Which means wha 

I’m not done, you’ll relate to it better if you let me get it out.

   Get it out

Cacoethes   Means an uncontrollable urge, desire, especially something harmful, mania, cacoethes for smoking.  However what I mean for you is cacoethes . . scribendi.                             

Lemme guess

If you must.

   Mania for writing

Yes, but also writing as an ingrained bad habit.

It doesnt get done on its own

                                Letterwriting 

You're the only person I know who still writes letters.

Because

Why write when you can talk?

I don think Ill enumerate the reasons tha ya ought to be aware of 

                                                                      Ifya were to think  But ya don like to work tha hard  Except  Otherwise  Tryin to pigeonhole me in something else other than Joe 

Bit maniacal yourself

Cacophony Bad sound Cackle don think Greek    Cacoethes  Bad disposition 

                                                                                      Whas Greek for bad  not C A C O

Still on the pageyah

Yes. 

         It’s K A K O S.

Thank you

1520,  Thursday,  11  5. 23

1157,  Saturday,  13  5. 23

Awcomon man  Yare so full of shit you think tha gives you license

I’m telling you, my urologist suggested it to me.

Out of the blue

No. 

     I asked him.

Coerced him Woudnt let it go

I wouldn’t say that.

Yare an attorney You deposed the man

I wouldn’t say that.

Im saying it Yare argumentative without seeming so subtle verysubtle  Inevitably you try to bring things around to your perception 

            Sorry babe got my eyes closed Ive listened to you all evening You can fool some of the people but not me  

Yare selfish                                                      

Your urologist write you a prescription 

Don’t be ridiculous. a little heat under the collar

Whayave posed is ridiculous Reminds me of a story guy I worked with wanna hear it

I think you want to tell it.

the three other guys leaned they were siding with esquirethought his horseshit sounded legit

I do I also have a recommendation for you when I conclude

Well then, pray tell.

Thank you

            I worked with this guy Larry moving furniturefunny guy yagotta be funny to move furniture day-in an day-out Im funny

You are.

Thank you 

            So Larrys wife didnt want to have children just yethe didnt either so she suggested he get a vasectomy theyre reversible as opposed to having her tubes tied an untied the surgery more trauma an a reversal then dicey 

I don know how tha works these days

Makes sense.

Perfect sense Larry concurs Who doesnt like concurring  Counselor

I like to concur when I can.

Good Were still on the same page 

                                    Afterwards he has to return to the clinic with ejaculate or ejaculate at the clinic into a specimen jar Funny guy When the nurse walked him back to a room he thought she was going to give him a handjob he said to me Had I known that I would have had a vasectomy sooner.

Evidently the nurse caught the leer in his eye 

                                                She laughed bawdily leaned over grabbed a girlie mag an slapped him in the chest with it said Fat chance buddy. When you’re finished I woud have said jacking off she didnt when you’re finished please bring it to the nurse’s station. The lab will run a test to determine if your surgery took. We’ll call you.

Evidently its a few stops to confirm a vasectomy worked I thought snip snip here an a snip snip there an a couple of tralalas in the wonderful land of Oz

Any of you guys have a vasectomy

all four nodded

Allya guys have been neutered

they nodded again bobbleheads 

                                   Ya shoud have cut me off saved me tha part of the story

one asked You haven’t had a vasectomy?

OHellno I woudnt want to be shooting blanks like you guys an the Lone Ranger

they laughed

Its a great linehelp yourselves I borrowed it from a boss of mine years ago Ralph funny motherfucker

all bobbleheading

Anyways

           Larry starts thinking things got dangerous when he got thinkin He tells his wife hes tender shell have to be gentle with him As a matter of fact he tells her his urologist saps arent they directs it at counselor tells her his urologist recommended thafor his next ten orgasms orgasms sounded more like what a doctor woud say the next ten should be had by oral sex Really? she asked Yes, love, that’s what my urologist said.

She complied

bobbleheads snickered

Six to go 

         Larrys wife happens to run into the urologist an confesses to him tha she hadnt expected Larry to be so tender nor expected the doctors recommendation

The urologists howled didnt back Larry up 

                                             For tha I woudnt paid his bill Told Larry so 

Antha said counselor Yare full of shit

the three leaning in harhared

Lastly The solution regarding your deep an abiding affections for blowjobs Have one of your vertebrae removed youll be more bendy youll be able to blow yourself

the leaners howled

Borrow it also not mine belongs to Bill Hicks

5PMish,  Saturday,  6  5. 23

1304, Reggaefriday,  12  5. 23

Bill Hicks https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zrgO7iCHkA

brother quit

he was getting off the AI train 

Bullshit

No really.

No really no  Itsbeen a bug up your ass the better part of a year

You’re exagger . .

. . Im not Since its occurred to you it arises The Machine Rises consistently in our conversations anif were conversing with others without seque you bring it up irritates the hell out of me 

                                                                          Which is why you do it

You intensely dislike it.

An you intensely like it believe it can settle things between people 

If people will agree to go along with what AI determin . . 

. . People willfully disagree reason plays no part  Drones 

                                                             Were in the midst of tha shitstorm now I got a better idea pull the plug for a bit cease the 24/7dog chasing its tail the fucking pile on we cant digest it quit the loops news cycles theres no memory without biting it chewing it swallowing it digesting it  

                                                                              Its choking us to death

That’s not going to happen.

Its happening in my life 

                         No matter   You were saying getting off AI 

I am.

Praytell

I’m going to AGI.

   AGI  Chicagoland supermarkets Independent Grocers Alliance

No. G. General.

OhChrist  General  Another thing you badger me with  

                                                          The G factor  Psychometrics  Working memory tha yare lousy at Lemmesee    Ah yes quantitative an fluid an verbal reasonings  Theres perceptual organisation   An knowledge  

                                                                                                                        Yah

Yes them Artificial General Intelligence

Whas the difference

AGI has the ability to understand or learn any intellectual task we can AI performs specific tasks well.

So are theywhoever they are rebranding deep learning

I’ll need more he rolled his hands before himworked his fingers asif there were boogers on them

AI teaches computers itself to process data based on inspired by the human brain artificial neural networks It can learn to recognise complex patterns in pictures text sound other data Deep learning can be supervised semisupervised  or not at all

   So yare evolving

From AI to AGI.

Yah

      Yaint really getting off the train bro

round 1630,  Thursday,  11  5. 23

1111,  Reggaefriday,  12  5. 23

Mogwai  Batcat  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HqGXIokKoek  I Love You, I’m Going to Blow Up Your School  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ub8J5SSn8DA

   initiative 

               he took his job seriously slathered it with gobs of initiative whichfrankly he saw as common sense

however 

          his superior or so they thought in superficial name only chided his efforts 

when common sense slams headlong into an uncrenelated unfissured fersure brainReally potato chips didnt have ridges until Ruffles toilet paper didnt have Deep Cleaning ripples until Cottonelle

Comon

       Arya fuckin dense he didnt say that  I took the initiative I coudnt wait around on you I had to act

You acted without authority.

I acted we got the account

                             I don see a downside

The downside the downside . . is a demerit against you. That’s what I’m entering into your personnel file, that you acted without my permission, without my guidance, you acted improperly, inappropriately, outside the respected hierarchy our company functions by.

   Itll function fine Ive provided it a long term revenue source it didnt have prior I hope wha you intend to enter will also includedelineate  tha despite repeated outreaches  recorded communications  I took the bull by the horns an acted to secure the company wha I believed in our best interests to  our advantage

                                                                                  If you intend not to Ill go to HR challenging any derogatory or untrue passages 

I  showed  initiative

                       An Im not going to be rebuked for it

she damn near threw the binder she was holding against the wall her hands went whiteknuckled

through nearly clenched teeththrough a grimace she said Then what I believe is our definitions of initiative differ

 

   initiative:  1. the ability to assess and initiate things independently (similar to unimaginative);  2. the power or opportunity to actor take charge before others do; 3. an act or strategy intended to resolve adifficult or impreoive asituation; a fresh approach to something.                

2121,  Monday,  8  5. 23

1404,  Thursday,  11  5. 23

https://www.getbodysmart.com/the-brain/cerebral-cortex-lobes-fissures-gyri-sulci/ 

https://www.facebook.com/cottonelle/videos/try-3-in-1-deep-cleaning-ripple-care/775192217121376/

he clapped his handssaid aloud Spot on 

                                            that to the director the art director of his dreams

he knew he was waking could hear birds but continued hanging around in his old apartment his old haunt forcing their hand lucid dreaming to on the sperm of the dreamedmoment  go one step furthur  

they he did not disappoint him them

he was keeping in the kitchen dining area a tall nearly to the ceiling column aquarium in murky not dirty organic water two gelatinous fish see-through pretty coloured organs

when he came up to the glass often placed his hand on it theyd appear always the same above first then the other below seemed to him a symbiosis a neighbour lived above him 

                                                                   it wasnt accidental the fish came to the glass they were awareknew each other 

the birds voices were becoming louder

   a silent god he indicated he wasnt satisfied he thought the fish were phenomenal

More

he felt the vibration off their collaboration 

                                           angst it agitated the water in the aquarium

they encouraged him to open the top to the tank

Now yare thinking

he did as directed

                   then adlibbing went into the livingroom and sat in his precious leather horsehair overstuffed armchair a small table beside it where he placed books he was reading kept a ceramic coaster he set his liquor glass coffee cup on

Brilliant

the fish emerged floated in the air to him around him nuzzled his cheeks neck relaxed on his shoulder as he read 

they felt like talcum on his skin 

the birds became raucous 

                           but just before he woke he was removed  found himself sitting outdoors in a sun chair a tiny bird alighting on the base of his thumb sipping water from the hollow between two tendons leading to his wrist   

it looked like a feathered fairy shrimp 

Drat

   he woke

b4 7,  Thursday,  11  5. 23

1218, Thursday

he was getting sick an tired of explaining his answer to buddy about how when he wrote something he felt he was taking dictation an often  sometimesmore than often  when he finished a piece put it up let it marinade  returning to it hoursdays later rereading it he had a hard time believing he wrote it 

You’ve said, what do you mean?

Wha Ive said

If you wrote it you wrote it. You’re not, or you haven’t said, hearing voices telling you what to write.

No voices no 

              Rather it feels more like something coming through me  like Im a conduit 

A medium? 

No 

     Possibly  a kind of receptive atmosphere   Certainly not tangible tactile

   I don’t understand.

Yare trying too hard Let go the notions you believenot think  believe  our meat is capable of  Think nano  Expandenlarge our bodies  Then imagine the vast room between atoms that compose us

Theres plenty room there for    whaever

So . . whatever . . . wrote what you wrote.

Sometimes

              Yessometimes I don feel I authored wha my pen put to paper my fingers depressed keys wha I wrote in light on Word   Sometimes

I don’t understand. 

he read a review by Wu about VanderMeers Veniss Underground 

                                                                     texted to buddy “ . . . the boundary between the writer and the words written, between the person and the thing, subject and inanimate object, is not as well-defined as we’d like to believe.”  mebbe thall help you understand my answer

 

   no matter 

                  he was grateful for what he  xpressed

1008,  Thursday,  11  5. 23

https://www.symmetrymagazine.org/article/the-particle-physics-of-you?language_content_entity=und

he tossed his handUp in the air interrupting 

                                              he was rude that way  if he disagreed he cut the speaker off anto if he didnt understand the context or know what they had just said

not waiting to be recognised Cathead biscuits I don know whatha is

maybe haughty because they were cut off What do you think it is?

I don knowthas why I interrupted 

                                    An old school habit I didnt know but I also knew possibly a majority of my classmates didnt either but werewithout reason too embarrassed to raise their hands to ask 

So I did  

         I don know I ask don guess Ive no problem revealin my ignorance

his head nodded accepted They’re biscuits, buttermilk, size of a cat’s head.

Ah selfexplanatory A Southern item Ive only been through the south on my way to Miami stopping only for gas 

                                                                                                                      Tasty

Ohmy yes. Soul food. Then you’re not familiar with meats and three either? 

No  Edjumacate me

It’s meat with three sides. I’ve heard it described as glorious vittles . .

. . I know vittles don want ya to think Im completely ignorant

HA! We’ve talked before, I wouldn’t describe you as ignorant, often I’m astonishing what comes out of your mouth, your perceptions.

Thank you  I apologise   I interrupted again 

                                               Glorious vittles

Yes. 

     Glorious vittles served with utmost informality . . Hon.

Thanks sweetcheeks 

                      three blackbooted dudes walking past overheard their Hon Sweetcheeks  muttered faggots between them

he leaned back in his chair watched them head out the restaurant 

                                                                       Hey 

Yes.

Care to follow me and knock the starch out of their white collars 

                                                                   A great story they wont be able to tellshare  couple of faggots handed them their ass

   Are you serious?

Comon Itll be fun the element of surprise is daunting 

                                                         Standup for brothers of all stripes

Think we can beat them.

Don know doncare but I don know a lot of things except Im game  game hear me not gay  Though nothings wrong with tha

I haven’t been in a fight forever.

Gets the blood flowing exercise  adrenaline testosterone itll be fun 

                                                                       Lets be freakin apemen know the song

No.

Ah so yare ignorant too

earlier this year, ’23

747preferred,  day-between-2-Ts,  10  5. 23

Kinks  Apeman  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRHqs8SffDo