back to back restless nights restless dreams

                                                       Eileen  a piece of work

worked at the Recycle Center

was hired a yearyear  abit better than a year ago

                                                      looked overqualified for the job

if looks had anything to do with it

he understood she was crackerjack at the books numbers easy to her

they were with him too

it became a game they played who could compute the numbers correctly quicker in their heads

on any given day except today a coinflip since realising their mutual petpeeve

                                                                                 itd become a nifty competition

Look what the cat dragged in.

he looked quickly over his shouderbehind him

                                                 turning back he smiled Me  You talkin to me

You’re the only one here.

Are you  arya talkin to me

they thought they were pretty funny

she clobbered him

Ya crushed me

Did. Though when I said look at what the cat dragged in I meant it. You look beat.

Im exhausted

               Dreams have been unrelentingeach an every damn one wants a piece of me Whadaya think of tha  they shake me up so I wake turn on the lamp write em down an as I do I say out loud See  Yasee wha Im doin okay  Now gimme some time lemme dig in an Ill get back to ya let ya know wha I think

Curious. You think they’re listeningthey can hear you?

Fingers crossed  Though tryin to reenter roll back to sleep theyre leaning backs against the wallarms crossedheel up on it expectant asif by writin em down Ive handled their asks

                                                               Tell em again Ive written em down Ill get back to ya

Anyway I lay there eyes closed watch palegray ghost sheens bubbleup float through the black Theyre entertaining for a while then they cease I look around Pitch black But I wont open my eyes  Its exhausting

You fall back to sleep?

   Eventually

Eileen looked bemused

Whas up

she cleared her throat

                         Know what I do?

When you cant fall asleep

Yeah.

No  Wha

she gave a quicklaugh shook her head she couldnt toss her dimples smiled

                                                                                Iah masturbate.

he barked a laugh though he hadnt dimples 

                                                  So do I he nodded So do I   Eventually I fall asleep

We ought to get together kiddin her     

turning to the counter she picked up a business card wrote on it handed it to him

he looked at itat her

                      backing away the card between two finger he tipped it to his forehead a salute   Ill call ya

See that you do.

b4 6,  2sday,  17  10. 23

1045,  2sday

Lee Morgan  Since I Fell for You  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-0i-ianljw

Brad Mehldau Trio  Since I Fell for You  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RShj9RTSYMA

he couldnt nod offNope

                        spent a week backEast Midwest two hour time difference              

while he was there he treated it as real time

when the sidewalks rolledup no one wandered the neighbourhood he squeezed those two hours for all they were worth

when his father said goodnight at Eleven Nine his time he rolled with Ninehed recoup when he got home it was only a week  hed cheat himself

at Home

         he couldnt lie to his catsthey were on him queen october  she poked him with the tine of a nailtapped the crystal of her Atomic watch with it Let’s get a move on, Poncho. Time to rise an shine like ya like to say.

Poncho. thats what they affectionately called him

                                                           wondered what their unaffectionate appellation was  

yah Poncho okay he was no Cisco Kid

                                         Wha time is it

Time you got on your feet/off your ass an fed us, we’re starving.  You’re obliged.

cats arent as independent as they think he thought 

                                                       Who said we think?we’re woundup. We intuit, you get into it. We’re Nature’s Way.

Me too

Don’t flatter yourself.

Coudbe

Shut your piehole. Time to eat.

Yes Okay   as he said he only cheated himself

                                                   which reminded him of some forgotten chucklehead who at some forgotten time said I’ll sleep when I’m dead.

hed be dead

that aint sleep

a dirt nap

Jesus . .

. . Not now a mariachi

You return to the city return a gangster  Yare gonnabe cremated

Were going to be cremated

You croak we jump ship

threw him a curve

                   he had trouble hitting curves laid down bunts had the speed to beat the throw 

whawas mariachis name was no Nat King Cole forgettable guys remember girls names guys didnt have a thing he wanted anif a guy remembered his name he was suspect nothing on his menu for them   a bust in the mouth remembered her Davida a Jewess from Brooklyn howd they pack all that on her small frame he wisecracked something crass Yawanna a bust in the mouth? he eyeballed her breasts she cracked him across the face openhanded immediately felt bad she did I’m sorryso sorry, can I help you feel better? I’ve never slapped anyone before.

he thought first time for everything  eyeballed her breasts again

                                                                    she cracked him a second time 

he didnt see guysthey didnt exist

it was later when Davida called him criminally hetero

   feeling badcompounded she agreed to go out with him

criminally hetero

                   she had good reason

on their first date he ravished her

she asked

            he ravished her a second time

Ravished?

Whawoud you call it

I’ve never been before.

                        he felt bad for her

though to her creditfor her part she was willing well-oiled  supple

                                                                      had he known he would have begun slower but  one bitehe craved her ate her like messy ribsgnawed her to the bonesnapped em sucked out her marrow

   afterwards  thats how she wanted to be taken

it was only a matter of time before she mentioned she had become was bondagecurious

        

in the air approaching Phoenix – 1400,  day-between-2-Ts,  20  9. 23

1303,  Monday,  16  10. 23

Spirit  Nature’s Way  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qvQa04JP73o

Nat King Cole  Unforgettable  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iF7kOq0peAU

Its Monday

  It is

Hmm  You don sound so enthused

Im not

   Howbout   Moanday Is tha bettermore appropriate

Spot on

Whas up

Im exhausted Dreams tagteamed me all night long an to boot closed out with Manic Monday

The Bangles thas awesome

Maybe if I hadnt been cowed Its been manic since midnight

                                                               An comon  a cute all-girl band shows me the door  Too upbeat after my night

   Can I ask

Yaknow  Sure

               Ill say this  Just before they ushered me out a sonorous voice spoke over undulatingblack nothing on the screen  If you can lift one finger, you can lift a hand. If you can lift a hand, you can lift two. If you can lift two hands, you can get others to help.

Whell shit Wha the hells tha supposed to mean

Im chewin on it

Profound

   I don know

                   I don know

But beat the pants off floating on a translucent green sea on a giant icingwhite marshmallowbathing  in a clawfoot bathtub of lukewarm onion soup  trying to flee a yakuza in a junkyard maze of heaped rusted smashed dismembered cars and trucks  which concluded with me shooting him in the face through his upraised hand

   If you can lift a hand . .

he stilled him with an exhausted look

Too soon

Abit

      Though somewhere inside your blackhumour is appreciated

AM-all-AM,  Moanday,  16  10. 23

1046,  Moanday

The Bangles  Manic Monday  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SsmVgoXDq2w

Stones  Paint It Black  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EBUFtoC2oj4

words played with him

                          they were schoolground playmates who chummedround in the dirt and woodchips swanghigh on the swing set collapsed its chains did not fall  they hurled themselves down the slides leaptup onto the steelbar jungleggyms and went around and through it like spidermonkeys  to see what they could get away with 

                                                                                                                or not

tumult  a dandy fat word 

                             tumultuous

tumult 

         tubbulbous occurred to him Thas not a word  It is  Tumultloving Tumultamorous Those arent words either To me they are  Ya know wha they mean evenif they arent proper arent  stuck inside dictionaries 

                                                                                                   dictionaries ought to spread their wingsthrow wideopen their doors embracehug enthusiasm  squeeze enthusiasticenthusiasts Gesundheit tight   Gott schutze dich

he wasnt troubled admitting they werent officially words 

                                                             but if they could find their way come out of him

he could print them

 

   why not

tumult tickled him 

                    whenever he read it his mind would challenge him  Think you can do this  and catapulted itself from the swing  stuck its heels in the woodchips but landed hard on its ass  that meant splinters  No Do you mean like this  he missed the landing too   more splinters

tumult  read turgid

tumult  read turbid

tumult  read torpid

                              they loved what it prompted

no fucking idea – this year sometime

2035,  Sunday,  15  10. 23

on the phone

               . . . Hold on hold on . .

What?

Really

Really what?

You kiddin me

What am I kidding about?

his daughter she was a kidder

                                  as a matter of fact when she was younger she regularly poked the bear took him to the edge of his patience to her peril went over it more than a few timesOH SHIT! shed break into a run flee   smart grrl

running like a bat out of hell she usually disarmed himmade him laughnot that she saw then hed have to reconstitute his anger put on a grim face think of an appropriate punishment only shit thing about being a parent  though rarely  either of his grrls

You did say garlic

Garlic.

Garlic for breakfast You worried about daylight vampires

Aint your Dracula Bela Lugosi these days Papa.

There is tha there is  tha

Yes. Thank you.

Really though

Yes. Usually weekends, can’t go to the office breath smelling like . . well . garlic.

But then you have remote days

I do.

Ever on remote daysever on a Sunday  your day of rest

You riffin'?

I am

Stop. Only entertaining yourself.

I do tha on occasion

Occasion? Virtually every time we talk.

Speaking virtually  Ever on a remote day

Thank you.

              You know . . . I don’t think so . . if I think . . no . not on a remote day.

Because they can smell your breath over video or tha other thing

ZOOM.

Yahtha  ZOOM

Tickles you.

It does cuz Ill never use it

Never?

Yes  An I said so to illustratebecause you know I try not saying it my contempt dislike

So nevernever ever never ever everever  never?

Never ever

            Forgot those

You’re a kook.

Im your kook

Kookie Papa.

Lend me your comb

Again?

77 Sunset Strip

No.

Baby youre the ginchiest

I don’t have a clue.

Garlic for breakfast Me either

1020,  Saturday,  30  9. 23

1141,  Sunday,  15  10. 23

Connie Francis  Never On a Sunday  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WSL6YNCU4bc

Connie Stevens/Ed Brynes  Kookie, Kookie Lend Me Your Comb  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iiYj9Ods4OQ

Awright awright then let me be patently succinct 

                                                   How many times have you been slapped by a woman

Slapped? What are you talking aboutwhy slapped?

Whawere talkin bout  Your incessant imperiling prudishness

I am not a pru . .

. . I am not a prude I am a human being  David Lynch Elephant Man   You are

I’m not.

Saying not doesnt make it sohow many times ya duck a priest after hearing their footstepstheir Hellos their Whos there echoing through the nave where yave been making out with a girl baby its cold outside Once upon a time church doors were unlocked

his expression Ive lived my whole life in California it doesnt get that cold

   Awright

            How many times have you had a cop rap on your car window with his nightstick or flashlight say Break it up lets move along breaking up you makin out gettin laid in the backseat

Never. That’s against the law.  That’s indecent exposure.

Whas indecent is tha there shouldnt be a law forbidding people from having pleasure in a car Kahrist

                                                                                                            Ever been to Lovers Lane ever makeout at a Drive-In ever on a blanket in the Forest Preserves in a park  Ever screw outdoors

That’s what beds are for.

BEDS

      Not on a couch in a kitchen in a laundryroom On a diningroom table

PRUDE man  A cardcarrying prude

1253,  Reggaefriday,  29  9. 23

1052,  Sunday,  15  10. 23

Elephant Man  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sn7bEVnFlds

Big Liebowski  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AV_0PzeZRs8

she answered

he thought she might not

his mother knew what she liked and she wasnt hip on Patricia

Hello.

Hiya  Youre pretty noncommittal

                                    This is Joe my Maw said Id call Patricia

I don’t go by Patricia.

Then you should say She told me Patricia

What else did she tell you?

She said your mother said youd seen me out somewhere an wondered who I was Mothers talk

They talk a bluestreak.

I understand they know each other from AA

notPatricia burst out laughing

                                Wouldn’t that be the shit? You’re funny.

You can take a mother joke

I can, I’m not touchy.

Youre also not Patricia

No.

So

    I woudnt think Tricia either

Oh God no.

            I go by Trixx.

Like the cereal not I C K I X

Actually I X X.

I like that

           Interested in meeting somewhere You name the place

You’re not going to press me, pick me up at my house?

I woudnt pick a trick up at her house

   How did you spell that?

Meet me an Ill tell ya

they met hit it off  had a three casual datesgave each other room

sixth it was the sixthNO  seventh date

                                             they related

afterwards he called her Trixxx

                                   was their inside joke

his mother wasnt hip

b4 7,  Reggaefriday,  29  9. 23

1659,  Saturday,  14  10. 23

routine aint a bad thing

he recognised it was a mainstaycritical to him

                                                 not that he didnt mind occasional changeups

however he recognised he was an introvert

enjoyed his own company

                            but

he could be performative

be extroverted

What do you mean performative?

Youre a big boy you get it

                            I didnt enjoy it enough to become an actor but I could play a part 

So you really prefer being on your own?

Youre still living at home

   Home. What do you mean?

Youve livedexcept for college within twenty miles of where you were born

                                                                              Family  Friends

It took me twenty years to escape

Do you really mean escape?

I do

       The last ten were toughest because I knew I meant escape

I was given three tremendous opportunities  I didnt even have to think about em despite them being gold But any meant I would have to stay

You could have made your gold and then left.

I would have been older Coudnt woudnt sell my youth  An had I I woud have established a routine which woud have been agonising to break

                            Good to know thabout ones self

Well, if you weren’t here I’d call bullshit.

Routine

Ruetine

Rudetine

Ruttine

         Rut

Ive never – an I dislike the word – never felt Ive been in a rut

                                                                 Had I stayed home I woud have been

0900,  Reggaefriday,  29  9. 23

1357,  Saturday,  14  10. 23

Tower of Power  So Very Hard to Go  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbyKxiVvpaE

   oaths

         he tended to swingwide of such organisations

he humourously continuously recalls Groucho Marx

                                                      I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

secondplace Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

he did pledge Allegiance to the United States of America

                                                           and for that the United States would have to endure his probing and questions and demand of evidence

he didnt jump through hoops until he was convinced

that was no small task

   he was reading The Free World: Art and Thought in the Cold War Cold War, what’s that? by Louis Menand  page 192 first paragraph

                 In 1953, GAP (Group for the Advancement of Psychiatry) under the leadership of William Menninger was charged – didnt say who – to discuss the psychological effects of loyalty oaths seemed redundant to him they determined “(they were) only one manifestation in a growing general trend towards enforcement of conformity of thinking and acting.” “Loyalty oaths cause psychological damage: they endangered the development of the ego by restricting access to ‘the object world,’ distort the development of a ‘workable super-ego’ by ‘emphasizing the external threat at the expense of self-responsibility,’ and threaten ‘the ego-ideal’ appropriate to a free and democratic society by introducing increasingly contradictory ideals and depreciating the image and model value of the teacher.’”

made perfect sense to him Yeah right, what’s an ego? Never you mind   questioners ripe for an oath

late Sunday night,  1  10. 23

1158,  Saturday,  14  10. 23

Cat Stevens  Longer Boats  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRC8lqtBXCA

On the Road to Find Out  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocu7XObxRZ8

   a good book  not "the" good book   theres a difference

it began abruptlyhed arrived late

                                  stopped  to pickup a dead squirrel off the road one eye popped but not out of its socket blood coming out of an ear  not crushed or exploded he carried it to a grassy culvert at the roads edge There you go he said as he gently laid it down covered it with a handfuls of fallen red yellowcoloured leaves

                                                                                               STOP Theyre squirrels

Squirrelly

           Whadoncha understand

I’ll slow down but I’m stopping.  said the host

   he turned to face him squarely Why

Why? Simple. I have places to be.

Places

        Youre not pressed to be anywhere yabeen retired whanow five  or is it six years

That makes no matter.

   Matter 

           Youll have to explain why yacant wait a minutethe fuck Ive stopped for a goodsized leaf on the road trembled by breeze  which ought to indicate that I slowed stopped well short of it Id just rounded a corner

Despite this enclave being remote the road is residential the law is twentyfive miles an hour Aint supposed to be a race track

People have places to be.

Lets not do your Worlds spokesman thing Im talkin to you Im not addressing your neighbourscant do a gawddamn thing bout their ignorance but I can try to coursecorrect yours

Anywhere you have to be isnt urgent truly significant  life or death

I don’t care. I’m not stopping for a squirrel.

   No

No.

Well  evidently when it comes to this yare piece of shit  If you thought I antagonised you before hold onto your cap Anwhen we argue you better bring your A–game because I  aint   stopping

the others at the impromptu gathering shifted uneasily in their brilliantcoloured red yellow green moldedplastic chairs which were enhanced by the flickeringblues in the poolwater  a couple cleared their throats  but nothing more

he was standing he always stood at this type of event

                                                        Antha goes for the rest of you

Maybe pretend the squirrel in the road is a child Theres no one here needed urgently anywhere  Thas why yare here in the middle of an afternoon on a weekday

1600ish,  Reggaefriday,  6  10. 23

1004,  Saturday,  14  10. 23

the nature of religion foments hatred 

   Hamas attacked he couldnt agree that it was unprovoked  Israel

the words as he listened to reliable news commentators to witnesses

atrocities

brutality

savagery

horror

depravity

inhumanity

siege

he wondered if people kept in mind those words described the actors who perpetrated them  that those individuals do not makeup all the people of Gaza  the Palestinians

he crossed his fingers that Israel would respond proportionally

“If I sit silently, I have sinned.”  Mohammad Mossadegh

1712,  Thursday,  12  10. 23

1029, Saturday,  14  10. 23

https://www.npr.org/2019/01/31/690363402/how-the-cia-overthrew-irans-democracy-in-four-days

   in the airport concourse he didnt see one beast go by

beast

his father-in-laws lingo

                         Joe. I’m heading over to the bank shortly, you ought to come with me.

To the bank  Really

Yeah.

       they were sitting in the kitchen after lunch the kids were fed relaxing in the familyroom watching a matinee on the TV Dad rocked in his chairlooked down into it  splitlevel house looked up into livingroom where the women had quietly abscondedwere sipping chilled white wine 

                                                     he whispered You really ought to come, there’s a real beast there, handles my banking . . . needs.

needs

       sounded loaded

Im in

       Ill let the girls were headin outrunnin some errands Ill see if they need anything tell em well be back in a heartbeattwo shakes of a lambs tail

Vivienne derived from French Viviana  lively

                                                Beast had him by a couplethree years if she were undressedplucked from her businesswomans getup shed vie head an shoulders with any pin-up any calendar girl her clothing hid nothing accentuated everything

surreptitiously winking at him Dad thumbed himself in the chest My banker.

concourse courses had fallen off enormously compared to when he was youngerflew a lot

even the flight attendants 

                           they were called stewardess then he actually vied to make the grade applied  lost out in the final TWA interview  would have been one of the first stewards

                    

then  he used to Tomcattish MEOW at the beast to himself

as he MEOWed at his wife outloud when they dated

                                                         and as Fate would have it cruelly twisted the knife in his back

his wife became a flight attendant

then 

      there were those attendant perks

Once Upon a Time . . .

                       his wife on a trip called himtold him to pack for three days a swimsuit shed meet him at Minneapolis/St. Paul (MSP) International

she flew him three legs First Class as she also worked it their destination he learned was Honolulu (HNL)  a 36hr layover

         hed never been to Hawaii

after breakfast the next morning she told him they were meeting the crew on the beach  four other flight attendants

the women made it down ahead of them had their towels  

making the beach OH MY GAWD to himself

                                                his wife kissed him on the cheek You MEOWing Tommy? You better because I am. I can’t say I have ever flown with a more dropdead gorgeous crew in my life . . . I thought you could appreciate them with me

                            five bikinied beasts on a beach 

they had too much fun they teased him he was their cabana boy he countered Call me your slave he ran for drinks ran for food  each and every one of them he slathered with lotion thoroughly then twice then thrice   there was the ocean the waves  bodysurfing

he was as happy as a big ol’ pig in shit

beast

   

1405 DFWtime (Dallas/Fort Worth),  day-between-2-Ts,  13  9. 23

1224,  Reggaefriday the 13th,  10. 23