17.10.20

 

full-fledged films had invaded his dreamspace 

as the end credits rolled he read his name on the big screen as writer and director   cinematographer  stunt credits  

 

two  back to back 
                   he was running out of popcorn and Pepsi

 

Wha this shit about  he wondered when he woke 
                                                      he didnt leap from bed when waking  he rolled onto his left side and looking out the window enjoying the savage hummingbirds wheelingthrowing their shadows on the dirty windows  he had to clean them  but he liked that the birds shadows were more distinct cast on dust  he enjoyed their arresting iridescence when they finally conceded they were hungry and devised an uneasy truce to feed

with the aerial dogfight tamed he rolled onto his backmade sure his cock was still therewhich was always a comfortwhich always made his morning black cup of Joe tastier

usually when finished confirming he remained intact one or two or four or all five cats bounded up onto the bed to confirm Hey man whadafuck  Were hungry 
                                               he smacked his lips at them and they had learned to smack their lips back  few guys could boast they were accustom to waking up to more than one pussy 
                                                                                             he refused to elaborate
he wasnt a kiss n tell kinda guy


keeping pussy happy was his first priority 

second was the pussies outside nearly beating down his door  they were four

third priority was making freshground coffee and while it brewed in a simple Proctor Silex maker he washed up the cat dishes and looked into the cupboard and refrigerator vegetable crispers and freezer to figure out what hed make for dinner that night

his daughter was a fisherwoman and she bartered with other fishers so he also had an array of frozen wild fish to choose

he was good in the kitchen

when he was a boy and protested about doing laundry ironing mending clothessewing on buttons cooking his Maw tersely saidhed never forget If you think I’m letting you out of this house to be a bum for some woman to have to take care of, you’re out of your freaking mind.

it hurt that she called him a bum

did a bum the oldest of eight change diapers from the fourth on down 
                                                                          he didnt think so he was the least bumish of any of his siblings 
               when he skated on the Nam Drafthe shared Muhammad Alis I ain’t got no quarrel with them Vietcong he went cross-country with sixthousand in bill rolls he made cutting lawns raking leaves shoveling snow and most lucrative  babysitting babies neighbours dug having a young boy watching their kids and touted him to their friends  He can even cook them dinner if you leave him ingredients.

Bum  In a pigs eye

 

 

in his eyes a cinematic invasion of his dreamspace  Fuck

at least they werent poor more dramatic than hed ever consciously contemplatehe was simple
                                                                                                   more characters plot lines and intrigues than he thought hed want to juggle  less violent than hed livedone writes what they know

he dug the camera anglesthe cinematography  lighting  sound 
                                                                   they did seem like something hed produce


he was grateful the third nightlast night it wasnt a reel-to-reel he usual episodic  blackbreak between  no commercials next utterly disconnected episode 

he did dig the busty brunette in a red and ivory cross-striped sweater pulling down on its hem she asked him if it made her breasts look too big

Compared to what

she laughed gaylyshe didnt cover her mouth lotsa straight pearlywhites to be eaten by
                                                                                                Silly!  Compared to me.
Lets see Lift your sweater briefly

she grinned

it was a tight sweater

she crossed her armshands at the hem and tugged and wiggled sighed tugged and pulled and finally got it up over her braless breasts

Nah Yare sweater doesnt make your breasts look bigger than they are 

 

              Get real! 

                                    it was his dream         

AM,  Reggae Friday,  16  10. 20
1339,  Saturday,  17  10. 20
Elvis  Are You Lonesome Tonight?  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wlqSQGgjBE

 
                      OhShit  Maw
 
                                                    odd waycourse to be reminded of her 

 

a girl he remembered affectionately Eva Lee he laid her or she laid him on a Crandon beach then they went back to her place to shower off the sand and fuck again 
                                                Eva Lee reminded him

a strange place for his Maw to enter her jumping in like jumping off a building as people below taunted

 

his Maw had to collect him from her place Ill take ya to breakfast No, you come home now. Id have to walk a couple hours I’ll come get you. Ohnoyawont Ill call ya tomorrow Joe. she took that tone he hadnt taken that tone from her in some time and she knew it  Tomorrow Maw

she was none too happy him

earlier he told her she could go without him 
                                              the ride from Miami to Chicago might be laborious or tedious by herself  she might not wanted to drive all alone 
                                      I can take a bus

 

when she pulled up to the apartmentthe address she honked the horn

he stuck his head outside the front door and called to her Dondo that Maw its rude

Come on! Let’s go!

Gettin ruder by the moment

Let’s go!

Park the car Donbe rude come in and say hello an goodbye
                                                               he let the screen door close and walked back into the livingroom

You should just go.

Eva Eva Lee  Please dont countermand me Youre a wonderful woman and person and she doesnt get to act like that like her shit don stink

Joe, she’s your mother.

An that makes how shes acting worse I havent lived under her roof for more than two years she doesnt get to pull that Im your mother shit  her mothering has long passed Were adults She donwanna act it then Ill treat her like a child

I couldn’t get away with that with my mother.

he took her by the chinher beautiful cleftchin Shaddup and kissed her warmly and deeply

releasing her he looked into her big bedroom hazel eyes 
                                                           People will treat you the way you let em  Donwalk on eggshells for anyone

Eva swallowed audibly 
                          But mothers . . 
. . Mothers nothing They walk on their hind legs on the ground as we do  they don walk on thin air even if they think they do  Mutual respect  anif they wont respect you theres no reason to offer it in return

                                              Christ

Excuse me

he turned from Eva and crossed the livingroom to the front door again

his mother was halfway up the walk

she was dawdling 
                     Step on it  Yare acting like a butt-hurt child                                   

Joe, for Christssakes. Eva said behind him

he turned to her Yawanme to come over there an paddle yer ass he pointed with his thumb over his shoulder At the rate shes movin I could really tan yer hide

she laughedshe didnt cover her mouth  No, though not that I wouldn’t like that.

You fracture me babe Yet again another reason why I want my Maw to meet ya You make me feel proud 
                                                                                                                Anif I havent said so Im very proud of you  

Aww, you’re sweet.

I aint

Methinks thou doth protest too much.

he heard his mother at the screen door 
                                         Well have to leave your paddlin for a later date Interest accruing

Oooh.  Suppose we’ll rock n roll, huh?

Rock n roll 
            turned towards the door  his mother was knocking
Christ

he walked to the door and looked through the screen at her Yare being a pain in the asswhy ya being a pain in the ass Please  Stop it  Its unlike you and unattractive  Eva Lees a fine young woman

She is, huh? She’s one of those girls.

Those girls

Yes, those girls.

Yare a piece of work Yare one of those girls yarself

he saw her mouth began to move but cut her offhe opened the door talking over whatever the hell it was she was saying Come in Maw Theres someone Ive wanted you to meet for awhile

Eva Lee had crossed to the threshold standing angled off his shoulder behind him  Welcome to my home.

he wished she hadnt say that 
                                  one shouldnt invite a vampire in

 

afternoon,  Sunday,  11  10. 20
1234, Reggae Friday,  16  10. 20
Joe Cocker  You Are So Beautiful  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vhI1DqMbDhA

16.10.20

 

     sometimes   sometimes when he woke in the morning hed lay still not betraying that he had wakened listened to the whispering robes of attendants skirting the sides and foot of his bed 
                                                                            he didnt know howcare to know how they communicateddidnt want to reveal that he knew they were there

it was incumbent upon them however
                                         to unlock his eyelids

and they did it in their own good time

 

this morning again he tried to open his eyes

it seemed there was only one attendant

he tried his left eye  and failed he tied his right  and failed he tried them both at oncesuddenly like lifting with two arms   and failed

until his eyelids were unlocked                                                                                        
hed have to entertain himself

in the pitched black

 

eventually  he didnt hear or feel themthe pressure of the key eventually he recognised less pressure bolts welloiled silently slipped free 
               he tried his left eye  flutterflutter  it peeled open daylight seeping in blurred his seeing his right eye didnt bother to wait for him to open it it sprang open  also blurry 
                                                                      the blurriness melted as thin ice melts in a hot sun
and he saw again

and he was grateful again that his eyes opened

he was grateful he had a new day 
                                     a day he didnt take for granted because he knew one day the attendants would leave  taking their keys with them 

                                         leaving him in the blackness  

 

0843,  Reggae Friday,  16  10. 20 

$219K -- Killed

he feels like Superman 
he feels powerful  
hes deluded 

Wer'e coming around the bend

It’s going to disappear  This will go away like magic 
 
hes going to go away
but the Trump Virus aint going anywhere

2208,  Reggae Friday,  16  10. 20

 

 

Leftie!  Away from the candle  he pared his words

he stood behind her at the tubstarting up a shower   Leftie! 
                                                               she squat on the closed toilet  he watched her tilt her head askance to his voice  she didnt turnshe was ignoring him  hed been around plenty of women who chose to ignore him to recognise the same manner in a female cat                                                                                       
                                               Leftie 
she heard him 
she ignored him

Knucklehead  Fire  No insect  anif you think that flickering is an insect youre in for a rude awakening 
                                                                                                           yaknow I have zero pity for ignorance or willful disobedience
Burn yourself  thats on you

everyone who keeps a pet believes they understand them

if his cats spoke Hmong hed talked to them enough over the years that despite their Hmong theyd understand him if only by the tenor in his voice 
                               the spoken word might be overrated
tone  tenor   newbornbabes follow he didnt wanna hear the same species argument  the sexes would agree that women and men speak a different language

she crept closer to the stout candleholder the flame dancingflickering just under its lip

he was done talking
he wanted to see how this was going to shake out

 

she didnt turn to look
she didnt acknowledge himhis presence

she cautiously raised her right paw 
                                      then stealthily as only a cat can began reaching for the sambaing flame
Awww  warmed his throat

shestabbed her paw past the flameplunged it into the melted waxupsetting the votive  it spun on the tank top her paw on fire
       she whirledpirouettedsat her flaming paw briefly extended then stamped it down beside the other  the sputtering flame crossed to her other foreleg and ran up her breastshe was engulfed in a matter of seconds and sat stoicallywithout sound like an immolating Buddhist monk 
                                          the yelloworange flame then went ceruleanblue the colour of tropicalwater  it roiled      roiled  diminished quieted  then went out


she hopped down off the toilet rubbedup against his legs and left 

she wasnt hot

she left smudges

he blinked 
          the candleholder was upseton its side  melted wax had ran streaked the tank and congealed  drips like bloodspatter were on the linoleum

 

 

in the shower 

                      thinking        he was in the shower  he pulled back on the curtain and saw the mess he left for later to cleanup 

                              and he thought  meybe   meeybe  religion which decreed death for witches and drowned and burned them at a stake  bags of live cats accompanying them

                                                                     meybe  the millions of cats preceding them had evolved and made them impervious to minor  sambaing   flames 

or leftie evoked one of her touted nine lives  
                                                         Meybe

 

he wasnt asleep
it was the damnedest thing

                            the damnedest thing

 

1936,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  14  10. 20
1336, Thursday,  15  10. 20

15.10.20

 

she was rocked he foresaw that she was hot he was rocked maybe he foresaw that 
                                                                                    though he hadnt foreseen sex in their immediate future  but there they were 
                                       there they were both wanting itwanting it fiercely clothes strewn across the room shoes in the doorway wasnt eithers place  but ahman but  they were adamantunwilling to risk getting knockedup
they didnt want to spend fiftybucks on Plan B
                                               Why do you know that?  Because she said she was then afterwards she said she wasntJesus I dont like curveballs I cant throw one or wouldnt I if I could
they didnt want to have an abortion or a child named Sex
                                                           they only wanted the hazycrazy memories of their night fucking their wanton sex a side of eggrolls a side of sticky rice  meybe Chinese hot mustard

I wanna fuck. she said he really liked that she was vocal

I do  I do too
              when he finally married he didnt promise I do   

she grabbed his cocktugged  Feels like you do.

I do

I want you to penetrate me.
                               a crazysounding bell went off in his head  its tone hung  no woman ever said that to him before Penetrate  Penetrate me  a trait of a penis penetrait penistrait penistraight ramrod  he refused to think of baseball  horseshit  nobody thought of baseball

I want you to penetra . . 
. . I heard you Ali I heard you  I can hear

she lungedkissed him hard busted his lip 
                                          she said I don’t know how you feel about this, but I want to feel you inside me. she rolled out from under himrolled onto her hip her back to him drew her top leg higher pulled on its cheek Yawanna take me in the ass?

no woman had ever said that to him before
                                                an who the fuck was he to question her  Please
Awshaddup an fuck me. 

0133,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  7  10. 20
1234,  Twosday,  13  10, 20 
Sinatra  Fly Me to the Moon  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZEcqHA7dbwM

$219K -- Killed

LIAR!

85% of people who wear masks are infected with coronavirus   liar

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3pTYNP-jWU  Queen  Liar

2204,  Thursday,  15  10. 20


 


he realised he was decadenthed misconstrued decadence


this evening he had a chicken carcass for dinner

most of its readily-accessible flesh had been pared from it

he didnt do it surgically

he hackedhe hewedhe meant to leave meat on the bones

 

he crushed the bonesthe ribs and back down into an iron skilletcrushed them under his palm the joints gave way he drizzled olive oil extra virgin who wouldnt want extra virgin crushed black peppercorns coarsecut garlic quartered onions heels of two celery stalks slashed lengths of Anaheim peppers seeds intact and splashed the works with soysauce

he covered and placed it over a low flame his intent to heat it slowly to test his patience an inside joke let him savor its scentsavor  the anticipation   of his feast

he opened a chilled bottle of Pouilly-Fuisse

its cork was fine it was fragrant

he made a shallow pour into a glass

placed his nose over it and inhaled its scent

he turned the glass in small circles and enjoyed the wines legs

he sipped it inhaled a breath over it 
                                     just as he remembered 
he halffilled the glass and held it up to his eyes to watch a flickering candle through the wine

the Stones Let It Bleed album played behind him on the turntable 

 


he used bamboo tongs to place the crushed carcass and vegetables on an oval Portuguese clay platter

he had an emeraldgreen linen napkin on his thigh 
                                                   he ate with his handsdispensed with the glass and drank the Pouilly-Fuisse from the bottleholding it by its neck he split bones with his canines and used slivers of them to work out the marrow

 

when he finished there was a ruin of bonesbroken bones pile atop each other

he sipped wine and enjoyed his shadow dancing on the wall he imagined how cavemen might also have enjoyed their shadows as sat with a fullgut and digested their food

 

he never could belch

1903,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  14  10. 20 
1114,  Thursday,  15  10. 20

 

 

deathdying  meybe the biggest high one can cop

 

he had a few friends who left with Heroin

a few friends who died behind the wheel drunknobody booked on weed shrooms jimson or peyote too many friends off doctors psychiatrists big Pharma  the Street come inside and parked its ass and barked its legitimacy 


he staked out a brutal psychiatrist 
                                      a knife to cut his throat an axe to hack off his head and hands

cooler heads prevailednot his some friends who he hadnt grasped the depth of their caring or love
                                                                                                             or why


the psych disappeared one day

it wasnt himit wasnt him
  
                                         he wished it was him

1727,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  14  10. 20

14.10.20

I Love the Dead

one of the head ZOMBIEs truculent evolution from deplorables to degenerates to zombies

you can tellhes so over the top 

of course not Vice-President Pence wouldnt know that a fly glommed onto his head

dead men tell no tales or can they admit flies are attracted to carrion 
                                                                           or turds

2215,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  14  10. 20
Alice Cooper  snicker I Love the Dead  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpKGfFw8FEA

 
he shared in an emale with his girlfriend an article

she efemaled him saying  "funny"  she happened to be reading the same article great minds think alike

he emaled her 
                Yes "funny"  but not so funny . .  however Republicants have bought into herd immunity (I loved when Drumpf called it herd mentality) they could give a fuck . . seems that to be a ZOMBIE you don't have to be dead -- I don't know which is worse

High Noon, Day-between-Two-Ts,  14  10. 20



he started to think about its Whythen stopped
  
                                                      he did it again

he took a sip of coffee earlier 
                                then went outdoors to take the trash out  down the hill  while grabbing the trash cans he realised the hummingbird feeders were low  he replenished them rehung them  he saw the feral cats water in the watering can was lower than he likedthan probably theyd like  he watered some plants  refilled the emptied can  then he came inside poured himself a fresh cup of coffee sat down to responded to an emale went to take a sip  and recognised he hadnt swallowed the sip he took twenty minutes earlier 
Why

Fuck if he knew 
                  seemed he had acquired the habit  somehow

 

the longest hed gone was preparing a chickentrussing it up on a rotisserie  plucking out of its body cavity two necks three hearts three gizzards no liver -- he wanted to see that twoheaded chicken alive -- cut up carrot celery onion garlic add a bouillon cube and started them up over a Lo-setting on the electric range in a couplethree cups of water for a side of soup 
         replenishing his emptied cup with coffee and going to sip it he realised hed kept the prior sip in his mouth for fifty minutes

 

he had no idea Why 
                      recently he was catching himself with a sip of beer whisky water milk  not immediately swallowing it

but

it occurred to him

he was living alone now so there was no need to talkmeybe that was it    

if he didnt have to converse

there was no need to swallow On Demand a sip in order to respond

 

meybe it was a good practise

he was confrontational argumentative  

meybe he was teaching himself in his own way – there was only his way – to bide his timehold his tongue  let his thoughts descend coagulate form completely  then attack

definitely attack 
                 he wasnt one to spare others feelings  not even children  

ignorance maybe bliss 
                       but he didnt ascribe to bliss or comfort or thin skin  
open your mouth 
                  if you put your foot in it hed strangle you with it

 

Meybe

 

1523,  Twosday,  13  10. 20
Sparklehorse  It’s a Wonderful Life  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vKhVUhX6_M 


“(Judge) Barrett declined to say whether it would be constitutional to criminalize the practice of in vitro fertilization. During a separate round of questioning, the previously outspoken social conservative declined to say whether she considers IVF tantamount to manslaughter. ‘I’ve never expressed a view on it, and for the reasons I’ve already stated, I cannot take policy positions or express my personal views before the committee,’ Barrett said.” (The Daily 202  on-line The Washington Post)


meybe IVF is not tantamount to manslaughter – she hides behind the word – rather she is opposed to IVF and was a signee on a document published in a newspaper advertisement by St. Joseph County Right to Life 
                                                                                                        he wouldnt suppose she was placed under duress emotionally or physically to sign her name

https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow/watch/amy-coney-barrett-s-stance-on-ivf-concerns-fertility-doctors-93804613752

https://www.businessinsider.com/fertility-doctors-oppose-barretts-nomination-fear-threats-to-ivf-2020-10

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/oct/01/amy-coney-barrett-supported-group-fertilization

https://els-jbs-prod-cdn.jbs.elsevierhealth.com/pb/assets/raw/Health%20Advance/journals/fns/oyez.pdf?fbclid=IwAR371uv9GYJrJJ8MwUH_HQZiavrkPDX4GD8_mDnCYI7Qyg5yJAvNJ4XTQF8

 

the judge continues to evade Democratic senators questions  providing non-answers  insisting her integrity should be trusted

however  if she were ethicalif she had integritty 
                                                    she would have declined Drumpfs nomination

1452,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  14  10. 20