he was trying hard to pull back from politickle slights after the electionafter the last five years  but the fat mango Mussolini wasnt letting him

                              the Former 

if yadon bury the dead they rot they smell to high heaven 

thats where he found himself

dogs and cats shit they get their nose down in it and smell  then they scratch and dig to bury their scent   

seems we donhave the commonsense of animals

he watched recent reporting on three groups that the Feds were coming after for the insurrection on January 6

                                                                                                                    the Feds should those were seditionists who crashed the Capitol seeking to overthrow American democratic process

the three the Oath Keepers the Proud Boys the Three Percenters  the insouciant mentality of outmanned but not outgunned

            however  humouring himself  theirs was a faculty of few military veterans and lotsa paintball wizards 

get an eyepatch 

                 try an look hardened 

paintball wizards 

this isnt a game

this is our democracy

1806 or 606pm,  Monday,  5  7. 21

Who  Pinball Wizard  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFrDpx7zLtA

 

he knew stormy wasnt doing well

                                    when he came home from work before he went to work out he fed the cats they werent his cats they were his wifeshis daughters but they had places to go people to see things to do  in death   and in life  reality is that someone is always left holding the bag

                                                                 he wondered if there were support groups that helped one that they could commiserate with whichto be sure that wouldnt be he he didnt buy into team effortsonly concerned himself with what he brought to the table  he didnt buy into help counselors selfhelp publications he preferred to root around on his own like a pig after truffles after he determined the correct direction to go in

stormy was his wifes cat

                           she felt their girls ought to be brought up with a pet  You had pets growing up.  I had a goldfish Goldie when I was in second grade Goldie was gutted by a parakeet when he or she rose to the top of the bowl if you scratched its rim usually just before feeding him or her Goldie would rise and roll over onto their back he could actually rub Goldies belly  gutted by a parakeet Sissy 

                                     before they married his wife gave him a Samoyed-Husky for his birthday April  he was a fat puppy he named him Fatty  Fatty was shot to death by a rancher before the year was out

she felt their girls ought to be brought up with a pet 

stormy was eighteen now

he fed her separate from the other four cats put their food down and kept stormy up on the kitchen counter to feed herhers was a wetfood unlike their dry food

                                               he stood guard because young cats will be young cats

stormy pushed the food around with her muzzle didnt eat anything she was out of sorts

he put cellophane on her bowl and refrigerated it

taking her down off the countersetting her on the linoleum floor she was lethargic she squattedseemed content to do absolutely nothing

Stormy whasup girl 

                      he preferred not to miss his workout but   he hadnt seen her off her game but once when she was young  an extensive surgery saved her life

picking her up from the kitchen floor he brought her into the livingroomtucked her against him with one arm and placed a record on the turntable he didnt remember what he played then he sat on the rocking loveseat with her on his lap

an hour or so later he felt it in his fingershis hands an electric bolt shot through her spine contorted her bodycurled it so that stormys head came up back an nearly touched her rump

she collapsed senseless

her breathing was laboured 

she spasmed threefour times more

seveneight hours later in the dark in silence she died on his lap 

his wife felt their girls ought to be brought up with a pet

 

stormy died his wife was dead his girls were gone from home at college

Yah dontell him Life isnt fair not by a long shot

Summer of ’19

1345,  Monday,  5  7. 21

5 July 1852

 

History 

        and why history has to be understood in its context not cherrypicked not ignored or denied because it was ugly  because it remains ugly

History  Truth & Fact 

                         necessary to punch a hole in and deflate a Macys helium balloon dedicated to American mythos

Americans are not who they believe they are but rather who they should be known to be in toto

 

Frederick Douglass

“Fellow-citizens, pardon me, allow me to ask, why am I called upon to speak here to-day? What have I, or those I represent, to do with your national independence? Are the great principles of political freedom and of natural justice, embodied in that Declaration of Independence, extended to us? And am I, therefore, called upon to bring our humble offering to the national altar, and to confess the benefits and express devout gratitude for the blessings resulting from your independence to us?

“I am not included within the pale of this glorious anniversary! Your high independence only reveals the immeasurable distance between us. The blessings in which you this day rejoice are not enjoyed in common. The rich inheritance of justice, liberty, prosperity, and independence bequeathed by your fathers is shared by you, not by me. The sunlight that brought life and healing to you has brought stripes and death to me. This Fourth of July is yours, not mine. You may rejoice, I must mourn. To drag a man in fetters into the grand illuminated temple of liberty, and call upon him to join you in joyous anthems, were inhuman mockery and sacrilegious irony. Do you mean, citizens, to mock me, by asking me to speak today?

“What, to the American slave, is your Fourth of July? I answer: a day that reveals to him, more than all other days of the year, the gross injustice and cruelty to which he is a constant victim. To him, your celebration is a sham; your boasted liberty, an unholy license; your national greatness, swelling vanity; your sounds of rejoicing are empty and heartless; your denunciation of tyrants, brass fronted impudence; your shouts of liberty and equality, hollow mockery; your prayers and hymns, your sermons and thanksgivings, with all your religious parade and solemnity, are, to Him, mere bombast, fraud, deception, impiety, and hypocrisy — a thin veil to cover up crimes that would disgrace a nation of savages. There is not a nation of the earth guilty of practices more shocking and bloody than are the people of these United States at this very hour.

“At a time like this, scorching irony, not convincing argument, is needed. O! had I the ability, and could reach the nation’s ear, I would, to-day, pour forth a stream, a fiery stream of biting ridicule, blasting reproach, withering sarcasm, and stern rebuke. For it is not light that is needed, but fire; it is not the gentle shower, but thunder. We need the storm, the whirlwind, the earthquake. The feeling of the nation must be quickened; the conscience of the nation must be roused; the propriety of the nation must be startled; the hypocrisy of the nation must be exposed; and the crimes against God and man must be proclaimed and denounced.”

1024,  Monday,  5  7. 21

https://www.democracynow.org/2021/7/5/james_earl_jones_frederick_douglass_july4?utm_source=Democracy+Now%21&utm_campaign=02fadae919-Daily_Digest_COPY_01&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_fa2346a853-02fadae919-192501705

  

Did you say I?

Ayeaye I did he smiled wrylyvery pleased with himself  he was high

his face responded screwedup into slantedgrimace   unhumoured 

                                                                            he finally sputtered You hardly ever say I.

I don

What possessed you?

I donknow 

              Yabeen possessed

I suppose that would depend upon your definition of possessed, wouldn’t it?

No 

No? he tipped his head like a dog hearing a whistle only he could hear Care to explain?

I can listen Ya define possessed I said I didnt know

ball was in his court he wasnt a storyteller frankly he couldnt tell a story to save his life he didnt have compoundeyes like a bug he didnt want to see things inside and out and aroundrather steadfast steadyashegoes he had binocular vision and wasnt interested in what he couldnt see 

                                                       whatever might be over the horizon held no fascination he wasnt keen to try and exercise his imagination 

Ya gonna say

No. I don’t think I will.

Well Ill not either  I wouldnt know where to begin 

                                                      However thank ya for noting I said I  Your ears work

1234 or 0034,  Saturday,  4  7. 21

1109,  Sunday,  the Fourth of July 2021

Sons of Kemet  The Book of Disquiet  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3bTnax-bTM

 

You think everything you say ought to be recorded?

      Hell why not Why do you think I have these toetotoe battlesconversations with corporate underlings who have their heads up their ass and believe were gonna to submit to corporate dalliance without complaint or rancor 

This call may be recorded for quality and security purposes.   

Horseshit Inside every call tree yare assured by a recorded voice calls may be recorded No Ask for a transcript Theyll say they have to submit a request  curtly Submit   That will take twentyfour to seventytwo hours.   Okay Fine Todays Tuesday morning Ill expect a telephone call Friday morning  Seventytwo hours  that hangs like shitty coils of flypaper in the phone line  Youve called their bluff  An likewise youve given them ample opportunity to admit that not every call is recorded  akin to the threat of a surveillance camera in a lobby is recording  which isnt legitimate  the cameras a mockup  its sole purpose is to inspire fear

Inspire fear?

Were basted in fear

Do you think you’re fearless?

Fear Whas the point 

                       Fears a leverage Everyone paranoidlooking over their shoulder they walkout into traffic get runover THATS their faultthey werent watchin where they were going 

That’s interesting.

Innarestin is ambivalent Try again

 

So your every utterance should to be recorded?

Why not What I say might be garbage but then one mans garbage is another mans treasure

Tone is recordedits nuances rhythms pauses emphases   All tells  all telling wha comes out of my mouth arent lies 

Yare knitting your brow

they quit

Yare stroking your chin

they quit

Yare worrying your lips

they quit 

Ya oughta listen to me asif I was whispering 

                                               Listen intently asif yare hard of hearing  because I am easily worth the price of admissionmy words are like drops of rain on parched earth a gentle wash soothing an exhausted body soothing tired eyes an appeasing murmur in your ears like a melodious songbird  unlike lies desperatewanting to be believed true

My voice comes from behind a mask you most want to see your deceit my words cradle you theyre coloured whirlingvapours the smell of incenses they live inside flickering quivering small candleflames

Listen to me 

             Become a child again without notions of hurt without anger without doubt

Be pinkskinned again wideeyed gentle 

                                           Take my words like mothersmilk  your eyelids growing heavy as you suckle and closing and suckling you dreamdream fantastic dreams fearless dreams  Why my words ought to be recorded

Yacant possibly note them verbatim or commit to memory

They have to be recorded

An when were lied to those lies need to be called out held up 

Theyre liars    

0138,  Sunday,  19  1. 92

1621,  Saturday,  3  7. 21

 

troglodyte a prehistoric cave dweller 

                                       troglodyta  Latin  from Greek troglodutes  influenced by troglos  cave  and

-dutai  those who enter 

that looked back at him from a mirror 

he couldnt fool himself 

                     nor could he abide himself if anyone was fooled eitherhe was Johnny-on-the-spot to correct them

he left Distillation on top inside the cigarbox that he told his kids they could go into after he died

no sooner

he left it out in the open inside his studio

he caught them occasionally standing before it  asif paying homage

                                                                        he embarrassed them  In due time

 

DISTILLATION

I say what I think and having said I think of it no longer I evacuate to make room for more My brain like my bowels and bladder and lungs I empty to refill to empty again filling and emptying again and on until that time when death will finally quietly empty me completely a warm grateful squeeze and spasm where in my bed on a floor or into the earth will weep the vestiges of what I had been

I will sorely miss being unable to sit or kneel in my stuff like a small curious child to sort or pull through it discovering its trembling treasures its funk and fuck In it are my bright happinesses my ugly horrors 

Hopefully my children can look maybe they can smell the fragrances in the odor or find feel the beautiful stones in the surly muck MAYBE  if their eyes dont betray them or their nerves not be faint 

I was not a part  not a cog or gear

                                     I was a thing in the bubble of its own atmosphere formed with the slime of its body – inflated with its gases and breath

  

0037,  Saturday,  20 7. 91

1420,  Saturday,  3  7. 21

 

a little different look makes a difference

shave

and a haircut  two bits get lost  drop dead   or some other facetious response

somebody expects two bits anya give them Drop dead

                                                           that makes a difference

on women

new hair colour

makeup

makes a difference

                    hed walk off no interest in walking a path of high maintenance 

the shave and a hair bit is seven successive notes five then after a pause it concludes with two

                                                                                                      sharing an apartment if his bedroom door was closed a roommate would rap at it  knock knockknockknock knock  if he wanted them to enter or engage them hed rap on the floor wall on his desk knock knock theyd let themselves in

                                                                                                the bit is originally from an Eighteenninetynine tune by Charles Hale ragtime At a Darktown Cakewalk a cakewalk something absurdly easy  what was easier than rapping and not having to get up off his ass to answer the door

usually they wanted to know if he wanted to get high  cakewalk

usually lotsa of different goodlooking women in the livingroom makes a difference 

                                                                                     and making them they were different thoughto be sure sometimes a lot different  so sue him 

he was high now

makes a difference

he didnt have roommates now

things were no longer a cakewalk

why he muddled on was because a WiFi router that stood on his desk atop a stack of WWI military books and a modem was gone he returned ithe had nothing in his house that was WiFianything his Internet company for ten years had provided it to him for free then IT decidedwithout prior notification to pop him five bucks a month 

                                                                                                     unfortunately reminded him of a buddyonce a roommate whose wife came home after twelve years of marriage and told him she didnt love him anymore and was going to start dating again  ahthe sanctity of marriage

he told his buddybecause he stood up to their wedding Excuse me all to hell she aint dead

Dead? Whadaya mean she’s not dead?

I witnessed her vow till dead do us part She may think she can ditch the to have and to hold to love and to cherish but she aint dead

Ah, well, there’s actually a simple answer . . . she’s not interested in parting . she’s bringing boyfriends home.

THE unread FINE PRINT 

                        whether on a marriage license or a no-commitment contract

a little different look makes a difference

the router was eight-inches wide seven tall in his line of vision now instead of a matte blackfaced fixture there was a white textured wall 

                     AND it was definitely staring at him hed describe the look as being a little outraged for being left out of sight for years

he was going to have to do something about that

but not rashly

hed think on it

be deliberate

withstand its outrage

its inappropriate ire

it may not have known better

he didnt know its IQ

                      but if it could eyeball him this hard it must have seen the IT companys technician placed the router

not him 

he was going to give the wallspace and himself some time

maybe they could work things out 

                                    if the wallspace could accept he was innocent

he apologised

               he didnt ask for forgiveness

he didnt do anything wrong

0944,  Saturday,  3  7. 21

1899 Charles Hale  At a Darktown Cakewalk  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHhZbkEMmUM 

Vibration Black Finger  In Rhythm  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fAh1bM3CX14

 

      they suggested he could hear them sighmaybe they were bored he ought be his better

at their behest

at his best

             he was a beast 

Yareally don know whayer saying

she cleared her voice asif that was going to make a difference You can be better. 

he felt like he entered an archaic television commercial The best I can be he chuckled under his breath Yawant my best Ill give it to ya

             However I suspect youll be displeased  Its obvious youre unable to remedy this problem  Yare Leadership yashould be able to provide me what I deservecontinue to give me wha the company has given me the last ten years  Yare Leadership  it should be within your purview to deliver

                                                                But yare not  yamight run awaydefer to your superiors they tell you wha to dowhaya cant do and by the tone of your voice you arent going to push back stand on your hind legs  Youve no intention of standing in my shoes 

Yare a part of Leadership

                            Or is Leadership merely a titlea little more money in your pocket than a common frontline customercare representative earns

Yare even dragging your feet answering that question 

Awright  Submit a request  The transcript by your words will be available to you the latest in seventytwo hours  Todays Tuesday morning Friday morning call me  Seventytwo hours

I will. 

 

she didnt

talking with another Leadership individual nearly three weeks later they said Leadership wasnt free to share the transcript of his call with him 

                               It’s proprietary information, used internally or for training purposes only.

Proprietary has nothing to do with me regarding my own telephone call I was the other actor on the line I was sharing legitimate concerns No You cant share it with a different customer but my transcript can be shared with me

That is outside our practise.

Then bring it inside 

                     Anif you cant lets move it up to someone in hierarchy who can  The Masters of Leadership

I don’t know if I can.

Find out You have my telephone number Have somebody Oz call me Matt  Thank you for your time

 

any bets

UNKNOWN,  this century

1539,  Reggae Friday,  2  7. 21

  

once upon a time sounds like a fairy talehuh a black slave represented a 3/5s vote for their master

a man not sexually abused younger women or children was reduced to 3/5s a man

NOW 

       1/6   January 6   thats what majority white Republican House Representatives and Senators have willingly accepted themselves to be reduced to 

                                        they have defied their Constitutional oaths

must have crossed their fingers behind their backs as they lied when they vowed 

he came out of big shoulders rawknuckled Chicago theyd call that shit cowardly 

imagine the stinkthe decrepitness inside the Capitol afterwards

rather than custodial staff cleaning up after January 6 

                                                          Republicans ought to have cleaned up their mess

2357,  Thursday,  1  7. 21

 

You say Jeffrey

I say Allen

You say Epstein

I say Weisselberg

Jeffrey

Allen

Epstein

Weisselberg

odds are theyre both hung out to dry

1558,  Thursday,  1  7. 21

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/07/01/nyregion/allen-weisselberg-charged-trump-organization.html

https://www.cnbc.com/2019/08/16/jeffrey-epstein-hanged-himself-in-suicide-medical-examiner-rules.html

he learned something new every day  at least he tried   maniacally                                                                                                                                              butt

he thought he knew what a butt was

but he didnt  canya tell he was having some fun

a butt is two hogsheads

right whas a hogshead 

                          sixtythree Imperial gallons

right whas an Imperial gallon

an Imperial gallon is fourpointfivefive rounded up litres onepointtwo gallons compared to an American gallon 

                                                                                                                            gallon looked intriguing to him  Middle English  from Anglo-Norman French galon   pail  liquid measure  perhaps Celtic origin 

thereby a butt is onehunredtwentysix Imperial gallons

 

why did he learn this today

because History is a pip 

                          he read Shakespeare read the War of the Roses read that George Plantagenet Duke of Clarence was executed in Tower of London on his brothers King Edward IV orders 

a zesty private execution

George was drowned in a butt of malmsey

he knew what malmsey was

                               a fortified Madeira wine  made from boal grape that smells tastes like roasted coffee salted caramel bitter cacao dates and golden raisins

why would he know that

he worked part-time in a liquor store

he couldnt work full-time if he wanted

he had things to learn

UNKNOWN,  this century

1234,  Thursday,  1  7. 21

https://www.thedrinksbusiness.com/2016/02/on-this-day-1478death-by-malmsey/  https://windsbird.com/2013/07/24/george-duke-of-clarence-drowned-in-malmsey-wine-fact-and-fiction/ 

 

he wanted to try something differentmebbe not so different

maybe something old something new something borrowed something blue

                                                                             not too shabby  he wasnt a bride not-to-be 

thats a treatment for traditional brides not-to-be

he wondered wha they were all over now 

                                           wha had come downNOW  to defy tradition 

he had no clue  

actually trying this something different was something he tried years ago had almost forgothad almost sift awaycrushed beneath the tonnage of his memory but haphazardly he remembered usually did he was coerced by the man who accidentally shot his bride in the headhis wife Burroughs  William S Burroughs

                                                                                                it wasnt traditional to play William Tell at parties Burroughs may have confessed that into a dark mirror in Mexico after he fled the country it might have been better had he plugged his son in the forehead but he didnt have one he wouldnt have one queers then didnt have sons or daughters William fucked other peoples boys

                                                       ahC’est la vie  or did he mean Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir he confused the two often which was which always was sloppy crossing the two and at his pronouncement he got strange looks which was when he knew he was wrong again

Thats life Do you wanna sleep with me tonight  negligible difference from where he stood

so following Billys lead had he met him he would have called him Billy he played cut-ups

usually its played with a book or books randomly opened eye dropped on a page then writing down words or the phrase or the sentence beneath it  

he played tonight although dropped in on his WORDs Recent Documents 

                                                                             wrote down their titles

was a little spooky

they made sense 

this isnt stupid

petered out

ya went through with it didntya

wha would ya say

he couldnt imagine housefly was tasty

man thats quite an admission

running children lamenters

I disagree

SCABS

she looked at himgave him the stink eye

soulmates got a TicTac

Wow he shook his head

things come in threes

frugal

touchstone

Its been an odd couple of days

iCloud

IQ EQ

it was a cosmic setup

tell me whaya know about me 

                                Go ahead tell me whaya know about me

Tell me something I don know 

Yawanna know whayer problem is?

Sure Enlighten me 

                      turning on a hot spotlight things unseen scurry to the shadows 

Hey ya donwanna see em  Noyadon   Im tellin ya yadon 

                                                             Ya only think ya do

Once yasee 

            youll be unable to forget

Im not tellin ya something yadon know 

We have lingering memories 

1211 or 0011,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  30  6. 21

1206,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  30  6. 21

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQa7SvVCdZk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VCLxJd1d84s

 

This isnt stupid

Ohno, it’s stupid, and trying to defend it is even more stupid.

You took my words out of context which reminds me aligns you with your Republican siblings  Goin to the dark side                        

that cut him to the quick 

                         he saw anger flash on his cheekshis eyes go paleblue to hot piercing electricblue 

good 

      got him in the chops at a primal level he knew that hurt that it angeredenraged him he worked him into a corner right where he wanted him

                             Yalistenin now  listenin  Listenin to the context of what I said annot cherry pickin

he continued to radiate

                         although he was smart to hold his tongue

radiant knew him not to have much of a fuse

nearly combustible at a touch 

                                Son his parents told him you have to learn to control yourself, if you don’t, you’re heading down a long, ugly road.

Wont be ugly if I come out on top 

ah nothings perfect 

                      he came out uglycould have been uglier suffered far fewer loses than he thought he might                           

scars are evidence of character 

                                 he had character in abundance 

Ya ready to hear me out

radiantboy continued glowing

he tossed a wet blanket on him to take him down a notch or two

                                                                   Im gonna repeat wha I told you why I didnt turn the fan on it had nothing to do with stupid or your want that I should suffer one of your senior moments be forgetful lose my place my train of thought an the only reason Im gonna exhaust my patience explaining again  is so I don punch ya in the mouth an ruin our friendship  It just a shot away Stones 

his expression didnt change 

Can you hear me

                   Can you hear me through the blood in your ears 

I . . I . can hear you.

Areya listenin to me to my words

I  can  hear  you.

Not good enough 

                  Lemme know when ya come down enough to listen Yaknow better than push an issue with me

radiants anger hung around 

                              he didnt like debating his family they were religious they were red Republicans they were mighty white and fortunately entitled they were older and sure they knew everything better than he 

                                                                                                          dropped him like a white sugarcube into their hot tea or whatever brew they imbibed  they truly offended him

he was familiar with like offensesthe tyranny of family 

                                                          but he meant to offend him

bring him back to earth

 

the colour seemed to be leaching

Can you hear me

he didnt say he nodded his head

Awright I apologise I offended you

                                     It was my shorthand to bring you around to hearing me out and remind youas you knew because I said prior why I didnt turn the fan on when I went to bed to help alleviate the heat

You remember

I was teasing you.

Stop You were no more teasing me than I teased you But ya didnt like it  No ya didnt

No. That was apparent.

Goes without saying 

                     I told you earlier that night I had been writingworking a piece hardbeen shuffling parts around editing finding the right words so it would strike home when it was read  an because it wasnt coming together I thought I might be tired  I turned off the computer and went to bed thinking maybe Id sleep on it Laying in bed it was hot I seemed slightly aware of it Ill give you that however I was more aware of the piece and unable to turn it off

Working it with my eyes closedseeing the script rereading it parsing it I saw something I hadnt before

So I got up out of bed an went back to the computer Id been down about an hour     

I went back to bed two hours later

I stitched it up achieved what alluded me An with that off my shouldersout of my head I realised the house was hot 

Returning to bed I turned on the fan over my bed  

It wasnt that I forgot it was there or I wasas you insisted stupid  rather I was preoccupied and focused an in that space its hard for anything external to penetrate me or I can relate to

Thats a fate Im doomed to have having been raised in a house of twelve Ya learn to turn things off in your head

Its a matter of selfsurvival

Not stupid

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Boards of Canada  Nlogax  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vHEtin2qsM 

Stones  Gimme Shelter  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QeglgSWKSIY