4.11.21

 

he was infatuated just looking at him said so  he was soo addicted to his dating apps

was running three

enamoured


looking over his shoulder Seems like an awful lot of pictures of women stacked up in your phone man

Yeah, I have trouble discounting them . disappearing them.

Because why

I don’t want to hurt their feelings.

Awsweet  Ill assume women disappear youswipe left right punch a button
                                                                               Ya really think theyre thinking of your feelings Nah theyre not interested Why gum up your works with extraneous images and text

Well, I’m sure you can imagine that women have to be more selective, more careful; there’s probably lots of weird guys on dating apps.

Probably a lot of weird women too he refused to parse differences between men and women one was like the other



the more he talked up his apps revealing back and forths with unknown women he heard his name repeatedly coming up called him Brolaw brother-in-law

Excuse meif I could suggest
                              Quit talking about metalk about yourself Yare supposed to be selling yourself 

he looked downshifted his feet looked up left
                                                Man, if I don’t talk about you I won’t have anything to say.


he sighedhumoured himself Ever try interesting any in a menage a trois

1715,  Twosday,  2  11. 21
1242,  Thursday,  4  11. 21

$750K -- dead

more than 750,000 Americans are dead from Trump virus
                                                             he wondered if the former would be taking celebratory laps around the circus’ center ring in his clown car
                                                he also wondered if the former the chump the chimp (some governors too) would tagteam with Brazils Bolsonaro  accused of Crimes Against Humanity
                                                                                 hed drop a quarter to see that Freak Show off the Midway touted by barkers using cheappaper megaphones
1453,  Thursday,  4  11. 21

 
Jesus
     grabbed his clipboard to illustrate his pointscratching it out with a red BIC pen because his words were going in one ear and out the other
                           Yawanna see the premise yare coming off that makes you think you can handle a car better than someone else which is misguided

What? What you going to show me that . . is?

Is Whas in your head damn right getting a little heated under the collar

I’m interested, what you think you got?

he was emphatic each letter he wrote he ran the pen over their lines no curves no arcs several times exacerbating their linetheir construction
                       finished he spun the clipboard across the tabletop to him it went round twice before he stopped it with the flat of his hand the text facing him

he printed 

VETTE 


What do you mean by that?
Cant read

What do you mean, Vette?

Areya that thickJesus
                       Pretty simple Own a Vette a high performance vehicle apparent whaya think of your driving skills whether they truly exist of not I might be able to drive better than you
I dont thin . . 
. . Ya don know I don know
                             However I couldnt give a rats ass I don care no skin off my ass All I want from a vehicle is transportation A to B couldnt give a fuck what it looks like But not you Theres the Vette the vanity  dare tell me no an Ill call ya a liar 

I . .
. . Yasaying no
                Ya say yare provoked when someone questions your honesty integrity  So no yah which

I . . I wouldn’t call it vanity.

Whawoud ya call it  Im curious
                                   Ya like wha driving a Vette gives you


I don’t think or see it in that light

Then wha light enlighten me he was so clever


he didnt saywasnt going to say poohpooh him looking at his gold watch Oh shit, I’ve got to get going, I’m suppose to be in Brentwood in twenty minutes. We’ll pick this up later. You remind me, I’ll forget. See you.

hustling off he didnt hear him
                                Yes I wont forget

1749,  Twosday,  2  11. 21
1144,  Thursday,  4  11. 21

3.11.21

 
You know . .
. . NO

his feathers startledthey ruffled looked like an excited grouse


You going to let me finish wha . .
. . No


. . . What, what I was going to say?

Why
      a dour chalkish fog coated his feathers
Ya really havent noticed that every time you start with You know I shut ya down


No, I hadn’t.

Brother

I think, no, no I know . . you misunderstand me.

Misunderstand explainhowever brieflybriefly when you begin Ya know yare making an assumption Ya gotta quit with thatwhen your boy visits hes all over you when ya persist

Yes, yes he is, he’s quick on me, but that has nothing to do with you and me . . 
. . Actually it does Its immediately why I say NO

his eyes grew largepierced his feathers
                                          May I?
nonchalant Please

When I say you misunderstand me, I’m actually saying . . DO you kno . .
. . STOP  No DO

The Do is understood.
                        a deer caught in headlights stunned eyes couldnt try selling bland better than he was now with his look atop his preposterous remark

Ya thinkin of running for office Christ
                                        No Do Not understood Not anywhere in the English language

It’s implied . Do you know . . You know.

A question an assertion are not the same thing 
                                                 Save it for an ignoramus
no sooner than their exchange a small junior high Hispanic boy approached them and asked if they had a dollar he could have

he said No

grouse asked what he needed a dollar for

the boy said he wanted to buy a bagelhe didnt have any money  his parents werent coming to pick him up for another hour was he gonna starve to death

grouse went into his pocket he had cashseparated a couple of dollar bills he gave one to the boykept the other in his hand and told the boy hed follow him in he was going to get a coffee refill
                                                                               Excuse me, what do you say when someone gives you a dollar? made your dreams come true
Huh?

Don’t you say thank you?

Ohyeah. Thank you for the dollar.

Yes. You know . . muchas gracias, muchas gracias.
                                                      the boy looked confused he repeated Thank you.

he looked up at his buddy as he stood and laughed at him

What . what are you laughing at?

When yare back



moments later a teenaged boy in black jeans gym shoes black hoodie drawnup over his head hiding his face approached two girl who were seated at a table beside him
                                                  he grabbed the chair his buddy had been sitting in and turned it to sit beside the girls
HEY 
     the kid heardhis head motioned but he ignored him

he stood up crossed to the kid and rapped him in the ribs with the back of his hand Up Out Before you help yourself to an unoccupied chair you ask if its being used  ask if you may

as the kid stoodhe swept it out from under his ass before he moved
                                                                       he didnt acknowledge him
no skin off his ass
he set the chair back in place


his buddy came out of the coffee shop preceded by the kid with a bagel

he walked over and sat down
                                So why did you laugh at me as I went in for a refill?

Ever occur to you man that that kid may not understand Spanish
                                                                     Looks can be deceivingI mean yare smarter than you look

1550,  Twosday,  2  11. 21
1437,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  3  11. 21

 
not the first time he butchered a lyric
                                            he heard
Rise the amorous to the rapture verse alligator
                                                  which made perfect sense to him anyone who bought into rapture verseBiblical verse  would be reptilian
though evidently 
                 sites he Googled made no bones he was wrong they quoted the lyricist
Rise the amorous to the rapturous alligator


he was watchingreading subtitles Oslo August 31st  the song played in the background that he knewknew it was Moloko messed with his head he wasnt that familiar with the band though he was with their song Ho HUMM

he was able to temper his head thoughit stuffed with useless informationtrivia which tickled him to no end
                                                                                                                the scene the music backedup was heavy a frank revealing conversation between two old friends men  about suicide
men commit suicide 3.63X more often than women
                                                     women attempt suicide 2.00x to 4.00x more than men that wide berth is because attempted suicides often go unrecorded   RING RING RINGclick  Hello? Hello? Oh, hello . . ahyes, yes, I wanted to call to say I survived my suicide attempt.  Name?  Ohno thank you. click


might-be suicides
                   he didnt hung out or seek themunfortunately some people he knew who died were preferredWHY the fuck if he knew  were preferred to be known as suicides rather than junkies   

he understood they were unfortunate overdoses

it made sense to try a scosh more the next timeexceed what they enjoyed prior particularly if it had been a sweet high theyperhaps had no sense that the last time their toes may have been over the edgemaybe they attitude was in reclineheld in check by heavy inertia or unaware they were tallupright shoulders forward not copping any sense of gathering momentum
                        a greedy abyss at their feet

he mourned them


he didnt think of them as overdoses junkies suicides
they had names
                he said their names when he talked about them

when he did others were uncomfortable
                                         Why do you have to talk about them? They’re gone.

They were our friends part of my lifeWhy wouldnt I

Ill talk about you that never went over well

2121,  ReggaeFriday,  29  10. 21
1022,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  3  11. 21
Soft Machine  Hidden Details  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KF83kKEZMe8

2.11.21

 

bro was rapping then gushed  . . T-levels.

irritant a breath  Dafuck man Cant anybody say wha they mean Im nutdeep in acrimonious acronyms abbreviations shorthands
             How woudya like to be abbreviated   I don understand wha yare talking about

T-levels, man.

he rolled his eyes so hard he almost made himself dizzy
                                                           OHthanks ever so much for the explanation
T-levels, T-levels, you know.

he closed his eyes
                  wish as he may he wouldnt be able to make him disappear vanish dissipate like a fart in the windwhy so often guys leave a room   their date says Where did you go? I was talking to you.   Remembered something, had to check it out, it’s cool, sorry I left the room without saying, didn’t mean to be rude.  did women ever suspect

Wanna try again

T-levels.

WHAT does T stand for

You kidding me? Everyone knows what T stands for.

Not everyone Yare looking at him

he shook his head like he was explaining to a child again for a fourthfifth time kid couldnt retain shit 
                                                                                                             T-levels. Testosterone. Testosterone levels.

Levels are selfexplanatory All ya had to say waswha T meant I aint thick
                                                                                Whabout em
I was referring to things we do to elevate our T-levels.

Yours need elevating
                       Im not following
Weightlifting.

Succinct Don mean a thing to me

Weightlifting raises your testosterone, why we lif . .
. . Lift you lift  Don include me in your nonsense
                                                     If mine were to be bumped a goodlookin wellbuilt woman is plenty

You lift . .
. . I lift weights to maintain improve my strength

And you also up your T-levels.

You do Ill take a woman every time

Why you being difficult?

Im not Tell me
                When you see a wellbuilt guyya think perhaps enviously I bet his T-levels are high  Why would ya do that

I don’t.

But ya relate T to weightlifting
                                 I relate to women Mebbe somewheres ya got crosswired  Weightlifting Weightlifters    Jesus man
 

You’re just being difficult. Why can’t you admit lifting weights raises your testosterone?

Because I could give a shit theyre dumb brute iron plates
                                                             Ill take a shapely woman every time an likely my levels go up more than while lifting one weight
                                        Likewise elevated levels in a gym whacha gonna do with that If yare out a woman presents ya can do something with itNo brainer
                                                            I can see ya havent completely thought this thing through   

antagonistic T-levels  waste of breath  

1600ish,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  27  10. 21
1129,  Twosday,  2  11. 21

 

So what do you think, she’s pretty cool, huh?

he didnt like to talk to guys about who they datedfigured they knew their minds who they wanted to see he didnt ask what a soul what they thought
                                 none of their damn business
it was particularly troublesome when it was his brother

their tastes didnt align
                        despite them dating several of the same girls for different reasons  they werent dating them now

Who

What do you mean who? Lizzie.

he thought lizard flickering tongue reptilian  Really
                                                        If ya must know not a fan
What do you mean?

I . . I think not a fan is explanatoryyah

Why wouldn’t you be a fan? she’s cool with a ménage a trois.

Between who

Me and her and Kelly.

Kelly

Yeah, you like Kelly.

Kellys headanheels above Lizard he didnt say 
                                                       Lemme think Lizs idea

I wouldn’t say her idea; I’ve always thought a threeway would be coo . .
. . We can fuck Liz
NO.
     I mean me and two girls.

Ah Understood  Ya gotta be explicit man

Fuck Liz . . you think Id share her . .
. . Isnt that what yare proposing

No . .
. . Yes

You’re looking at this wrong.

Help me look

She’s cool, how many women do you think would be willing to have a threesome?

The women straight or messed up

Jesus, man, straight; who wants to have . .
. . STOP  right there
                       Let me remind you whoyare talking to Whod prefer not having this conversation Kellys gonna shut you downshes smarter than that Yare buying into a gambit

I don’t think so.

Yaint thinkin
              Losin Kelly to Liz  Shitty deal

I don’t think so.

Should have left me out of it

 

not a year and a half later Liz told his brother she was pregnant
                                                                    his brother didnt listen to his recommendation Abort
his brother wanted to do the honorable thing

he was going to marry her


fuckin idiot followed his dick around until he got in trouble

 

 

So, man, what do you think of my girl?

I don

Come on, your thoughts?

I think shes a skag
Fuck you!

Don ask me wha I think


word got outanaround an nobody approached him about who they were dating

Why didnt that occur to him sooner  Idiot

1247,  Monday,  1  11. 21
1546,  Monday,  1  11. 21

1.11.21


his nephewalways a bug up his ass about something complained
                                                                 You don’t have any idea what it's like, Uncle Joe.
kid couldnt be that stupid

his brother wasnt a shining light

his sister-in-law
                Aw he wasnt letting her in  last time he saves a swooning bride with the back of her head aligned with a stone planter

maybe the kid could be that stupid
                                     it killed himsure as shit if the kid bred he was the gene pool taking his familys name bloodline forward Forward  not a chance  its called retrograde the only boy among his siblings eight children  an they were done having kids  he was donehe had girls they were sharp cookies  sharper than himhis wife was sharper than him  a real looker  but if she couldnt keep up with him or better him he wouldnt have been interested


I havent any idea what its like Nathaniel the rest of the familyhis parents called him Nate Yawanna think that through

What do you mean?

Yare bitching about junior high
                                 Ya think I didntyour aunts and uncles didnt go to school

Oh, don’t give me that, Jo . .
. . he snapped WHO nearly lost his shit he wasnt gonna let the punk disrespect him

Nathaniel looked immediately at his father

his father closed his eyesshook his head  Nate was on his own

WHO  ya talking to

Uncle Joe.

WHO

Uncle Joe.

WHO one more time so you don forget  ever if I got to knock some sense into ya thats right up my alley
                                                                                                               Ya can ask your father

Uncle Joe.


You were saying
                     Don give me that

That was then, this is now . . Uncle Joe.

For instance
               Classes cant be that different

Yeah, well, you didn’t have to practise school-shooter drills.
                                                               prick smiledreally pleased himself  oneupped his uncle

School-shooter drills
                       Some real skin off your asshuh  Drills

Yeah, lame drills . .
. . To   possibly save your life
                                Lame   Yare right

Nathaniels eyes narrowed Was his uncle dissing him?

aif he could hear him think Yah  an accurate question
                                                        maybe the boy wasnt as stupid as he thought

Your shooter drillsif I may pale in comparison to the drills we had Nuclear annihilation  Not a handful tenfifteen kids teachers Terrible Yah  But Im talkin all the kids teachers parents whole communities
                                                                                              Yare whining  I really have a difficult time listening to someone who carries my name whining

he stood looked to his brother
                                Ya got some serious work to do with this ingrate  this boy 

his brother was wideeyed

Ingrate  Ungrateful
                       Im off to talk with someone else  Boys he gesturedtouched his finger to his scarred eyebrow

2225,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  20  10. 21
1204,  Monday,  1  11. 21

 

Youll excuse me he said to the group he was standing with at the bar The mouth over there is getting the better of me I gotta shut him upfuckin whiner

You think that’s a good idea?

Yawanna keep listening to him

No, but . .
. . No buts I aint moving any furthur down the bar or heading outside

taking his beer in hand he stepped back into the aisle made of bodiessomeone immediately slipped infilled where he stood
       he smiled was nice to have a placeholder

Excuse me man
                 the guy had his back to himstood in the body aisle facing two others he couldnt see them big guy where they were seatedtheir backs to a brick wall
                                              Excuse me he tapped him on the shoulder felt like a brick wall 

he tipped his hips something inside him creaked hafturned to him Talkin to me?

Tapped your shoulder yah
                            Neanderthal Ya aint that stupid areya

What do you want? clear as a bell no slurring

I want you to quit your whining
                                  the man and woman seated with him vacated Gotta get going Cass

Yeah . . later never once taking his eye off him Quit whining.
                                                             his face congealed they knew each other from somewheresomewhere

Whining  Yes

he turned completely aroundthe small of his back to the tall round café table nobody filled the stools behind him
                                                                                                                       Sure you want to say whining?

Ya got another word from it
                                 I also got bellyaching

You got your nerve, buddy.

I understand yare recently divorced I understand dates arent going well I don understand you cryin bout baggage At yer agetheir age Id assume baggage We got baggage by the time were twenty We aint twenty An you aint dating or attracting high school girlsWHO have baggage

Thats wha I came over to say
                                Baggage is exponentialaint linear the older we get  I aint got data though

I could commiserate with youIm not Ill side with ya But please please  please stop the . . whayawanna call it whinincryinbellyachin Ill let you say


Cass set his beer on the table behind himballed his fists

he was nonchalant was hanging onto his heavy glass handled mug  if he had to use it to defend himselfequalise the playing field he was okay with that

What if I were to say you got a big mouth.

Yasayin
          Cuz ifya are Id say wha I said were words out of your mouth  Now ya got an issue with the truth
I aint a mindreader

You got a big mouth.

Do I Aside from this conversation whaelse ya hear me say tonight
                                                                         About anything

he stuck his toe in the wood floor maybe pretending it was dirt

About anything

You like pushing things.

When theres a right an wrong a true an false yacan bet yer ass
                                                                    How do you come down on things an don tell me like a ton of brick

Cass cracked a smile despite himself
                                         I think we know each other.
I think we do too
                  Ya can buy me a beer an we can talk about it talkbout baggage

Yeah . . what you said.

Exponentially or linearly

Yeah . . what you said.

Late 1600hrs,  ReggaeFriday,  22  10. 21
1444,  Sunday – HAPPY HALLOWEEN,  31  10. 21