anile 

               he couldnt remember now how he  stumbled   upon the wordstubbed his toehad to look it up   adjective of or resembling a doddering old woman

he had to admit that anile sounded better than dotard  albeit it a noun  from dotage  meaning a state or period of senile anile decay  marked by a decline of mental acuity and alertness 

                                                                            Jesus   sounding trembling terriblyclose to  retard

not nice language  disparaging old people hed met some sharp cookies in his life and sending them spinning off after their dictionaries and Goddammit! What the hell!  if they can remember where they put it 

                                                                                          leaving them to defend themselves against a juvenile  Oh yeah?   Yeah   OH yeah?   Yeah  Oh Yeah.  YEAH     What are we talking about? 

Fuggitaboutit

 

weird the shit that entertained himthat cropped up in his beaker before bed it was that free-range organic aspect of him that kickedup its heels when he was tired

anile struck him out of the blue he usually liked out of the blue and fat in his lap he played with it like Silly Putty   There   he played with it up against annihilation   No not quite    howbout  anile elation 

                                                                                     annihilations of a sort

anile

senile

juvenile

agile

-ile  suffix

              suffix  prefix  are affixes   word parts attached to ends and beginnings of words  word bases – a word stripped to its simplest form 

                              getting afield here tired third kind of affix is infix whod thought inserting into a word or word base  s  cupsful   swear words  bet-yer-fuckin-ass

                                                                    wandering to bed

mebbe hed dream

                    he promised hed try dream of a moose of bones eating dirt and rocks that fell out through the spaces in his skull or a swimming manatee of bones   hed try all he had to do was visualise when he laid down in bed

 

Sonofabitch he woke  he didnt dream period pieceshe dreamt a period piece late nineteenth century a park and gardens fountains stone animals close a man with a top hat and stout wood cane accusing him of trying to seduce his wife

unwisely he said I dont try   And I did not

I think he murdered me

Or I may have killed him

I heard someone scream Murder! 

                                   an either I was walking away or something-less-than-me was walking away 

he supposed anile elation annihilation followed him in   

1927,  Thursday,  21  1. 21

1326, Twosday,  2  2. 21

Jesus Wha a mout 

                     itd been awhile since hed been was scoldeddressed downridden roughshod over  by a squirrel  and this was one salty squirrel

salty

his mother used to accuse him of using salty language when did she hangout with sailors You were educated better than that, you know better.  Yah yup  but like art once you learn the basics you experiment Hence Picassos Blue Period his Cubism Modernism  Abstracts 

                                 If you prefer we could call my language abstract

she harrumphed him 

                      salty and harrumphed in one conversation  made him wonder what he could chuck on top that to make a triple scoop  give him some time   his mother inspired him 

                                                                          sex  itd be sex   sex really pulled her chain

widhis father it was evident from the getgo race 

                                                   there was an article from the Smithsonian that threw coldwater on any argument once and for all  humankinds birthplace was Africa

he Xeroxed a couple dozen copies of it

on its naked reverse side he wrote letters to his father it was something he did when writing his parents so his arguments usually against their positions had proof or evidence confirmed on his letters reverse side

he thought he was clever

                           If yawanna rebut me make damn sure youve read the other side of my letter Im not talking off the top of my head

they typically thought he was because they did 

                                                   I donwanna read your opinions  Opinions aint fact

they and he had grown up under the tenacious Chicago Public School system 

hell he suffered corporal punishment until it was finally overruled when he was in fourth grade

if someone thought Chicago neighbourhoods were tough they wouldntve wanted to tangle with teachers in their classrooms 

             wasnt one spoiled child  wasnt one spared rod 

Joe. You really have to stop sending letters to your father with the mother-of-all-mankind-is-black article on its reverse side. He’s not humoured.

Im humoured 

               Im humoured inside out that he hasnt a leg to stand on for his prejudice

His father did him no favors regarding Negroes.

Hes not his father Hes not accountable to the sins of his father 

                                                                   Deuteronomy Twentyfour Sixteen  Fathers shall not be put to death because of their children, nor shall children be put to death because of their fathers. Each one shall be put to death for his own sins.  Old Testament was mighty abrupt  Devarim  The fifth book of the Jewish Torah  Judaism preceded the Christian faith

Thought I didnt pay attention during my Communion classes  

Yahave no idea how many times I had to kneel on broomsticks for my perceived slights and indiscretions

The words are fuckin grievous but they certainly strike homemake my point He doesnt have to pick on niggersas he says because his upbringing afforded him better Hes never stopped a moment to walk in their shoes

 

the squirrel scolded him from a desperately leaning digger pine

digger pines leaned a longlong time before they finally fell over on their faces like drunken sailors

he didnt know how he crossed this little prick 

                                                but in the back of his mind  stopped  taking its umbrage  he thought itd be perfect if the pine fell over and the squirrel had to ride it down like Slim Pickens did as Major T. J. “King” Kong atop a nuclear bomb in Dr Strangelove           

one can only wish

 

he realised that the squirrels spite would outlast his patience without him knowing the reason why

                                                                                                         so he moseyed off letting the lil bugger celebrate its perceived victory and undiluted spleen

1432,  Sunday,  31  1. 21

1403,  Monday, 1  2. 21

Lovin’ Spoonful  Did You Ever Have To Make Up Your Mind?  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=txTEhgReZUA 

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/how-africa-became-the-cradle-of-humankind-108875040/ 

Major T. J. “King” Kong  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sBvA1oKVruE 

 

Whoa  shes stacked

Where’d that come from?

Wha

What are you, thirteen? I think that’s when stacked went out of vogue.

Vogue

Fashion, style, for a particular time.

Lemme think 

                 Ah    I aint dead  A particular time stills tickin

Dating yoursel . .

. . Like I give a fuck

Touhe.

       And if I can, do you understand the groundwork, why, you don’t give a fuck? because for as long as I’ve known you, you have unabashedly not given a fuck.

A trailblazer who critiques me for using stacked 

                                                  An she was  Indubitably

I had a gentleman on my paper route out of vogue who told me that respect was a two way street You’re told to respect your elders he said I was Why?  Respect  he said nothing  Because my parents told me to  That’s not an answer he said  Let me ask you, what if your elder doesn’t respect you?  he hadnt an answer  Shouldn’t respect go both ways?  That makes sense  Doesn’t it?  It does 

                                           Since like I give a fuck I cant tell you all the times people older than me expected my respect without demonstrating why I should respect them 

Respect is earned It isnt blindly given

But you know that

Weve been hanging out since you rambled round in my brain and finally came out

Came out. Many have come out.

If I could come out of the closet 

Jesus. Not looking to make friends of us, are you?

Yare aspects of me 

                     Yasit on my shoulders bellachin in my ears peer through keyholes outraged when I offend youse  Whas funny Yaint gonna get punched in damout yaint gonna be chastised  Yet time and time again ya act butthurt An mope

Yall attached yer wagon to a rocky run

Methinks yerall adrenaline junkies

Love the highs hate the lows

 

Nuthin

I can’t speak for everyone. The congregation has to . .

. . Convene

             Convenient

Things aint changing

She was stacked

Deal wid it

            My hearts still poundin

1216 or 0016,  Monday,  1  2. 21

Big Spender  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iG3VfKlfDEk

  

on this stretch of road he rarely looked up out of his book

                                                            an easy decline a broad even sidewalk hed walked more times than he could count over nearly ten years

something eerie bade him to lookup 

                                      when baded or is that baited he looked  he wished he ignored himself

lookingup looking above the stark pikes that made up a black metal fence that surrounded the junior high he saw that the old trees that had been pruned their limbs cut back they looked like dumb fingers amputated fingers pointing at the sky

   he thought of all the athletes who pointed who obviously believed that Gawd favoured them celebrated their home run touchdown goal winning their event 

                                         Man if he could have those fingers cut off hed feel better about the trimmed trees

nobody wanted a tree to kill a child

nobody wanted a tree to frighten a child

he wasnt nobody

younger trees to either side of the elders were untouched

they had birds flitting in their boughs

there wasnt one bird in any of the seven amputated trees that ran before the concrete patio and walk before the standalone school gymnasium 

he wasnt nobody

he was harsher than most

but only because accountability preferably to punish wrongdoers  who werentbeing punished must also endure lost innocents

         must risk murderous trees someone must have heard the wicked plots mused among the trees

he supposed he ought to be happy they only suffered amputation they could have been cut down

when trees in this town were cut down they were not replaced 

when people are cut down  several replace them 

seemed imbalanced  to him

seemed particular human species always won out when considered against other earthlings and the planet  considering First People genocide black people genocide get-on-the-wrong-side-of-white-people genocide 

just an observation

try as he may 

              he looked  he couldnt find the name of one person murdered by a tree

names of people murdered by people

unknown people murdered by people 

Come on people take the cake

just an observation

2314,  Sunday,  31  1. 21

 

hed been circled before

first time reared goosebumps of fear on his flesh

but that was reinforced by the element he was in  water

had he gills to remain immersed in the shimmer he had a knifeGame on! queer thing of the sea was there was nowhere to go except down to the bottom to find a place where he could put his back against something and make the circler come on him face to face

in open water he was deadcenter of a surrounding sphere of attacksa frightening myriad of radii to defend 

                                                                                                                an obscenely awkward inability or agility to affect a stalwart defence 

after that first time that first shark that fish passing him by after all it was just a fish he recognised that their similar size had made them equals and therefore likely the shark circling him like humans wishing they could circle a traffic accident to gawk  was curious

he was curious

curiosity ought be the nature of any beast 

                                             unfortunately hed met too many people who werent 

apparently the work was too hard

 

 

he rushed headlong from a grotto that was collapsing around himfilling with seawater from overhead slurring suddenvents and spitting holes  

it terrified himhis heart thumping violently in his chest that this sparkling refracted bluewashed architecture  its teeth stalagmites and stalactites stalactitties yes were forever to be lost 

                                                                  he dragged his feetturned in circles trying to take in remember as much as he could while he fled and spun on the white sand before its depressed mouth and spun into the sea swimming hard trying to put as much distance between himself and it as it boiled and crumbled underwater fearful a siphon a whirlpool might birth

it did not 

treading water open water he saw he was being circled circled by a shadow beneath the waves that was twicethree times larger than he 

                           curious

he was

he took a deep breath and slipped under the surface

circling him was an exquisitelydrawn painted silveredblue largeeyed flyingfish a stylised Ohno Bakufu though alive and threedimensional 

it circled him gazed at him one eyethen reversing its way the other  

it was a fish he didnt know how to read it 

                                              then reversing again having circled him several times it dipped a pectoral fin and came headlong at him in its rush it slowed itself by extending both set of fins extending its pelvic fins it swept down he tucked up then taking a chance he reached down and grasped its pectorals where they joined its body and swung upput a foot to its pelvis fin and straddled its back 

                                                             ahold of the leading edge of its pectorals it instantaneous folded its fins and bolted on a long angle racing to the surface

they exploded through crazedbubbles whitesilver and cyclonic tinyswirls its tail churning and catapulted into the sky were he sucked breath it caught blue updrafts the wind of their propulsion screamed in his ears 

its tail whipped the sea and they went up again and again many times they reentered the water he heard it gulpbtreathe then they were up again 

his shoulders joints criedthough he couldnt imagine that the flyingfish wasnt suffering either its subsequent jumps and flights were growing shorter and shorter but there seemed it had a purpose 

                                                                                a threedimensionally executed flyfishing had a purpose

he heard a grunt

it dove again 

the grunt persisted 

it lunged again

broke the surface

it soared higher than it had before

and looking he saw a green coastline whitelipped by beach

the fish bankedlosing some altitude

                                      he screamed I SEE

and when they reentered the sea it collapsed its wings and slowed  and slowe d   and   s l  o  w   e   d

when he let go as he slipped off he ran its hands lovingly down its back to its stilled tail

it wiggled a bit under his touch

swimming up to the surface he watched it sink into the bluedpurpling depths a blur a smudge   then disappeared

 

he rolled over onto his back and looked and the yellow sun and occasionally spat water like a whales spout

                                                                                                                  fearless 

he had been touched                                         

nothing dare accost him

the surf grew louder  and   louder

his ears underwater he could hear the sand particles grate and dance and sing welcome

 

he staggered onto the beachstaggered up to the dry warm sand and laid down laid down on his Mothers breast

impossibly saved

  

some time in the wee hours,  Sunday,  31  1. 21

1626,  Sunday,  31  1. 21

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8Ady7ySayI

 

he found it curious 

                     recently with very few Republicans willing to stand against seditionagainst insurrection – one clown wrote Get over it.  Get over it three weeks after the Capitol was overrun on 6 January by cretins which some white Republicans inside Congress incited and did not fear they didnt fear harm because the cretins werent coming after them 

            immediately after the violence was quelled Congress returned to its constitutional duty to certify states electoral college votes and confirm that Joseph R. Biden, Jr. was elected President of the United States six of eight senators who originally voted against Arizona still voted against it  later 147 House Republicans voted against Pennsylvanias electoral college votes 

when the House voted to impeach the former president ten House Republicans voted with Democrats four Republicans were non-votes 

                 the ten have been touted as profiles in courage                  

Profiles in Courage was a book Senator John F. Kennedy wrote in 1956

just last week House Speaker Nancy Pelosi spoke about the enemy within the walls of Congress

The Enemy Within was a book written by McClellan Committees chief counsel Robert F. Kennedy in 1960

curious

1018,  Sunday,  31  1. 21

 

she was tipped to darkness 

                              but thats where one would find witches wouldnt they

he wasnt looking for one

they connected   unexpectedly

some outside looking in might say she bewitched him

if he was bewitched 

                      he wasnt bitching

but those outside never carried water for him

he was troubled by people who asked him what he thought about anything

big girl panties

big boy panties 

                Yadon know whacha want  Askin me is a waste of time

he never asked wha anyone thought 

                                        opinions

why would anyone let their lives be informed or ran by others 

sowhaif she was a witch 

                           she was a witch in the kitchen in bed  a witch when challenging him in debatenot that they often disagreed 

                 but when they did passionately a donnybrook

no holds barred take no prisoners 

whod want to be taken prisoner 

better to die on the field

 

he was a conundrum to her

he spoiled her charms spoiled her chants and spells

when her blood was up there was no better time to take her down 

when they woke in the morningtheir body parts still intertwined Wha knots that  Don’t pull on it! Jesus! 

                                                                                                              still bound hed take her by the chin and kiss her gently like a baby

Isnt it nice to be confounded hed say

shed smilesleepily lazily 

                           Baby. You don’t confound me . .

. . Ohbut I do

               his turn to smile lazily like a Cheshire Cat I know I do No crime in that  unless you have to be in control 

Yawanna be in control 

                        Or is it okay we wash together like grit and sand and shell and bonebit churned in a surf

It’s hard to argue when you put it that way.

Lets agree 

            Were alchemy 

Alchemy.  Alchemy. 

                      I can do that.

Good Now do me and lets get into a marvelous one-of-a-kind day together Im excited to see

You’re always excited.

Thats because of you 

hed recommend a relationship with a witch 

                                              though he might have been bewitched

1959,  Saturday,  30  1. 21

  

Talk to me.

I donwanna talk  I didnt come to bed to talk with you

But you say the prettiest things, the nicest things. 

                                                     Please, please talk to me.

Nah

You’re not tired; you picked me off the floor and carried me in.

Im not tired  I just wanna make love to you

Please, pretty please, your pillow talk is worth dying for.

he cringednot that she could see 

                                   How much didja have to drink

Please . . please. I’ll beg ifya . .

. . Beg  Yare doin a nifty imitation

                                    he kissed her to shut her mouth    

she kissed back warmlyher lips soft yielding her tongue twining with his   a long  delicious  kiss

they came up for air 

                      nimbly he worked at the buttons on her blouse spread its fabric admired the mounds of her breasts

he ran a finger between her bra and her nipple and she gaspedher nipple rose 

                                                                                   she sighed  Stop. Stop. Talk to me.

Baby 

      Please

Who's begging now? You’re keen, please . . talk to me.

Yah  Got plenty of intellect babe but I jusdon feel like exercising it tonight Lemme let us exercise other options  Ill talk you blue tomorrow

You promise?

I promise  I promise 

                      Now shut yer mout

You promise?

I do 

     On second thought  donshut yer mout   Close your eyes

she giggledbusted dimples

she parted her lips 

                    she whispered You make me feel like a naughty little girl. 

he made her feel more than that 

0116,  Reggae Friday,  29  1. 21

1932,  Saturday,  30  1. 21

Murray Head  Say It Aint So  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IT5cqphuqoU

 

it is frustrating to wend stories No  not frustrating maddening   to tell talesremind others of stories   who had been therewere witnesses  who then when he finished shrugged  No, I don’t remember. I don't know if what you said is true or not; although it was very entertaining.

Jesus my intention wasnt to entertain you  Im asking youreminding you  Can you confirm it or not I wanna know that wha I said happened  that I didnt dream it read it elsewhere  that I didnt make it up it wasnt a fabrication I spun with spiderwebs from the creature inside my headcreatures  more accurately   inside my head

they scratched their heads 

                             No. I can’t say that I have any recollection of what you said, what you're talked about, at all. I just don’t remember.

and it just wasnt his parentshis oldest friends  they were twenty and eighteen when he was born 

                                                                                                        to his thinking that made them contemporaries they were in a stones throw of growing up alike

he was a precocious youthknew his letters could print was reading Dick. See Dick. See Dick run. before he entered kindergarten

that was to say he was aware

he was visual

                   he comprehended 

he was observant

he remembered 

his parents perhaps distracted with age  were uninterested in digging up the past no matter how much fun it had beenthey had had

he felt like when he told his stories looking for confirmation they listened to them asif they were nothing more than entertainment he was talking to entertain them

Christ if they wanted entertainment they could watch television

hed turn down the television when he talked with them 

                                                         then catching their eyes he turned the TV off so he didnt have to compete with the fucking thing 

                               Im talking with you Can you listen to me

it was particularly grating because he didnt live in state

he tried to visit once a year

because if he didnt they werent visiting him

                                               the unspoken life sentence for a child who chooses to move out of state away from their parents and siblings who not only remained in-state but also remained living within twentyminutes a halfhour of each other

the mountain doesnt go to Muhammad

Muhammad goes to the mountain

as Francis Bacon wrote in his Essays 1625 

                                               Mahomet cald the Hill to come to him. And when the Hill stood still, he was neuer a whit abashed, but said; If the Hill will not come to Mahomet, Mahomet will go the the Hill.

it was curious to favour two Francis Bacons  one a philosopher  the other a modern painter     

it was worse if one wasnt religious

one could suppose if he had been religious he wouldnt have abandoned his family

abandoned 

             their word

submitted 

            his word

 

his stories remained stories

                              just stories

nobody for years and years remembered a whit of what he related

yet when they spokewhen they told their little stories  aside from a different perspective as people would and should have                                                                                                                               he knew their stories

 

he gave up on the disconnect long ago 

                                         and the disconnect was made easier because he didnt live among them and he stopped visiting once a year and when he did visit  particular after his parents move northa couple hours north and he stayed with them his siblingsif it wasnt convenient for them You know where we live. Come to us.  No You know where I am

We can go. said his mother 

                              No

No, we can go. said his father 

                                 No I aint going anywhere If I can travel more than half the country they can travel here When was the last time you saw them

that painted a picture his folks didnt like so they dropped it 

                                                               Hallelujah  if he was religious   Can I get an Amen

 

thats the way the cookie crumbled for years 

                                               which ofcourse was no skin off his ass because he didnt eat desserts

 

then out of the blue he reconnected with a friend

she had lived next door

she was his first romantic interest

they laughed a lot 

                    until they didnt  which was okay   they were teenagers with their whole lives ahead of them 

she remembered the stories that involved them

 

what a fucking gift 

 

0104,  Saturday,  30  1. 21