theyd been discussing a while

on occasion fraught  they were his fault

                                            he was brutally honest  she didnt want to hurt feelings

they heal

Is to

        now he was being lacksaidaisical lackadaisical

Is to  what?

Yagonna finish that? 

                       she was becoming irate again was exceptionally good at it

Is to

       Its tilde its grapheme if you will

Are you trying to piss me off? Speak English.

I am

      Theres a symbol which means is to  Such as  knowledge is to wisdom   as

   As?

Yah

What?

You fill in the wha

What the hell are you talking about?

Awright  Ill play first . .

. . You usually say first don’t you?

I do usually I do

                   I say so youre someones aware of where Im coming from

Less confrontational

Which you also do well.

Yah

Assertive.

I am yah

           Maybe now youd like to play first

   No. she looked dour

Awright Knowledge is to wisdom as genius or geniuses are to intellects or intellectuals

                                                                                            Yasee

You’re corresponding knowledge to genius and wisdom to intellect?

I am

I see.

Good

       Whadaya say

I . . I really got nothing.

   Nothing

             Something  please

Awright.

           As a screwdriver is to a Swiss Army knife.

A bit obscure

But you get it?

I do I do ya don have to explain

A Swiss Army knife has a screwdriver among other tools.

Yah

      I followed

I just wanted to make sure.

Satisfied

I am.

As a girlfriend is to a hooker or a hooker to a girlfriend

                                                         Depending on their considered attributes

Or a boyfriend to a piece of shit. drily

Attagrrl

         As the missionary position is to doggiestyle or anal or a blowjob

   Cat got your tongue

                         Not mine

No. Never yours.

                   Not ever.

Thank you

1454,  2sday,  30  4. 24

1144,  Saturday,  4  5. 24

tildes  https://www.thesaurus.com/e/grammar/tildes/

six is to seven 6 7 as seven is to eight 7 8 as eight is to nine 8 9 as nine is to ten 9 10 anif he thought his cats would allow him to get away with nine is to ten hed have another thought coming they were hungry  and that thought happened to be condom root canal

but maybe he misunderstood

                                common root canal

NO

     when he thought that his dreaming mind went jetblack and then in whiteetched letters burned this in his eyes

CONDOM ROOT CANAL

                                             Got it  Buddy

when he started calling himself Buddy like Boss he knew he was in trouble with himself

Whastha mean

Not my problem  I shot from the hip

I think it went wide yamissed

I missed

              Really

Therestha

           We missed

Whawas our aim

Donknow I was asleep at the wheel

                                        Assumed then youre our autopilot

Im the entertainment portion of our flight

Into the beyondBeyond

Behold Children feast your eyes

                                   Isnt thawha Maw woud say

She did She was always right

I think it was   no  I believe    it was to quiet the gang down  See    Shut your mouths

Be silence

                Theres a lot to be said in silence

   Yes  It screams

 

 

six to seven,  Saturday,  4  5. 24

not only could he herd them  he could coax cats too coaxcats  phonaesthetic   Take tha Tolkien

   although he had to credit his state of mind while he nimbly herded an coaxed

                                                                                     he didnt perceive of them as cats

rather pussies

                pussy held sway 

he persuaded em pleased em pleasured em humoured em for as long as he kneweven as a boy

it seemedeven then he had an intrinsicerotic connection he recognised fewer an fewer boys around him they faded simmered disappeared out of his eyeshis sensibilities

he became wholly dedicated to girls  women

                                              who gave him knowing glances lusty glances

had they dropped their prudishnessempowered themselves hed have gotten laid far sooner than he did

                                                                                                              would have learned instruction far sooner

had they

          they would have saved him from stumbling his way along

not that he minded                  

                      stumbling

theres something to be said for innocence

                                            naiveté

he made damn sure he suspended naiveté until it became too pronounced to avoid

                                                                                       You really know what you’re doing.

he winked  wasnt good at coy

                               wasnt a coy boy phonaestheticBAM kicked Tolkien in the teeth sheesh yet another possible phonaesthetic

I confess

           I know wha Im doing  Cool

yanking on his hairhis ears Wouldya shaddup.

                                                  Keep doin’ what you’re doin’.

he did

their wish was his command

by this time well beyond juvenile competitions

                                                 he didnt recogniseSEE boys or men

he was blind to them

he was dedicated to pussy

                             he knelt before their widespreadgaping altar

and then some                   

344preferred,  Reggaefriday,  3  5. 24

Intruder

the third

Revenge is best when served cold

he kept waiting around for he-who-seeks-revenge to come and get it himself

   but hes a cunt

he sends idiots who think its their way to the top like it were some kind of corporation

911 may recognise his number

police had questionsnot his number they were welcome to ask

                                                                 he shrugged

Was an intruder I defended myself

three got mighty close

he got bad news earlier in the evening

foundcaught himself sighing

                               recognised thawasnt good  needed to relax   come down

lit a candle set it on the back of the toilet

ran a hot bath

dribbled lavender oil

tumbler of Irish at his shoulder

  in

     better

closed his eyes

watched pink quiver through his eyelids

silently pink went black

                            Thas not how it works

heard slipclick ligament

                         tendon

thought Can I help you was being facetiouseyes popped open

a genuine hobnail boot

apparently intended to put his head out like a cigarette butt

                                                             uncrossed his legsfeet to the tubshoved  back climbed the slantcaught the boot at the insolegripped it like a moray eelpushed up for all he was worthIntruder went over backwards

wasnt a dancer KRAKed his skull on the pot  not enough to kill him  grabbed a toweltossed it over his head yankedviolently neck snapped

                                 then blood came

1234preferred – 0034,  Reggaefriday,  3  5. 24

1135,  Reggaefriday

Coltrane  A Love Supreme  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ll3CMgiUPuU

Whadi . . what did . . . what . . Christ get it out you heard me . . What did you just say?

Yaheard me

You didn’t mean it.

I woudnt have said it if I didnt mean it

                                           You know me better than tha

I have a hard tim . .

. . Youll just have to have a hard time then

You sounded pretty . . cold.

No

       Stated whats obvious to me

But I . .

. . You did  Thawas your choice we make our own choices you didnt ask I woudnt solicit

You were a big boy

Daresay ya learned your lesson . .

. . The hard way.

   Ah accountabilitys a bitch

She was a bitch.

You were the idiot Fourth husband   Cant imagine whayawere thinkin

                                                                            No  As a matter of fact I can  Yawerent thinkin

The Great White Wha . .

. . NO  You don get tha

                         Not the one tha got away thas meant as a thought experiment

Not to be actualised

You weren’t me in high school.

Tha a defence  High school

                              I definitely wasnt tha waters over the dam an long long gone  Fuckin high school

You werent even a tool in the shed

You got to be mean about it?

You had to be stupid bout it

                               Yah I gotta be mean  Keep tha shit to the forefront of your brain otherwise youre proneya proved youre prone

Idiot

Stop . would you?

Stopped

   You’re pretty cruel.

I prefer brutal brutally honest

                                   Anya know tha too

You said . .

. . Ya heard

   You said your marriage taught you didn’t believe in marriage.

Yes

Yes.

               You’re not going to elaborate.

   I did

But you had for all intents and purposes, that said, from the outside looking in, an awfully good marriage.

A great marriage

                  Though woudnt do it again shoudnt have the first time  Our relationship our love didnt need ceremony we didnt need to be legally bound

We were bound

A marriage celebrates . .

. . For others

               It was unnecessary

We knew it

We were cajoled

We relented

Ugly words

I did not know you then.

No you did not

Yours are harsh words.

No theyre not

I don’t know what to say.

Wasnt asking

               I made a statement

0844,  Reggaefriday,  3  5. 24

he called his parents

theyd know

in his childhood memories they were there

why wouldnt they know

his father conceded he had a lousy memory and adiosed

                                                             his memory wasnt poor 

he just didnt want to take the time

dumped the load at his mothers feet

Well Maw My memory fraudulent

   Give me a moment.

                        in that moment his mind continued to grind Ask if theyre Freudulent  Im not asking tha   You don think its clever   Its something but I donwanna take her off course if shes gonna take the time to remember wha I think I remember   Remember   Im conflicted it coud be memory or I may have fabricated or dreamed it  Its a toss of the dice yaknow   Yes I do Ill be quiet

                        Wish I coud  Not my bailiwick

Not one to stare at your bellybutton  Omphaloskepsis

Don showoff Shaddup

                            Thas a moment

You remember Maw

Yes. I do. 

             Your memory’s accuratewhich is a little troubling, or rather, remains troubling.

How

That you would remember.

But I didyah

You did an you have.

                         Do you have any idea how old you were?

Old enough to remember old enough for it to have made an impression upon me

You weren’t two.

   Two

Not two you weren’t two yet.  This is why your father does not participatewhich I know you recognized why he doesn’t take part in these conversations.

                                    You freak him out a bit.

he laughed

                Freak him out

Freak‘im out.

              You have to admit your memory is unusual.

No Its just my memory

   An something more.

                           her voice trailed off

You know I’m unwell.

I know wha you share

I’m unwell.

                An honestly . . . to remember . . exhausts me.

   I apologise

Not necessary, you and your apologies can’t say you’re sorrysorry doesn’t cut it it's too easy . lackadaisical.

Yah

Yes.  she sighed

                     What I want to say is is that every timemost every time you’ve asked us if you remembered correctly . or imagined it . . . or dreamed it . . . you remembered.

I’m having a hard time recalling.

                                        So please.

If that’s what you think . . you’re likely remembering correctly.  I can’t help any longer.

                                                                                             Okay baby?

he wished he was there with her

Okay baby was usually followed by her caressing of his cheek  smiling    a smile only mothers can form   

1755,  Monday,  22  4. 24

1011,  Thursday,  2  5. 24

Ken Bruen continued to knock it out of the park

Jack Taylor novel The Divil Irish  translated The Devil

   page 137

               Depression is sadness gone riot.

he knew a bit about that

not a personal depression hed been blue

blue aint depressionnot by his standards

                                            hed seen severe deep dark depression eye to eye

it deflects humour

he used to be able to make her split a gut

                                           shed told him That’s what I love best about you, how you make me laugh.

wasnt that part of their vow

he vowed

she did too

depression erodesdisavows promises

he didnt have a god

                      she did

he partook in a rite

church ceremony obedience was in her blood bloodied literally her parentsher extended family were church elders they enforced religion made it a point since she was a little girl old enough to understand

he otherwise had slipped church its indoctrination its infection while he was young

                                                                                       didnt look back  found Drugs

found Music

they helped offset the steady barrage he endured at the hands of familial Faithfuls

what helped most

                     he was big and strong he didnt suffer fools   gladlyhad to include gladly

she Believed

he did not try to change her 

she was devotedworked her ass off trying to change him

                                                            My love I told you I didnt believe  I really hope you didnt think I would be a project  If thats true then this aspect of our lives must be terribly difficult for you   Thats your error

If too much there is civil recourse  a remedy

he was honest

he was honest as she said . . . to the point of cruelty

he honestly disagreed

she Believed until she didnt

her death was hard on him

   he wept

             he was blue

last week of April, 2024

1212,  2sday,  30 4. 24

Chicago  I’m a Man  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBGyFrHF1eU

Awcomon  never a sweetspot   Is it tha hard

                                                Whos this Sloan  American Standard

he gandered

              American Standard

theyd been round long enough

                                 bynow should have exceeded science an become art

artless  ceramic  urinals

guaranteed shoetops spattered

NO SWEETSPOT

                     indicate it mark it give im a fuckin target by Christ

is it really tha hard

he didnt think so

if it wasnt a public bathroom hed have pissed in the sink

approximately 1230,  Monday,  29  4. 24

1034, 2sday,  30  4. 24

phonaesthetic: ceramic sweetspot

turning off the reading lamp in the studio it remained lit dimly the sun not yet drifted out of the sky

turning to leave he felt their eyes on him from the walls sidetable  from the bookshelves

                                                                                                their photographs

photographs are so much heartfelt

heartaches heartbreaks

incitements

agitations

indictments        

memorials memories

                      chopped to pieces

abrupt

disconnected

               from what preceded what came after

static love

            the briefspace between heartbeats

quickened

puzzling

          would the next come

he sighed

             he said Gnight loves as he left the room

2235,  Monday,  29  4. 24

0949,  2sday,  30  4. 24

Leonard Cohen  Last Year’s Man  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7IZAP2yqNo

OF NOTE

https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/country/us/

he went to update Trumpvirus this evening to record American deathshed say  murder

                                                                                          but a not-so-funny thing happened

he discovered he was in error

when last he wrote 17April

                              there was 1,219,487 American deaths

he was terribly encouraged  the daily average deaths had fallen precipitously to 59 deaths

though in fact

               recognising the onemilliontwohunrednineteenthousandfourhunredeightytseven deaths

his statistics were incomplete

April 14 15 16 17  four days were not recorded

on 13March he cited that 1,217,554 Americans had died

                                                            over eleven days 1,253 deaths

on gruesome average 114 Americans dead

returning this evening to Worldometer where he learned of American deaths American murders for two years he discovered this:

“NOTE: As of April 13, 2024, the Coronavirus Tracker is no longer being updated due to the unfeasibility of providing valid global totals, as the majority of countries have now stopped reporting. However, historical data remains accessible. Worldometer delivered the most accurate and timely global statistics to users and institutions around the world atatime whenthis was extremely challenging. We thank everyone who participated in this extraordinary collaborative effort.

   Well never know how many Americans Trumpvirus murdered

2005,  Moanday,  29  4. 24

Harry Nilsson  Coconut  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TsSuueEGQSM  did not inject bleach

Jimi Hendrix  Machine Gun  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lw2L_vGUMtE

no tellin wha might set him off

                               Roald Dahl

pronouncement by the Los Angeles Times  “. . . with a wildness and wryness, he writes with zest and humor and unexpectedness about sex.”  that of Switch Bitch originally published in ’65 though the blurb was printed on the back cover of the ’74 paperback release

hed retort not that notice would be taken

                                         he wrote likewise of zesty unexpected sexuality  babouncing cacareening wildly madly between walls an confines of bacchanals  boyfriends grrlfriends grrlfiends boyfiends their freshfiendishness makin him feel good  foolin fuckinround with their heads confusin em cuckoldin sorry bastards nahregret nahremorse  enjoyed because maybe they werent their cuckqueans cockqueens

                                                                  for the beastiesex of it

showed shy ones at an orgy the door

no judgment

             G’nightg’night I gottago gottaget back

     

Nine45,  Reggaefriday,  12  4. 24

1125,  Monday,  29  4. 24

James Gang  The Bomber A: Closet Queen  B: Bolero  C: Cast Your Fate to the Wind  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWiQ6k4HCwo