routine aint a bad thing

he recognised it was a mainstaycritical to him

                                                 not that he didnt mind occasional changeups

however he recognised he was an introvert

enjoyed his own company

                            but

he could be performative

be extroverted

What do you mean performative?

Youre a big boy you get it

                            I didnt enjoy it enough to become an actor but I could play a part 

So you really prefer being on your own?

Youre still living at home

   Home. What do you mean?

Youve livedexcept for college within twenty miles of where you were born

                                                                              Family  Friends

It took me twenty years to escape

Do you really mean escape?

I do

       The last ten were toughest because I knew I meant escape

I was given three tremendous opportunities  I didnt even have to think about em despite them being gold But any meant I would have to stay

You could have made your gold and then left.

I would have been older Coudnt woudnt sell my youth  An had I I woud have established a routine which woud have been agonising to break

                            Good to know thabout ones self

Well, if you weren’t here I’d call bullshit.

Routine

Ruetine

Rudetine

Ruttine

         Rut

Ive never – an I dislike the word – never felt Ive been in a rut

                                                                 Had I stayed home I woud have been

0900,  Reggaefriday,  29  9. 23

1357,  Saturday,  14  10. 23

Tower of Power  So Very Hard to Go  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbyKxiVvpaE

   oaths

         he tended to swingwide of such organisations

he humourously continuously recalls Groucho Marx

                                                      I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

secondplace Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

he did pledge Allegiance to the United States of America

                                                           and for that the United States would have to endure his probing and questions and demand of evidence

he didnt jump through hoops until he was convinced

that was no small task

   he was reading The Free World: Art and Thought in the Cold War Cold War, what’s that? by Louis Menand  page 192 first paragraph

                 In 1953, GAP (Group for the Advancement of Psychiatry) under the leadership of William Menninger was charged – didnt say who – to discuss the psychological effects of loyalty oaths seemed redundant to him they determined “(they were) only one manifestation in a growing general trend towards enforcement of conformity of thinking and acting.” “Loyalty oaths cause psychological damage: they endangered the development of the ego by restricting access to ‘the object world,’ distort the development of a ‘workable super-ego’ by ‘emphasizing the external threat at the expense of self-responsibility,’ and threaten ‘the ego-ideal’ appropriate to a free and democratic society by introducing increasingly contradictory ideals and depreciating the image and model value of the teacher.’”

made perfect sense to him Yeah right, what’s an ego? Never you mind   questioners ripe for an oath

late Sunday night,  1  10. 23

1158,  Saturday,  14  10. 23

Cat Stevens  Longer Boats  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRC8lqtBXCA

On the Road to Find Out  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocu7XObxRZ8

   a good book  not "the" good book   theres a difference

it began abruptlyhed arrived late

                                  stopped  to pickup a dead squirrel off the road one eye popped but not out of its socket blood coming out of an ear  not crushed or exploded he carried it to a grassy culvert at the roads edge There you go he said as he gently laid it down covered it with a handfuls of fallen red yellowcoloured leaves

                                                                                               STOP Theyre squirrels

Squirrelly

           Whadoncha understand

I’ll slow down but I’m stopping.  said the host

   he turned to face him squarely Why

Why? Simple. I have places to be.

Places

        Youre not pressed to be anywhere yabeen retired whanow five  or is it six years

That makes no matter.

   Matter 

           Youll have to explain why yacant wait a minutethe fuck Ive stopped for a goodsized leaf on the road trembled by breeze  which ought to indicate that I slowed stopped well short of it Id just rounded a corner

Despite this enclave being remote the road is residential the law is twentyfive miles an hour Aint supposed to be a race track

People have places to be.

Lets not do your Worlds spokesman thing Im talkin to you Im not addressing your neighbourscant do a gawddamn thing bout their ignorance but I can try to coursecorrect yours

Anywhere you have to be isnt urgent truly significant  life or death

I don’t care. I’m not stopping for a squirrel.

   No

No.

Well  evidently when it comes to this yare piece of shit  If you thought I antagonised you before hold onto your cap Anwhen we argue you better bring your A–game because I  aint   stopping

the others at the impromptu gathering shifted uneasily in their brilliantcoloured red yellow green moldedplastic chairs which were enhanced by the flickeringblues in the poolwater  a couple cleared their throats  but nothing more

he was standing he always stood at this type of event

                                                        Antha goes for the rest of you

Maybe pretend the squirrel in the road is a child Theres no one here needed urgently anywhere  Thas why yare here in the middle of an afternoon on a weekday

1600ish,  Reggaefriday,  6  10. 23

1004,  Saturday,  14  10. 23

the nature of religion foments hatred 

   Hamas attacked he couldnt agree that it was unprovoked  Israel

the words as he listened to reliable news commentators to witnesses

atrocities

brutality

savagery

horror

depravity

inhumanity

siege

he wondered if people kept in mind those words described the actors who perpetrated them  that those individuals do not makeup all the people of Gaza  the Palestinians

he crossed his fingers that Israel would respond proportionally

“If I sit silently, I have sinned.”  Mohammad Mossadegh

1712,  Thursday,  12  10. 23

1029, Saturday,  14  10. 23

https://www.npr.org/2019/01/31/690363402/how-the-cia-overthrew-irans-democracy-in-four-days

   in the airport concourse he didnt see one beast go by

beast

his father-in-laws lingo

                         Joe. I’m heading over to the bank shortly, you ought to come with me.

To the bank  Really

Yeah.

       they were sitting in the kitchen after lunch the kids were fed relaxing in the familyroom watching a matinee on the TV Dad rocked in his chairlooked down into it  splitlevel house looked up into livingroom where the women had quietly abscondedwere sipping chilled white wine 

                                                     he whispered You really ought to come, there’s a real beast there, handles my banking . . . needs.

needs

       sounded loaded

Im in

       Ill let the girls were headin outrunnin some errands Ill see if they need anything tell em well be back in a heartbeattwo shakes of a lambs tail

Vivienne derived from French Viviana  lively

                                                Beast had him by a couplethree years if she were undressedplucked from her businesswomans getup shed vie head an shoulders with any pin-up any calendar girl her clothing hid nothing accentuated everything

surreptitiously winking at him Dad thumbed himself in the chest My banker.

concourse courses had fallen off enormously compared to when he was youngerflew a lot

even the flight attendants 

                           they were called stewardess then he actually vied to make the grade applied  lost out in the final TWA interview  would have been one of the first stewards

                    

then  he used to Tomcattish MEOW at the beast to himself

as he MEOWed at his wife outloud when they dated

                                                         and as Fate would have it cruelly twisted the knife in his back

his wife became a flight attendant

then 

      there were those attendant perks

Once Upon a Time . . .

                       his wife on a trip called himtold him to pack for three days a swimsuit shed meet him at Minneapolis/St. Paul (MSP) International

she flew him three legs First Class as she also worked it their destination he learned was Honolulu (HNL)  a 36hr layover

         hed never been to Hawaii

after breakfast the next morning she told him they were meeting the crew on the beach  four other flight attendants

the women made it down ahead of them had their towels  

making the beach OH MY GAWD to himself

                                                his wife kissed him on the cheek You MEOWing Tommy? You better because I am. I can’t say I have ever flown with a more dropdead gorgeous crew in my life . . . I thought you could appreciate them with me

                            five bikinied beasts on a beach 

they had too much fun they teased him he was their cabana boy he countered Call me your slave he ran for drinks ran for food  each and every one of them he slathered with lotion thoroughly then twice then thrice   there was the ocean the waves  bodysurfing

he was as happy as a big ol’ pig in shit

beast

   

1405 DFWtime (Dallas/Fort Worth),  day-between-2-Ts,  13  9. 23

1224,  Reggaefriday the 13th,  10. 23

Bilocation

            Thoughts whacha got

By the word and by your intense motivation to mess . .

. . Not hard  Yare inclined to slide

How are we friends?

I think were friendly  Usually 

                                Until I spur younote  not spurn you  I endeavor to make you think Yaoughta say thanks

she put her fingers over her mouth

Say Ill not be offended

That’s it, isn’t it? You’re impossible to offend.

Lotsa roadwork patience brought me to this place I am not offended or  not easily offended

I can’t say that I've seen it.   What offends you?

People who I expect more out ofexpect curiosity from

                                                           Bilocation

Two places at once.

Yes And

And?

        I’m not inclined to believe it.

The world is filled with the unexpectedfor the time being  phenomenon   Why

Mysticism. Mystical.

Mythic

        Ill admit tha the ability to do it at will tips me  But psychically   I woudnt discount it anyet  yare religiously inclined more than am I

Only because my parents leaned on me.

You can take the girl out of religion but you cant take the religion out of the girl

You know a lot about religion.

Psychically I appreciate it

                           Word is Saint Anthony of Padua coud Saint Ambrose of Milan Saint Severus of Ravenna  Padre Pio   Coudbe a Dago thing

You’re bad.

Worse than you think

How’s that?

Ya got me thinkingactually thinking since first we met

Since first we met?

Yes

Are you playing an angle?

Im pretty transparenthuh

Particularly when you think we’re only friendly.

Coud say Im attempting to bridge tha gap

she laughed under her breath Why do I think this isn’t going to end well?

                                                                           Attempt to bridge. Sounds loaded.

Maybe I oughta get you loaded before pursuing my line of thought

No.  No no . . no.

Are you saying no

Loaded no.

             But continue your entreaty.

Thank you The exact word I woud have used See

                                                      Weve more in common the longer we know each other

Are you bidding your time

No  Conversing 

                  Bridging

Why don’t you just say.

Entreat

that made her laugh

I like you don cover your mouthlove your dimples

Going deep huh?

No  Merely confession

Confess your bridge.

Ill tell ya Bilocation

We’ve established that.

Quadlocation

Appear in four location at once?

No

     Howbout a road trip to Four Corners Arizona New Mexico Colorado Utah

I’m familiar, yeah. I’m not saying yeah I’ll go, I just wanna hear you continue.

Id let you choose

Choose what?

What states youd like to place your hands an feet in

                                                        Yaoughta walk up behind yourself sometime Bilocate

OH MY GOD.

We can be crazier if yare agile flexible Into Twister

she shook her head  Contortionist?

If you are I love you

1626,  2sday,  3  10. 23

1703,  Thursday,  12  10. 23

I cant believe youre so unsympathetic for those boys

Are you kidding me?

                      You were a boy. I was a boy. A man a priest tried to mess with us we would have fought ‘em tooth and nail.

Yes Not tha we woud have prevailed 

                                        But youre missing something elemental

Elemental?  Flat out we wouldn’t want a man touching us in any sexual way.

Yah  But you have an issue with homosexuality.

I do not I don’t like seeing it.

   You do  Youre uncomfortable when two men kiss

he sneered I don’t wantneed to see that.

Antha despite knowing tha I kiss my father my brothers uncles best friend nephews  except for your boys because you brought them upkissed them as little boys  but at some point stopped giving them tha affection  tha kind of love

 

Cat got your tongue 

                       Ya know Im right    

his righteous chin fell a bit  Your familys’ affections . .

. . Is very European East Europe   Polish

                                            We arent ashamed we love each other I believeperhaps unknowingly you introduced homophobia introduced a kind of shame to your boys I love all the boys an men in my family anwha people outside it think about our physical affections can whell   as my Maw woud say Up their nose with a rubber hose.

The element elements youre not taking into account regarding those young boysdo not consider are unfortunate

Youre wearing blinders

You don’t know what you’re talking about.

I do

    Two Off the top of my head  Religionwere atheists . .

. . I’m agnostic . .

. . A foot in both camps straddle the fence not sayin there is there isnt  nonetheless   we were exposed to very little religion  otherwise   indoctrination

Yes. I would agree.

Thank you

            Not having been indoctrinated

Imagine if a holy man touches you Someone who you not only respect but revere as your parents do your family does the religious community does

                                Think of the awesome intimidation  Awesome

Perhaps an understatement

Someone they idolise

Someone they may desperately want to emulate

Someone who hold vast power  enthrall them

And you think that’s reason reasons enough to go along with . .

. . Their love Their affection Their family structure

                                                        I can give you a sense

You can give me a sense?

   I know I can

Take a shot.

Your father 

             I asked you a long time ago who your role model was an without hesitation you said your father you didnt EVER want to cross your father 

You sought his favour

he shifted around in his shoes

You tried very hard not to offend him If he asked something of you an it was within your power you woud not deny him

 

   Allsaid

              To a priest who is more desirable  An altar boy or choir boy

Both are fingerlickin good

approaching 1600,  2sday,  3  10. 23

1252,  Thursday,  12  10. 23

he couldnt say when last he heard it so he wasnt embarrassed by what his ears told him

when hed misstep with his mother shed tell him to go upstairs to the bathroom and bring down Q-Tips

                                                                                                           You got potatoes in your ears.

   No 

        he wasnt keen on her digginround never hurt himbut somehow  eventhough she was his Maw  she was violating him

years later when he alone was responsible for them he found himself on occasion wishing he could kneel on the kitchen floor lay his head on her lap and let her clean them

                                                      her motherly home comfort

he felt bad for kids who didnt have parents like he did

she could be hardnosed but that was only when she was compelledprovoked to pull out the heavy hardware the big guns

      he probably provided most of those provocations but he was a lot like her

when he saw through her bullshit he called her out

his siblings wouldnt

but that was likely because he was the eldest and like labour bosses a ten pin he was obliged by his station to challenge her

              but also by his nature  he was provocative adored confrontation loved the spit it set off in his mouththe heat at the back of his neck across his shoulders down his spine

Beggin an erection he asked

his head twitched like a peahens was unbecoming

                                                      incredulous  What did you say?

Whadiyasay

I said begging the question. Rhetoric.

Yahyah ya mean logic cuz yare so fucking logical

                                                      Begging the question   Elaborate

You know what it means.

I do Im curious wha you think it means

If you know what it means why do I have to say?

he didnt like that he sighed Because more often than not you misunderstand Ancuz you said it

But what you said . .

. . Was incorrect Anya know perfectly well wha I said

                                                         So  now you say   Begging the question

It occurs when an argument’s premises, statements taken to be true, assume the truth of the conclusion . .

. . Instead of supporting it  Also called arguing in a circle

                                                              I said reality you intoned a sense of reality coudnt agree with reality as fact as true or truth Rather you preferout of your own mouth a sense a perception of reality which is variable Liable to vary or change

Refuse its fixture

                       Like an erection

1500-ish,  2sday,  3  10. 23

1136,  Thursday,  12  10. 23

got him riled  again

                    Do you get it  When Im talking to you Im talking to you not some fucking spokeman for the World

YOU

I don’t know that. When you ask me something I’m taking into accou . .

. . Theres nothingno one other than you Im talking to

                                                       I am talking to youHere 

Imagine   Ive asked YOU a yes or no question  Imagine YES over a box beside it another box with NO over it   Check one of the boxes

It’s not that easythere’s a myriad things to take . .

. . It was a yes or no question  I purposefully deliberately posed it thaway

                                                                              Yare not a spokesman  Im asking you to answer for yourself  alone

How am I supposed to know that?

Whadafuck  Take it within the context I asked it

                                                    I didnt ask your opinion regarding a variety multiple possible repliesrejoinders  thadbe another thing I had not   Answer the fucking question

I don’t know . .

. . Your own mind

                    Jesus Christ

the argument had grown out of a discussion in which he posed it was possible doctors and knuckledraggers could share the same opinion

spokeman said  No. Not at all.

                                  And I resent you calling people knuckledraggers.

I didnt want to offend Neanderthals

What?

They were a product of their time doctors didnt practise onehunredthirtythousand to fortythousand years ago

                                                                                                                   Im saying today  intelligent people an ignorant people don know it all  One is honed the other is not and those honed focus excise   Whadahell  Common sense  Ive met an talked with intelligent people who blow me away me  they lack common sense an I can understand that  Their efforts to become doctors or what have you necessarily eliminates aspects which do not furthur or are untoward their profession  particular aspects   which they have deemed unnecessary

I disagree.

Awright

         Undergoin a surgery  Woud you rather you were cut with a sharp honed blade or a dull one

spokesman wouldnt say

1400ish,  2sday,  3  10. 23

1621,  day-between-2-Ts,  11  10. 23

againagain  early this morning   another of “his” dreamswandering a maze  a labyrinth                                                                                                                               unafraid  unperturbed

going from one construct to the next by hallway or staircase or room abutting room gardens again on an on many timesoddly  filled with milling strangers who he or they chose not to interact mostly solitary  anbecause he hadnt Ariadnes thread he found himself in places he recognised so moving forward he took a different tack

occasionally he felt lost  though only occasionally

                                                     it was familiar

he woke before either concluding it or emerging

sittingup he gently pulled his legs up an away from the cat who curled at his groin telling her to stayhed be back  used the bathroom returning to bed she stayed he slipped under the covershis legs again to either side of her he did not displace her warmth  

then closing his eyes he watched slippingpatchy inkiness move protozoalike lavalampish slavish to designs or loops he did not conceive

                  he watchedrefused to open his eyes for more than an hour before falling back to sleep the while thinkinghumouring himself his dream was a cocoon

one day hed emerge

                            humouring himself  perhaps his emergence would be his death

AMish,  day-between-2-Ts,  11  10. 23

1130,  day-between-2-Ts

compound  compound   compoundscompounded 

                                                    lighted gated dogged

hilltops not the starlit open quiet place it was

WHY

        politics

theyre still fond of the former

                               and former remains as repugnant to him as he was in ‘89 when he took out fullpage ads in the New York Times Daily News New York Post New York Newsday demanding BRING BACK THE DEATH PENALTY. BRING BACK OUR POLICE! in regards to the Central Park Five who later were exonerated

   actually earlier when his baleful face appeared in rags television newsclips that boasted him an entrepreneur  a playboy 

             somehow missing the daddys boy

he didnt cotton daddy boys

it has evolved now he has to contend with barking and a gleaming compound flooding his livingroom with light every eveningcasting his small houses shadow onto his sideyard and into the trees bordering it

ever driveby a highsecurity prison at night

bright as day

1751,  2sday,  10  10. 23

1000,  day-between-s-Ts,  11  10. 23

https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/6131533-trumpdeathpenaltyad05011989

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2019/06/19/what-trump-has-said-central-park-five/1501321001/

lampoons former  https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-65197862

fraud  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OM9f2YAKIJg