aah  he couldnt imagine anyone would disagree with himthat anyone would say there was a better dream than a good sex dream

he dreamt of his girlfriendhis lover  his partner who had to be absent to contend with unfortunate circumstances

he was left holding down the fort  much to the dismay of the ferals  she was the favorite

they spoke every day and last night after a particularly difficult day she told him You always make me feel whole again.

I remind you youre whole baby You just havent the time to think it What youre up against is difficult

Thank you. I worry sometimes that you’ll go awaydisappear  that you aren't real, I made you up.

Im very real And when you come home Ill remind you how real I am


before hanging up she sighed
                               Oh my goodness, I’m so sleepy, exhausted. Tomorrow, baby, I love you so very much. I hope I have good dreams of us, and you.

Sweet dreams buckwheat Ill join you there I love you through and through

he didnt go to sleep right off when they hung up

he pulled out the only photograph album she ever assembled of them That wasn't easy she said If it’s okay with you I’ll just keep the photographs in their envelopes in chronological order in shoeboxes.

the album was remarkable exuded her personality in its margins she made remarks or small drawings it was a one-of-a-kind precious he offered that she take it with her but she said at the time he was so real in her head she didnt need any more pictures of him than the three she kept in her wallet

You have pictures of mewha pictures

I’ll show you when I come home. he grimaced like a little boy Don’t! I’m not giving in, no matter how fuckin’ cute you look when you pout.

I had to try

You did, it’s your job. My job is sticking to my guns.

It’ll give you incentive for my return.

she lie on her back naked beside a driftwood log

he thought she was covered with sandas if shed laid down after swimming in the sea  sheen and small dried clumps 

her hair was softly tangled like seaweed in a playful surf 

There you are Ive been looking for you
I've been watching you looking for me.

I feel like a prize

My prize.

Only your prize he said as he knelt with his knees to either side of her thighs

she was radiant

he ran his hand up her belly and clutched her breast

her breath came fast

he brought his hand up to his nose he smelled cinnamon and sugar  he licked it  it was

she smiled

Are you a cinnamon roll

You should try me.

he kissed her mouth her eyes her throat she sigh something he was deaf to because his blood was beating in his earsshe pulled at his cock through his shorts  his hearing reconnected she sighed I’m wet.

he gently kneaded her clit slipped his finger into her she felt inside like a warm cinnamon roll

slipping his tongue inside of her she tasted soft and warm like a cinnamon roll

to her breathlessness slipping his cock inside of her she felt like a warm cinnamon roll

he slipped out of her and moving up her bodyshe anticipated him and squeezed her ample breasts togetherFuck my tits.

he slid his cock between them and watched adoringly how she eyed himhis every thrust and his every thrust mirrored by her tongue licking her top lip her lower lip alternating

then he thrusted through her gripwhich she also anticipated and took his cock in her mouthher hands at his hipshis hips at her command at her tempo her mete  mete  mete  mete                                                                 

he slipped sidewisethen  onto his back flipping her on top of him
she turned bodilyquickly
they went sixtynine                                                                                            

she quit at his cock and took it in her handgrinding his mouthhis tongue with her pussy huskily she said Mmmbaby, you taste like cinnamon.

he couldnt say he hmmhmmd

then she couldnt say she hmmhmmd

they didnt cum

they erupted

0704 wakened and 1136,  Twosday,  5  6. 18

Neil Young  Cinnamon Girl  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAdtUDaBfRA

a single fallen leafdried  curling in on itself  a minute tarnished sail of bent spars a worried mast found its way across the wide street and graveled shoulders turned to and fro and somehow avoided the swift vehicles  their invisible eddies 

it came on a subtle line towards him after leaping from the tall quarried stone curb

he glimpsed its start out of the corner of his eye

                                                   then with bated breathhe couldnt help himself he watched its improbable passagefollowed its dance howled silent encouragement and cheered as it staggered forward he couldnt say why he knew but he was sure it was coming to him 

and then eventually upon him without voice so it could not say it continued its mime and danced and spun and whirled intricately at his feet all around him

he stood fast  dumbfounded 

then another leaf from the side of the road he stood on joined the first and then another and another and other leaves different breeds converged until there were perhaps a dozen pairs a dozen pairs performing without music an astonishing choreography dancing about him as if he were their maypole  their ribbons and twine invisible 

they circled round and around him the circle widening and widening  orbiting him  then after several dazzling minutes their centrifugal force began to erode and fail their steps alterimg becoming uncoordinated palsied  until they collapsed wearily onto their faces or backs  but not before they paused and curtsied to him singularly  solitarily  until they all stopped moving

the wind stirred

many leaves blew across the road or erupted from the unkempt field at his side they coursed in between then beyond the dance troupe 

those leaves however remained still   unmoved

                                                       weighted by real death

1427 self-texted,  Sunday,  3  6. 18

1701,  Monday,  4  5. 18

Melanie Laurent  Circus  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wjqgfQYL-k&t=209s

a man with a red sunburnt face crossed in front of himhis car jaywalked as he drove   

the man gave his a cursory glance then assumed his California right as a pedestrian  cars yield to human bodies  pedestrians are inviolate 

that defiant right always tickled the hell out of him he was from Chicago there yawanna cross midstream in front of a car ya take yer life in yer own hands I swear I didnt see him officer Why wouldnt someone cross at the crosswalk not a hunred yards back likely the officer might hem an haw showing inestimable consideration  then would agree with him particularly if the crushed dead wrapper of a person was demonstrably homeless might be seen or construed as a civic improvement

it wouldnt have been so bad irked him less if Suntan hadnt glowered at him as he stepped off the curb  as if he was inconveniencing him affecting his meandering sauntering his apparent aimlessness  now Suntan had to pass out of the lanehad to assume a kind of purpose to his life  attaching itself like a parasite

he tempered his anxiousnesshis honed Chicagoan brute overtly reminding himself he wasnt in a hurrythere werent cars behind him  he could take in relish smell the rosesbut-not-deeply observe this performance this dramatis persona  he couldnt imagine that one casually became homeless there were the inner unseen ticks and workings the unconsciousness--consciousness the outward ticked-offness  they  and those who help or may have tried to help and those who may have tried to help then threw in the towel Goddammit! Goddammit! You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make the fucking thing drink.

Suntan weaved subtly  maybe this horse preferred something other than water

negotiating the curb he finally got his foot on top of it and left the street apparently a laborious effort as he continued down the sidewalk he took tentative thendeliberate heavy steps  seemingly steadying himself  as if he didnt and stumbled hed fall off the face of the planet   the mans gravity different from his

he took his foot off the brakerolled back a bit as the car was on an incline and nudged the accelerator the speed limit just ahead was twentyfive no sense accelerating just to brake

having passed Suntan he watched him in his sideview then his rearview mirror

he had long jetblack greasy hair rays of sunlight through the trees struck it and flashedreflected 

he wouldnt say Suntan wore his hair long

he would say he wore a long limecoloured tshirt he wore long black pants that caught at the tops of his running shoes despite it was unlikely hed ever run anywhere however  watching him  what struck him was about the longness of the tshirt the pants the way they hung off him the way his arms hung straight at his sides his head tipped forward  what struck him was the longness of the clothing was more than just being too big for him as if the longness was physical was weight was another kind of gravity that dispossessed the man made him beyond homeless   made him alien

it was an odd sense

when he stopped up the road moments later at a stop sign he checked Suntan one last time through the rearview mirror

where did he gohe was walking beside a whitepainted concrete block retaining wall stemming a hillside

where did he go

                                                     maybe he stumbled  fell into the sky

1837,  Sunday,  3  6. 18

1152,  Monday,  4  6. 18

citing historic obstruction by Democratic senators Majority leader Mitch McConnell is canceling the traditional August recess   whadhesay  ahyes “Due to the historic obstruction by Senate Democrats of the president nominees . . “ 

brings to mind McConnells obstruction nearly a year of President Obamas Supreme Court nomination Merrick Garland

1155,  Election Twosday,  5  6. 18

http://thehill.com/homenews/senate/390784-mcconnell-cancels-senates-august-recess

highnoon  take it for whatever its worth  high  he didnt think he washe was sure he slept off the halfbottle of Irish whiskey the four five pints the hilarious absurd conversationconjectures  though he wasnt sure he knew the womans name who he woke up in his bed beside she arrived at the pub late in the evening and at closing overhearing he was walking home she offered him a ride instead he answered I love your freckles youre darker  are you black Irish 

Is that a yes?

Yes  If you are

I can be anything you want me to be.

Metoo  What do you want

I want to take you home. We can make up things afterwards.

they made up glorious thingsyet he wasnt sure she said who she waswhat her name was 

he crossed his fingers

his name was obvious if he hadnt said it was on his magazine subscriptions that were piled helterskelter on the coffee table end table diningroom table his tastes evident on his bookshelves the art and photographs on the wall

she had keys her clothing panties bra  harder to play closer to ones vest than that

he didnt wake her when he rose

he slipped on a pair of shorts left another pair and a tshirt for her on the nightstand a brusheddown feeding trough stood on end at her head her clothing was strewn up the hallway to the bedroom intermingled with his 

he collected and tossed them atop the washing machine across the hall from the bedroom

he went into the kitchen to make coffee waking to the smell of brewing coffee was erotic the times it was made for him got him hard from their play last nighttheir compliment he imagined itd get her wet and thinking of her getting wet made him hardhe might just send his cock in to wake her up That wouldnt be rude No more rude than waking to a blowjob Now theres a way to start ones day Or a sixtynine The Breakfast of Champions It aint Wheaties Bob

he ground beans

dumped water in the reservoir

plugged it into the outlet threw the switch  saw the minute red light shine

he went through the house opening the windows letting the fresh air in to circulateletting the out in and the in out a kind of way to live outside while under a roof rarely did he heat the house or cool it he had installed overhead fans circulating the air was sufficient if he remembered to turn them On

he sat on the couch and went to read The Atlantic The Birth of a New Aristocracy the gilded future of the top ten percent Yah if they can hold onto it he muttered

halfway through the irritating article he realised he wasnt hearing the coffee drippingthe machines wheezing and belching he also wasnt smelling its pungent aroma

What the hell he said as he rose

entering the kitchen he saw the carafe was filled halfway the surface still  Christ he thought its dead Bad timing then he paused  he stepped back for perspective

the redlighted switch was thrown Off

Aw for cryinoutloud he said loudly he forgot about his sleeping guest Are you kidding me Youve been gone for almost two yearsnow you show up 

he stepped forward depressed the switch to On again the redlight smiled as his thumb came away Now you show up

Who are you talking to? she stood behind him at the threshold if she saw the clothes she didnt bother her hair was sleepmussed and tied up in a loose knot atop her head ringlets fallen on her shoulders the rise of her freckled breasts

Them his eyes arrested by her breasts

You couldn’t be talking to my girls because we werent here when you said.

he brought his eyes up to her green eyes  Youre lovely first thing in the morning

I’m naked. You were saying?

Im talking to my spooks my roommates

Spooks. Roommates.  Ghosts?

YahI got three I gotta assume theyre all backtheyre a pack a package

And they turned off the coffee?

They did Theyre mischievious Havent harmed me or anyone Drive the cats bonkers on occasion

Interesting.

Yah I think they were reading my thoughts

You’re thoughts?

Yah I gotta confess  I was thinking that the smell of coffee brewing is eroticthat the times coffees been made for me while I was asleep or still in bed made me hard . .
. . Makes me wet.

I think we ought to shaddup

turning to flee up the hall she said Last one in bed gives head.

he didnt know if that was a challenge  or incentive

highnoon,  Sunday,  3  6. 18

whatever thoughts filled his headstuck and hung strungout clinging strands saltwater taffywhatever he was thinking ceased  it careened off track blipped Offlineblack as he walked at the edge of the street towards what looked like at its shoulder was a heap of tanned rouged bones defleshed? a hatchet of a scapula an broken humeral rod truncated rib bones held to a splintered flange a breastplate  a queer pastiche   rank evidence

vehicles took care to go around it

he assumed the drivers worried whatevershards they were were sufficient to puncture their tires  though passing beyond it a mere inconvenience they thought no more of it

             he assumed

                                                  he didnt care for assumptionsthey were shallow 

actors didnt assume a role

they dressed themselves in its skin and portrayed the partthe fiction  a personality   they cant assume the flesh and blood and bone  the performance would be shallow   uninspired

while growing up he made observations stole lessons he tried to emulate postures and poses that were attractive to him he learned manners and ways of revealing himself with words and without and over time and experience he honed them and made them his  he became genuine  though only after endless samplings trying them on to see if they fit  

he outfitted himself to a T

Mei a young woman of Chinese Japanese descent who he really enjoyedenjoyed her freckles played gentle connect-the-dots art on her skin with his fingers that inevitable ended with her hand clasped over her mouth through-her-fingers spurts and fits of laughter who knew freckles were so ticklish  Mei was the first person to recogniseremark say out loud of his authenticness charisma No matter who you’re with, or alone, you carry yourself you walk exactly the same. You never pose. You’re person is extremely attractive.

Ahbaby you like me

I do, but liking you has nothing to do with it. Its truly who you are I can look down the block see you walking see you from behind, I know it’s you. Very, very few people carry themselves like you do.

You recognise me from behind

I can. You move distinctly, very different from the people around you.

now up on whatevershards they were he saw they were broken wood and sticks enmeshed in a loose clot  their connective tissue shreds of interwoven bark 

he smiledhe said out loud Ahhyou fooled me I was convinced I was sure you were the remains of a human body
what seminal actors though secretly he wished horrifiedrelieved they were remains

11159,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  23  5. 18

1317,  Saturday,  2  6. 18

1057, Sunday,  3  6. 18

Damien Rice  Me, My Yoke, And I  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmrTAog-LSE

he was always struckmystified how remembrances simmered up through the murk and marl of his unconsciousness into his bright vivid wakefulness a long long unbroken strand of translucent turning bubbles blip by blip forward and backback and forward every bubble inciting or incited  illuminating

Bugs  he rememberedhe nodded  Bugs

what was he thinking when Bugs reared up in front of his eyesbefore the page of a book he was reading oogling him lopsided  lopsided distended eyes  regarding him from above his small disfigured body his fur coloured soft gray like a mouse  

he was an inbred brother Condor sister queen Truscan jetblack yelloweyed cats that made Halloween wet itself

Truscan refused to feed Bugs she kicked him away from among the litter as they mewled and slogged forward to nurse the other three kittens seemed healthy seemed viable

he kept trying to insinuate Bugs into the feeding

Truscan wasnt have it

the last time she caught Bugs with her hind paw and raked his face a long bleeding scratch from the tip of his nose to the crown between his ears 

Bugs wailed pitifully his hunger compounded by pain alienation too perhaps 

the animal world is not humane 

                                 the thought caused him to laugh sarcasticallychide Thats what humans are supposed to be for black humour what did he make of sociopaths psychopaths  hed levy his animalistic tendencies against them in a heartbeat

he put salve on Bugs wound then cupping him in his handcarrying him tucked up in his arm like a small football he went to Safeway You can't bring an animal in here a clerk said Youre welcome to stop me he replied as he sidestepped the high school oaf he went to the dairy section for a carton of goats milk  

returned home he fed Bugs warmed milk with an eyedropper  he placed him back with his siblings in Truscans refreshed bedding warning herhis face to hers I got the feedings you got the care Got it he hadnt any doubt they didnt understand each other he was her Big Bad Tom she was dicey with most people and they learned quickly to leave her her spaceher space even if she encroached on theirs forcing them out         

when Truscan groomed the kittens he used moistened cotton balls to stimulate Bugs urination and excretion he split the litter with herfelt it was a good compromise  Truscan eyed him pitifully wondered why he was wasting his time on this runt this abject defect

he wasnt ready to admit it or throw in the towel he was going to give Bugs the best shot he could


by the second month as he introduced wet food to the kittens he realised Bugs yet bugeyed remained feeble his motility was a spastic crawl a worming his spine was twisted  it seemed disconnected  loosetied thread spools

his heart began see as his brain saw 

                                       then Bugs began to refuse wet food

an ugly battle ensued  his heart and brain conspired against him

which left himwha
                  what to fight with spirit guts   nerve

then Bugs began to wane grew listless dull    his soft bearing becoming brittle

he borrowed an old bolt .22

he drove into the mountains above Lost Horse Canyon you can see forever from thereout of Montana over Idaho bright blue sky

he held Bugs up to his throat for the longest time  talking he couldnt say what he saidmemory recognises people and places  letters and postcards snares words and emotion

he set Bugs down on the pineneedle forest floor his shoulders and hips akimbo his head nodded down he nuzzled the earth

he cradled his head in his handhis fingers beyond the set of his jawthe soft of his ears

the .22 in the crook of his arm  its barrel a fraction of an inch from Bugs head

he glanced one last moment into the ether looking where Bugs looked

the shot shattered Bugs skull

its broken bits stung his fingers

the echo echoed  echoed echoedechoed

                                                                 

holding Bugs to his chest he wept

he brought Bugs home and buried him in a stone cairn on the earthwork at the head of the garden he positioned Bugs so he looked into it as he looked into it when he held him up at the house window he mewed and chattered defiantly at the birds that lighted he told Bugs he had the looks and making of a really good scarecrow

1400,  Sunday,  27  5. 18

1449,  Thursday,  31  5. 18

Neil Young  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYUgGs9IStY

Cece 

he dreamed of her  

she was always a step ahead of him 

just when he thinks hell behold herpray catch her in his arms she turns abruptly 

she eyes himis it misgiving is it temptation is it disdain  

she slips inside herselfbecomes a shadow salient then diffuse darkshimmering particles  then a whiff passing through a wall ahead of him  passing away 

Bill  he said leverage walls arent built with slats and plastered  

using his fists and feet he goes between their centered studs following her emerging on the other side behind her her dark whirling particles reformed on foot ahead of himSHOCKed by his pursuit 

he pulls up debris and dust shake off him like snow 

shes leadingshes leading him away leading him away from life  

realising it he doesnt balk he pulls back he pulls away

he did love her

he still loves her

he loved their life before the taxthe maelstrom of her depression and madness the thousand cruel cuts that whiled and whittled at her

at them

a handful of pills

wittingly

unwittingly

a handful of pills have led to these chasesthese frightful runs where he almost catches her to have her in his arms again

to ask her if she meant it or if it was an accident

he has his suspicion

she meant it

she liked when things went the way she planned them

1316,  Monday,  29  5. 18

1021,  Twosday,  29  5. 18

You’re fired Disney/ABC's Channing Dungey tells Roseanne Barr

                                                                     wha? thats Drumpfs fantasy punchline

https://www.msn.com/en-gb/video/other/roseanne-and-%E2%80%98normalized-racism%E2%80%99-in-the-age-of-trump/vp-AAxZNk4

http://www.dw.com/en/disneys-abc-network-cancels-roseanne-barr-show-after-racist-tweets/a-43986217

1452,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  30  5. 18