subtly time passes

                      coffee percolates  an apple sliced into eighths browns he read her letter again word for word his cadence matching the lifting mistthe earths exhale under the rising suns rays as they penetrated the crowns of the trees planted in a row one hundred years ago to create a windbreak

                                                                   a happy congress of mediators adorned with long generations of bird and squirrel nests and honey hives their roots plumbing fingering the earth probing busy parcels of ants worms burrowing in the loosened loam scurrying beetles the noiseless clattering legs of centipedes

word for word he read

                          sentences  phrases  admonishments  accusations  

he sighed

            he knew their long distance communications had run aground run afoul the skeins of their separate webs loosening 
           miscommunications fomented  missed communications  dissatisfactions    dissonance

he was more practised he had not lived as an adult within the confines of his family

she was entirely enmeshed and enthralled by hers

until she recently left its needy bosom

the earth mist was rising  it obscured the distant hills a palewhite sifting screen that could be projected on dully it reflected the flash of his match when he lit his cigarette

then he threw nothing else against it

there is no blame no animosity

sometimes things are misplaced or lost 

not intentionally as when they did as children

older children do it as well 

0753,  Thursday,  24  12. 19
1356,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  13  5. 20

she granted him one last huge smile

                                       then she left

it was the same huge beautiful smile that crossed her face when she was terribly pleased and terribly pleased with herself

        her first steps petting her baby sisters head playtimes granted so she could be with her best friend accomplishing excellent grades placing first at gymnastic meets putting a new dive in the water admiring the dresses her mother made for her for school dances high school graduation All-American honors graduating college telling bad jokes her weddingmeeting her at the foot of the aisle so they could ascend together where he gave her hand away her daughters birth after 40 hours of labor without drugs her second daughters birth also without drugs and not 40 hours when she used her eye-gaze machine and wrote him You are the best Dad

the same huge smile that tears him up now in her photographs

1117,  Thursday,  14  5. 20

Mark Knopfler  Drovers Road  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GQsQVXoqBCw     

his kid brother Jo Jo was a crackuphe couldnt help himselfhe couldnt stop himself from making Jo Jo the butt of his jokes

Jo Jo came into the house when he was a freshman in high school 

Jo was a high-risk baby and had been at the Childrens Home and Aid Society nursery since he was released from the hospital he had been at the Home for a month

his mother was unwed

his father never answered the bell

his mothers parents forced their daughter to put the child up for adoption and because the baby exhibited her physical and likely genetic dispositions not a hot-New-York-second passed before they shed himshed their responsibility and forced their daughter to shed her motherly obligations

he wanted to hear more about Jo Jos worthless family

his mother told him their privacy had to be respected that they were legally entitled to it

Cunts Fuck the law Hidin behind its skirts

he later learned Jo Jos birth family was religious accepting Jo Jo was born would have been an affrontan insult he would have defamed their family

Cunts

Jo Jo had learning disabilities however he proved to be somewhat a savant when it came to music

                                                                                                       music flowed through their home and particularly more so if that were possible when at five months Jo Jo his face bland  unresponsive  unflinching responded to it lit like dry tinder to Iron Butterflys In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida he risked his parents umbrage and played the album on their sweet stereo system rather than continuing to listen to it on his cheap turntable and speakers upstairs in his room

                      as Jo Jos face churned like a lava lamphe kicked free of his swaddling he screamed Its alive!  Dr. Frankensteins infamous cry

                              his mother almost slapped him

almost only because he ducked her swipehe was over getting slapped for being who he was Yacant beat that out of someone  beat they tried 

                            anif his parents couldnt make him take a step back and away the last vestige of control was nothing gonna make him shake in his shoes

The Long and Winding Road apt for him  was a big hit with Jo Jo

he was in visiting from California

his parents thought he might enjoy a Chinese dinner out an he did the Chinese place in his small town went bellyup as far as he was concerned he went two-strikes-an-yer-out with them back to back meals were miserable a miserable accentuated by really wanting Chinese food he returned the uneaten food the following afternoon for his money back  its management insistedwhen he asked if they had a turnover in cooks that the cooks were the same as they always had been

           YahWell maybe their content now slinging slop for uneducated palates who are here only for your All-U-Can-Eat buffet which I wont eat

Lung Fung was the Chinese place they ate at in the Old District near the Kishwaukee River

Jo Jo

What? snide  he must have felt it coming

Whacha thinkin of having for dinner Jo Jo was notorious for ordering the most expensive item on the menu no matter what it was

             which frosted his fanny He aint gonna eat it Make him pay for it his parents said We invited him for dinner. He can have whatever he wants. Or notHorseshit This wouldntve flown when I was a kid  Hes a grown man Just, please, order what you like and leave him alone. Horseshit

I don’t know, I’m looking.

I found something for you

You know what you’re having?

I do But I found this for you

What is it?

he leaned over to Jo Jo and showed him on his menupointed it out

Yeah, but what is it?

I understand the cooks name is Sum When everyones food is ready and it is brought out Sum brings the meal to the table which is extraordinary that a cook ever comes out of the kitchen

Then he asks Who ordered the Chow Sum Ding

You did

And he walks up to you and drops his pants

And you chow Sums ding

he fuckin howled

Jo Jo wasnt amused

Actually it its chicken pork and shrimp vegetables noodles or rice

                                                                      although I gotta tell ya  if Lung Fung could make it workget away with it Id take the name Sum and work here to be fellated get head

Jo Jo wasnt amused he pushed his menu awaymoved six inches furthur down the table away from him

Humourless Jo Jo Youre humourless Givin head doesnt mean in your parlance youre a homo Here all that that would mean was that you preferred Chinese ding I enjoy Chinese Japanese Korean Ooriental not PC pussy

Fuck you, man.

Boys, boys, boys his mother What’s going on at your end of the table?

Nuthin Maw Just discussin the menu

2130,  Monday,  23  12. 19

1420,  Twosday,  12  5. 20

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tfpn3wHoNGA 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xos2MnVxe-c  

Beatles  The Long and Winding Road  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fR4HjTH_fTM        

he finished readying for bed and decided to kick himself over the edge  hed go downstairs and fix himself a mug of warm milk

he padded outplush bedroom carpeting he had hard wood floors and throw rugs at his place padded out of the bedroom into the hallequally as plush and fuckin ninjaish had he had carpet like this growing up as a kid he would have been out of the house every nightno creaky floors Judas steps  pure  fuckin  pajamaed  ninja  he would have been off to sneak up on and stab pussy with his cock

                                                      consider that foreshadowing

her room was at the top of the stairs

she bought it fivesix months earlier 

Adelle! her door was open theyd said goodnight he didnt want to spook her going downstairs her light was onrather by the nonexistent angle it a glowing mouth  which suggested to himaccorded by his twentyfivecent tour when he arrived her bedroom was lighted by the lighting from her master bath she had dimmed it to a soft candle glow

Adelle Im heading down Can I get you something    he made her threshold and stopped

she stood before her vanity

his angle allowed him to view her reflection in the large mirror

she was brushing her hair

she wore a summer nightgown

Something? she asked

the gown came to midthigh lighted from behindreflected in the mirror her curvaceous body was poignantly silhouetted and turned as she was her arms up brushing her hairthough she had stopped he took in a titillating view  the smooth bulge of her left breast

Yahsomething 

                Youll excuse me if I pause to admire you

Maybe.  Something.

                       she brought her arms down and turned to face him still holding her tortoiseshell hairbrushstill treating him to her front and back with the mirrors help the lighting darkened her nipplesvisible through the thin cornflower material

                      I’ll let you guess.

he didnt hazard a guess 

he didnt think he could speak

Adelle stepped forward exquisitely like a deer cautiously leaving the safety of the woods

he stepped towards her

Are you guessing? she purred

his tongue went hard too

My. she eyed him Good guess, Joe. I can call you Joe, can’t I? You’ll let me . . call you Joe, Joe?

Jo Jo

A sweet pet name, yes?

they met at the foot of her King bed

she smelled like rain and lavender

he leaned forward careful not to touch hernot to disrupt or shatter what seemed impossible seemed too devilish  too erotic

       he sniffed her shoulderhe wanted to sniff her neckher throat  too tantalizing

You like lavender, I know.

A little bird tell you so

Yes.

The little bird was right

Will you touch me?

                   she relaxed her armsthey fell to her sides still the hairbrush in hand  and with the back of her fingers she gently brushedstroked his cock

he took the brush out of her hand

she pouted

Bad girl

her pout rose to a dimpled grin a Cheshire Cat grin

I suppose youd like me to take that grin off your face

                                                        he stepped firmly against her hand

her stroke pivoted to a clutch 

                               You can try.

he Cheshire grinnedreached around her and grabbed her ass the cheek fit nicely in his hand firm a groan rose in her throat

she mewled at the first crack on her ass with the hairbrush

afterwards

             Baby, I think I may owe you a hairbrushdefinitely a new nightgown

she giggled and cuddled up closer to him

That was ama . . 

. . Fucking amazing!

Nice we think alike

We didn’t think alike, this never nevernever would have happened.

How, how do you feel about it . . making . . love to me?

I love you I have always loved you 

Had I felt bad or would have had misgivings about it  I wouldnt have

It wasn’t the wine with dinner?

Shame on youya lookin for a fall guyhow do you . . feel . . about . . 

. . I’ve fantasised about it, I’ve masturbated to it. 

                                                    I can’t tell you how many times you’ve made me cum.

he Cheshire grinned

I love fucking you more than fantasising.  So much mo . .  

. . Youre making my cock hard again

I’d be happy to take it any way you wanna give it to me

he shut her up

an afterwards

                they were exhausted one thing had lead to another lead to another as things go between new lovers the new pleasures new explorations new feels new tastes

they were falling asleep in each others arms

Jo Jo?

Yes

I like Jo Jo. For me, it suits you.

Then just for you

Yes.  For me.

Adelle

Yes?

I like Jo Jo better than donor

You’re quick, aren’t you?

A little bird told me things too

I like it better too; better than uncle.          

2322 & 2327 & 2332,  Sunday,  10  5. 20

1724,  Monday,  11  5. 20

Three Dog Night  Eli’s Coming  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GHIoXa4Ps7c

Wašicun--wašin icu   the white man – takes all the fat  the Sioux  Lakota  they loved wordplay  meant as a joke 

though sometimes jokes are blatantly accurate

                                                  he groaned at more than one of George Carlins jokes

Wašicun--wašin icu in Washington

couldnt he mess with itshake it up a bit

                                           the fat white man takes (it) all  sounds right   he thinks he is so deserving 

Hehaka sapa Black Elk a wičháša wakȟáŋ  a medicine man  a holy man

The Wasichus have put us in these square boxes. Our power is gone and we are dying for the power is not in us anymore. You can look at our boys and see how it is with us. When we were living by the power of the circle in the way we would, boys were men at twelve and thirteen, but now it takes them very much longer to mature. Well, it is as it is. We are prisoners of war while we are waiting here, but there is another world.

We are prisoners of war while we are waiting here, but there is another world.

Hehaka sapa's another world did not mean Heaven

                                                         that would be what Wasichus would think
kill inians to make them Christian

0025,  Saturday,  21  12. 19

1244,  Monday,  11  5. 20

http://www.native-languages.org/iaq20.htm

George Carlin  Stand Up About Religion  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2tp0UNcjzl8

someday hed like to see her actual diaries 

he had published copies

edited

words correctedhed like to see it written in her own hand

hed fucking learn French if her Executor assured him he could

30 May 1915

Thoughts on the day of my First Communion.

When I see the miseries of this World, I think if I were rich, there would not be one poor person on Earth.

she was 12

it galled him that a single person – one – could always be sacrificed   one

if one could be sacrificed 

then two

if two

then three

if three

then four

at what number are the sacrifices too many

if that number cant finally be said outloud

then those who believe in sacrifice ought be the ones sacrificed

1151,  Monday,  23  12.19

1207,  Monday,  11  5. 20

    

a painting hangs at the foot of his bed

not many would call it a painting

none would know what the whitewash hid 

                                                 except for him  and the artist

she painted her portrait 

all her portraitures were quietly  subtly   her

he thought it was one of her finest efforts

he told her so

she said she hadnt captured what she wanted

she grew visibly upset

Maybe trying to console her he offered you captured what the portraiture wanted you to

his characters often did what they wantedsaid what they wanted coerced him to follow their lead

she smiled sadly That’s different, baby, writing is not a visual art.

I don’t like it.

              abruptly she lathered it with whitewashlathered it before he could interruptstop her take the painting for himself

when she finishedexhausted by her furious brushstrokes she left it to dry on the easel

as it driedhe checked it throughout the day the portrait was stubborn as was she adamant hints of her eyes peered through the whitewash the cocked defiant attitude of her headsoftly submerged an ethereal shadowher hair woven and cluttered with wildflowers and stars  vague   opaque

it was all he needed

                     hints  suggestions   possibilities    nothing was impossible

he tortured her and others with Im-possible

she wanted to paint over it

she was pissed thats what she said when he hid it from her

Ill buy you another canvas

I don’t want another canvas. I want my painting.

You concede it is a painting

I want it.

Im not giving it to you

I want it. 

Or I’m leaving.

1052,  Monday,  23  12. 19

1134,  Monday,  11  5. 20

$81,751 Mr. President

Good morning 

its nice to be able to say good morning and mean it say it to someone you love 

81,751 Americans have been denied many were denied Good nights I love you were deniedbeing surrounded by loved ones as they died who desperately wished they could have been therecould have said  Good bye. I love you so very, very much.

since he was memorialising

                            memorialising Americas dead by coronavirus for his own benefit reminding him of what cuntking sounds Chinese the president failed to do he also thought he might asterisk this datethis time in History Barr said History is written by the winners -- hes counting his chickens before theyre hatched memorialise it with a fantasy

that being

          perhaps the White House chef could serve the president his chocolate chip pancakes wreathed with oodles of whipped cream and write on top it with his favourite chocolate syrup in a clear stylised script  $81.751

the president understands the dollar signhed understand 81,751 dollars 

he doesnt get it a socoiopath wouldnt when 81,751 is attached to lost lives  

theyre not warriors

this isnt a war

theyre victims

victims

Eat and swallow your pancakes Mr President 

Eat them for those who are dead and cant enjoy breakfast

0902,  Twosday,  12  5. 20

Barr  https://www.nationalreview.com/news/barr-defends-doj-dropping-case-against-michael-flynn-history-is-written-by-the-winners/