I like what you havent done with the place

That sarcasm babywe gotta watch where we step so we dont slip and fall  or ballbustin irony 

Perhaps a smidge of each Papa

Youre obviously content in your disorder scattered and stacked books unopened and opened boxesunhung art  but I find it overwhelming  restless

Take a moment  You see feel restlessness                                                                                     

Yes  your place encourages a restlessness in me

Waitillya see the kitchen

Youre funny Papa  Always the funny guy tongue in cheek cheeky basturd

Basturd  I like that youre using my nomenclature

Ill be the funny guy till the day I die

Thats when youll really miss my funny stuff

Stop  Why do you always invite the dark side

Dark side                                                                                                                                        

Yes  You seem fixated on the dark side

No

Im not fixatedI dont fixate on the dark  I mention the dark side of thingstry an dull strip the shininess to remind you an others that theres another side to the bright cheeriness marketing would have us swallow  Were under a constant unrelenting barrage  I understand thats marketing job  As I suppose the dark sidereminding you is my job  Its a dirty job but somebodys gotta do it   Like fucking fat women Dummer thats Dummers line not mine  But it is ohso visually illuminating  isnt it

Papa  Youre visual no matter what it is youre talk about  visually arresting

A gift

A gift  or a bane

In the eye of the beholder we might agree

Yes  We can agree

So  Restlessness   I might suppose its a good thing you dont live herehuh

Wouldnt  That said I still dontwe dont . .

. . We

Yes  Yah and me We  Despite me knowing next whats going to come out of your mouth  shed be okay with me speaking for her regarding you livingcontinuing to live here . .

. . You can only speak for yourself

Of course  As I knew  However youll have to find your way to hear me out  Im speaking for us as we agree steadfast on this point So deal with it

Go

I hate your GO . .

. . No sweat  You an others

Alright  Yah and I have a hard time seeing how youre still living here  You dont fit in

Has it ever occurred to youor youse that that may be precisely why I live here  Youre both aware of my proclivity to confrontation Im guaranteed handsdown each an every day I live here to enjoy my inevitable confrontations 

But Papa  thats so stressing

No love  Youre confrontationalYah is as your mother an I raised you . .

. . No  Mom didnt

Awright  Point taken  As I raised you  As I raised Yah

Its a mans worldan a shitty mans world for that matter  so I wanted you girls to be able to stand on your own  Be confrontational  Take no shit

I just happen to be wired not to take even a hint of shit  Yes Im extreme I know that  If youd girls take that aspect of me into accountdrop your considerations of comfort for yourself  restfulnessas it were  for yourselves   Confrontations  as hard as it might be for you to believe  mitigate stress for me          

Here  This town 

Yes love  This town is not your cup of teaYahs cup of tea but dont forget this is where Mom and I chose to liveto travel half the length of the continent  to live 

Our choice  You had no choice  However as an adult you have your choice and youve made them

Have I ever remediated your choicesYahs choices

I have not  Because I respect your decisions

Because I helpedyoure mother helped in forming educating your consciousnessyour ethics

I would not secondguess you or your sister

Why would you secondguess me

 

1616,  Friday,  5  1. 18

2336,  Sunday,  7  1. 18

I think it was my ad hoc strategy that kicked instressed whatever it was inside him that became my brothers cancer  Its been a long time since weve seen eye to eye  Truth be known we might never have seen eye to eye  Its been a long time since we lived in our parents house together     A very long time

he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned his fanny against the countertop

he didnt stand contemplative in that posture

rather he appeared selfcontained

his muscled arms combative

his coworker was wary 

You’ve mentioned before that your brother and fatherif I’m correct are at odds politically with you

Politically Socially Theyre almost always the heads of the coin to my tails  I might be less combative if they offered reasons for their standings This fuckin Moore they say the women are liars women always lie they always have something to gain or want to gain  to have over men 

My father has three daughtersmy brother two 

They have wives

What are they saying about the women in their lives if they vouch for Mooreas every bit a cunt as Drumpf

Are they religious?

When it serves their purpose

You’re not.

I am not

So what was your cancer-causing strategy?

The last I saw my brother we argued the financial inequality of the country  And this was before cunt was elected
My brother doesnt see any problem with billionaires or their money undeclared blackmoney manipulating voting an legislation an politicianspoliticians whod like to be at least millionaires  an when they leave office enter that spinning door between government an lobbyists acquire a cush job sell their influence  because those in government also want to leave it then park their fat asses as their predecessors colleagues have 

If I could Id stop that revolving door so fuckinfast theyd break their wolfish faces on its glass panes

I see you’re irritated.

Im irritated because we didnt have to be here 

These clowns serving are commiserate to my era Nam Nixon War on Drugs Watergate the joke of trickledown economics  they didnt learn anythingnothing except   greed 

Pretty polished coiffured greed

I thought my strategy was enlightened  I see it as feasible   If cunts president an can squeal an taunt on Tweeterwhich wouldnt have seemed feasible or doable in the past  then nothing is beyond the paleis it

No.  Although I’m sure he’s surprised even his base.

Youre jokingright

You don’t think he surprised his base?

His base is base theyre why the Resistance was formed immediately fortunately  No wait an see  He said exactly what hed do when assuming power  Asked my parents why Hitler surprised the world particularly after what he wrote in Mien Kampf  The Word  Like the fuckin Biblethough less mysterious

There's something to what you say.

Unfortunately there is

his arms were still strapped around him

they made his coworker uncomfortable  their manager asked him how strong he thought Joe was  he replied I don’t know. I wouldn’t like to find out.  Fortunately he seemed self-contained. Though, he also seems capable of violence, an immediate gloves-off kind of violence, I don’t know why I think that, mind you, but I do; he’s intimidating . .

. . Without being intimidating, right?

Yes. Exactly.  It makes you hesitant to cross him . .

. . Even of the smallest thing . .

. . Yes. Even the smallest thing.

But he works like a devil. Nothing too small or too big that he doesn’t throw himself into it. And he always exceeds what I ask him to do; picking out something I missed and doing it without asking. Done. I can’t correct him because he’s correct.   Intimidating.

Yes. But as you say, without being intimidating.

My strategy  I think its cogent perhaps stretching norms  but then who ever thought a presidential candidate would say that corporations were people too  An then within a year or so have the Supreme Court confer exactly that with Citizens United

I was somewhat surprised.

Unfortunately I wasnt  It is a majority Republican court  Justice wears a blindfoldnot they

Theyre not supposed to exercise politics . .

. . And maybe once upon a time they didnt  Its moneybaby  an they know who butters their bread   Money  Speech One in the same orso were told

I’m distracted.  Please. What’s your strategy?

Very simple Ill admit  a simple premise   Five of the top ten wealthiest people in the world live in the United Statestheir corporations headquarters function within the United States  I think its ten of the top twentyfive if I really want to be greedy  but Im not I think the five will suffice

Okay.

You remember when Castro took Cuba he nationalised American corporationstook them over  did not reimburse the companies  I wont be that greedy

I’ll take your word for it.

Never take anyones word for anything  Factcheck me  Ive no concern that Im wrong

I’ll take your word for it now, for your argument’s sake.

Thank you

So  if a corporation can be nationalised  an a corporation is a person   then it stands to reason that person can be nationalised  We take their wealthhell we could leave them with a billion allow them to remain billionaires  they would still get along swimmingly  A more egalitarian standard could be provided achieved 

Case in point the Walton Family  Threefour family members became among the top twentyfive wealthiest people in the world by virtue only of their birth  And the poorest among us are poorest by virtue of their birth 

Were past the tipping point

Time for a radical correction

That’s . . . I don’t know what that is.

Its cancer-causing

Sunday,  31  12. 17

1548,  Day-Between-Two-Ts,  3  1. 18

1104 days remaining or less

https://www.bostonglobe.com/ideas/2014/04/18/cuba-you-owe-billion/jHAufRfQJ9Bx24TuzQyBNO/story.html

I’m confused    shithole . . shithole?    I thought Donald Trump spoke with what is his shithole  his mouth

http://www.msnbc.com/all-in/watch/my-parents-were-from-what-trump-calls-shithole-countries-joy-reid-1135156803538

2246,  Thursday,  11  1. 18

he still hadstill argued with himself over how he felt about preemies  purposefully saving a life outside the womb that if birthed in the wild   would have died 

preemies weretheir doctors(Frankensteins) were the vanguard who pushed the envelope invigorating the noxious Rights cry for personhood at the moment of conception as if they knew when a womans body conceived

which he vehemently harshly disagreed 

a zygote has no rights
                      an accumulation of cells that looks like a chicken embryo has no rightsan certainly no rights exceeding those of an existing living-breathing redblooded Conscious woman who has an embryo suspended inside of her

standing at a counter plying liquor he found himself confronted with two women who were best friends

they confided in a blush and fury If I cant talk with her what I do is have an imaginary conversation with her and heed what I know she would counselwould be her consideration for my dilemma

thats a spooky friendship

thats a womens friendship

men cant fathom that  they havent relationships of that kind

hed speak for men

he hadnt

          not even with a woman

the two women standing before him were preemies incubated at Stanford at the very same time

they didnt meet until ten years later

their curiositybeing preemies at Stanford birthed within hours of one another provoked them to ask their parents an their parents discovered they were incubated in the same ward

if that isnt bizarre what is

                            an from ten until they graduated high school they were never apart for more than the week the week they spent at summer camps

he worked with Cay one of the women although her curlylocked brunette bosom buddy Rachel was familiar to him

not that she should have been

then Rachel revealed her mother died when she was young and her father a carpenter moved them and her older sister from residence to residencealmost yearly in town
he put his head down in

Ohgoodness he remembered Rachel she hadnt a name then he lived at an apartment complex that had a swimming poolwhirlpool  a sauna inside

she was the voluptuous teenagerscarcely contained by her suit who flirted cavorted around the deck  starved for attentionaffection

later that evening Rachel doubledback   We know each otherdont we

I believe we do

The apartment complex on the south end of town

Yes

You didnt take advantage of meI would have let you  I wanted you to   You stood up for me

It was no brainer Rachel  Your father wasnt therewas working  Had he been home you wouldnt have been at the poolnot without him  It was apparent there was some kind of disconnect an you were surreptitiouslyon the hushhush taking advantage of your circumstances  You werent stupid  Misguided   Not stupid   

I remember  I kept trying at youtrying to get through to you

There was no getting  Not as a teenager not as a young woman  I think you knew better

I did

what were the chances in his argument over preemies that hed meet incubator buddies

evening,  Friday,  5  1. 18

1427,  Monday,  8  1. 18

only up for a short while he conceded

he heard his body outlistened to its deliberationsits particular demands 

there wasnt going to be a discussion  

it was either  or

fuckin tyrant

but

   he fought his body more times than he cared to admit  an mind over matter if you dont mind it dont matter  while utterly improving his tolerance for pain it did not heel the pain  it helped him ignore it to get through what he needed to get through

then

through

his body had its way with him

he couldnt play victim 

not when he victimised himself

Put that in your pipe an smoke itbitch

he ran an unmercifully hot bathfrogs arent stupid theyll hop out of the water went it gets too hot the frog that boiled to death in the notorious nineteenthcentury experiment  its brain was removed before it was immersed his thick reptilian brain was wrapped up tightbound by his neocortex  an it was fast an made wicked knots

he squirmed letting the hot water flow to the places he needed it to touch then he slipped downput his right heel on the spout lower right back compromised crossed his ankles laid outhis nose breaking water

he wished he had gills

he tried emptying his mind not a huge chore  men dont usually have much going around inside their heads  unlike women who seemingly recirculate an recirculating redo an redoing redo the redux  they refuse to put it downput it away  let it go 

one thing didnt let go 

it got hungup on a spur a snag  thrall  rapture   were they one an the same  blackmirrors   did they precede death

before immersing his ears he could hear from the kitchen the coffeemaker sputtering its lastconvulsing belching steam through vents in its crown mad swirling steam gushes gouts pissed off at him again for finishing out alone  solitary  even machines like audiences occasionally  an in its liquid rattling he flashed on The Witchhad watched it the night before on dvd  Caleb Harvey Scrimshaw his paroxysmhis death orgyorgasm going to his Sweet God

was that thrallwas that rapture   are they precedents only the dying witness

ohbaby boys

            why do parents push their sons hands away from their penises when theyre changing their diapersfree only in that unswaddled moment to touch an feel their sexualityan daughters from their clitsthe childrens innate sexuality trumped by their parents embarrassmentperhaps too  by their trumped sexuality

an organic chain paranoid bits that then passingcling to the spurto the growing elastic tendril

                                                                                                  the mind refilling

mindfullness

Aah he got a halfhour 

                      while his back loosenedhis brain burgeoned  Anonymous  another film

I would go mad if I did not write down the voices

they werent this morning                                                                               

they were mute  expressive pictographs an zoetropes

1224,  Saturday,  6  1. 18

1424,  Day-between-Two-Ts,  10  1. 18

Kendrick Lamar  The Spiteful Chant  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISFUG005Flg

a young woman who from said she was from Louisiana Hush girl her mother said an sounded it wore a short Venetian blinds pale green dress which went well with her pale skin an green eyes

she trailed her mother

she must have got her looks from her father

she spoke to him over the unsightly womans shoulder

had she not called her mother Mother an her mother hadnt hushed her he wouldnt have put them togethernot in a month of Sundays

he always found it curious when a drop didnt share an inkling a blush a solitary element from where it fell

OhWell

he was fascinated by her dress

                                an absently realised his train of thoughtskipped went off the rails preoccupied with imagining how he could raise itwhere was its pullcord

nothings that simple

what would it take

where had she secreted the ivory cord knob tasselwhere would he want it to be duck duck goose

he was more entertained than he had a right to be

her lips were moving her eyes worked over his face

he had to get backMy Mama doesnt like me to say we’re from Louisiana . .

. . You are I’m not I’m from El Cajon Zappa yaknow he knew yaknow Zappa?

I know Zappa

I was talking Mamashe always runs over me when I’m talking to a man . .

. . Hush, girl, you show me some respect . .

. . When you show me respectwe’ve had this conversationhaven’t we?

This is not the time or the place, honey girl she got that right

That’s me, honey girl, whenever she wants me to shut up I’m honey girl.

You’re embarrassing yourself, little girl . .

. .Honey girl. Little girl. Which is it, Mama? to him My Mama calls me everything, but my name, I’m MaryLou L O U, can you believe it?Lou’s my father’s name, I’m told, Papa didn’t take to Mama, Mama’s hard to take to, I have no choice, she my cross to bear, my burden to bundle and hold, my angst, my angster, someone get me a gangster to put her away.she was whipped up an freestylin

a hanging silence

                  he was glad he came back when he didhe would have missed that otherwisean it would have been something terrible to have missed Yadonsay MaryLou that was a mouthful  I dont thinkI dont knowcant remember if Ive ever heard oral Cliffsnotes before

I’m sorry, Mama, but you know I hate it when you try to talk over me.

Oh hush, girl. I’m sorry too. Sometimes my mouth gets a mind of its own.

It doesn’t. You just don’t want to curb it. You think it’s easier to curb me. It’s not and it hasn’t been for a long time.

she turned her attention back to himsmiled CliffsNotes. Ain't you cute. an nearly caught him looking her up an down again for that damn pullcord
he returned her smile 

I hope we haven’t put you off she glimpsed at his nametag Joe.

No of course not  I got family too  Can be rancorous  Though one might suppose thats what families are forbuild character  Or become a character  I opted to become one rather than have oneNo thats an untrue statement  Im one in the same Nice to be colourfulhuh tile to linoleum berber to cut pile mignon to round

Can’t say that I’ve heard it put that way before, Joe.

Nor can I say MaryLou Ive heard what you said put that way before either

Look at you two carrying on as if I wasn’t standing right here he thought he saw a hint of cord at the inside of her left shoulder above the swell of her breast

Swell

Did you say something, Joe? asked MaryLou

he was pretty sure she was catching onto him I said swell

Swell, that you two were carrying on without me? her mother said.

No  For another reason all togethersomething had percolated through my mind 

Mama. I understand that smart people sometimes talk to themselves.

He wasn’t talking to himself. He said one word. Swell.

I did  an for the best reason imagineablefor me

Would you like to elaborate, Joe?

Mama.

No  Thats for me

sure enough

the ivory knob

at the soft between her shoulder and breast

he fingered it

she sighed

he smiled

she smiledher eyes going glitteringemerald Dorothy roaming Oz

                                                                 he clasped the knob between his thumb and indexfinger an slowly pulled it downher Venetianpleatedblinds dress slowly climbed up collapsing into itselfnylon tops at her thighs held up by garterstraps a lingerie garter belt languishing artfully above her pantiesbelow her bellybutton up her narrow waist riding up her rack of ribscatching for a m o a n m e n t at the sinuous cups holding her breastsstopping at the rail of her exquisite collarbones  

their mouths moved

damn if he could hear a word

saw the dress in early December, 2017

0637,  Twosday,  9  1. 18

Kendrick Lamar  Lust  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFv57cab0zQ

https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2018/01/how-actual-smart-people-talk-about-themselves/549878/