coming in through the sliding glass door from outside where he took a leak why flush when you can water 

                                                                                                                        AwJesus man

Not something you see every day

pouring coffees he couldnt do two things at once absently he mumbled Huh?

I said not something yasee every day

distracted pouring cream into his coffee Huh?

Two They usually come in threes

Huh?

There ya go freakin consistent  Lemme hold my horses wait on you

he sipped his coffee

                     Nono not hot enough, excuse me while I nuke this. he walked over to the microwave on a separate counter  Want me to heat yours?

No thank you Im sure Im good right from the pot

I can heat it.

No thanks  Help yourself

he set it to fiftyone seconds

they listened to the microwave HMMM for fiftyone seconds 

BEEP  BEEP  BEEP

                           he took it out

it was smoking

carefully he sipped it 

                         Ooh That’s hot.

Wanna chill it with more cream

Nah I’d have to nuke it again. It’ll cool.

It will

       he sipped his 

                       As I was sayin when I came in 

You were saying something.

I was But yacant listen an pour coffee at the same time

I wanted to give you my . undivided . . attention.

   Undivided 

               Quit  Thas crap yareally tryin to give yourself some credit Mebbe yawork on your divided attentiontry two things at once for which ifyad said yawere in on a menage a trois Id callya a liar

he briefly tossed his eyes to the ceiling

Don deignthas crap just an excuse Yashoud be able listen to someone while pouring coffee Fuckin extreme ya ask me

Might suppose no one asked you.

I don wait to be asked when somethings evident I call balls and strikes anif I ruffle feathers so be it 

                                                                                                         Burned two minutes of my life waitin on you

he smiled Don’t think I’m worth the wait? 

Nah 

   I think I am. 

                 You were saying as you came in.

he was gobsmacked 

                     No shit Ya remembered   Thas impressive

Thank you.

Im being facetious

I know you are. 

                 You were saying . . but before you say did you want some spirit along with your coffee?

Thad be nice  Three fingers

Three fingers?

Approximately three ounces

                              Save me from having to return again and again according to tha stingy ounce ya pour  At the line  Know wha Im sayin  Like its some kind of chemistry experiment

I ain’t stingy, that’s why the put a line on the shotglass.

Ill pour Let me liberate you from a task an listenin at once 

                                                              pouring two tumblers As I was saying While outside I urinated on a plant It had multiple leaveslooked like people stacked sitting shoulder on shoulder on shoulder  Golden shower Made me laugh Anas I leaked he enacted the plant asif it anthropomorphised showering gargling water from a showerhead washing its face armpits chest belly crotch  gargling again Tellin ya Really humoured me

he handed him a tumbler held his up to toast 

                                                 Heres urine in your eye

     

1613,  Twosday,  14  2. 23

1128,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  15  2. 23

Damien Rice  Cheers darlin’  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzKFEx-wsJo

1908,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  8  2. 23 startled himhe conceived prey on depravity pray 

                                                                                                                  he couldnt say 

reptilian Republicans confusedconfounded him

Awreally he thought 

                      while barely able to bray better than asses they were at least sufficiently aware to exceed barnyard animalsexhibited sense enough to squelch such pointed comparisons by camouflagehiding under cologne or perfume 

          hed concede 

and should he be confronted hed be amicable to pat them on the backacknowledge  their scent 

who wanted to smell like that

   depraved 

             by design

1006,  Twosday – Valentine’s Day,  14  2. 23

had to get tha out

heading out tomorrow for a Super weekend

waking early Ill say to my cats

                                Whadasay  Time to get this show on the road

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VsifANR96s

cant say it better than Emerson Lake & Palmer 

have a fine weekend  GO KRAZY cats

                                                                                              1018,  Thursday,  9  2. 23

he recommended when his buddy talked with Angie 

                                                       a woman he met on-linedated once she lives hunredseventy miles off theyve called back an forth for several months once or twice every few weeks on occasion he says shes been suggestive

 

when he says he asks wha

                             

unfortunately it seemed he was unable to keep the ball rollin

                                                                which he characterises as Goofys Gawrsh golly 

Yaoughta be ashamed of yourself

Hey, man, I don’t want to put her off. She’s a nice woman.

Who as you say 

                  Is suggestive

She is.

   he recommended the next time they spoke he ought to imagine her naked Christ juice up your side of the conversation

I don’t want to say anything . . inappropriate. 

Monk 

        Im gonna guess ya havent been slapped by woman

he recoiled  No. Never.

Thas too bad

You’ve been slapped?

Yah Twothree times immediately come to mind If I were to give it some thought maybe another time two  One I provoked so I coud knock the hell out of her boyfriendbreak the tie between us from two earlier fights  The other two began subtly bobbinweavin head an shoulders sketchy  maybe maybenot  Ill say I wasnt surprisedthird one a sixfooter nearly knocked my head off 

                             But tha was a good thing freaked her she hit me as hard as she did  Turned out she was great in the sack too

Jesus.                                        

Nah 

     I dislike idioms but this ones so freakin appropriate  Nothing ventured nothing gained  Or another in your parlance  Ya miss every shot ya don take 

Give me real don give me fake

 

1327,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  11  1. 23

1147,  Thursday,  9  2. 23

Stones  Angie  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVLBF-UKevY

Goofys laugh  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kAEthfslsE 

Coldplay  Politik  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOrADSEKb_k 

he had a hard time understanding why people who dated on-line often provided photos of themselves that were out-of-date sometimes tenfifteen years  a man or woman at forty arent the same at fiftyfive 

                                                                                          yet they posted their youngerself 

if hewhich he wouldnt  did date on-line thatd be a dealbreaker  takes only one 

he felt it dishonest 

                     if they could misrepresent themselves did they truly not understand the cat would be out of the bag on the first date what elsewhat other things might they be dishonest about

made no sense to him 

                        desperation  toss whaever bait one has on hand into the water

chum for chumps  Christ

   no matter

 

a friend shared a photograph of a woman he was going to have dinner with on the weekend 

                                                                                                was meeting her in Ventura a two and onehalf hour ride yes  and onehalf hour is pettybut  but the photograph she shared was twentythree years old  she was vivacious well-built  frankly of pin-up quality 

                                                              reminded him of the leggy 40s movie stars posing for bonds for the war effort

when he returned he was pleased  It's like she hadn’t aged at all. 

                                                                       plausible

while not physically dating they spoke once a weektwo weeks on the phone

he said she occasionally referenced somethingmade risque comments

Such as

That Bring Sally Up pushup thing you’re doing.

Im doing 

        Wha am I doing in your conversation  Are you an idiot

I’ve told her we hang out, so she asks about you.

You are an idiot  I shoudnt be in your conversations whasoever 

No matter we hang out. 

                           She's polite.

Pushup thing 

  Yeah. 

         I told her you do it naked.

You are an idiot

She said she thought that would be a great exercise . . for two people to do together.  Huh?

I aye yi yi 

          Anya said

I agreed with her.

   Agreed

Yeah doncha think? Hellyes I agreed.

Ya think she was playin anya didnt follow through

What do you mean follow through?

Are you familiar in gymnasticthe trampoline  First person does a trick an the next repeats the trick an adds on another Then the first does the two an adds a third an on an on  Called Add-on 

no lights went on in the house

Yare not following me 

                       Thaya didnt follow through  Yathought it was risque but didnt up the ante raise the temperature

Well no, I didn’t . I didn't want to say anything untoward.

So you don wanna get into this womans pants ifya have a chance

I didn’t say that.

Ohno  Nothing untoward 

                           Shoud have ran with tha ball I woudve 

Like what?

Implied sixtynine 

                  OHbut  you don like to eat pussy

   If I coud  Next time you talk to her do yourself a favor an imagine shes naked  Undress her an maybe youll be enthused to get a little raunchy 

                                 Christ man  Foreplay

Or donya believe in foreplay either

1323,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  11  1. 23

1112,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  8  2. 23

Coldplay  Sparks  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1aokooixKIo 

You know, they’re witticisms or bandages: Anything can happen and probably will or I found it in the last place I looked.

eyes rolled up in his headmomentarily those were so old thought they died and had been buried yet  out they roll from his mouth as he grins like a clever hyena 

                                            Jesus man woudya quit 

You don’t think those are good?

Maybe the first time I heard them but theyre fodder for you  The witti has gone out leaving ya only cisms schisms  obvious differences in our opinions 

                                    An whadahell  bandages

Yes bandages.

Witticisms or bandages  Thas whaya said

I did.

Ya meant badinages  joking remarks not serious

I think . . I think the word is pronounc . .

. . Careful

Badinages not bandages Remarks not wraps to bind a cleansed or repaired wound

   Maybe.

You ought to just agree with me

Ought or should?

Ought Theres no should to be had here    Ought

Im not a fan.

Yaoughta be

             Aint blowing smoke up your ass ya got your damn cellphone on ya its everpresence when I worked for a cellphone company I told customers I coudnt wait for the time when I coud screw them into their skulls overlapping their ears Go aheadlook it up Spelled B A D I N A G E S 

                                                      In another sense banter Im happy to wait for you to satisfy yourself

You ought to 

1317,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  11  1. 23

1002,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  8  2. 23

he understoodmistakenly perhaps that the party opposing a president makes a rebuttal to his State of the Union address

   a rebuttal

               which is the act of contradicting the speech by making a contrary argument by presenting contrary Evidence      

Sarah Huckabee Sanders made the Republicans rebuttal  its worth readinghe couldnt listen to it

https://www.marketwatch.com/story/sarah-huckabee-sanders-gives-republican-response-to-biden-full-text-11675829909

Connecticut Democratic Senator Chris Murphy called it a dystopian hellscape

he read it 

he concurred with Senator Murphyhe loved concurring 

                                                         however he rather refer to it as part deux of her ex-boss’ Inaugural address  American Carnage

   politicians are elected to solve problemsprovide solutions cant do that  theyre in the wrong job

2233,  Twosday,  7  2. 23

https://time.com/5510943/state-of-the-union-rebuttal-history/  

she said then “a slip of the tongue”  it was a lie  https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2019/04/19/sarah-sanders-lied-according-mueller-report-shes-calling-it-slip-tongue/?utm_campaign=wp_the_daily_202&utm_medium=email&utm_source=newsletter&wpisrc=nl_daily202

Janey  awfully goodlookindoesnt need to fish  he watched her work her way to his tableshe acknowledged him from across the room  the bar was hectic she was holding it down by herself 

                                                                             glancing over at him sheshrugged 

he nodded he understood heldup a handpatting the air between them to indicate she take her time he wasnt going to die of thirst still he was distracted didnt think she knew her blouse was unbuttoned as far down as it was 

Janey had gone to junior highhigh school with his youngest daughter had spent lots of nights sleeping over 

                                                                                                                he wondered if that was still a thingparticularly in light of Trumpvirus and the resultingcontinuing disconnect between parents he kept to calling them parents wasnt up to declaring his community a Republican-leaning enclave as adults adolts yah  adults nah  

            he was grateful his kids were on the whole other side of their college educations and deeply immersed in finding their ways in their lives 

stepping up to him she sighed deeply 

                                       he interrupted Awright Janey please no mister  Were adults now Im Joe ya know that

she smiled a disarming smile Okay Joe  laughed I know.

Ya do 

       But I think whaya don know he brushed his chest with the back of his fingers your blouse is  yawning

she didnt lookher hand jumped to her chest jaw went slack she tugged the freed sides together Noo.

                                                                                                          as she buttonedup he said Ya better make damn sure those other table tip you well 

Im so embarrassed she blushed

Lemme tellya something

What’s that, Joe? My God I’m so embarrassed.

Glad weve headed in tha direction  God

her head tilted aside like a chickens her eyes blinking brightly

Janey, if God had your breasts Id be a religious man.

she gasped

Come now yare a big girl 

                          An thasaid may I please have a double Irish Redbreast neat a pint of Guinness  Yave moved me to celebrate

her laughter came from deep in her throatshe smiled gayly  

                                                             Awshucks, thanks Joe. I'll take your compliment.

Yare welcome my pleasure  he chuckled

You’re really something.

As my wife and girls often say Thank you

1311,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  11  1. 23

2004,  Twosday,  7  2. 23

Jefferson Airplane  How Do You Feel  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWUa-rKT-oY

. . . posthumourously 

   No 

What?

Thas not how yasay it

                         Unless ya mean something other 

shaking his head no No nothing other . . how I meant it.

he noddedtried not nodding dismissively patiently  Awright Then please I believe I understand how you meant however you said it incorrectly

he sighed nowshook his head almost wearily And you’re usually the smart one.

   Usually I am 

                 But Im also punched full of holes not as bad as a sieve but a bucket tha coud be used deliberately as slow watering can Help me slow me even a bit more ifya woud stopup more holes

Awright. Posthumourously. After someone’s died. Recipient of a military medal, an award, commendation, acknowledgement . . but they’re dead.

Okayokay were on the same trackjust wanted to be sure we were talking about the same thing Unfortunately yare mispronouncing itwhich isnt to say I don appreciate tha yave coined it Id be mighty pleased ifya let me borrow it sometime

I didn’t coin it.

Yadid

       The word you want is posthumously humous like humus not humourous  funny 

Yeah? 

   Yes

Sure?

Yah

Sure then, you can borrow it.

Ill credit ya

Don’t use my name, I’d be embarrassed.

Ya prefer anonymousthey always get the credit though I thinkI believe  theyre Chinese

                                                                                              I like it though

How would you use it?

Easy Like trepverterya recall trepverter

Yes. Thinking of something to say, a retort, afterwards, at the bottom of the steps after a conversation, discussion’s concluded.  Yiddish, right?

Yah Jews and Germans have words for everything

                                                       Id use it for people who laughedpeople aroundem laughed but had missed the joke then afterwards it occurs to them how funny it was an they laugh earnestly 

                                                                                                 A good joke is like a gift tha just keeps givin

   Like the clap?

Yare more clever than you look

2030,  Friday,  3  2. 23

1055,  Twosday,  7  2. 23

Charlotte Lawrence  The Joke’s On You  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HkujLO17Ez8

When are you gonna buy a new toilet seat?

Don like the look Im going for

The look? Seat looks old.

Hafway there

               I call it Old Gas Station

  Really?

           That said I’d say you’ve accomplished it.

Thank you

            Function baby not feng shui Things age wear eventually age shows  however if its function doesnt fall off why replace itbecause  aesthetics demand

No. Because. It’d look better, more inviting.

A more inviting toilet seat

                           Mebbe if ones throwing up  But then if someones throwingIll use you as an example don matter into what or where theyre vomiting  Crisp argumenthuh 

Wha are friends for 

                      I don entertain havent in a long time don intend to Yet more arguments

I can buy you a new toilet seat.

No thank you were just dandy 

                                 Just keepinup our function baby  FUNction

1043,  Monday,  6  2. 23

three times now hes seen her outside a sandwich shop as he walked through townthree odd timesodd days  no rhyme no reason lifted his eyes from the book he was readingBAM definitely a BAM each time leaning against its brick wall flashed to Harpo Marx A Night in Casablanca was temptedlaughed out loud to stop and ask if she was holding up the building  although thatd be obscure she was too young  nevertheless his eyes falling back into the book that didnt stop him from momentarily appreciating her youth beauty

                                                         the couple times he talked about hershared how captivating she wasseeing her in his mind he called her The Little Number

some gal who overheard himhe stopped for a beer with a friend said Little Number? That’s derogatory.  it was unlikely she had ever been referred to in kind he smiledthought the gal had gall said I wasnt talkin to you Occur to you you ought to keep your two cents to yourself   You're crude.   Anyare rude 

                                                                     before things could escalateshe was trying to bring her boyfriend into itnot that he seemed interestedhave him stand up for her honor he thought at least she had to be good in bed he motioned his buddypicked up his beer and crossed the bar to stools under a wood ledge that ran across the front of the businesslooked out through plateglass windows

as his buddy pulledup a stool and sat beside him Where were we?

Aside from the eviction the big mouth

That was something.

Yah I mentioned The Little Number 

Yes. The little number. 

                         Are you going to approach her if you see her again? 

No  Too young

Maybe you have something in common. his goading was apparent peer pressure among his old high school friends was a standard 

he declined invites Yah 

                        Were both alive

Jesus. Beyond that.

No 

     However if I do I might consider dropping my doppelganger off with her let him schmooze helluva word ageless cat

he took it on the jaweyes rolled momentarily back in his head he noddeddrifted then eyes fixed Doppelganger?

I take advantage of mine You

Isn’t that someone who looks like youincredibly like you?

Or a fantastic projection

I don’t think so.

Ill suppose you havent tried 

                             he finished his beer and pushed his pint to him Same please  first on me second on you

early AMish,  Thursday,  2  2. 23

1007,  Monday,  6  2. 23

Harpo  A Night in Casablanca  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCQCBmcPl2U 

The Hollies  Long Cool Woman (in a Black Dress)  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ac7ehSglwZQ

if they hadnt said he wouldnt have known 

                                             should have supposed his eyelids would be par excellence to project his dreams against for mariachis to screen them 

                                               compleat with buttered popcorn iced sodapop Raisinets Milk Duds Sno Caps Jujyfruits Good & Plentys orange Dreamsicles from lobby dispensers only times he ever partook  which made memorable the twin-bill movies cartoons and intermissions he enjoyed

                                                                           he wondered 

was his dreamlife providing them in kind

ifso 

     lucky bastards 

but NAH 

           he wasnt nice had that scribbled into the contracts tedious fine print 

he called them mariachis

                           didnt mean they couldnt read English ANYBODY  ANYBODYANYBODY or were they just illiterate ahFUCKnah 

                          Bouncer would have stopped em at the door

or lost his job

literate

curious

imaginative 

sense of humour

able to park their sexuality at the door 

                                        keep an open fuckin mindHahah  maybe feels like it must feel to complete an on-line dating app resume

  

   eyelids 

           knew they were more than just shutters or shades

Hmmm 

        he wondered if they were translucentshowed through on the other side       

2038,  Saturday,  21  1. 23

1845,  Sunday,  5  2. 23

Miki Asakura  Hero (Holding Out for A Hero)  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TBUQMwJVjc

some words tickled his friend 

                              he was like a little kid hearingsnickering when penis or vagina was said 

                                                                                                         the snickeringlikely an attempt to cover his mortification his family churchy

can take a boy out of church but not the church out of the boy 

                                                                 Ohwhell  wha the hell  his issue he thought not mine 

not that he wasnt sacrificed 

Why am I the only kid goin 

his parents looked at him asif he had two heads 

                                                    You’re the eldest. 

he got that as often as he got Because. 

Im the eldestbecause of your actions 

                                        I really don think I ought to be paying for your sins not that they sinned  the accusation however put a knotbunched up their panties 

crude retribution 

                 which he knew if they didnt he was smarter than he looked or acted

   what sent his friend this afternoon

if he wanted to offer a defencehe didnt he could say he was high

when he was high he dumbed waay down 

                                            frankly infantilised  a fart would set him off eyes buggedHARharharhaar  hand clasped over his mouthspeaking through it You farted!

   biology

            everyone farts

hed rip off enormous fartsbe the suddencenter of attentionderision How uncouth. Fuck you an simply say Excuse me were they too uncouth to excuse him 

                                    they fart 

Really

What?

Banal triggers you 

                   Lacking in originality  as to be obviousboring 

It’s a funny word.

Howso

An invitation.

   Remember the cocksucker is high he counseled himself inside his head  unfortunately he knew where this was going right up Lovecrafts alley La Farges Nether Gulfs

Be anal. 

TADUM 

            How fuckin banal 

But ah  stoned men tell no tales

1836,  Monday,  30  1. 23

1213,  Sunday,  5  2. 23