Conrads Heart of Darkness

                                Marlows confrontation with Kurtz

It is written that I should be loyal to the nightmare of my choice –

    nightmare

Conrads sentence

                    confused

him

there are dreams

good and bad

not nightmares

   occurred to him

dream  nightmare

good  evil

dreams were dreams 

good and bad

nightmare and evil are inventions of religion  invitations of fear

loyalty

         to the nightmare of Marlows choice

loyalty to oneself

                   betrayed

serves others

    obviously he remains confused

Wednesday,  3  4. 08

1100,  Saturday,  29  6. 24

nightmare  https://browndmt.blogspot.com/2007/09/choice-of-nightmares.html#:~:text=Marlow's%20confrontation%20with%20Kurtz%20presents,restraint%20represented%20by%20the%20Company.

 

A

H

H

A

P

T

first letter of the first word of the last six untitled pieces

AHHAPT

              aaah hapt

sounds like something hed like to do whatever it is

 

What do you mean you’re not giving titles to what you write?

Listen Maw

             I also don write The End at the end

The End isn’t as important as the title.

                                          Whatif I didn’t name you?how would you feel?

Dad woud have

Don’t be a smart ass, I can hand you your ass if you continue glib.

A glibber readily fluent

                        Sounds like me yah

Listen to me. How many books have you read, articles you’ve read that haven’t titles?

None

If none, doesn’t that suggest titles are necessary?

For purpose of subject matter yah

And your pieces have subject matter.

Wha mine is an wha a reader might take from them I expect are different an providing a title is direction an Im not keen to direct anyone

                  Theyll find their way to wha they want Or not

That’s stupid.

A moment a moment please

                              When I was a kid an you packed up the picnic basket Dad packed the cooler an we headed out for our Sunday drives

 

Yes?

     What?

I wanted you to fix that in your mind A pregnant pause gives one that

Continue.  she smiled   I’ve been pregnant.

Whos the smart ass  he smiled

                                   An correct me if Im wrongbut to the best of my memory coming to a crossroads Dad would pulloff to the shoulder stop then ask you or ask one of us kids Which way should I go? Left? Right? Continue straight?

Invariably we turned

An we did tha time an time again before stopping to picnic

He didnt look at street markers highway route markers He just went left right straight

 

What’s your point?

A title a name is a direction

                              I prefer that people find their own way

The pieces are meant to be adventures

Why tip anybody off

1027,  Saturday,  29  6. 24

a small rural town

a slowmotion creek ran through the heart of it

going to sit on a stone retaining wall above the water he noticed in the grass just beyond him someone left an opened crumpled sheet of brownwrap paper on it a started but uneaten portion of chicken breast

                                                                                                wasted

he apologised to the chicken

itd been raise to be slaughtered and in the taking of their life he felt whoever was eating it should have finished or rewrapped it and taken it home to be finished

                                                  not wasted

put him in a surly mood

angered him

    that it piquedpeeved him said he needed to resolve some thing

                                                                           what

what was the irritation

he felt it in his shoulders across his back snakingup his neck

too many shoulder surgeries

they were where irritation and good anxiousness went to goad to play

he paid keen attention

some stealthy quiet oppression

possession

obsession

           yes

obpossession

opposition

            in obpossession of himself

wordslurry slipping slipping  slipping

nerveslurry sparkedsparking

                                sparkling

firing fascination

fascinating

fasincinerating

incinerating

scintillating

Fuck it

          that chickens not dying in vain

rolled over twice to the brownwrap

ate the remaining breast 

mesquite grilled

delicious

tension went out of his shoulders neck relaxed he took a breath

    then sitting upright in a huge stone saucer he gazedsmacked his lips enjoyed the breezeshivered parcels of sunlight emerging through the treesplaying on top the smoothsleek occasionally tremulous  undulating   surface

Friday – week before hallie,  4  4. 08

0946,  Saturday,  29  6. 24

Hey Jose

he was hanginround

Care for a cigar Im having one   Hemingway Short Story

Jose was in

To live is to find oneself forced to interpret life.

(Our life) . . . is created by our convictions.

good thing he was smoking

                             he could musecould contemplatewith the best of them  turned the cigar between his lipspoked his tongue as he drew in his breath

righteous timing

                  slender black dragonfly returnedbuzzed him couplethree times

Wha You convicted

likely convicted as much as it could be

                                          lighted on his knee

Jose motioned with his cigar didnt speak

mused

         he hadnt defined his life by convictions rather   by living

actions speak louder than words

therefore comparable

dragonflys living his   actionable convictions

considered others by theirs

was aware  warily

alert  alertly

               patient

One of the factors that makes up our destiny is the mass of circumambient surrounding convictions in which we find ourselves.

Collective convictions he asked Jose

                                        Collective unconsciousJung

Interesting. Continue.

Unconscious

              Tha part of the mind containing memoriesimpulses which we are not aware Common I believe to mankind as a whole an originating in the inherited structure of our brains

Possible.

          We do not have actual thoughts. Merely words for them.

Words for them Were really barking up a tree getting wayout on a branch here

    Homo faber, we’re beings that fabricate.

Or

    Or Benjamin Franklins tool-making animal 

My animal instrumentaficum.

Forgive me gottaneed to run my gauntlet

Instrumentifiction

Instrumentrectum rectum rectum

    Let’s say that the world is the instrument par excellence, which man produces and the act of producing is one and the same thing as his life.

                           His being.

The world is merely the system of convictions in force at this time.

The system of convictions has gone on being formed over the course of a very long past, and some of its most elemental components come down from primitive humanity.

    At the barrel of whose gun

                                 Coevals Peers

Mundo Vigente  World in force

                                  Viagens pelo mundo Travels round the world

Vigilant  Keeping careful watch

                                  Vigilant Origin  Keeping awake during times usually spent asleep

Jose  Wheres the touchstone  

Friday,  17  9. 04

2333,  Reggaefriday,  28  6. 24

Alvin Lee (George Harrison)  Bluest Blue  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3lz3px4dTU8

he was reading Jose Ortega Y Gassets Man and Crisis

“But it happens that reality is not a gift which facts make to man.”

“Reality is not datum, not something given or bestowed, but a construction which man makes out of the given material.”

reallyreality really should have poured himself another black coffee before going outside on the deck

a slender black dragonfly visited him

flying off it was prompting enough

coffee

returned

took a sip

book beside him on a stool

sat in an Adirondack chair

closed his eyes

thought Time

thought emit 

Time reversed

Exit

Enter

nonsense reversed

Adeona

Abeona

Roman gods

god of going out outward journeys

god of coming in of return  particularly children returning

knew because he read

Mutatis mutandis

black dragonfly made him think that praying mantis would have done the trick too

changing whatever ought to be changed

did he know anything with complete unshakable knowing

No

    Thas faith

however

because coffee did it to him and he had a cup earlier

he knew completely   unshakably

he had to take a leak

bodily functions

taking a leak he thought they shouldnt be hard to admit however the tendency preference to act as if we didnt have them

    fart

and per this have/have not dichotomy he preferred to acknowledge all that he has because it isnt much nor does he want much

washed his hands

returning to the deck and chair and coffee and book he thought about writing as an act of convention conviction

convene

convenience

assembled altogether

convene venal

conveneal

looked like convenereal

                         convene venereal   sexual desire sexual intercourse

venery

fitting

his desire to blowup convention convenience unconventional inconvenient  distress

di-stress

         di-  twice double

those who receive his letters

                               communiques

commune-unique

communeique

communeity

involved

invoked

evoked

in-yolk

in-yoke

         his select communeity

those

       he felt part of

cared for

whether alive or dead

he tries to write them all at once

although addressing only one

for they – perhaps unknowingly – are part p-art of the chain

his mission is ad-mission

addmission

entry

not salable

sailable

which isnt forever

everything sailable eventually sinks

he didnt see the point of playing cards close to his vest in-vest-ment

unless

of course

tryin to take the others

interaction

            was not inter-act-ion

no act

he presentsconveys

what it is

as it occurs

no tollgates

straight shot

hi-speed

hi-ballin

             a thoroughfare greased with brain fat

1111,  Thursday,  16  9. 04

1040,  Friday,  17  9. 04

1139,  Reggaefriday,  28  6. 24

Funkadelics  Maggot Brain  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xby5467EbdU

Lili Haydn  Maggot Brain  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=APP6-4i_pR4

Awcomon brother Im not assuming anything Ive been alive long enough to go off my experience an its taught meas experience shoud aint no greediergreed than American Greed American Capitalist Greed   second to none

I disagree.

 

Im listenin

I disagree.

Based on wha

You’re assuming, you don’t know, not for certain.

    Pay more for less

Unparalleled corporate profits on the backs of taxpaying people

                                                                   They coud lower prices an still be immensely profitable Amazon CoVid Twentytwenty  Bezos wealth up seventy billion  Nine zeroes in a billionOH  Bezos got ten

Now tell me whaya don understand about or tha Im assuming about no greediergreed than American

Bezos is only one example.

Wheres there one theres always more

Theres no such thing as a oneoff  Singular

                                            Maybe not as spectacular  But awfullynice leather boots on the necks of the people

I don’t know that. I’m supposed to take you at your word?

No

     You coud digfind out if you werent so fuckin lazy

But you ought to know just by knowing by being alive alert know by your experience

Portions of other countries are greedy.

No portions no splitting hairs no distracting Im comparing country American greed

I don’t know that.

Ohshit

There may be one as greedy

See?

Vatican City

City-State.

Look how fuckin sharp you are

                                 An how little you know by your own experience

1739,  Monday,  24  6. 24

0957,  Reggaefriday,  28  6. 24

https://time.com/5870826/amazon-coronavirus-jeff-bezos-congress/

https://apnews.com/article/lifestyle-health-coronavirus-technology-business-16a950ba630045281458500081d562e6

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/jan/15/billionaires-net-worth-coronavirus-pandemic-jeff-bezos-elon-musk

particular words phrases

                              not peculiar

ones vernacular their parlance

those that stick out in his head hes assignedtheyve suggested strict individuals because theyre not his  he wouldnt useknows them  but doesnt use them

    eejit though his Maw spelled it E I D G E T

                                                   Thas incorrect Maw

Sound it out.

Sounds out but its spelled E E J I T

You spell it your way I’ll spell it mine, but you’ll know what I’m talking about, what I'm writing about.

I will

End of discussion.

just like that

she was abrupt

he was abrupt

his father hardly ever said a word

he got it from her

indeed

that belonged to his daughter

whenever she became thoughtful wistful indexfinger thumb to either side of her chin  shed pronounce Indeed.

also found in her letters

he asked a friend if they hadhave similar experiences with their family or friends

ran it briskly through their head said No.

No

No.

a choice phrase also out of his mothers mouth

kind of went hand in glove with eidget her abruptness which some thought was rude

You made your bed, you can sleep in it.

                                           she also inserted the pronoun  they

his scant compassion was probably due to her too

he had a phrase

if he was in a room included in a conversationNah argument  it belligerent  he could see in the faces of those who knew him that they were waiting for it to come out of his mouth

he did not disappoint

                       You were informed at the door coming inmaybe ya forgot Lifes a comedy club You cant take a joke   Should have stayed the fuck out

tough one to trim

he loved the eyes

their violent bulging

                       Eejits

1710,  Monday,  24  6. 24

1332,  Thursday,  27  6. 24

ticked him off

pet peeve

           though a nice pet he didnt have to water and feed every day

whos the adult in the room

                              rather

the fuckin proofreader

its only getting worse

he bound awareness intellect trussed them up with the ability to spell or at least Spell Check

advertisements

one would think that the last place someone would find a spelling error would on advertisements

were they advertising ignorance

were they advertising how fuckin lazy their organisation was

                                                                  100% MONEY-BACK GUARANTEE

he could only begin to imagine the rabbit hole the hoops one would have to endure to have their money restored to him

particularly when 99.99% of humans employed by the company are not available

                                                                                       TALK TO THE HAND  

shorthand TALK TO AI

                         thats been coded to reluctantly bitterly satisfy the 100% MONEY-BACK GUARANTEE

ambient spelled A M B I N E T

ancient spelled A N C I N E T

he found those beauts within fifteen minutes of each other on-line

                                                                      not that he was looking

hard to overlook UGLY

                         hed dare anyone to challenge that

rolling chyrons  subtitles

                            they made him want to pukeput out his eyes

1703,  Monday,  24  6. 24

1223,  Thursday,  27  6. 24

. . . terraforming the planet.

that was stark

he hadnt consideredgiven all his scifi reading of the earth   terraformed

                                                                             Jesus  Yours or did you heard it read it

I don’t think it’s mine. Pretty freaking obvious though.

Yah it is  Kinda breathtaking

                                  Now if only it were to better to improve the planet

If only.  No.

             Planet’s being raped, poisoned, despoiled.

Don know whacha got till its gone

                                      Then were gone in short order

Then she’ll heal.

                  You think another Garden?

Primal

        For awhile

Shell evolve

Still has billions of years ahead of her

he laughed

What

I was just thinking. Garden will screw the pooch.

    How so

All those souls who believe in reincarnation, returning as bugs.

You

Ohno no.

           Like you, I’ll be off to be where I was before I was born.

Leaving your twentywatts behind

Whats?

Watts W A T T S   Thermodynamics

Ahyeah. That’s different, thank God, I don’t think I have twenty whats.

                                                                              You?

I have whats whys inexorable

                                 Fuckin curious

  

1112,  2sday,  25  6. 24

1059,  Thursday,  27  6. 24

thermodynamics  https://futurism.com/the-physics-of-death 

Well, you know what they sa . .

. . Whos they

Come on man, I’m speaking generally.

    May I continue?

They say, great minds think alike.

                                     blowing smoke up his ass while patting himself on the back  he coud do two things at once

they he and him werent generally agreeable however this afternoon they realised back to back to back  concurrences

he waited for it

itd come

buddy for whatever reason liked to playout line before setting the hook 

he already spat it out

hook  You’ll have to admit, that was definitely coincidence.

he didnt bother to feign acknowledging him his exhale Thas a fallacy

                                                                           I woudntyou may wish but I woudnt want to be accused of tha

his adage coincidence spurned riled him

                                           snarled I meant it as a compliment.

Ya don congratulate yourself 

Where Im from tha a boast a jactation

A jactation?

Brag

       Better   

I wasn’t bragging.

Sounded so but if not Ill apologise

    Why fallacy?

Fools seldom differ Fools think alike   As the saying goes

                                                               Pithy

You’re a hard nut, not much wiggle room.

I try hard

           Know thyself

I donever step away from my morals my ethics I mention both because if I didnt youd hound one or the other tryin to get a rise out of me

                Not tha youd succeed You may have been the eldest son but I was the eldest

What do you mean by that?

Big brother Bullying

                       You think its funny  cute

I was born into middle management  Was inevitable

Coudnt wait to leave it behind

Was a good decision for me

Am I supposed to say something to that?

No

    I wasnt askin wasnt a question                                         

1600,  Monday,  24  6. 24

0918,  Thursday,  27  6. 24