he hated when he got ahead of himselfit was unlike him

                                                            he dreamed of a lactating womanhe would  he had sixty cousins was from the middle of the pack and several of his eleven aunts or mother were usually pregnant  thats what Catholic gets you  unprotected sex and Gods abundance 

                                                            because without God his mother and aunts wouldnt have gotten pregnant God the Eternal middleman doling out motile sperm and whorish ovum 

                                                                                            No thanks hed have children when he wanted to attempt to have them

he had two 

             that he knew of

 

this galGloria lactated something fierce La Leche League-ish or really Lacation Matters-ish  Black Lives Matter and then the butthurt assemblies whofor whatever reason HAVE to announce that they Matter too 

                                                                                              Thank You they could get in line and blow him 

                       but he digressed

she would pump at work and before heading out to donate she stopped off 2 – 4OZ bottles with him or at his cubicle the two of them freaked out their coworkers those who didnt like it said so which as he put itas he appreciated that they shared their unsolicited opinions a preamblehe explained  for his cool blue acknowledgement and reply  Fuck you Like I care what you think 

                       he should have had it made into a bumper sticker a thousand years ago or a pin to wear on his lapel rather than an American Flag

he had conferences with superiors for his frankness 

                                                        he had longhand for it: fuckrankness  they reeled his anodyne  he wouldnt have said what he did if he hadnt been provoked  Yaknow Cause and effect   I know yaknow

his personnel jacket as he was told by his last superior in hierarchy-only was blue and he frankly couldnt understand how it was he hadnt been fired numerous timeshe emphasised numerous

ofcourse he had to reply Probably because I call horseshit horseshit 

                                                                           but he digressed

he loved to digress a drug  an Alice in Wonderland rabbithole

ANYWAY 

           Gloria finally appeared in his dreamsas his gals eventually did she was one of three lactating friends and as it turned out she was only one of the three who he was able to allow her to nurse him

this dreamas dreams should  was over the moon and lingered in his eyes after he woke  throughout the day his cock reminded him Hey man that was a crazy dreamhuh you two were insane 

                                                                                he liked the occasions his cock kicked in its 2cents  kept his blood flowing 

                                    but he digressed

 

as he said he hated when he got ahead of himselfit was unlike him

                                                                        because his dream preemptedby three days  an uexpectedutterly astonishing episode or soiree of quarantine porn that exhibited lusty busty Asian lesbians  one who was lactating

how the hell does one get out ahead of that

                                            that was rhetorical 

2143,  Monday,  2  11. 20

1549,  Twosday – Election Day,  3  11. 20

Them  Gloria  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sDo-GA1hLk4 

Lactation Matters  https://lactationmatters.org/2013/06/18/how-to-become-a-human-milk-donor/

 

whos watching this 

is it Me

                            or me 

Me is He is who I am when Im not me 

                                         annot me            rather   Me

I know you know what Im talking about

                                       I am not convoluted nor distorteddeluded  I am who everyone is if theyre honest 

Who knows what . . . lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows! 

 

                                                                                 a shadow lurks in all of us

 

she decidedon her own that she was going to breastfeed his favourite meal their child to her husbands dismay 

breastfeeding she became susceptibleshe was susceptible  because her husband began ignoring her for her motherhood

forgetting perhaps

                      that he was responsible

Stupidstupid man

he left her to her devisesto what she hadnt imaginedhadnt given a thought toto her desiresher longing to be fulfilled

Stupidstupid man

she was rare earth

she was diamonds

how could he miss that

 

he bought a plasma screen for their livingroom before the baby was bornsecretly he didnt want to risk losing it to the baby if he waited its images were life size  she found it intimidating  characters on it seemed there in the room with her

she said so

            Don’t make me laugh.  he said

No. They make me feel uncomfortable.

You’re being ridiculous.

My discomfort is ridiculous?

Yes.

Oh. That makes me feel warm and fuzzy.   You want to know what else is ridiculous?

Please.

It’s ridiculous you bought it without talking to me first.

I’ve always wanted one, you’ve known that; so I pulled the trigger.

I would have thought you would have been more considerate, that you would have asked me what I thought.

It was a great sale price, I saved us lotsa money.

You would have saved us more by not buying it.

he reddened he thought She pregnant.  he answered But I did.  then he left the room She can stew for all I care.

Hey. Hey! she cried after him  HEY!  We’re not don . . 

                                                          she heard the back door open and shut   the car started

 

the screen had on-line access You don’t have to leave the livingroom for your computer if you don’t want to, it’s right here. thats what he said when he honestly tried to sell her on it . . after he mounted it while she was out

 

 

she lactated prodigiously

her mother had too so she suspected she might

she fed the baby and then used her pump to express her milk

she had left the cable on

he was onscreen as she stood and left the room to lay the baby down

she was so engrossed feeding that she didnt notice him watching her

he had watched her before

when she left the livingroom he excused himself  Where are you going? his onscreen love interest asked him  he had disrobed her according to script and held her from behind

Ill be back a bit he walked towards the screen

I know what you’re doing, you shouldn’t do that.

he paused  turned aside  You should say I shouldnt do that . . again  then turning back to his intention he looked down to make sure he wouldnt upset or step on anything in the livingroom when he stepped out

as he went out he said  Ya oughta give it a go Lee  Its intoxicating 

                                                                      he didnt wait for her replyif in fact she said anything

 

he crossed the threshold which led to the hallway where she had taken the baby he could hear her straightening up  Ah  gathering up laundry

on the wall diagonal from the screen where he crossed was a large recliner  behind it an ample bookcase  between the recliner and the hallway entrance were several tall potted plants

he sat in the recliner

looking on the screen he saw Lee had come up to the screenplaced her hands on it  pressed her breasts ever-so-slightly against it 

he saw the screen ever-so-slightly bulge beneath her pressure

Lee looked at him

he beckoned her

his beckoning was interrupted by the woman who crossed between themher blouse still open from nursing in her right arm she held some baby laundry a lavender onesie slipped its place and fell on the hardwood floor before the screen

as she began to lean to retrieve it her eye caught Lee at the screen she halted   then stood erect

from the side her attitude betrayed her interestcuriosity at the naked woman on the screen

she dropped the laundry stepped to the screen  she placed her hand on the screen opposite Lees

she wasnt startled when Lee intertwined her fingers with hers  and as Lee emerged through the screen she helped her step down

Lees handthe back of her hand brushed the womans nipple milk budded  Lee hand continued inside her blouse and held her by her ribcage

in that attitude Lee stepped closer  intimately   delicately she placed her nipple at the womans  they both sighedsighed like the breath of a soft wind through Fall maple sapling leaves

the woman leaned in as Lee leaned in and they kissed furtivelyunsure  then surety aroused them and they kissed deeplypassionately  hands greed  grateful

he could smell the warm milk

he rose from the chair

                      he wanted to get in on the action himself  

 

for Lees first time out she was marvelouspossibly magnificent

early AM,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  28  10. 20

1203,  Moanday,  2  11. 20

The Monkees  (I’m Not Your) Stepping Stone  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCM7qcRyfKo 

Stones  She’s Like a Rainbow  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FoPg4sxeiDU

 

Nature’s Basics almonds

tasty

he fingered the single-serve packagesingle-serve always pissed him off  Net Wt: .75 OZ (21g)  Oforcryinoutloud  yakiddinme

his granddaughter looked up at him from her lunch 

                                                       What’s that, Grampa?

O nothing sweetpea

Certainly sounded like something.

Awright  Yaknow what an epiphany is

No, Grampa.

I had an epiphany

What is an ei . . epie . how . . how’d you say it?

Epiphany

Yeah, what you said.

Ill write it down for you after lunch and you can ask your parents

Okay, Grampa. she was happy to return to her lunch he had interrupted her

 

.75 OZ 21g meant an ounce was 28g   simple  fucking  math

why didnt he know his simple math when he was in college selling grass and hash escaped him he weighed 30g on his scale and called it an ounce

his grass didnt have much in the way of stems or sticks 

                                                           to be fair he typically sold hash 1g at a crack

meybe theyhis customers supposed he was . . generous he did have steadfast legions he may have been short on occasioncouldnt dole an ounce but he always sent them off with a couple of joints on the house 

they never jumped ship

hell of a time to learn an ounce was 28g as a grandparent 

                                                              but he might pat himself on the back having slippedescaped those Miami Imaim days intact  come out of them in one piece  beat sand out of his trunks before cocaine chemicals pills became the rage  business got ugly  businesspeople got greedy  sometimes only blood satisfied it

he liked high 

he didnt like addictions

meybe why he didnt smoke cigarettes

away from grass and hash he sipped beer whisky and if he really wanted to treat himself he made a mean spicy Bloody Mary 

       ifya didnt get wet in the armpitssweat at the temples or brow he missed his mark

to its credit alcohol seemed to dissolve the metal fishhooks and wire threaded through their eyelets on which his emotions were suspended above hot coals 

                                           the metal melts he drops bodily onto the coals and ash and crushes suffocates themYah  his skin blisters  tepidly flesh roasts   he scars  but Ah  it was nice to be downto slip the tenterhooksslip that which existed only because he allowed it

because 

          their choice seemed right or appropriate

he was hotwiredwas wetsealed with emotions

 

sometimes we need our distance from them

 

they can be implacable  tyrannically

 

we need our room

our space 

             from ourselves

 

1302,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  29  8. 18

1209, Sunnyday – saved an hour,  1  11. 20

Emerson, Lake and Palmer  Welcome Back My Friends  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VsifANR96s 

Grateful Dead  What’s Become of the Baby  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucpd33MPMyg 

 

 

he was going to Chicagoland to be with his sister

she was dying

his brother-in-law called and told him to comeNOW. Yesterday.   I’m sorry.

the plane was in a holding pattern over Lake Michigan

he looked out the cabin window

he spied the evening star

                                             he spied the moltenred  purpling    sunset

the evening star

the sun setting

Will we go round in circles he said to himselfqueued it in the MP3 player he borrowed so he could listen to music while reading during the long flight Im tryin baby Im tryin Just our luckhuh

the craft tipped at a fifteenmaybe more degree angle he was tipped up and looking down around the wing black Lake Michigan then an artificial aura then an amberlighted cityscape a grid eerie spikes of highrise building lighted spokes running away to the suburbs a diminishing aura the black lake again

he didnt see other aircraft lights either above or below

he was being to take it personal 

                                 the airlines purposefully fucking with him 

finally the cockpit a twatpit wouldnt have fucked with him came over the PA and announced they were cleared to land and were beginning their descent into O’Hare 

                                     they neglected to advise the cabin how late their arrival was

 

Will we go round in circles

he only had carry-on and made a beeline to the cab stand  

the driver advised him that he was going to pay a premium if he took him outside his consigned area

Drive

a ninety dollar ride  not even a kiss    he didnt tip him

he piled in through the front door as his brother-in-law opened it

his sister was comatose a couple hours

their last words were during a phone call on the weekend

she cried 

            I don’t want to die.

he anguished and wept too 

                               I dont want you to die

they listened to each other cry

 

the last thing they said to each other 

                                        I will love you forever 

Circles

1810,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  29  8. 18

1422 or 222, Saturday – Happy Halloween,  31 10. 20

Billy Preston  Will It Go Round In Circles  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFHMdY9HijM 

Big Head Todd and the Monsters  Circle  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ZyT5IugA0A

 

 

What are you fucking talking about?

Hey

Gentle

Im pretty stoned

 

Yeah. Me too. But I aint talking like you; what are you talking about?

he pointed at the 60-inch plasma screen mounted on the wall 

                                                                Her  Ive never seen her before  Ive only listened to her speak on the radio NPR                                                                             

Well, radio personalities appear on television too.

I wouldnt know  Have you seen her before on television

Yes.

No shit

No shit.

Well    I havent  Makes her a kind of hybridhuh

Hybrid. Yes, I suppose you can say that.

I just did

Man, she’s really got your panties in a bunch.

She does  because shes done herself no favours  appearing on screen

How do you mean?

How doya meanhow do I mean  Look 

                                        She looks like a Kraft Jet-Puffy Jumbo marshmallow  Sporting a crimsom slash Shes done herself no favours man

I think, stoned, you’re being hypercritical.

No

Oh really, no?

No

What do think?

I think she looks better on the radio

1911,  Monday,  26  10. 20

1316,  Happy Halloween – Saturday,  31  10. 20

Blind Faith  Do What You Like  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2IpqvvlT24

$231K -- Killed

at first he was appalled 

                          but then the president seemed always to appall him – he wouldnt miss him when he was gone (and facing the music for his various crimes) – then he realised the advantage his physicians enjoyed signing nondisclosure agreements 

                           submitting to his awesome will and demand as he acts like an illmannered child throwing fits tantrums 

 

the NAs made them care less

unable to disclose his treatment they also couldnt disclose the cellophane-wrapped grapeflavoured condoms they fed him because he demanded prophylactics

fingering the wrapper eyeing it they dazzled him with the pyrotechnics of their professional gibberish wit and intellect 

he wouldnt know the wordsknow what they meant though he would act asif he did – as stable geniuses do – they knew they were treating a gullible child who wouldnt ask questions  rather just demanded

in addition to the grapeflavoured prophylactics – Chewy he said  though not bad -- they also provided him dexamethasone a Regeneron antibody cocktail – but couldnt call it a cocktail because the president doesnt imbibe – and the anti-viral remdesivir  

their concern regarding possible psychiatric effects of their treatmentfeelings of grandiosity and mania or even delirium and psychosis they believed would be minimal or at least no different than the president experienced every day

still 

     if he had his druthers hed rather the president was taken to a local ER suffered its Intake -- that other Americans endured – and then see if emergency physicians would sign NAs or just level with him  We can treat you, or you can leave.

0142 & 1233,  Saturday,  Happy Halloween,  31  10. 20

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/10/04/health/trump-covid-treatment.html  

The Grateful Dead  Casey Jones  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLs_0h9_wXM 

 

flashlight tag

during Summertime Summer vacation

the game took on a whole new meaning one evening when playing with Sally Fortier

sure they knew they were going to piss off their parents for using their flashlight  whoevers

theyd get the speech You’re wasting batteries. A flashlight is meant to be played with, it’s not a toy. asif they just couldnt come out and say Don’t touch it, it’s not yours. 

JesusChrist 

              Wha a bug to have up your ass

it wasnt like they were bumming the heart Christiaan Barnard used to perform the first human heart transplant

it was a flashlight 

                    for cryinoutloud     a flashlight

 

that night Sally ran into her house not saying anything beforehand and took her parents

she explained that it was her fathers he worked downtown Chicago a financial advisor  she was one of twelve kids  he probably wouldnt think a flashlight was a hardship to be recompensed if need be 

                                                                                       wha the hell was recompensed

besides she said her folks were pretty generous 

                                                   OBrother were they on Halloween they gave out regular size candy bars not miniaturised ones

the six eldest Fortiers were girls every Summer that he could remember they put up a lemonade stand on their front walk kindalike Lucys from Charlie Brown comics without the psychiatrist ploy though they could have they were really smart girls  2cents a glass it was cold and delicious  they used real lemons they couldnt have made much money because they didnt always collect pennies for the glasses they poured 

                                                                           but maybe that was because they were Catholic they may have seen it as a way of doing the Lords work Don’t thank me Sally would say when she handed him a free glass Thank the Sweet Lord above. 

                                      hed thank Sally then hold up his cold lemonade to the blue sky and smiling really big he toasted  My Sweet Lord

 

that night Sally was fourteen  he was twelve

because it was her fathers flashlight she was It

she closed her eyes and began counting to fifty out loud

the neighbourhood kids scurried to hide 

some hid but some liked to stand behind things trees cars parked in drives so they could run to hide again as Sally passed 

         but Sally was really good  she had great ears she feigned asif she was passing  a suppressed giggle is still a giggle  and Sally could run like the wind

hustling she found all the kids afoot

the kids sat together on the street curb while Sally found the ones who hid

she found him last hit him with the flashlight beam he was wayhigh in a neighbours Dutch Elm on the parkway where he watched the game play out

because he was last found he became It

 

. . FORTYSEVEN  FORTYEIGHT  FORTYNINE   FIFTY    HERE I COME 

                                                                              he played the game aggressivelyacted like a monster he panted growled howled screamed he frightened a better part of the kids into revealing themselves and brusquely disregarded their shouted accusations that he was cheating because he scared them

he told them to shaddup and sit on the curb  Losers 

since Sally was fleet he knew shed remain afoot she moved like a ghost 

but this was different night

he heard her giggling

it wasnt like her to leave hints

following her giggling she lead him to the remaining hidden kids who cried CHEATER into the night at Sally  YOU’RE CHEATING, SALLY, CHEATER.  THAT’S NOT FAIR.

when they went out to the street curb to join the others he caught her giggle again 

he followed it up a gangway between neighbours houses their kids were too young to be out playing with them

lights burned in their windows

he could hear their voicetheir televisionssee its bluelight flicker on the ceiling

at the rear of the gangway both houses had stoops wood steps leading up to their back doors

a soft giggle

he paused  listening

where

 

another soft giggle

he leaned left to listen 

                                                  leaned right listening

soft breathing  excited

right he determined

under the stoop

he thought to scream as he did when he found the other kids

then he thought again 

                         if he screamed he might frighten the grownups inside

he crept into the backyard  came around the steps 

                                                      he saw a motion in the dark rather a break  something moved slightly a patch he saw looking through under the stoop changed shape 

he flipped on the flashlight 

                           Gotcha . .  oh  he had 

in the circular bands of whiteblued light 

on her knees 

on the dirt

Sally

         her blouse was open her bra pushed up over the top of her breasts her hands beneath holding them like fruit

he was transfixed  his cock wasnt

Golly he croaked 

                   then Sally  Youre breasts are really nice

she giggled 

             I thought I’d flash you; teach you a lesson.

 

the rest of that Summer wasnt the same as Summers past 

                                                            Summer school

1241,  Reggae Friday,  23  10. 20

1134,  Reggae Friday,  30  10. 20

$230K -- Killed

". . and has quickly ended the virus" 

quickly  whas quicklywhas ended  he thought of their resolve  although that term seemed too muscular to apply to Trump & Co  

anso touts the Republican political apparatus  it has terminated the Trump virus

                                                                                      https://www.msnbc.com/morning-joe/watch/biden-slams-wh-statement-on-ending-coronavirus-pandemic-94926917880

https://www.msnbc.com/11th-hour/watch/trump-keeps-breakneck-rally-schedule-as-u-s-nears-9-000-000-covid-cases-94890053516

that while the Republicants have thrown their hands up in the air an dont grimace while telling lies

2203,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  28  10. 20

the Trump virus

a buddy of his had been calling it the Trump virus for a couple of months now and he couldnt agree more

why he thought of it just now as he took a leak  particularly of all the things he might otherwise think of with his dick in his hand 

           O dont tempt me evil one 

Ah  a couple more shakes than necessary  but they felt good 

                                                                its getting harder to feel good these days feel good for himself and for family and friends and for all people around the world who were struggling

he felt bad too for all creaturesall earthlings seemingly overlooked in this homo sapiens-centric malaise and distress  petty shortsighted politics en lieu determinative leadership

well  that dismantled what those few extra tugs on his cock had inspiredquickening his blood heartbeat and blush

he flushed the toilet and was grateful Trump went down with it 

                                                                 AH  he felt better 

he washed his hands and drying them he found himself humming  he hadnt been listening

crossing the hall into his studio he heard his humming was With a Little Help from My Friends  and it being overcome in his head by Joe Cockers voice trading off with Ringo Starrs 

                                                              which made him smilehumoured him

then his hum quelled the voices anlike a commercial break interruption his thoughtprocess bent as he sat down before his computer  he thought of Friendsof on-line porn sites  porn must be doing a bangup business 

                                                                                                      anas temptation rose his cock peeked up over the edge of the desk Whassup?  Sssh he quieted it  he hated it when his cock sought to dicktate his actions 

                     anthen the pair were shushed by John Lennons voice  Whatever Gets You Through the Night 

which was no fucking help at all

seemed his cards had been yanked out laid on the table  spreadwide   he supposed there was no sense in fighting them  they were stacked against him  he had been gamed

O well he conceded 

                     O dont tempt me evil one had oneupped him 

he was like butter slathered in his hands

when in Pompeii do as the Pompeiians do 

                                             Pass the lupa woudja

 

2119 or 919,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  28  10. 20

1220,  Thursday,  29  10. 20

Joe Cocker  With a Little Help from My Friends  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXV4WyQMHFM 

Ringo -- Beatles  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0C58ttB2-Qg 

John Lennon  Whatever Gets You Through the Night  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qwq76p93U8 

lupa: prostitute